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The Elliquian Herald & Post
Issue 74 (Autumn) ~ August thru October 2017

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 340170 times)

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Offline Rolo

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9625 on: August 21, 2014, 10:28:01 AM »
My dearest Bunny....

It's not you it's me...I am tired of being called a Bunnyfucker....and not unlike sucking on a lollypop and turning your tongue different colors...My penis is blue and sparkly!  The doctor is concerned....


;)

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9626 on: August 21, 2014, 10:30:18 AM »
Dearest Boatman,

...Don't worry, your boat is doing fine.  I'm keeping mighty good care of it, as I give people insightful tours of the river styx. ..
Most Sincerely, Cayenne~

Sweet Pepper,

I was leaned on heavily. So much so that the force nearly tipped me out of the boat and ruined my favourite costume. Well actually, my only costume. "We have to give a woman a go. It’s only fair," They said.
Then I found out it was you!
You, who’d frowned at my wardrobe… and what was in it.
You, who had been taking me out to let my hair down.
You, who had reminded me of passion, and lust, and sex... stirring life back into my old…
You, who had encouraged me to apply for something better.
And all the while, you had plans to steal my monopoly market for your new ‘creative ideas’!
“You are not needed any more,” they said. “People out for their last adventure want something more interactive. More fun.”
Oh well, you can keep your sneaky plan and your false affection. I won’t be coming back now even if they pay me in that new virtual money stuff.
We’re through.
I’ve got a better job.
A private ferry service, dressed as Barinthus, ferrying royalty to Avalon, where the nine shape shifting sisters take inventive foreplay to so many new levels I’ve lost count.  And they can keep a party going for eternity.

Your old partner, Boat.

« Last Edit: August 21, 2014, 10:32:35 AM by Boatman »

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9627 on: August 23, 2014, 03:19:09 PM »
My beloved old bucket:

It's not you. It's me. I get seasick whenever you take me anyplace. Every time you rock my world, it makes my stomach do loops.

Sorry, I'm sure you'll find the right swabbie to tie the knot with. Somewhere.

-Nowhere.


Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9628 on: August 23, 2014, 03:42:22 PM »
NWW,

Look, you said you wanted adventure, a healthy outdoor life.
But now all you do is complain.
We could have gone anywhere, if you had managed to stay awake in the night watches
And faced any weather the gods could have thrown at us, once you’d shimmied up the mast to reef the sails.
If we had been becalmed, you could have rowed until the topgallants fluttered with a freshening breeze.
And, of course, the nights would have been full of drunken passion, after you’d scrubbed, peeled and chopped the potatoes.
Even a half a percent share of our booty would have been yours.

I offered you riches and the very world any wench would dream of, but actually I don’t think the pirate life is for you.
So I have sorted you out a beautiful deserted island, provisions, a bottle and pen.
Making paper will be easy enough after you’ve dealt with the giant spiders.
I’ll think of you...often.

Captain Boatbeard

Offline Dys Astyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9629 on: August 23, 2014, 03:50:32 PM »
Mr. Boat,

I tried I really did, and you just ran away, and ran and ran... Its not my fault that I express my affect tion through violence... I thought you understood. I mean you even brought a knife...

Guess I was wrong.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9630 on: August 23, 2014, 03:56:36 PM »
Sorry, honey, but you're Syk.  You've got a Syk sense of humor, Syk tastes, and Syk desires. I just can't take it any more. I tried to get down with the Sykness- there was that time in the back of the bus...but...I'm just nowhere that kind of girl!

-NW

Offline Dys Astyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9631 on: August 23, 2014, 04:04:12 PM »
Where are you when I need you? Nowhere...

So its over, you can keep making all your plans and living in your own little.land but I'm done waiting, I'm done trying yo get you to listen and trying to tell you what your missin'. I can't take it anymore.

Nowhere its no more.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9632 on: August 23, 2014, 04:24:54 PM »
Look, I love your violence.
I love it on the street,
Between the sheets,
When struggling for the TV remote,
When eating breakfast,
Wearing loincloths in the mud pit especially.
But, the clinic tells me I’ve used up all the replacement organs in my clone.
So, sadly I had to leave this note by the bed… to say I’ve gone.
(mechanical coughing noise)
The bedroom curtains are torn open.
(mechanical coughing noise)
Boat looks at the controls… “Hell, why won’t the wretched car start....”

