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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 289443 times)

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Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9700 on: September 01, 2014, 10:27:32 AM »
Cayenne...

Why do you always want me to change for you? Is there something within your cold heart that would warm if I changed enough?

First I was a fairy. Then a ballerina. In cuffs, no less. And now.. I am this colorful, impossibly wondrous being... that might be magical, or might be some weird fairy-mermaid sort of thing. But its never enough. *sniffles* I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR OVERLY SPICY NEEDS!

Where does it end Cayenne? Where DOES it end?

You don't approve of blue anymore. *cries* Once, you said it was your favorite color, the color of smurfs and melted gum on the sidewalk. Shall I now become a rainbow? Would you approve of that? A FRICKIN RAINBOW? A MOTHERFU*$%&#*G happy rainbow? Full of gold and sunshine... not a blue spot anywhere. (Well except for the blue part obviously).

Someday, you'll see my true colors! Some day you will appreciate me for my... uh... the super cool stuff about me.

Happy F'n Rainbow Bunny Sparkle

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9701 on: September 01, 2014, 06:09:20 PM »
Blue Bunny.

Here is my rap.

Please drop a beat before reading this.

Everything I do, Everything I am,
Screaming out my lungs, just to end this sham!
You think it's going well? You're asking for a key?
But I got no time to myself, for god sakes let me pee!
I need some personal space, get it through your fins,
Stop hogging up my bathtub, it's like a dating sin!

Things were going well, things were going great,
Until you became some crazy fish, how do you masturbate?
I just don't understand, the choices you have made,
You think flipper is the bomb, and lassy should be spayed?!
Your new aquatic life, is getting in the way,
I mean the way you look a guys, I don't think you're even gay!

So it's over here and now, it's over from this verse,
Don't think I'll take you back, you should go and see a nurse!
People don't just become, creatures of the sea,
So please pack your bags, and set my bathroom free!
Now I don't mean to be a bitch, but if you could do this right away,
I've already found Aquaman fanfiction, just beside of the badet!


Peace.

Cayenne.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9702 on: September 02, 2014, 11:40:50 AM »
Dear Cayenne,

I received this letter in my PM box by mistake. It was addressed to you. Please forgive me, I was not trying to be snoopy, it just opened mysteriously by itself. And I read it. Perhaps maybe I was looking at it a little too closely by the steaming pot of water on the stove? Idle speculation of course! Unfortunately in my surprise, I accidently dropped the letter into the boiling pot by mistake. Luckily, I was able to fish it out with a pair of handy tongs. It is a little hard to read. But you know me, always your sweet Bunny-kins, I thought I would be kind enough to try to read you what it said....

uhhh hmmm. *clears throat*


Dear Miss Cayenne Pepper,

We the Owners and Gods and Goddesses of E. are officially giving you notice. It has come to our attention that you were spotted rapping and beat-bopping yesterday at 6:09:20PM in the Breakup with the Person Above You Thread.

Then they said oh... something something something... too demeaning to a nice girl like Bunny. Then... this part is hard to make out... blah blah blah. Bunny is the... the kindest, gentlest creature we know (wow! how awesome of them to say so!) ... something somethinggggg. BBS is... is... our absolute FAV-OR-RITE gal... (really? awwww!)

Okay, here's the last paragraph... *squints eyes* It's so blurry... oh. If you do not cease and desist in....youp? I think that's supposed to be a 'your'... harassment and taunting of our little Bunny Sparkle .... and and... stop with the playing hard to get (Oh yes, I've noticed this too!) then you.... you will be... banned FOREVER and EVER from Fairyland... Wait... I mean from the Breakup with the Person Above you Thread!

