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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 332959 times)

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Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9675 on: August 31, 2014, 12:14:48 AM »
AuroraRose!

What is this I hear? Consort of Dragons? Consort of Dragons?

You told me that was over, you told me the Dragons bored you... that they never satisfied you as I could. That their "anatomy" was too big.

But now I see this was all a lie, and you never truly left them behind.

Did you think of them while we were together, writhing around on the floor, or in the forest groves?

I can't believe anything you say anymore!

 

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9676 on: August 31, 2014, 12:35:17 AM »
Dearest blue bunny sparkle,

You are just too goddamn fancy, you know that?  I mean, look at us!

I go around in a towel.  Not even a very thick one at that.  I don't wear anything else.  And you have... you have a whole peacock strapped to your head.  With gold!  Do you have any idea how much that outfit costs to dry clean!?

Plus those pointy bits by your cheek tend to stab me in uncomfortable places at inopportune times.  I've asked you to tone it down a little.  I offered maybe silver and some eagle feathers, but noooooo.  No, you had to keep being all fancy.

Well, that's it.  We are over, done with.  Especially after that whole thing with AuroraRose.  You didn't even tell her we were sleeping together.  You didn't even tell me that you were sleeping with her!  There's no telling what she caught from those dragons.

So, goodbye forever.


Offline Elysian Radiance

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9677 on: August 31, 2014, 01:44:42 AM »
My love, Kazyth

I can't believe the sheer nerve of you!

Here I was, thinking that you enjoyed out little rendezvous, especially when I invited a dragon or two. You always said that they were so passionate in their love making.

I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

But here... I find out that you were cheating on me, with blue bunny, nonetheless! What I had with her meant nothing; I was going to leave her for you, I promise. And now I find this out.

It saddens me greatly that I have to do with. We have to end this now.

With heavy heart,

Aurora.

PS - I keep the dragons.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9678 on: August 31, 2014, 02:10:11 AM »
Dearest Aurora,

I didn't realise they were your dragons.
I was simply a foolish squire who would be a knight.

You see, old demented Arthur sent me on a quest.
"Go fetch me a pair of dragons' heads for above the fireplace, forsooth [the US scriptwriter inserted this word], and I'll think about making you a knight. As you can see, young man, we'll need to put an extension flap on the round table to fit you in, so they'd better be good."

After many months searching in the wilderness, I met you and we made love under the enchanted waterfall.
I think you were pissed actually, but you did say you were keen at the time.
Later, whilst you slept, I cut off a lock of your hair to remind me of that most wonderful long and passionate night we spent together.
And will wear it always as a favour, despite everything.

By morning you had gone, but I found my path blocked by two enormous hostile looking dragons, so of course I slew them and cut off their heads.

Arthur was very pleased, although he couldn't remember my name or the quest.
"Just like when the red and white dragons fought for control of these islands in the basement," he muttered incomprehensibly.

But he made me a knight, forsooth.
It was only later when I read the empty collars, I saw they'd been your dragons.
I realise now that's probably why you were a bit grumpy and didn't speak to me again.
I hope in time you'll find it in your heart and leggings to forgive me.

Deepest love,

Sir Boatalot
« Last Edit: August 31, 2014, 02:12:11 AM by Boatman »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9679 on: August 31, 2014, 01:35:50 PM »
Dear Mr. Boaty Boat,

I regret to inform you that as of 2:00pm Central Standard Time your vessel has been boat-napped.

The ransom fee is $4,890,599.00. It is non-negotiable.

You will never learn my identity!

If you wish to see your beloved boat again, please stack the money in unmarked $20.00 bills. Place it a blue sparkly handbag with reflective sequins and a leather handle. You will be required to take a rowboat out into the gulf of Mexico to drop said bag off. Let it slip slowly into the water at a these coordinates... (to be reveled later).

If you happen to see a semi-deserted island filled with unspeakable wonders and mermaids... it is only a dream. It is not real. Magical, fairy-like occurrences are simply a figment of your overactive imagination.

Do as I ask and no boat will be injured.

Bun--

I mean... Super Secret Evil Genius Ransomer

P.S. I'm not your ex-girlfriend
« Last Edit: August 31, 2014, 01:37:21 PM by blue bunny sparkle »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9680 on: August 31, 2014, 05:47:00 PM »
What the hell’s going on Boat?

