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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 332681 times)

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Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9650 on: August 27, 2014, 02:26:43 AM »
My dearest Blue Mermaid, I am placing this message in a bottle with my love.


Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide


I realised I'd had enough of the pirating, so when we returned to harbour I split the treasure between the men and kept back just enough to buy a small cottage by the sea and an old wooden fishing boat.

This newly chosen life was tough but fulfilling. My muscles swelled with the hard work and my hands became calloused. My skin tanned with constant exposure to the elements, and through use of a strange cream the local wise lady gave me to combat the smell of fish guts.

Then, one day in early spring, when the weather gods were still deciding if mankind deserved a summer, their arguing caused a violent storm. The black clouds swept in from the horizon before I had a chance to pull in the nets and I was unable to turn my poor boat's eyes to the rising sea.
She was quickly swamped and wallowed awkwardly, struggling bravely to survive.
Then came the wind mercilessly rushing and swirling, snapping her mast and tearing the sails to ribbons. It was all I could to do cling on as the boat was dashed heavily against unyielding rocks.

Darkness descended across my consciousness in thunderous waves, yet I fancied I saw you swimming and swimming to try and reach me. The thought of you filled my very being with hope and I forced myself to live, to gasp for air. I scrabbled at the slippery rock with broken fingers desperately trying to lift myself out of the ferment. But it was no good. My clothes snagged and ripped as I slid down beneath the foaming surface.

The next thing I knew, the skies were clear and I was lying propped up on a rock in the morning sun with you stretched across me, kissing life into my bruised and broken body. Your tail was wrapped around my leg keeping you out of the water. For hours we lay together, your heat sustaining my feeble life force.

Then we spotted the billowing sails of a ship come to investigate. You were tired and missing the sea, and I needed the land to live.
We shed tears knowing we had to part and, with a final passionate kiss I will never forget, you slipped back into your world.

Although we had to leave one another to survive, I will think of you always, my fair mermaid.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2014, 03:47:10 AM by Boatman »

Offline abandoneddolly

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9651 on: August 27, 2014, 05:21:19 AM »
dear boatman

I'm afraid it'll never work out. You love the sea, and dolly's cant swim. Unless your one with a wind up swimming mechanism, but I wasn't created with one. I would rather sink you heart then sink down into the bottom of the ocean.

goodbye.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9652 on: August 27, 2014, 08:36:10 AM »
Dear Dolly,

There you were. Abandoned all alone. Unable to swim. In a dead end relationship with a man and his boat.

I wanted to take you away from all that. I wanted to make you my very own Barbie and dress you up and torture you in the most delicious ways and have tea and cookies after. And... girl time. (Lots and lots of girl time)

But you kept getting little bloody footprints on the rug. *shakes head* You do know how hard that is to get out right?

My cleaning bills have skyrocketed since we took up.

I am sorry. It is over.




Offline EliTheInventor

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9653 on: August 27, 2014, 09:15:20 AM »
My dearest Blue Bunny love,

Since the begging of time our paths were doomed to cross and we seemed the perfect couple.
Such beauty does not come to those such as yours, only the Gods can grace you with such a beauty. Any man would kill for a beauty like you, except me.
My dearest God please take you from me! I cannot be with you anymore. My heart weeps for another more common of a beauty, your grae is just to much for me.
I am sorry to seem crude, but our we were doomed from the start. You with your beauty and me with my inventions. I could never get noticed while you shined in the spot light more then me.
It breaks my heart to have to leave you, but my love for invention is more then my love for you.

Sincerely,
Eli

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9654 on: August 27, 2014, 10:15:49 AM »
Dearest Eli,

I'm sorry, I've decided that I can't fall in love with someone of whom might not see tomorrow!  I mean, you're still new here, there's no telling what might happen in the future - I mean, the future, it is a crazy thing - So scary! I have enough troubles without putting all my love into a basket heading towards a waterfall over sharp rocks and basket eating sharks with untamed lions in their mouths!

I'M NOT EXAGGERATING THIS.

Anyway, it's been fun. If you ever get approved and such, I'll have probably found somebody else.

That's just how it works, yanno.