The Management



Woahhh!!! Cayenne! I had no idea... *crosses fingers* How'd they ever get that idea? Whh! I'm stumped! I guess... well... maybe you better start being nicer to me since our breakup. *smiles secretly and shivers delightfully*





Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9703 on: September 02, 2014, 04:03:53 PM »
BBS,

Donít get so het up. There is really no need.
People should be allowed to live their dream.
Or thatís what we keep being told on the TV.
If you want to be a mermaid, then folks should just accept this.
I know I have.
I mean there is more room in the sea.  All the food is self-service. No motorway congestion, no income, no tax, no housing, no shopsÖ No handbags.
I am sure it can be quite liberating in its own way.

Anyway, my dearest, if you want to spend your life swimming around spraying clusters of eggs hither and thither for mermen to fertilise, then I am certainly not going to try and stop you.
Sorry to say, the romance of the idea has paled a little for me though.
So, Iíve decided to stay this side of the aquatic interface.
Yes, Iím leaving you.

Boat
« Last Edit: September 03, 2014, 02:24:17 AM by Boatman »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9704 on: September 03, 2014, 06:13:31 AM »
Dear Man of Boats,

What is a mermaid? What is a fairy?

I am only a thought, a moment upon your mind. I was created there by you, for you. A creature of willingness, wild in nature and instinctual in want and desire.

And now, you have turned from me, casting me loose upon the rocks, the tide, the roaring of the crashing waves.

Back into the depths I return, unneeded and unseen.

Now, I shall be only a memory to you, hazy and fuzzy in remembrance. Was I truly here? Would your every whim and desire have been impossibly fulfilled and sated? Only that wondering shall be left to you.

Perhaps you will weep now, upon your pillow in the dark... and always that wondering upon what might have been.

I am gone.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2014, 06:31:30 AM by blue bunny sparkle »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9705 on: September 04, 2014, 10:24:19 AM »
Oh, of insanity, of strange, wrangled tortured breaths so spilled from the lips of babes that cry only for my ears, my ears alone fear the torment of madness while others, move about as if I am not part of their blissful world of normalcy.  Fear, so within me, that every pitched sound that drools from your lips now falls upon the deafness that you incurred!

Oh, that you would look at me so blamelessly!? That I, the villain of shattered drums and bleeding ears that excrete more crimson than they allow the delicate vibrations of sound to penetrate? How, I of mortal flesh and bone, of landlocked body rarely desiring of moisture, could know, could comprehend your orgasmic shrill be so deadly, be so destructive!

Ruinous are you, you salty witch of whom, my tongue and fingers so imparted the hammers swing upon the nail of my continued listen! Sealed now within a box of six foot depth!  Oh, but I, for being furious at this, I for being ignorant of your aquatic writhing self, of sound dampening seas as you wrung out echo location within oxygen filled room!

No! It is you in the wrong, you loud arriving meteor upon my earthy shores!  For you, having never heard of biting ones own lip, of stifling sounds, of your little "White lies" That turn out to be Mobie Dick himself, devouring the leg of my auditory sensations!

I cast thee out, back into the cold waters that your claimed frigidity was so akin to! You kept smoking Jezebel! Yet, I am the scathing one of whom, shall remained so impaired for the rest of my days? At very least, I saved of your sirens song you slippery sea seductress!

So in, take this piece of parchment, take it, before the ink runs, and the ground trees dissolve in your wet wonderland of wanton! Be done with me, you servant of inner lobe destruction! Let me rest from your needy, gabby fins so begging for seconds that half starved paupers in the street become embarrassed of your enthusiasm.

Begone, wetten my sheets no more!

Cayenne.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9706 on: September 04, 2014, 11:17:04 AM »
Pepper,

I spoke up for you, really I did, but the truth committee of the people decided unanimously that you were a witch and should be burned at the stake and your remains drowned for good measure. All I had said down the pub was that you worked magic in bed and word got round somehow.

Of course I had to vote with the crowd otherwise I would have been hung drawn and quartered as an accessory. But think of this, being free gives me a chance to play for your soul, if indeed witches have such things?

...Not that I believe you are a witch of course!

