I was sending you a breakup text. My girlfriends all said that was too lame, so I called your mom. But she started crying and said you’d never find anyone else as wonderful as me. Who can argue with the truth? So I thought how about someplace public over dinner. Fuck, you know I maxed out all my credit cards and already went through the couch cushions for coins, so I was going to use your credit card. But somehow, it wasn’t in your wallet anymore and you only had about $35 in cash (thanks by the way).
So it occurred to me that your work would rock. I mean your friends are all cool and they would comfort you afterward. But I got distracted by the new guy who’s doing the filing these days and we ended up making out in the backroom behind the storage cabinets. Well, by the time we finished and I got cleaned up, you were out on some ‘important’ meeting. So that turned out to be a waste of time. Anyway, I found out you hang at this site called Elliquiy, so I went through the process of getting vetted and waited for you to post on this stupid game. So like, I’m breaking with you now.
P.S. Can I still borrow your car weekends? I'm thinking of taking a class or something.