Your new secret capture-proof vessel has been captured.
Due to the fact this project cost half last year’s £20 defence budget, we’ve had to notify the PM. And he is not a happy bunny.

However, GCHQ have identified there is a happy bunny out there somewhere and we’ve supercomputer-matched her as one of your old playmates (one that hasn’t yet met a gruesome end). So, the expense is coming off your mess bill… again  unless you sort this out pretty damn quick.

It seems the female evil Leporidae mastermind behind this has been transformed, through some dastardly SMERSH process, into a mermaid and has set up her underwater base in the Gulf of Mexico from where she can sell the special boat to the highest (note: should that be tallest?) bidder.

So, Boat, iron your tux, sort out your hair and take the first economy flight in that direction, jumping out when the pinger places you above a semi-deserted island filled with unspeakable wonders.

Remember Boat we are counting on you... However, there is always your rival 8 if you fail.

Your mission is to break up with the evil genius with the penchant for blue sparkly handbags (with reflective sequins) and a leather handle and to recover the stolen device as part of the legal separation settlement.

Now get out of my sight.

xx
M

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9681 on: August 31, 2014, 06:38:22 PM »
Dearest Boatman,

It always amazed me how almost any situation called for the use of a knife. Burglar holding you up for cash? Knife him! Tied up by dastardly villain? Cut the ropes! Steak a little too tough? Slice it into small pieces! Need to deface some tree to prove your relationship existed? Carve it with a knife (Also good for pointing out there is no fate atop of picnic tables).

In the end though, I realized I could just buy my own knife, and a decorative holder for it, that attaches to my belt!  So yanno, other than the relationship stuff, of which, I've read in my "Everything you never thought a knife could do handbook for people who don't want to be called a dummy, but maybe aren't educated on this particular aspect of life"

So, needless, I've decided I don't need you anymore, please collect your things at the front desk (If you wait passed 8pm, it'll be in the dumpster) As I've decided to spark up a relationship with the guy who drives around sharpening knives, he seems like he's got a pretty steady job, and said he'll give me family discounts based on what base he gets to.

Anyway, I'm sure there's some girl out there, who hasn't realized she can acquire her own knife yet, or yanno, someone desperate, or someone who really likes boats, and doesn't care too much of what waters it happens to be floating on.

Sincerely, Cayenne.

P.S. If you ever pick up the spoons, I might be interested in having a coffee or something...~

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9682 on: August 31, 2014, 10:02:22 PM »
My dearest, beloved...*ACHOO!*


Loving darling...*ACHOO!  KOFF!*


Dear...*GACK!*


Cay...*ACHOO!*


Oh, fuck it. Get out. I'm allergic to you.

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9683 on: August 31, 2014, 10:26:57 PM »
Phoenix are Red
Some whales are blue.
You stole all my bacon.
So now we are through.

Also, I'll be sending you a bill for that bacon.

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9684 on: August 31, 2014, 10:34:39 PM »
I thought I was special.  I really did.

But those eyes you make that I thought were only for me?  The teasing, sexy, 'come get me' eyes?

Yeah, EVERYONE gets those.  The mailman, that old lady at the grocery store, my brothers.  All of them.

I can't take the not knowing anymore.  Especially after I found those dentures and that mail bag under the bed.

I'm still not buying that you were planning some "Kinky Roleplay" in the bedroom.  So, have fun with... things.

My hand and some lotion is better than this.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9685 on: August 31, 2014, 10:42:40 PM »
Dear Kazyth,
This has been a long time in coming. Okay, its only been since yesterday, but still you should know...
I have been hypnotized by RedPhoenix's eyes. And... and... we have been playing kinky Roleplays in the bedroom.
I knew roleplay things weren't up your alley... because you know... you never want to dress up.
But its fun... today I was the 80 year old mailman... and that was some kinkiness right there! Whooo Boy!

Anyway... tomorrow me and her are going to be playing with a bunch of brothers... I'm not sure whose, but you know it'll be a BLAST!

It was fun, well kinda... okay I was bored! And now I'm off for more costumes!

Bunny

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9686 on: August 31, 2014, 11:34:14 PM »
Dear Blue Bunny,

Why so blue?

I mean, we've been together for a while, and yet, you continue to be the colour of sadness, and male scrotums that haven't had sexual contact in forever.  For a while, I thought you might become Yellow bunny sparkle, you know, the colour of the sun, and happiness, and country kitchens, though I suppose it is also a ton of other bad things as well.