I have a good seat at the front, just to limit the options for those who come simply for the entertainment. Curse their eyes.

Anyway, the bonfire seems to be assembled, so I'd better get down now before I lose my place.

Farewell, my little spellbinder.
xxx (or should that be +++)

Citizen Boat.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2014, 11:19:37 AM by Boatman »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9707 on: September 04, 2014, 11:42:47 AM »
To Patient 3652Q,

Just so there is no confusion, we will be speaking to you as a corporate entity, not as a single individual of whom, may or may not be writing this letter to you, that will later be dictated by your new caregiver.  This caregiver will help you make the transition to your new, and exciting personality, of which, if not at first, you will undoubtedly come to look forward to over time.

To help with your memory, you agreed, as most, by blindly clicking through the terms of service agreements in order to speed your way into the arms of the person of whom, we deemed most compatible for you! Of course, at that point, we infiltrated your home (With your agreed upon consent) categorized your items, and turned over all of our findings to our crack team of psychoanalysts!

From there, they determined that range of which you as an individual could be molded! Of course, after that point we sent our agent to your home to access your current worth as a partner! Given instructions to be pleasant, and easy going, she, over the course of the year began to unravel the small intricacies that are you! 

Whatever feelings, or emotions represented by our agent, we assure you, is merely the result of expert training!

So in, you should remember the interrogation period, of which you were stolen away from your home, and the crying arms of our agent and the final tests administered! As we are not afraid of the destruction of ones mind, having become somewhat experts of rebuilding, we were, as you might recall, rather tough on you!

That said, we'd like to let you know that we are very pleased, that, as an individual, you have a very good "Base" of which we can custom remake you into something our, high paying clients desire! Your happiness of course, is assured during that period, even if it seems to be the furthest thing from the truth currently!

As you won't really recall your former life, we'd like to take this moment to thank you for signing your life away in the 2.5 seconds it took you to click through the user agreements and once again remind you, that pretending to be broken, screaming, and otherwise carrying on is not only encouraged, but expected, given our assessment of you.

Yours, The Happy life Dating group~

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9708 on: September 05, 2014, 01:01:50 PM »
Hands up if you're in a relationship with me.

...

Not so fast, Cayenne

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9709 on: September 05, 2014, 05:25:57 PM »
*puts hand up*
*puts hand down*
*puts hand up*
*puts hand down*
*puts hand up*
*puts hand...*


You know, you're a hell of a lot of work. I'm outa here.

Offline Lynnette

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9710 on: September 05, 2014, 05:40:08 PM »
I'm sorry, it's over. I just never feel like I know where you are, both in our relationship, and... Anywhere...

Offline Amazee

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9711 on: September 05, 2014, 08:46:32 PM »
Its not me, its you. Well actually it is you, because you cheated on me with everybody in my family, but lets remember the good times alright? Well the times you WEREN'T with my sister. Or my cousin. Or her sister. What was the point I was trying to make again?

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9712 on: September 05, 2014, 10:39:43 PM »
Amazee I...I don't know what to say here.  You have a grey name tag and that was kind of new to me.  Kind of exciting.  And that was enough for a while.  But then I met your sister and...man.  I put some stats together:

84% of my favorite strap on related sex acts have been with your sister vs. %64 with you.  (The overlap is that night last year, you know the one I mean)

With a sigma of 0.4, the majority of fingers inside me have belonged to a member of your family -  but of those only one in eleven have been yours.

The sd of mean time spent in the shower naked with me is only 2:37 minutes for you but almost quarter of an hour with your cousin's sister.

11% of headache related excuses have been to you vs. 6.43% to your cousin.

100% of Kythis's surveyed felt I was "Like, totally out of your league"

Sooooo.  I dunno.  This fat kid who waits behind at school to do extra maths homework seems to think the conclusion is I should dump you and set nerdyMathsKidPlaysWithMyBoobies to true.  And he kinda seems to know what he's talking about.

