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The Elliquian Herald & Post
Issue 74 (Autumn) ~ August thru October 2017

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 340375 times)

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Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9400 on: May 17, 2014, 05:27:18 PM »
You forced me to use ice cream and gross in the same sentence too.
You're too manipulative. So it's over.... If that's OK.

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9401 on: May 17, 2014, 05:31:19 PM »
It's only over when I say it's over.  Crap.  Now I'm all confused! 

Okay - wait 5 minutes, then consider yourself dumped. 

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9402 on: May 17, 2014, 05:42:35 PM »
Minute 4.
No, I don't like being dumped. So, I've dumped you first.  :P

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9403 on: May 17, 2014, 05:55:21 PM »
*Goes back in time and does the up-breaking, which happens backwards because of the time travel thing*....it's complicated!  Goodbye!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9404 on: May 17, 2014, 06:01:20 PM »
We're back together again then.
Oh well, I'm game. Where should we time travel to next?

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9405 on: May 17, 2014, 06:18:50 PM »
But... What?  I sooo should have finished my tardis license. 

We may be together now, but in future's past - we're through!

Offline Beautiful Mystery

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9406 on: May 17, 2014, 06:33:37 PM »
Look Belle...I'm sorry but we have to break up.

You never wear pants! Gosh, I can't take you anywhere. So we are done.

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9407 on: May 17, 2014, 06:49:51 PM »
Mrs Pott meet Mr Kettle.  You have no pants either!  I thought we were united in our no-pants philosophy.  *sighs*  I hate that we're not on the same page.  This just won't work.  It's over!

Offline SpiralSpider

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9408 on: May 17, 2014, 11:20:57 PM »
Belle, I'm sorry... You need to be committed. You seem to think you are made of win when you are clearly beautiful woman in stead! I wish you well.

Offline TheSilentBang

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9409 on: May 18, 2014, 08:56:38 AM »
SpiralSpider, I'm sorry but this is the end. I can't put up with your cooking anymore. I just will not eat another cauliflower trifle. I just can't.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9410 on: May 20, 2014, 11:02:24 PM »
Silent Bang.

You never show me your face. Or your body.

I think that's weird.

Come back to me when you are ready for that next step between us.

And DONT say its that fear of commitment crap. Cause I've heard that one a hundred times!

Offline DTW

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9411 on: May 20, 2014, 11:17:41 PM »
You never show me anything above the knees. I think that's weird.


GOOD BYE.
  I SAID GOOD BYE MA'AM. GOOD. BYE. LEAVE! GOOD BYE! GO! GET OUT OF HERE! GO NOW I SAY! GO! SCOOT!

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9412 on: May 23, 2014, 10:36:50 AM »
Well.

For your information DTW... I think its weird that you only have letters in your name. And not like, you know... an actual NAME. What are you hiding? Are you a secret agent? Are you a double agent?

What's the story here, bub?

Until you fess up... I just can't stay with you!

Sincerely,
BBS

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9413 on: May 23, 2014, 04:08:03 PM »
Dearest Blue,

In combat training, sob, they taught us, sob, how to break bunnies ....

Sorry, I just cannot continue.
I know it is no excuse, but we had to eat.

It is just that when I see you lying there...

Sob.

Bye.

Boats

(PS we let all the bunnies go ... Hurrah!)
« Last Edit: May 23, 2014, 04:09:22 PM by Boatman »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9414 on: May 24, 2014, 08:25:25 AM »
"Boatman"

Let me just say, this is the worst case of false advertising I have yet to encounter. All this time, traveling by sea, or river, or whatever sort of body of water you were so fascinated with, and me, all the while waiting for us to ARRIVE someplace, yet, off we went again!

"Where's your farm?"

"Is that a euphemism?"

"No seriously, where are your fields?"

"Sorry baby, I do the plowing"

And and it went! It wasn't until we got pulled over by the coastguard on some, extended journey where you were showing off how fast you could row as we sped passed some cigarette boat that I'd realized what the truth really was.

Turns out! You're not the "Oatman" of whom, has vast fields of shimmering plants that wave in the breeze, and roll like the ocean, yet, cause no cold spray of undrinkable water.  No, oxen to help you till the pasture, not even a single acreage to speak of! Just some, "shared waterways" like you're some kind of hippy.  You know what, I'm done with hippies, I want a man who will put down roots! Not, anchor and float around like a lilypad.

Maybe you can call me when you actually acquire some "Land" of your own, till than, I'm staying with my NEW girl friend Ceres, she knows a thing or two about Cultivating relationships!