Green Bunny Sparkle might be nice too, like spring, and grass, and leaves, and Kermit the Frog, though, it is also greed, and sickliness.

Red Bunny Sparkle I is vibrant! and powerful! Like a rose, or a fast car (Red makes it go faster, I think it is science), though is also supposed to be the angry colour, of rage and blood, so you'd probably be hard to deal with.

Sometimes, I think you'd be best as White Bunny Sparkle, though most bunnies are white, unless they are not.  Also, some people might ask why you are white, and if you wear sheets and stuff - nobody ever calls a bed racist and it wears sheets all the time!

Maybe you could be Sky Blue Bunny Sparkle, except for the fact that nobody really notices sky blue but for a moment. "Oh, the sky is so blue -- oop! Onto my life, look at this pretty rock, isn't it so pretty?" It's rather sad actually, the sky doesn't stop looking blue, we just stop appreciating it.

Now that I think about it, I think I understand why you're so blue, and it's really bumming me out.  I might have to start seeing a clown, so I can be both happy and afraid at the same time, to you know, feel some other emotions!

Don't be so blue.

Sincerely, Cayenne~
« Last Edit: August 31, 2014, 11:35:22 PM by Cayenne »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9687 on: September 01, 2014, 10:27:32 AM »
Cayenne...

Why do you always want me to change for you? Is there something within your cold heart that would warm if I changed enough?

First I was a fairy. Then a ballerina. In cuffs, no less. And now.. I am this colorful, impossibly wondrous being... that might be magical, or might be some weird fairy-mermaid sort of thing. But its never enough. *sniffles* I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR OVERLY SPICY NEEDS!

Where does it end Cayenne? Where DOES it end?

You don't approve of blue anymore. *cries* Once, you said it was your favorite color, the color of smurfs and melted gum on the sidewalk. Shall I now become a rainbow? Would you approve of that? A FRICKIN RAINBOW? A MOTHERFU*$%&#*G happy rainbow? Full of gold and sunshine... not a blue spot anywhere. (Well except for the blue part obviously).

Someday, you'll see my true colors! Some day you will appreciate me for my... uh... the super cool stuff about me.

Happy F'n Rainbow Bunny Sparkle

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9688 on: September 01, 2014, 06:09:20 PM »
Blue Bunny.

Here is my rap.

Please drop a beat before reading this.

Everything I do, Everything I am,
Screaming out my lungs, just to end this sham!
You think it's going well? You're asking for a key?
But I got no time to myself, for god sakes let me pee!
I need some personal space, get it through your fins,
Stop hogging up my bathtub, it's like a dating sin!

Things were going well, things were going great,
Until you became some crazy fish, how do you masturbate?
I just don't understand, the choices you have made,
You think flipper is the bomb, and lassy should be spayed?!
Your new aquatic life, is getting in the way,
I mean the way you look a guys, I don't think you're even gay!

So it's over here and now, it's over from this verse,
Don't think I'll take you back, you should go and see a nurse!
People don't just become, creatures of the sea,
So please pack your bags, and set my bathroom free!
Now I don't mean to be a bitch, but if you could do this right away,
I've already found Aquaman fanfiction, just beside of the badet!


Peace.

Cayenne.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9689 on: September 02, 2014, 11:40:50 AM »
Dear Cayenne,

I received this letter in my PM box by mistake. It was addressed to you. Please forgive me, I was not trying to be snoopy, it just opened mysteriously by itself. And I read it. Perhaps maybe I was looking at it a little too closely by the steaming pot of water on the stove? Idle speculation of course! Unfortunately in my surprise, I accidently dropped the letter into the boiling pot by mistake. Luckily, I was able to fish it out with a pair of handy tongs. It is a little hard to read. But you know me, always your sweet Bunny-kins, I thought I would be kind enough to try to read you what it said....

uhhh hmmm. *clears throat*


Dear Miss Cayenne Pepper,

We the Owners and Gods and Goddesses of E. are officially giving you notice. It has come to our attention that you were spotted rapping and beat-bopping yesterday at 6:09:20PM in the Breakup with the Person Above You Thread.

Then they said oh... something something something... too demeaning to a nice girl like Bunny. Then... this part is hard to make out... blah blah blah. Bunny is the... the kindest, gentlest creature we know (wow! how awesome of them to say so!) ... something somethinggggg. BBS is... is... our absolute FAV-OR-RITE gal... (really? awwww!)

