As cliche this may sound, it's not you. I swear! It isn't you at all but is also isn't me. I'm forever grateful for you for saving me from the dragon and all that, and you'll always have a special place in my heart. It isn't you, that's all I can sa...no, I can say something else.
It's your parents. They're the reason why I'm breaking up with you.
I'm sorry love, but they're crazy! I know you warned me about their 'oddness' while we were riding on your white horse, but I didn't think they'll be insane. I would be alright with odd, who isn't odd in this world today?, but insane? Haha... no. I first realized this when you introduce me to them. No one
ever asked me before if I wore wear full knight armory to bed if you were out and gone during dragon slaying trips. I was one-third offended that they though I would cheat on you and two-thirds horrified that your mother proudly give me her old ones. Think on that.
But that's not all, oh no! At first, I did try to ignore them and just enjoy your company, but they've been slowly driving me insane ever since I came to live with you. They would come by, unannounced, wearing those uncomfortable looking armor over their clothing and always insisting that I wear that as well for 'the best'. I refuse to wear anything that is more than my own body weight, love. They would prod and ask me if our sex life was doing fine, if I was cheating on you or anything like that. They spied on me when I was in the bathroom, trying to hear my urine. I don't know how that works either.
The final straw was when they tried to build a tower for me to live in when you weren't around. You know the one Rapunzel, the girl from my book club, was stuck in? The one your parents made hers look easy to get out. THIS:
WAS WHAT THEY WANTED TO PUT ME IN. Complete with the fire breathing dragon and moat full of laser firing sharks.
This is not the happily-ever-after I signed up for honey. I just can't take it anymore with your parents. Until you do something about your parents, I just don't think this is going to work out. Goodbye dear.