Sincerely, Cayenne~

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9655 on: August 27, 2014, 10:21:27 AM »
My dearest Blue Bunny love,

Since the begging of time our paths were doomed to cross and we seemed the perfect couple.
Such beauty does not come to those such as yours, only the Gods can grace you with such a beauty. Any man would kill for a beauty like you, except me.
My dearest God please take you from me! I cannot be with you anymore. My heart weeps for another more common of a beauty, your grae is just to much for me.
I am sorry to seem crude, but our we were doomed from the start. You with your beauty and me with my inventions. I could never get noticed while you shined in the spot light more then me.
It breaks my heart to have to leave you, but my love for invention is more then my love for you.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear EliTheInventor,

It has come to my attention that:

1. You did not invent for me the perfect fairy circle cleaning robot
2. You did not invent the suction thing that gets rid of pesky humans
3. You did not invent the little feather comb that sweeps my feathery tresses with gentleness.
4. You did, however invent a bigger TV remote controller
5. And... more sports to watch

Hrrumphhs!

I'm still waiting on the super charged toy you promised me on our first date...

Throws your controller into the burning pits of hell.

Its over!

Dearest Eli,

I'm sorry, I've decided that I can't fall in love with someone of whom might not see tomorrow!  I mean, you're still new here, there's no telling what might happen in the future - I mean, the future, it is a crazy thing - So scary! I have enough troubles without putting all my love into a basket heading towards a waterfall over sharp rocks and basket eating sharks with untamed lions in their mouths!

I'M NOT EXAGGERATING THIS.

Anyway, it's been fun. If you ever get approved and such, I'll have probably found somebody else.

That's just how it works, yanno.

Sincerely, Cayenne~

Cayenne!

How many times have we been over this!

You are a GIRL. A GIRL. Not a NINJA, okay?

STOP BEING A NINJA FOR LIKE ONE SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME!

You. Are. A. Girl.

*throws up hands in the air* I'm gonna go find me a girl.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9656 on: August 27, 2014, 10:27:26 AM »
Dear Blue Bunny,

I'm a Ninja.

Sincerely, Cayenne.

P.S.  You might not have noticed our relationship, the years spent together, the times you woke up, super tired! The three ninja kids you had, but didn't know you had because they were Ninjas, thus, were very discreet that you wouldn't even know you were pregnant! Anyway, they've all moved on, and now so have I! Don't worry, I ninja'd our ninja marriage so now we're divorced.  You might not have remembered our ninja honeymoon, because you aren't a ninja, so yanno, you probably didn't notice.

Anyway, don't bother looking for me if you ever feel like you want to get back together, without knowing you were together, and having a fulfilling life with someone.  Since I'm a ninja, you'll never find me.

P.P.S.  Ninja.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9657 on: August 27, 2014, 10:42:50 AM »
Dear Cayenne,

I was faking it.

I faked it to save your face.

I faked it for your self esteem.

I faked it for... hell so many reasons.

But I'm done now. It was a lie. I KNEW okay? I KNEW all along as you tiptoed around, tripping over things and making a hell of a racket. I PRETENDED I couldn't hear the god awful noise you were making... And those kids? Let me tell you, pretending I didn't see them was worthy of an Oscar nod. You were that bad... I was that good.

But please... go ninja on outta here... I'm sure I'll look for you sometime... (not)

P.S. I already see you hiding in that tree.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9658 on: August 27, 2014, 11:02:50 AM »
Dearest Blue Bunny,

I remember the day you summoned me from the pits of hell in your cute little dorm room, how adorable were those chalk lines you read from some dusty old tome! Oh, and your fake little pale faced complexion, with black lipstick, and eyeliner!  The way your little heart raced when I sprang from the fire-y brimstone!  Those were the days weren't they?

Of course, it was fun to pretend to obey you, that your meek little will could contain me was laughable at best, but endearing at the same time!

We had a good run, but now I've decided to move on, I mean, since I'm not actually controlled by anything, I'll just wander around and see what kind of trouble I can get into on my own! While you - oh, well, someone has to go back to all the endless sadistic orgies of the underworld, and you know, you've seemed pretty uptight lately, so I think an eternity of that will do you good!

Don't worry though, maybe some day someone like you will mistakenly summon you up!

Till then, stay warm!

Cayenne~

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9659 on: August 27, 2014, 12:53:43 PM »
Cayenne!

Wait! Don't go! Cayenne!

*In a loud commanding voice* I summon thee back from... from... where... shit, forgot the stupid lines!

*Draws new chalk lines and yells to the depths of hell* I command thee Cayenne... to...

*whines* Come back Cayenne! Oh come on!

*stops and thinks* Wait.

*whispers* Did you say...  endless orgies? sadistic orgies? Did you mean it? Really?