Offline Dys Astyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9633 on: August 23, 2014, 04:33:34 PM »
Boat,

You broke my car and my heart...

I'm afraid, you really will need more than a knife to get out of this one.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2014, 04:35:32 PM by syk »

Offline Dray

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9634 on: August 23, 2014, 09:45:39 PM »
As a RedPhoenix you were an exotic pet with fiery passion, but it's time that I move on...and thus I must take back the collar I bestowed upon you and find another whom wishes to be claimed.

Offline Hyacinth

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9635 on: August 23, 2014, 09:53:03 PM »
You don't like toys when playing. Not going to work.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9636 on: August 23, 2014, 09:54:18 PM »
I won't ask, don't ask me
I won't dance...don't ask me
I won't dance, don't ask me out...

(ever again)...

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9637 on: August 24, 2014, 02:06:31 AM »
I do like a game of hide and seek, but this is ridiculous.
"Where's my dinner gone? I am sure I was eating it a minute ago."
"Nowhere," she chirps cheerily.
Looks round and the dinner table has vanished.
Goes out into the hallway and the dining room is no more.
"Where's my bl**dy dining room?"
"Te hee, Nowhere."
I needed the loo and looked down to do up my zip.

I didn't write a note. There was no point.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9638 on: August 25, 2014, 02:43:20 PM »
Dearest Boats,

This letter isn't for you, you'll be gone long before you get the chance to read it.  Truth be told, our little relationships are just getting in the way of me breaking Blue Bunny's heart. I mean, how am I supposed to devote myself to causing her total infatuation when you're using up all my time trying to tame me with your penis. I honestly think you've been reading too much horrible sex stories off the internet.

I mean, not that I don't enjoy all the attempts and whatnot, or even, completely play along during those periods where you are starting to look like you're losing steam, and nothing gets you going for a second round like "No more, please! I just can't handle it!" and I get all quivery, and weepy and shit!

Anyway, I've decided that you should probably die, I mean, considering you're a god, you'll most likely just get horribly trapped within some, half dead state, and be super fashionable with all the Zombie popularity going around, but  on the bright side, it'll leave me completely open to explore other avenues!

Of course, I realize that even you know that it's my happiness that matters in the end~ Now enjoy your little seemingly inescapable death trap you currently find yourself in!

Not yours, Cayenne~

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9639 on: August 25, 2014, 05:18:29 PM »
My spicy enchilada:


I didn't mind when you ruined my digestion,  nor when I had that fire down below. But now you insist on gazing into my eyes, and making them water.


It can't go on. I'm sorry.  I must wash you out of my hair. And my nose.  And my ears. And...


*ACHOO*


NW

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9640 on: August 25, 2014, 05:44:36 PM »
Dearest Boats,
...
Of course, I realize that even you know that it's my happiness that matters in the end~ Now enjoy your little seemingly inescapable death trap you currently find yourself in!
...
Not yours, Cayenne~

Dear lost Pepperios Sappho,

I’ve been troubled by what has become of you. And I am sure this all occurred because you banished me to other realms, or perhaps it could have been my fault.

Although stooped and ugly, I somehow managed to get the job as boatman providing a ferry service between Lesbos and mainland Greece. Then one day, as you know, I carried Aphrodite as a passenger and she gave me an ointment which somehow transformed me into the most handsome man in the world.

From then on I had to fight off married and virgin beauties alike. It was a total pain in the neck as you might imagine.
Indeed, what I would have done to relinquish the curse. But then you took a ride in my boat, and despite your attachment to Bluios Bunnios, we fell in indivisibly and passionately in love.

Well, almost indvisibly.
You see, as a man, I have a weakness for female flattery.
I resisted!
Of course I resisted.
Every fibre of me resisted.
But is was not enough.
Sadly, I fell for another woman, yes, yes, your own lover Bluios Bunnios, who I happened to meet whilst in the queue for fish and chips.
It was unquenchable desire inspired by shared ketchup.

