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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 346822 times)

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Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9400 on: May 28, 2014, 08:06:42 AM »
Boatman!

When you said we'd take a little trip, a fun adventure... you forgot to mention that fact that I had to row you all over the damn ocean! Just a little further you said and I'll take a turn. But did you? No! You only cuffed me to the bench and put a flogger to my back (well, okay... I admit I liked that part). Then! Oh god then! You started talking in that pirate voice! All, "Put your back into it me'pretty!" and "Ya row like a landlubber!" and the worst, "Arrrgggg!"

Well this girl's rowing away to find a real pirate that knows what to do with a girl in cuffs... and a flogger! P.S. Its NOT rowing!

So long 'Capt'n!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9401 on: May 28, 2014, 11:11:59 AM »
Dear BBS,

I went the extra naughtycal mile for you. I had all the rowing benches ripped out from the lower deck and installed a new fangled engine. The cost, as you well know, was not insignificant. And the fuel the wretched thing uses... Yet more money down the spout and out of the exhaust.

On the plus side, once I'd ditched the benches and occupants over the side, there weren't so many slave mouths to feed. Not that I had fed them much anyway.. Not that I needed to, as they had taken to gnawing at one another if they needed a snack. And as a forward looking compassionate employer, this was a privilege I was happy to allow them so long as they didn't chew off any parts needed for rowing or following instructions.

Anyway, as I said, I did all this and much much more just for you. Because I thought we'd probably got off on the wrong foot and I wanted to give 'us' another chance.

In the spaces where the rowing benches had been, I fitted all sorts of punishment stations. Places where you could tied roughly over an even rougher wooden bench and thoroughly lashed, both before... and after. Another where you could be gagged and suspended by chains, with your legs apart, the rolling motion of the boat causing endless repeated rubbing over...
Well, you know all this.
And in the evening you would have your ankles shackled round the thick mainmast and I'd hoist to the top so you could practice and perform your ballerina twirls before I released the rope at sunset to let you slide and flutter down. So beautiful...

It hasn't really worked out though, has it.
My job as a pirate takes me all over the ocean, disposing of merchant and navy ships that have been making the sea lanes look untidy. It is a calling and I am feared for it.
At least I was.
But all your screaming, much as it thrilled me to the core, has been frightening the prey away and ruined my reputation.

So, sadly, this must be our last session together.
I have run out the plank for a spot of deep immersion training.
And a tearful farewell.

Arr har me 'arties.

Boaty Blackheart (pirate)
« Last Edit: May 28, 2014, 11:48:26 AM by Boatman »

Offline Chasseybaby

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9402 on: May 28, 2014, 11:46:16 AM »
Boatman,

You never told me you were a pirate, I dont even know who you are anymore. Im sorry but I cant be in love with a complete stranger....

Chassey*

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9403 on: May 28, 2014, 02:12:13 PM »
Baby,

You never listened.
I offered you riches beyond compare.
But all you mouthed was 'bloop, bubble, bloop'.
And dresses made for royalty....
...Admittedly second hand and a little damp.
Yes, there were a few musket holes, but heh?

I told you I was a pirate...
But were you listening?
Clearly not my baby hearty.
Just a 'bloop, bubble, bloop' from inside your water tank.
I'm sorry but I think the only way I can make you happy is to introduce you to the fishes.
I'll miss you.
X
Boaty Blackheart
« Last Edit: May 28, 2014, 02:13:34 PM by Boatman »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9404 on: June 05, 2014, 06:46:36 AM »
Boatman.

Okay. Okay. I've seen your new uniform. I get that you worked hard for the promotion. I understand its been a dream of yours... like forever.

But I am not okay being a military girlfriend. I'm a pacifist alright? It goes against my highest principles... of being a bleeding heart liberal.

Please understand. I'm just a simple girl and easily frightened by war and might.

I'm off to find a tree hugger!

Bunny

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9405 on: June 05, 2014, 11:57:37 AM »
BBS,

I don't know why you weren't happy.
Military folk are the peace keepers.
If you didn't have them, then the bad guys would sail all over your boating lake and probably take you prisoner.

But, I already have a new prison for you, so why go through all that?
I had dreamed of keeping you in the revamped brig and stringing you up from time to time.

And why would you need a tree when I can chain you to the mast for a good lashing.

I know there is the tiniest downside of wiggly weevils in the biscuits and a few of your teeth falling out with scurvy.

No, I cannot have your mutinous thoughts.
I am marooning you on that remote island with a bottle, piece of paper, a cork and a pencil, sorry.