Which kinda means its over.  So...bye?
« Last Edit: September 05, 2014, 10:40:45 PM by Kythia »

Offline Snapespersephone

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9713 on: September 06, 2014, 01:36:25 AM »
I believed you were faithful to me and then I came up behind you and heard you admitting to the noob just what kinda tart you are. So I guess i just have to say it, "Kythia I prefer Cherry tarts and you are just a bitter apple one."

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9714 on: September 06, 2014, 01:48:01 AM »
Percy my dear,

I quite liked it when you snuck in my window in the middle of the night and aroused me into making long hard and passionate love.
Later when you were literally smoking and told me you were an undead spirit of the underworld, I was a little less certain.
Although, looking at my shorts, I was still very much in lust with you at that point.

It was when I saw you pull the postman through the letterbox by his arm and devour him greedily, I thought it best to go for a quick holiday before the police arrived.

BYE....

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9715 on: September 06, 2014, 07:58:50 AM »
Yo, Toy Boat:


You'd think, with a name like yours, you could at least FIND my little boat. It's tied up at the same dock it always has been, right off the Sunless Deep.

But no, you keep rowing around and around it.  So I'm off to find a REAL seaman- maybe a whaler with a nice long harpoon. You'll be hearing from the BBB about the whole 'false advertising' thing, too.

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9716 on: September 06, 2014, 09:17:22 AM »
I was telling my friend all about you, how great we were together and all of the rest of it.  And she was like "Wow, seems like you're really in to this now here woman."  And I said, "No, it's nowhere woman" And she said "No, it's pretty clearly now here woman"  And then the waitress - we were in a restaurant, I should have mentioned that - she said "Actually, I'm pretty certain it's nowh erewo man"  And I said "No, that's just stupid"  And she said "Are you calling me stupid, bitch"  And I stood up and said "Yes.  Want to make something of it."  And she slapped me so I kicked her in the shin.  Then my friend joined in and grabbed her - her, the waitress - grabbed her arm and held her still while I punched her in the face.  But I hurt my hand because I didn't make a fist properly and it still hurts a bit now, actually.  And then the waitress said "You'll pay for that you bitch" and hit me with the bottle of sparkling water she'd been bringing us - that's why she was at our table at the time.  And that really hurt because it was a heavy glass bottle and it made my nose bleed.  So my friend and I ran off because this was going badly.  And then we went to the emergency room to see if my nose was broken.  And the doctor was really good looking and he said "Hey, hot stuff.  Fancy getting a drink some time".  And even though I was technically not single- I was with you, as you'll know - I said yes because he was a lot better looking than you and also probably richer.  Your personality is a bit better than his, but I'm really a lot more concerned about money and looks than personality.  So I've decided that I'm not going to go out with you any more and instead I'm going to go out with him.  Laters.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9717 on: September 06, 2014, 09:39:09 AM »
Kythia,

You've meant so much to me over the years, and I've often read that if you love something, you have to let it go. So with pain in my heart, and tears in my eyes, I shakily write this letter to you, with all the emotion pent up, and spilled over onto this paper so unworthy of what we had.

I'm sorry, I promised myself I'd keep it short.  You probably have a great life ahead of you, so, I'll just enclose this little bit of poetry I wrote about you, and hope you, the complete best.

Tearfully yours, Cayenne


Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
Yo, aen't no one got time for bitches,
Ya'see I'm already pay'n to much for my britches~
That I aen't got no spare cash for you to be spending,
So back that ass up, I aen't into lending~
My precious time to dirty hoes like yourself,
So climb back up on that bitchy bitch self~
For, ya'see I aen't buying what yer sell'n,
Cuz that's straight up bitch that I'm smell'n
Oh, ho, you think I'm being a bit mean?
That don't mean you can have some'o my green!
So keep on moving, and find yourself some sucker,
Cuz this here is the end of this mother fucker~


Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9718 on: September 06, 2014, 12:22:52 PM »
So, I found a magical spell in a dusty old bookshop that will grant me unlimited wealth.  Takes a few ingredients, none of which have been too hard to get.  Sweat from a virgin, fox's tongue, the usual.  The only odd one is a requirement to publicly break up with someone named after a spice...