Okay, here's the last paragraph... *squints eyes* It's so blurry... oh. If you do not cease and desist in....youp? I think that's supposed to be a 'your'... harassment and taunting of our little Bunny Sparkle .... and and... stop with the playing hard to get (Oh yes, I've noticed this too!) then you.... you will be... banned FOREVER and EVER from Fairyland... Wait... I mean from the Breakup with the Person Above you Thread!

The Management



Woahhh!!! Cayenne! I had no idea... *crosses fingers* How'd they ever get that idea? Whh! I'm stumped! I guess... well... maybe you better start being nicer to me since our breakup. *smiles secretly and shivers delightfully*





Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9690 on: September 02, 2014, 04:03:53 PM »
BBS,

Don’t get so het up. There is really no need.
People should be allowed to live their dream.
Or that’s what we keep being told on the TV.
If you want to be a mermaid, then folks should just accept this.
I know I have.
I mean there is more room in the sea.  All the food is self-service. No motorway congestion, no income, no tax, no housing, no shops… No handbags.
I am sure it can be quite liberating in its own way.

Anyway, my dearest, if you want to spend your life swimming around spraying clusters of eggs hither and thither for mermen to fertilise, then I am certainly not going to try and stop you.
Sorry to say, the romance of the idea has paled a little for me though.
So, I’ve decided to stay this side of the aquatic interface.
Yes, I’m leaving you.

Boat
« Last Edit: September 03, 2014, 02:24:17 AM by Boatman »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9691 on: September 03, 2014, 06:13:31 AM »
Dear Man of Boats,

What is a mermaid? What is a fairy?

I am only a thought, a moment upon your mind. I was created there by you, for you. A creature of willingness, wild in nature and instinctual in want and desire.

And now, you have turned from me, casting me loose upon the rocks, the tide, the roaring of the crashing waves.

Back into the depths I return, unneeded and unseen.

Now, I shall be only a memory to you, hazy and fuzzy in remembrance. Was I truly here? Would your every whim and desire have been impossibly fulfilled and sated? Only that wondering shall be left to you.

Perhaps you will weep now, upon your pillow in the dark... and always that wondering upon what might have been.

I am gone.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2014, 06:31:30 AM by blue bunny sparkle »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9692 on: September 04, 2014, 10:24:19 AM »
Oh, of insanity, of strange, wrangled tortured breaths so spilled from the lips of babes that cry only for my ears, my ears alone fear the torment of madness while others, move about as if I am not part of their blissful world of normalcy.  Fear, so within me, that every pitched sound that drools from your lips now falls upon the deafness that you incurred!

Oh, that you would look at me so blamelessly!? That I, the villain of shattered drums and bleeding ears that excrete more crimson than they allow the delicate vibrations of sound to penetrate? How, I of mortal flesh and bone, of landlocked body rarely desiring of moisture, could know, could comprehend your orgasmic shrill be so deadly, be so destructive!

Ruinous are you, you salty witch of whom, my tongue and fingers so imparted the hammers swing upon the nail of my continued listen! Sealed now within a box of six foot depth!  Oh, but I, for being furious at this, I for being ignorant of your aquatic writhing self, of sound dampening seas as you wrung out echo location within oxygen filled room!

No! It is you in the wrong, you loud arriving meteor upon my earthy shores!  For you, having never heard of biting ones own lip, of stifling sounds, of your little "White lies" That turn out to be Mobie Dick himself, devouring the leg of my auditory sensations!

I cast thee out, back into the cold waters that your claimed frigidity was so akin to! You kept smoking Jezebel! Yet, I am the scathing one of whom, shall remained so impaired for the rest of my days? At very least, I saved of your sirens song you slippery sea seductress!

So in, take this piece of parchment, take it, before the ink runs, and the ground trees dissolve in your wet wonderland of wanton! Be done with me, you servant of inner lobe destruction! Let me rest from your needy, gabby fins so begging for seconds that half starved paupers in the street become embarrassed of your enthusiasm.

Begone, wetten my sheets no more!

Cayenne.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9693 on: September 04, 2014, 11:17:04 AM »
Pepper,

I spoke up for you, really I did, but the truth committee of the people decided unanimously that you were a witch and should be burned at the stake and your remains drowned for good measure. All I had said down the pub was that you worked magic in bed and word got round somehow.