*kicks chalk lines away and packs bags*

*yells on the way* See ya Cayenne... see ya!

Offline Katrina

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9660 on: August 27, 2014, 05:26:26 PM »
Dear Blue Bunny.

I am sorry to tell you that, well...you're blue....and my favorite color is purple...What I mean is....hmmm...its not you its me....


Love Katrina

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9661 on: August 27, 2014, 06:07:55 PM »
There once was a girl named Katrina
Who had quite a taste for...limericks.


I had to break up
with the cute little pup
'coz nothing clean rhymes with 'Katrina'.

Offline Dama

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9662 on: August 27, 2014, 07:42:38 PM »
I looked for you everywhere!  Where were you?  I can't stand it when I can't find you.  So, this is it and I'll see you..... somewhere.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9663 on: August 27, 2014, 07:45:31 PM »
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Dama.


*burns plantation, rides away with a hot Union soldier*

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9664 on: August 27, 2014, 08:56:12 PM »
Dear, woman of whom I am dumping.

It is over, welcome to splitsville.

Population, you.

That's right baby, we are through. It's been fun, all the sex I mean, is you know what I mean and what I mean is sex. You were sexy baby, but I can't be tied down, not by some broad going nowhere, unless that nowhere is the bedroom, if you get my drift. My drift is sex.

Don't worry though baby, you're still one hot number, problem is, I've gotten into math, and I'm going to need as many numbers as I can to make these sexy equations I got in my head! What I mean by that is, have a lot of sex with strangers, I actually couldn't care less about math.

That's it for this note baby, you wanna come by and talk about your feelings sometimes, you know, get closure, so you can move on with your life, feel free to drop by anytime. By dropping by of course, I mean show up wearing nothing for sex and no talking about silly stuff like feelings being hurt.

Sexily yours, Cayenne~

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9665 on: August 28, 2014, 02:12:23 AM »
This is a prayer to my dear lost Pepper,

How you managed to survive the fall from the cliff and being splattered on the sharp rocks below, I’ll never know. The gods must have been feeling kind that day. Perhaps it was even the great Cybele herself with her band of drunken followers. Yes, she might have thought that good for a laugh on her way to Lesbos for a bit of frolic with the local nymphs.

Was it the uber-mother also that allowed you to mesmerise my poor darling darling Bunny with your scarred and glued-together current form? To take her from me with promises of endless sex? Something I’ve tried, but fallen asleep half way through.

Then, the other day, having secured Bunny helpless and blubbing in some watery cellar somewhere, you had the nerve to visit and say you missed me. You missed the thrust of me apparently.

Being still the same foolish man as ever, on the look out for a bit of totty, I reluctantly (all the while thinking of poor Bunny) allowed you into my bed so I could completely refresh your memory and other parts.

It was some good while later that, thankfully, I realised I needed a wee and stirred. Looking round I discovered you leaning over with the wild eyes and the knife clearly intent on enrolling me into the order of eunuchs.  What have I ever done to deserve that?

“Woaahh,” I cried redirecting the blade into your evil heart. A bit harsh I know, but it seemed the best thing to do in the circumstances.

As you lay dying, we reminisced about the good times together and I saw that old beautiful you for a moment before your eyelids flickered and you swooned.

So, farewell dear Pepper.

PS If you are listening up there in the heavens, or somewhere below the horizon, you’ll be pleased to know I located Bunny and freed her.  Strangely, though she’d been turned into a mermaid and we are trying to figure out the sex thing.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9666 on: August 28, 2014, 11:17:36 AM »
Boatman...

You told me that cellar was going to be... like a vacation. It'll be fun, you said. A change of scenery. But there was only one little window... and a cup of stale water and five crackers. But for you, I wanted to make the best of it!

And now I know the truth! You were cavorting with that two-timing spice, Cayenne!

I know the signs... I've seen her red traces on the bed, the floor, the kitchen table... even up in the mast!

That's it! I'm out of the cellar... *wiggles door* I'm out of... *pushes against it with my shoulder *

Open the f'n door Boatman! I mean it *stomps foot*

*jiggle jiggle jiggle*

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9667 on: August 29, 2014, 02:47:22 AM »
Dearest Blue Mermaid, ex-love of my life,

You had it all wrong about me and Cayenne. She was just trying to spice up my life, to teach me the basics of making a good kale and kohlrabi kimchi, which, incidentally I think you would have liked.