Boat

Offline Chasseybaby

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9406 on: June 05, 2014, 12:11:03 PM »
Boat,
You're always off on some grand adventure and You leave me alone and empty home. I get so depressed I eat and eat and then find myself in love with fridge more then you. I don't know how this crazy relationship came about, but I can't seem to pull myself away from its icy hold. I wish you the best to find a girl who will follow love with you and not a kitchen appliance.

Chassey*

Offline Dovel

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9407 on: June 05, 2014, 01:26:26 PM »
Chasseybaby,

I wanted to tell you this in person but I am afraid if I do I will not be able to let the words come out. If I see you, I would quickly push aside what needs to be said because I never wanted to hurt you.

But, you have hurt me. Once again, even after we talked and you swore you would not do it again, you went ahead and did it. The refrigerator was left open. Open! And all the milk was once again split on the floor. I know what you were doing. Don't deny it.

I just can't live like this anymore.

- D

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9408 on: June 07, 2014, 02:08:00 PM »
Dovel,

I thought your beautiful words were just for me, but now I see you share them freely with everyone.  I felt so special for a while, but now, I guess I'll just go back to being just another one of your many fans. 

Heartbroken, I remain...
Belle

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9409 on: June 07, 2014, 02:17:25 PM »
Belle,

 I just can't trust someone who loves another.
I'm ending this now, before either of us gets hurt.
~Cat

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9410 on: June 07, 2014, 03:59:05 PM »
Cat,

You just want to wander the streets all night looking for prey.
Whereas, I would prefer to have you snuggled up in the cabin here with me.

I am sorry, I am looking for a new ship's cat.

Boat

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9411 on: June 07, 2014, 04:01:57 PM »
Boatman,

It pains me to admit, but I must be honest. You live near far too much water for my feline tastes.
And your always sopping wet, when I would rather have you curled up in my basket by te fire.

~Cat

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9412 on: June 07, 2014, 04:22:16 PM »
Cat,

I sold the boat and bought a pub with a roaring fire, where I carefully positioned a large snuggly basket  for us.
But this didn't stop you mewing at the window to cavort with screeching toms every night.

You are lovely, and I have tried.

But.

Bye

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9413 on: June 07, 2014, 04:37:58 PM »
Boat,

You did so much for me, my guilt was overwhelming, I don't love you, I never did.
And now that you have changed your life so drastically for me, I realize I need someone with more adventure..

Forever regrets my love,

I must go.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9414 on: June 07, 2014, 04:50:07 PM »
Cat,
 
To tell you the absolute truth, I am allergic to cat fur, so am thankful you got bored.

Set sail, me hearties, your captain is back.
And chuck this wriggling bag to leeward.

Boat


Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9415 on: June 07, 2014, 05:04:35 PM »
Boat,

 Your a jerk.

~Cat

Offline saphireMARIE

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9416 on: June 07, 2014, 05:16:36 PM »
Look... babe.
I love your tongue and all... but you really are the crazy cat lady. Bye....
Saph

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9417 on: June 07, 2014, 05:21:08 PM »
Saph,

NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!
I'm breaking up with you instead bae, this crazy cat lady doesn't get dumped!

Consider yourself dumped.

~Cat

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9418 on: June 07, 2014, 05:24:45 PM »
Cat,

You ate my pet fish.

You are double dumped (sweetly)

Boat

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9419 on: June 07, 2014, 05:26:53 PM »
Boat,

You accused me of eating your fish.

Bye,

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9420 on: June 07, 2014, 05:28:39 PM »
Cat,

Your teeth marks were on the vacant looking fish heads.

Bye for ever.

B

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9421 on: June 07, 2014, 05:38:33 PM »
Boat,

I lied. I'm not a cat. I'm a toothless cat. You are a liar.

I'm never speaking to you again.

Farewell.

~Cat

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9422 on: June 07, 2014, 05:52:14 PM »
Cat,

But aren't these your DNA matched dentures?

 Such empty promises of honesty.

I am blotting you out with a good measure of rum.

Bye, whoevever you were, hic.

Offline MonroeCat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9423 on: June 07, 2014, 06:41:21 PM »
Boat,

I'm still not speaking to you.

(But please don't get all drunk, I like you witty)

~Cat

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9424 on: June 08, 2014, 02:18:01 AM »
Cat,

Quote
I'm still not speaking to you.

It is the long silences that got me down... When you were supposed to be on lookout duty!

I am off to fill in the iceberg holes.

Boat