My dearest Mingnon.
While I have spent a blessed few years in your company, eating food and snuggling by the fireplace, it has come to my attention that I have spent over a million dollars. Why, you may ask? I have to constantly wash my clothes and buy lint rollers. But what would I need those for? Because your gazillion cats just love to climb over my sexy body, and sleep in our bed, and roam through my closet. Now, I was able to ignore these dreadful abnormalities, but you just bought twenty Persian cats yesterday and, well.. I think you need help. I've left an envelope for you on the kitchen table, with the divorce papers and a number for a psychiatrist.
I have to go. Don't bother finding me, I just bought two guard dogs. Lots of love. xx