No, once I’d sorted out your nibbles.. Did I mean nibbles? Yes, yes nibbles and chained you in the seawater tank, you’d seemed much happier.

The thing that got us both down was your decision to have the mermaid operation. I know it was only on a whim as you were passing that plastic surgery place outside the club. And I know you were actually meaning to visit the tattoo parlour next door to get a little ballet dancer impregnated into your ankle.

Yes, its that old walrus in the room.
The sex thing!
I’ve searched Google and looked in all the anthropology and mythology books, but cannot find out how we you know… er.. do it. You know, we get started wonderfully, but when it comes to it, we can’t.

So, reluctantly, and in totally frustrated love, I’ve gone.
I’ve left you some fresh fish… and the keys to the locks.

Offline Rhedyn

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9668 on: August 29, 2014, 04:29:15 PM »
Ahh, Boatman. I know you love that knife and the funny look you like to give me when I see you holding it. Indeed I found it charming when we first met but now, I have to admit, it's getting a little creepy. I must say goodbye, it's painful but not as painful as the accident that's waiting to happen to either you or me with that thing. Just remember one piece of advice wherever your adventures take you; running with sharp objects in hand is a bad idea.

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9669 on: August 29, 2014, 04:46:44 PM »
Look.  Rhedyn.  We had some great times together, and I think we could have made a run of it.

But that hair.  You never wash it.  It's GROWING things in it.  I have to burn my pillows twice a week, not to mention all of the topical creams.  I can't even keep bread in the house anymore, it goes moldy as soon as you step in the door.  So, until and unless you are willing to shave yourself bald and steam-clean your head, we are done.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9670 on: August 29, 2014, 04:47:35 PM »
Ahh, Boatman. I know you love that knife and the funny look you like to give me when I see you holding it. Indeed I found it charming when we first met but now, I have to admit, it's getting a little creepy. I must say goodbye, it's painful but not as painful as the accident that's waiting to happen to either you or me with that thing. Just remember one piece of advice wherever your adventures take you; running with sharp objects in hand is a bad idea.

Rhed, Rhed my dear,

I loved the school teacher in you.
Always giving advice about washing my hands after the kill and putting the seat down on the toilet after use.
Yes, oh yes. How to play ‘knifey’ without spearing the other person in the ankle. You even had safety advice on a game of conkers.
You were were fun… in a sort of educational way.
Not sex education though!
A bit straight laced on that score if I might be so bold.
Always keep the light out and all your clothes on, firmly double buttoned.
It’s been a frightfully decent sort of blast.
But, well, cheerio.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9671 on: August 30, 2014, 02:39:17 PM »
Dearest Boatman,

I've begun to notice, you have a fear of breaking up with the actual person who is above you.  As such, I've decided to break up wit the person above you instead. Though, that does not mean that I have not broken up with you, or that our relationship continues on because of this, because, yes, it is completely over. It is so over, even the nerds waiting through the entire credits for previews of the next movie have moved on, yes, even those looking for the SECRET SECRET last bits of content.

Dearest Kazyth,

I don't like you.

Let me get this out of the way right off the bat.  I hate your sexy body, I mean really, drink some water and stop starving yourself of the good things in life! You know perfectly well I don't like you walking around as naked as legally allowed in any specific situation and there you go, in some sheer sheet shaking your slippy snake sexily! 

I don't like you!

You might, of course, think that my obsession with your body means that I secretly cannot get enough, well let me tell you. I'VE HAD ENOUGH*.  What do you mean what does the star mean? Obviously it's masking some swear word that I cannot type in this forum! The legendary one letter swear word of which, legend has it, only held against those of whom one truly dislikes!

I DON'T LIKE YOU!

I don't know how many times I have to say this, while a stare at your rock hard body, pulsing with manly muscle, waiting to pounce me, to squeeze every bit of sex out of my body like you were trying to save money on toothpaste, and rerolled it seven times to get the very last drop out, and somehow, rolled it again and found MORE.  OH GOD, THERE WAS ALWAYS MORE!

Anyway! I'm ending this thing! It's the best for me, as I've been kicked out of every thin, or thick walled apartment you've ever come over to, broken every bed I ever owned, to the point I just put dirty mattresses on the floor till they set on fire with friction burns!  You just don't understand what you do to me and you never will! Because as of this point, it is over! Our relationship is over! THE RELATIONSHIP SECTION OF OUR TIME TOGETHER HAS ENDED.