I'm pretty certain you can see where this is going.

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9719 on: September 06, 2014, 12:34:55 PM »
I regret to say this, but we must end it now.  You keep stealing my shorts and, the next day, they come back torn and shredded!  While that may look amazing on you, it makes me look like a bum!

*Hands the keys to the Jaguar*  Here, you've at least earned that.  The Porsche is mine though.

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9720 on: September 06, 2014, 01:13:54 PM »
Here's the thing,see:


I didn't mind the paper crowns all over the house.
I didn't mind the dungeon- that was kinda fun.
I didn't mind servants watching everything we did- that was fun too.
The shotgun was loud, but eh. I could see you were compensating.  Hail, yeah baby, whatever.


But the zombies, and the burger grease on the satin sheets?  THAT was too much.


Sorry Your man-I'm-Highness. The Queen is leaving the building.

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9721 on: September 06, 2014, 08:02:30 PM »
Nowherewoman, you know I adore you. But, sometimes...just sometimes...I think you love those tentacles more than you love me. *sobs* I just...I can't do this anymore.

*waves a tearful goodbye*

/end scene

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9722 on: September 06, 2014, 08:09:33 PM »
This may be the hardest thing I ever do, but...

Kitsu.  Oh, Kitsu.  You were the light of my life.  The caffeine in my Mountain Dew.  And the reason I never wanted to get out of bed in the morning.

I knew we weren't exclusive, but we did have some ground rules.  And what you did with my dog is both baffling and inexcusable.

I found those pictures of you two.  The peanut butter thing?  I know all about it.

I know Mr. Hugglesworth is a handsome dog, the ladies could never resist him.

... and you still took him to commercial auditions.  I never wanted fame for Mr. Hugglesworth!  He doesn't react well to stress, or bright lights!

So we're through.  And I'm filing a restraining order for Mr. Hugglesworth against you.

Ps.  I don't appreciate all of those phone calls from hopeful directors, either!

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9723 on: September 06, 2014, 08:22:05 PM »
Kazyth,

You said your penis was for my eyes only, then you walk around wearing cheese clothe. Let me tell you what you don't seem to understand, everyone can see your penis, your penis is completely visible, it requires almost no imagination to visualize your penis, as it is right there, being a penis behind cheese clothe. 

So yes.

DON'T PLAY COY WITH ME!

You can see it, I can see it, see, nothings wrong right now is it? Oh wait, EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER CAN SEE IT TOO. 

WELL.

That is just a vow broken! I mean, you said "To have and to hold, and not let anyone see my manhood but you"

WELL...

Welcome to divorce court! Good luck leaving with anything, because I'm taking it all!

You can also leave the penis!

That's right, I'll take good care of it, and not go flaunting it around! I'll keep it in a box, which is exactly where you should have been keeping it all this time!

IN MY BOX.

So you know, I hope you have a good life, finding other promises to break with other girls of whom, are okay with the fact you have ABSOLUTELY NO PENIS TO SHOW THEM. 

Sincerely, Cayenne.

P.S. Don't be taking any pictures of it now, to tell them "Oh, this is the penis I once had" either!

Offline LuvNLust

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9724 on: September 06, 2014, 11:07:49 PM »
I don't even know you Cayenne yet I must do this. I'm so sorry to tell you... and I know! Oh yes I know, what good times we've had during the seconds of this posting... why am I doing this?  Must I really?  Is this truly a game?  I don't want to!  But I have no choice... I really don't... so here goes... (tears and all)... my dearest Cayenne (choking up), I have to break up with you... there I said it. Will you forgive me?