I know now that you then climbed, quite distraught, up the steep cliffs to the shrine of Apollo to wave to me.
But when you saw Bunnios and me munching together in near ecstasy, you threw yourself off… completely and utterly splattering yourself on the rocks.

So tragic.
We think of you often.
Quite often.

(After Sappho and Phaon by Ovid)

Offline saphireMARIE

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9641 on: August 26, 2014, 10:52:27 AM »
Dear Boaty...
I've never been good with anything that floats on water.
And to top it all off you really confuse me with your long winded answers.
We were destined to fail.
Goodbye.
Saphire.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9642 on: August 26, 2014, 11:03:18 AM »
Dear Sapphire,

You looked absolutely fantastic as you took the walk, your head held high, your whole flowing curvy shape shouting sex.
But it just doesn't do to try and steal my loot.
Particularly when you get caught.
A final little prod and you slithered, slipped, yelled... and tumbled beautifully off the plank.
Say hi to the sharks sweet one.

Captain Boatbeard

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9643 on: August 26, 2014, 11:17:24 AM »
Dear Boatman,

I have followed and followed your ship, swimming after you in my mermaid form, hoping you would notice me. And hoping. And hoping.

Alas! I could not compete with all the other women you flirted with and pilfered...

So, I decided to save the last one you tired of and sent out upon the plank, SapphireMARIE. There are no sharks now, my once darling. There is only me... and the sweet Sapphie too. I will not tell you of the frolicking that transpires beneath
the boards of your ship. But there is indeed turbulence...



Offline saphireMARIE

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9644 on: August 26, 2014, 12:06:52 PM »
Hello my sweet,

Unfortunately I must break up with you as the name of the game is so, but know this my dear:
I wish I didn't have too, the lovely savior you are.
Sorry,
Saphire x

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9645 on: August 26, 2014, 12:35:38 PM »
My dearest saphireMAIRE,

I think you wished to break up with my evil, dark soul stealing twin. Didn't you? For I am the kind, and sweetly sweetest one.

Can you not tell us apart? Can you not see the difference between us? Between the fire, the flame, the passion? That one cute little birthmark that I have and she doesn't?

Dang it! SM!

My heart is broken you think I am her! Her heart is raging because you think she is me!

Farewell for ever,
From both of us.


Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9646 on: August 26, 2014, 04:06:44 PM »
My hoppy little bunny girl,
I really got to say:
there's somethin' slightly wrong with you
that makes me run away.


coz' you're bluuuuue...
yeah, real, real blue.


I said you're bluuuuuuue...
Blue blue, blue.


And not only that,
but you sparkle too!




It ain't that you're unlovin'
or I want to be unkind


But that color you got on babe,
really bends mah mind.


Coz' you're bluuuuueee...
real bright blue.


I said you're bluuuuuuueeee...
too damn blue.


And if the color ain't bad enough,
you sparkle, too!

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9647 on: August 26, 2014, 04:44:53 PM »
OMG! *claps hands wildly*

Dear Nowherewoman,

I understand now why we can not stay together. I understand now why it is imperative that we break up.

No, it is not your beautiful voice darling. It is not your beautiful song. Or your beautiful house.

It is this... I think you are really colorblind...  My color is green. I'm pretty sure of that fact.

So until you see the eye doctor.... or come up with a new song, I am afraid I can not see you any more.

Offline cptBacon

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9648 on: August 26, 2014, 10:33:53 PM »
You know I love you bunny. I won't deny it. I couldn't even pretend. But the way you hop around to other mens' gardens is too much. I can spend my time worrying about and missing you. You'll always hold a special place in my heart, but I still have to say this thing between us is over. You  will always be the Thumper to my Bambi, but this is over. Goodbye my love.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9649 on: August 26, 2014, 11:22:48 PM »
Dear CptBacon/Bamii,

I am sorry, I can not stick about longer... its time to thump something. And I don't believe you ever held the utmost appreciation for my 'thumping' talents.

Bunny Thumper