Dear Proud Geek,
I'm sorry to have to tell you this by letter, but it's just not going to work between us. Don't get me wrong, I care about you deeply, but I just can't take that stetson hat anymore. In the beginning I thought it was cute, but when you refused to make love unless you were wearing it, I knew something was wrong. I need a fun, kind, geeky man, not a fun, kind, geeky man with a hat fixation. I'll be gone by the time you read this. I've included the phone number of a good therapist, and I've taken the cat with me. Farewell, and may you someday find it within yourself to set your hat on fire.