Cayenne~

*When I say I've had enough, I kinda maybe want more too, yanno, just all casual, and everyday at least, twice a day, maybe you could just stay over? Well, I could move into some guest room, to make the commute shorter.. we'll figure it out!
« Last Edit: August 30, 2014, 02:40:19 PM by Cayenne »

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9672 on: August 30, 2014, 03:30:34 PM »
Dearest Cayenne,

I'm exhausted.  Mentally and physically.

Also, I am continually dehydrated.  No matter how much Gatorade I drink, no matter how many electrolytes I ingest, any encounter with you ends up leaving me dryer than the Sahara at noon.

And let us not forget the way you constantly berate me for going around in comfortable clothing, yet whining and trying to pull off anything that actually hides any part of my body.  It gets COLD in winter, damnit!

I like you, I do.

But I'm chafed in places no man should chafe.  My back constantly feels like someone has pulled an industrial-sized cheese grater from my shoulders to my lower back.  Apparently my gifts of fingernail clippers, mittens, and cries of "OH GOD THEY'RE IN THE MUSCLE" just didn't quite get that across.  I'm going broke with all the Neosporin an gauze I have to buy.

And let's not forget your lack of personal boundaries.  Any time I try to actually rest, maybe take a day to myself to recuperate, I wake up to find you already in bed with me and pawing me like a drunken co-ed.  I'm not even shooting blanks at this point, I think I'm shooting dust!

Also! Seriously, that thing with you getting kicked out of all those apartments?  If you'd only have worn the ball gag I got you, that might not have been an issue.  Plus, you know, the nails thing.

So, to whit, we are done*.  Totally and completely done.

*Except for the part where I can't stop thinking about you, no matter how numb my legs might be, no matter how much my back looks like I was attacked by an amorous tiger, you are like the sweetest drug in my veins and the withdrawal is more horrible than I could ever imagine, so we can totally look into that sharing a place thing but we are totally not dating anymore and I am getting deadbolts for my bedroom door...

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9673 on: August 30, 2014, 06:23:37 PM »
Dearest Sir,

I hope this letter is to your pleasure, sir.  I am writing it, just like you wanted me to, by reflecting on the person I was before we met. I think I remember really liking books, and silly things liked stuffed animals that had personalities inside of me. They were my closest friends, and they liked all the things that I liked, and I thought things were very simple and comforting that way.

You met me at the bookstore, you were buying instructional booklets on knots, building in basements, and historical dungeons.  I didn't really put things together, I mean, they all seemed very interesting on their own! Of course, you told me to stop reading my little romance novels, and made me put them back on the shelf.  I felt so embarrassed, I wasn't even sure why I listened, I just, felt so overwhelmed!

You filled my arms with the most embarrassing smut I'd ever seen - and that was just the covers! I didn't think I could get any more red in the face! I felt like I was going to catch fire at any moment!  Then, when you took me by the arm, and we went off to some, seedy looking restaurant and you had me read them the worst of them to you, out loud.. I remember you kept saying "I couldn't hear that entire sex scene, do read it again, louder this time" Until I felt like I was screaming the words!

I just wanted to die! I felt so dizzy!

Before I knew it, weeks had passed, and we were reading it together, on your coach, on your bed, in your basement, and suddenly, there was no books, just the journals you told me to write! While I had to live like a character from one of those trashy novels! Then when your dungeon was finished, it all changed even more!

I don't know if I can go into the details, but um, things went from very complicated, to frightening, to overwhelming, and now, you've said my training is complete, and that I'm just the perfect little thing for your boss, that I should write this last little thing to you, as I wait for him to pick me up. I'm so nervous sir!

I mean.. I guess this is it for us..

Cay~

Offline Elysian Radiance

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9674 on: August 30, 2014, 08:17:53 PM »
My dearest Cayenne,

As I write this, I've already moved my things from your home back to my apartment. I couldn't stand the thought of doing it after I had this letter delivered. I do hope you can forgive the cowardice of this action.

My dear, when I said that I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, I think you misunderstood me. I meant some blindfolds, cuffs, fur floggers. You clearly had a different idea, what with your ex boyfriend showing up, cosplaying as Legolas. While I will say he pulled it off fabulously, HE'S YOUR EX. He doesn't belong in our home, let alone our bed, nor with his "elvish dick", as he so worded it, anywhere near me.

So I regret to inform you that I'm ending our relationship. Perhaps you'd be better off eloping to Lothlorien with your Legolas.

All the best.
-Aurora