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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 290138 times)

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Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9625 on: August 19, 2014, 01:44:57 AM »
Um, look this is sort of awkward I uh, missed the O in your name and uh, yeah I thought I was going to meet someone else. I'll just uh...yeah...

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9626 on: August 19, 2014, 01:55:22 AM »
 ;D

Red,
When we met on line, you didn't disclose everything did you?
The cyber was fantastic.
Yeah, the age was right.. and wow, you are even more beautiful in the flesh.
But it was your touch.
So soft, delicate... all over my body, all at once.
Until I realised it wasn't you at all.
I cringe even now at the thought... after months of therapy.
It was't your fingers brushing my skin, stimulating such passion and excitement. It was your trained beasts (I haven't missed an 'r' out BTW).
You hid that that you were a secret lepidopterist.

Time for some more shock treatment..


Offline Vill

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9627 on: August 19, 2014, 02:10:23 AM »
Vessleguy,

I don't know what "lepidopterist" means, and frankly I think you think I don't think I'm as smart as you'd like to think I am.

So, this is goodbye.

P.S. all your stuff in on my front lawn via a hasty descent from our second story bedroom window.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9628 on: August 19, 2014, 09:11:26 AM »
Vill...

Seriously.

Comb your hair dude.

Just. Comb it.

The windswept look is so last year.

Bunny

Offline Rhedyn

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9629 on: August 19, 2014, 02:50:52 PM »
Bunny... seriously... if I've told you once I've told you hundred times, don't take my handcuffs. You know what? Just keep them. I just... can't be with someone who takes my stuff all the time.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9630 on: August 19, 2014, 03:23:39 PM »
We joyfully shared our love of naturism and nature and each other, deeply, again and (as far as I can recall, again).
But now I can see from what's stuck in your hair you have been ferreting around in my tomato plants.
And not for the first time.
I mean, I knew you were a vegetarian, but chomping my prize fruit and veg through the night... no way!
Our beautiful season together is done.

Offline dubheasa

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9631 on: August 20, 2014, 03:09:32 PM »
You know... I could stand you being in the garden all the damn time. I could even stand the smell of soil underneath your fingernails. I have no problem with having to vacuum the flat every single goddamn day, because you always forget to take of your shoes.
But.... I will not, ever, get the living earthworms out of the pockets of your garden pants before washing again!
Really! THIS is disgusting! Oh, and not to mention the snail I found in the dryer.
We. are. done!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9632 on: August 20, 2014, 04:18:45 PM »
I made you fresh bread every day.
You said my wine was the best that had ever refreshed and energised your palate.
True, the bees tried to chase you off.
But the honey was worth the wait?
We fished and gutted the fish together.
And we really did had to slaughter fluffy.
Yes, work in the fields can be demanding, the worms, the snakes...
I see you quivering.
Sorry, I don’t think you are cut out for the Good Life we both dreamed of.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9633 on: August 21, 2014, 09:42:25 AM »
Dearest Boatman,

Don't worry, your boat is doing fine.  I'm keeping mighty good care of it, as I give people insightful tours of the river styx. You wouldn't believe what the recently deceased people don't know about the afterlife! Of course, there is now a humongous backlog of individuals waiting for safe passage across the waters, but you know what? Being in demand just makes people appreciate you more!

I mean, not to say your method of solemnly, and soundlessly paddling across the river was incredibly boring, but, you obviously didn't have pirate costume wednesdays, and fried fish fridays! Both of which, are very big hits mind you. 

Fret not though, I haven't forgotten about you either! Of course, we're over! You're probably telling yourself that as you attempt to push some giant boulder up a hill while Sisyphus tries for high scores on angry birds.  Regardless, hopefully you're thinking of all the good times we had together while you toil for what you're hoping isn't eternity, but on the bright side, this'll really help build up your shoulders!

Anyway, it's about time for Monster Mash Mondays to start and I haven't gotten my shipment of beer kegs yet! See? You're not the only one having a rough time!

Most Sincerely, Cayenne~


Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9634 on: August 21, 2014, 10:15:48 AM »
Dear Cayenne,

When I promised to be the little mermaid to your boat captain, I didn't know you were stationed in freakin' hell! Giving tours no less!

Did you know... the water is unbearably hot! It's makes my little iridescent scales flake off something terrible. And come ON! How many times does a mermaid girl have to be hit on by losers form the underworld? You would think they'd never seen sweet and innocent before! *flashes pearly white smile*

Unless you get a transfer, babe, preferably to somewhere balmy I'm catching the next current outta here.

Bun Bun

Offline Rolo

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9635 on: August 21, 2014, 10:28:01 AM »
My dearest Bunny....

It's not you it's me...I am tired of being called a Bunnyfucker....and not unlike sucking on a lollypop and turning your tongue different colors...My penis is blue and sparkly!  The doctor is concerned....


;)

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9636 on: August 21, 2014, 10:30:18 AM »
Dearest Boatman,

...Don't worry, your boat is doing fine.  I'm keeping mighty good care of it, as I give people insightful tours of the river styx. ..
Most Sincerely, Cayenne~

Sweet Pepper,

I was leaned on heavily. So much so that the force nearly tipped me out of the boat and ruined my favourite costume. Well actually, my only costume. "We have to give a woman a go. It’s only fair," They said.
Then I found out it was you!
You, who’d frowned at my wardrobe… and what was in it.
You, who had been taking me out to let my hair down.
You, who had reminded me of passion, and lust, and sex... stirring life back into my old…
You, who had encouraged me to apply for something better.
And all the while, you had plans to steal my monopoly market for your new ‘creative ideas’!
“You are not needed any more,” they said. “People out for their last adventure want something more interactive. More fun.”
Oh well, you can keep your sneaky plan and your false affection. I won’t be coming back now even if they pay me in that new virtual money stuff.
We’re through.
I’ve got a better job.
A private ferry service, dressed as Barinthus, ferrying royalty to Avalon, where the nine shape shifting sisters take inventive foreplay to so many new levels I’ve lost count.  And they can keep a party going for eternity.