Of course I had to vote with the crowd otherwise I would have been hung drawn and quartered as an accessory. But think of this, being free gives me a chance to play for your soul, if indeed witches have such things?

...Not that I believe you are a witch of course!

I have a good seat at the front, just to limit the options for those who come simply for the entertainment. Curse their eyes.

Anyway, the bonfire seems to be assembled, so I'd better get down now before I lose my place.

Farewell, my little spellbinder.
xxx (or should that be +++)

Citizen Boat.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2014, 11:19:37 AM by Boatman »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9694 on: September 04, 2014, 11:42:47 AM »
To Patient 3652Q,

Just so there is no confusion, we will be speaking to you as a corporate entity, not as a single individual of whom, may or may not be writing this letter to you, that will later be dictated by your new caregiver.  This caregiver will help you make the transition to your new, and exciting personality, of which, if not at first, you will undoubtedly come to look forward to over time.

To help with your memory, you agreed, as most, by blindly clicking through the terms of service agreements in order to speed your way into the arms of the person of whom, we deemed most compatible for you! Of course, at that point, we infiltrated your home (With your agreed upon consent) categorized your items, and turned over all of our findings to our crack team of psychoanalysts!

From there, they determined that range of which you as an individual could be molded! Of course, after that point we sent our agent to your home to access your current worth as a partner! Given instructions to be pleasant, and easy going, she, over the course of the year began to unravel the small intricacies that are you! 

Whatever feelings, or emotions represented by our agent, we assure you, is merely the result of expert training!

So in, you should remember the interrogation period, of which you were stolen away from your home, and the crying arms of our agent and the final tests administered! As we are not afraid of the destruction of ones mind, having become somewhat experts of rebuilding, we were, as you might recall, rather tough on you!

That said, we'd like to let you know that we are very pleased, that, as an individual, you have a very good "Base" of which we can custom remake you into something our, high paying clients desire! Your happiness of course, is assured during that period, even if it seems to be the furthest thing from the truth currently!

As you won't really recall your former life, we'd like to take this moment to thank you for signing your life away in the 2.5 seconds it took you to click through the user agreements and once again remind you, that pretending to be broken, screaming, and otherwise carrying on is not only encouraged, but expected, given our assessment of you.

Yours, The Happy life Dating group~

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9695 on: September 05, 2014, 01:01:50 PM »
Hands up if you're in a relationship with me.

...

Not so fast, Cayenne

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9696 on: September 05, 2014, 05:25:57 PM »
*puts hand up*
*puts hand down*
*puts hand up*
*puts hand down*
*puts hand up*
*puts hand...*


You know, you're a hell of a lot of work. I'm outa here.

Offline Lynnette

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9697 on: September 05, 2014, 05:40:08 PM »
I'm sorry, it's over. I just never feel like I know where you are, both in our relationship, and... Anywhere...

Offline Amazee

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9698 on: September 05, 2014, 08:46:32 PM »
Its not me, its you. Well actually it is you, because you cheated on me with everybody in my family, but lets remember the good times alright? Well the times you WEREN'T with my sister. Or my cousin. Or her sister. What was the point I was trying to make again?

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9699 on: September 05, 2014, 10:39:43 PM »
Amazee I...I don't know what to say here.  You have a grey name tag and that was kind of new to me.  Kind of exciting.  And that was enough for a while.  But then I met your sister and...man.  I put some stats together:

84% of my favorite strap on related sex acts have been with your sister vs. %64 with you.  (The overlap is that night last year, you know the one I mean)

With a sigma of 0.4, the majority of fingers inside me have belonged to a member of your family -  but of those only one in eleven have been yours.

The sd of mean time spent in the shower naked with me is only 2:37 minutes for you but almost quarter of an hour with your cousin's sister.

11% of headache related excuses have been to you vs. 6.43% to your cousin.

100% of Kythis's surveyed felt I was "Like, totally out of your league"

Sooooo.  I dunno.  This fat kid who waits behind at school to do extra maths homework seems to think the conclusion is I should dump you and set nerdyMathsKidPlaysWithMyBoobies to true.  And he kinda seems to know what he's talking about.

Which kinda means its over.  So...bye?
« Last Edit: September 05, 2014, 10:40:45 PM by Kythia »