Cayenne


Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9415 on: May 24, 2014, 03:48:16 PM »
Dear Cayenne

I don't think you've noticed... but your red hair is the same color as my red hair. We look like we planned it. We look like trouble when we are seen together. And of course we are.

But.

How I am I supposed to keep my falsely innocent persona going in the midst of all that red?

It can't be done! You will find me with someone unassuming!
« Last Edit: May 24, 2014, 04:37:18 PM by blue bunny sparkle »

Offline saphireMARIE

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9416 on: May 24, 2014, 04:33:25 PM »
Baby...

I love you and all but...

I like to be handcuffed sometimes too.... so this isn't working out.

I'm sorry bunny

but its over.

Bye.

Offline Tellius

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9417 on: May 25, 2014, 01:09:12 AM »
Saphire, I am sorry but I like Rubies more...

Offline Chasseybaby

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9418 on: May 25, 2014, 01:17:10 AM »
Tellius you left our underwater home to ransack a city? I need a man at home not a monster... I guess this is good bye....

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9419 on: May 27, 2014, 02:33:01 AM »
Dear CB. It is so frustrating that you cannot hold your breath long enough to complete our love making on the sea bed. I tried to help by offering you the strap on air bottles, but you say you are too proud to wear them.
I am sure the blame is mine in some way.
But there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
B
« Last Edit: May 27, 2014, 02:36:53 AM by Boatman »

Offline saphireMARIE

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9420 on: May 27, 2014, 02:08:54 PM »
You smell too fishy... even for me!

Sorry but the smell is just too much,

Bye Boaty

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9421 on: May 27, 2014, 02:36:07 PM »
sM,

You never turn the light on.
I know you are a little shy... But...
To always be in shadow... Even when subathing naked!
It's not for me, sorry.
Bye.
B

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9422 on: May 28, 2014, 08:06:42 AM »
Boatman!

When you said we'd take a little trip, a fun adventure... you forgot to mention that fact that I had to row you all over the damn ocean! Just a little further you said and I'll take a turn. But did you? No! You only cuffed me to the bench and put a flogger to my back (well, okay... I admit I liked that part). Then! Oh god then! You started talking in that pirate voice! All, "Put your back into it me'pretty!" and "Ya row like a landlubber!" and the worst, "Arrrgggg!"

Well this girl's rowing away to find a real pirate that knows what to do with a girl in cuffs... and a flogger! P.S. Its NOT rowing!

So long 'Capt'n!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9423 on: May 28, 2014, 11:11:59 AM »
Dear BBS,

I went the extra naughtycal mile for you. I had all the rowing benches ripped out from the lower deck and installed a new fangled engine. The cost, as you well know, was not insignificant. And the fuel the wretched thing uses... Yet more money down the spout and out of the exhaust.

On the plus side, once I'd ditched the benches and occupants over the side, there weren't so many slave mouths to feed. Not that I had fed them much anyway.. Not that I needed to, as they had taken to gnawing at one another if they needed a snack. And as a forward looking compassionate employer, this was a privilege I was happy to allow them so long as they didn't chew off any parts needed for rowing or following instructions.

Anyway, as I said, I did all this and much much more just for you. Because I thought we'd probably got off on the wrong foot and I wanted to give 'us' another chance.

In the spaces where the rowing benches had been, I fitted all sorts of punishment stations. Places where you could tied roughly over an even rougher wooden bench and thoroughly lashed, both before... and after. Another where you could be gagged and suspended by chains, with your legs apart, the rolling motion of the boat causing endless repeated rubbing over...
Well, you know all this.
And in the evening you would have your ankles shackled round the thick mainmast and I'd hoist to the top so you could practice and perform your ballerina twirls before I released the rope at sunset to let you slide and flutter down. So beautiful...

It hasn't really worked out though, has it.
My job as a pirate takes me all over the ocean, disposing of merchant and navy ships that have been making the sea lanes look untidy. It is a calling and I am feared for it.
At least I was.
But all your screaming, much as it thrilled me to the core, has been frightening the prey away and ruined my reputation.

So, sadly, this must be our last session together.
I have run out the plank for a spot of deep immersion training.
And a tearful farewell.

Arr har me 'arties.

Boaty Blackheart (pirate)
« Last Edit: May 28, 2014, 11:48:26 AM by Boatman »

Offline Chasseybaby

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9424 on: May 28, 2014, 11:46:16 AM »
Boatman,

You never told me you were a pirate, I dont even know who you are anymore. Im sorry but I cant be in love with a complete stranger....

Chassey*