Your old partner, Boat.

« Last Edit: August 21, 2014, 10:32:35 AM by Boatman »

Offline Nowherewoman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9637 on: August 23, 2014, 03:19:09 PM »
My beloved old bucket:

It's not you. It's me. I get seasick whenever you take me anyplace. Every time you rock my world, it makes my stomach do loops.

Sorry, I'm sure you'll find the right swabbie to tie the knot with. Somewhere.

-Nowhere.


Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9638 on: August 23, 2014, 03:42:22 PM »
NWW,

Look, you said you wanted adventure, a healthy outdoor life.
But now all you do is complain.
We could have gone anywhere, if you had managed to stay awake in the night watches
And faced any weather the gods could have thrown at us, once you’d shimmied up the mast to reef the sails.
If we had been becalmed, you could have rowed until the topgallants fluttered with a freshening breeze.
And, of course, the nights would have been full of drunken passion, after you’d scrubbed, peeled and chopped the potatoes.
Even a half a percent share of our booty would have been yours.

I offered you riches and the very world any wench would dream of, but actually I don’t think the pirate life is for you.
So I have sorted you out a beautiful deserted island, provisions, a bottle and pen.
Making paper will be easy enough after you’ve dealt with the giant spiders.
I’ll think of you...often.

Captain Boatbeard

Offline syk

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9639 on: August 23, 2014, 03:50:32 PM »
Mr. Boat,

I tried I really did, and you just ran away, and ran and ran... Its not my fault that I express my affect tion through violence... I thought you understood. I mean you even brought a knife...

Guess I was wrong.

Offline Nowherewoman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9640 on: August 23, 2014, 03:56:36 PM »
Sorry, honey, but you're Syk.  You've got a Syk sense of humor, Syk tastes, and Syk desires. I just can't take it any more. I tried to get down with the Sykness- there was that time in the back of the bus...but...I'm just nowhere that kind of girl!

-NW

Offline syk

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9641 on: August 23, 2014, 04:04:12 PM »
Where are you when I need you? Nowhere...

So its over, you can keep making all your plans and living in your own little.land but I'm done waiting, I'm done trying yo get you to listen and trying to tell you what your missin'. I can't take it anymore.

Nowhere its no more.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9642 on: August 23, 2014, 04:24:54 PM »
Look, I love your violence.
I love it on the street,
Between the sheets,
When struggling for the TV remote,
When eating breakfast,
Wearing loincloths in the mud pit especially.
But, the clinic tells me I’ve used up all the replacement organs in my clone.
So, sadly I had to leave this note by the bed… to say I’ve gone.
(mechanical coughing noise)
The bedroom curtains are torn open.
(mechanical coughing noise)
Boat looks at the controls… “Hell, why won’t the wretched car start....”

Offline syk

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9643 on: August 23, 2014, 04:33:34 PM »
Boat,

You broke my car and my heart...

I'm afraid, you really will need more than a knife to get out of this one.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2014, 04:35:32 PM by syk »

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9644 on: August 23, 2014, 06:46:15 PM »
I'm sorry but by the time we get beneath the mountains under the moon I'm already too tired to do anything fun. I asked you move in closer but you refused. So I'm sorry but I just can't do this anymore!

Offline Dray

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9645 on: August 23, 2014, 09:45:39 PM »
As a RedPhoenix you were an exotic pet with fiery passion, but it's time that I move on...and thus I must take back the collar I bestowed upon you and find another whom wishes to be claimed.

Offline Flower

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9646 on: August 23, 2014, 09:53:03 PM »
You don't like toys when playing. Not going to work.

Offline Nowherewoman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9647 on: August 23, 2014, 09:54:18 PM »
I won't ask, don't ask me
I won't dance...don't ask me
I won't dance, don't ask me out...

(ever again)...

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9648 on: August 24, 2014, 02:06:31 AM »
I do like a game of hide and seek, but this is ridiculous.
"Where's my dinner gone? I am sure I was eating it a minute ago."
"Nowhere," she chirps cheerily.
Looks round and the dinner table has vanished.
Goes out into the hallway and the dining room is no more.
"Where's my bl**dy dining room?"
"Te hee, Nowhere."
I needed the loo and looked down to do up my zip.

I didn't write a note. There was no point.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9649 on: August 25, 2014, 02:43:20 PM »
Dearest Boats,

This letter isn't for you, you'll be gone long before you get the chance to read it.  Truth be told, our little relationships are just getting in the way of me breaking Blue Bunny's heart. I mean, how am I supposed to devote myself to causing her total infatuation when you're using up all my time trying to tame me with your penis. I honestly think you've been reading too much horrible sex stories off the internet.

I mean, not that I don't enjoy all the attempts and whatnot, or even, completely play along during those periods where you are starting to look like you're losing steam, and nothing gets you going for a second round like "No more, please! I just can't handle it!" and I get all quivery, and weepy and shit!

Anyway, I've decided that you should probably die, I mean, considering you're a god, you'll most likely just get horribly trapped within some, half dead state, and be super fashionable with all the Zombie popularity going around, but  on the bright side, it'll leave me completely open to explore other avenues!

Of course, I realize that even you know that it's my happiness that matters in the end~ Now enjoy your little seemingly inescapable death trap you currently find yourself in!

Not yours, Cayenne~