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Hark!  The Herald!
Holiday Issue 2016

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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 290434 times)

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Offline Trevino

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10500 on: August 23, 2016, 05:57:45 PM »
*runs as far away as possible, without bothering to say goodbye

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10501 on: August 23, 2016, 06:04:24 PM »
You have no limbs, or rather they are too short. Can't even shake your hand. Good-bye.

Offline Mimétisme

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10502 on: August 23, 2016, 06:19:40 PM »
*runs as far away as possible, without bothering to say goodbye

That has to be the best breakup ever... thank for the smile and laugh, Trevino.  :-*

Now onto yet another break up... damn I get around
:'(


Adorable, and frightening as you are, we fit like a glove.
I adored you, I was in fear of you, I was in love.
As it turns out, I'm allergic to you, getting all itchy constantly,
So with heavy heart, I say goodbye, to thee.


Offline Stone

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10503 on: August 27, 2016, 02:34:08 PM »
Your rhyming scheme
is far too
simple for my
evolved
tastes. Until you
reach my level of
poetic evolution,
ta!

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10504 on: August 27, 2016, 02:36:38 PM »
I can't be with someone who manhandles women and men.

Offline Trevino

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10505 on: August 27, 2016, 08:45:14 PM »
I'm blocking you from my Facebook!

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10506 on: August 27, 2016, 09:04:32 PM »
Your pointy ends keep poking me in the eye, whenever I try to kiss you. Peace!
« Last Edit: August 27, 2016, 10:09:27 PM by Dark Despairs »

Offline Trevino

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10507 on: August 27, 2016, 09:09:14 PM »
The thought of kissing you is revolting...

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10508 on: August 27, 2016, 10:09:47 PM »
You're no prize either. You don't even have a mouth.

Offline Mimétisme

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10509 on: September 06, 2016, 07:45:16 AM »

It has been fun. It has been real. Though I cannot say it has been real fun. Addio mia breve amore.

Offline bumpyride

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10510 on: September 06, 2016, 08:43:13 AM »
I can definitely say it's not me, it's you.

Offline Trevino

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10511 on: October 08, 2016, 05:43:45 AM »
Piss off!

Offline Rummy Tum Tum

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10512 on: October 18, 2016, 03:08:56 AM »
There are just so many stars out there for me to collect, ya know?

Offline Lrrr

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10513 on: October 18, 2016, 11:41:21 AM »
Oh Rummy, promise you'll never leave.  There is so much I love about you, let me count the ways.  The thing sticking out of your mouth that pokes me when we try to kiss.  And the weird skin color from way too much cheap instant tanning goop.  Your 'Elvis on purple velvet painting' vibe.  Your pointy chin and evil eyes.  I just can't get enough of you.

Well ... maybe I can.  In fact, now that I think about it, I probably already have more than enough of you.  Say, any chance you'd be willing to take back some of you that I have?  And please, don't worry about sending me any more of you.  Aunt Phyllis is sending me some strawberry preserves she made herself, so I'm good as far as getting things from other people right now.  How about I let you know if I need any more of you?  Don't worry about calling me, I'll call you, OK?

But I really do love you sort of.  Oh, by the way, how's your brother Dean?  I heard he finished his residency and is still single.  Any chance you could send me his number?  Does he still work out every day to keep those amazing abs he has?

Well, I've bent your ear long enough so I'll let you go.  Oh, and I've unfriended you on Facebook to cut down on how much I have to read ... you know how it is.  And I've blocked you on Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, Tumblr, Baidu Tieba, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Gab, Google+, YouTube, Viber, and Snapchat.  Just trying to keep my contacts lists organized - I know you can appreciate that.  So ... uh, ... well, bye for now.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2016, 11:42:46 AM by Lrrr »

Offline Mimétisme

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10514 on: October 18, 2016, 11:53:00 AM »

Honestly, you have more followers on Twitter than me. You're not even that interesting now that I really think about it. I can't cope with that. Your having more popularity on the internet than me. So, we're done, I'm leaving this relationship. Just the way it is and has to be. Oh, and I'm taking thirty sum of your followers with me.

Offline Ralhend

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10515 on: October 19, 2016, 03:16:50 AM »
Im so sorry dear, But I found someone else with a longer broom, a pointier hat, and a cooler looking jack o lantern...
Its not me, its you  >:) >:) >:)

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10516 on: November 03, 2016, 04:44:05 PM »
I need more than anonymous letters. I need a pulse pounding, heart rending, gently curvaceous woman.

Sorry!

Offline Rummy Tum Tum

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10517 on: November 03, 2016, 04:49:50 PM »
Are you kidding? You wanna know why? Just look at this scar you gave me playing around with that knife. You always did love it more than me. I hope you two are happy together!

Offline Chi

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10518 on: November 05, 2016, 06:19:41 AM »
Making me go bungy jumping I could live with. Dragging me to the top of K2 was an ordeal. Spelunking was creepy as hell and you know I'm afraid of the dark. But making me a Caesar salad and using artificial bacon bits? That was totally unforgivable!

Good-bye you creep!

* Chi stomps off in a huff

Offline Mimétisme

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10519 on: November 05, 2016, 07:07:32 AM »

It was perfect, better than perfect. I thought we truly were destined to be together, forever. Then you had to go and take the only thing I adored more than you. You didn't even take it, you abused it, and ruined it. You destroyed it, and you destroyed us! You know how much time and effort it takes of blending the beeswax pastille, the cremes, the oils, and berries to achieve my signature blue lips! It took me years to perfect! Years! Cry all you want, I won't care after the way you callously betrayed me, us!

Taking my kit and using it to make the wall lickable is just unforgivable!! You and I are done!

Oh, I left the instructions on the fridge for the best way to remove it from the wall. You broke my heart, true. Still, I want no ill to fall upon you. Trust me, you'll want to clean it as soon as possible. Otherwise, it stains the wall, and creates insect infestation. I already saw some on the wall, big and ugly ones too.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10520 on: November 05, 2016, 09:58:48 AM »
It had been fantastic... Unbelievable, except I recall it happened.
Us together.
Wow - romance, sex, more romance, more sex... and so on...
We didn't get out of bed for a whole day, but then I needed a wee (sorry about that incidentally).

It's when I came back and witnessed the mass of bugs crawling and writhing at your blue lips, and you shuddering uncontrollably. Your smile one of ...well... what I can only describe as utter rapture.

I knew then we were finished.

Bye


Offline Rhedyn

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10521 on: November 23, 2016, 12:29:33 PM »
Boaty, dear. How many times have I told you that you don't need to sneak around the house with the knives? You are not an assassin! Maybe one of these days you will believe me. Until then, no. May they bring you more happiness than I did.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10522 on: November 25, 2016, 03:55:19 PM »
Lovely Rhed,

About the knife... you know how handy it is. You even told me so. Carving the roast parsnips for dinner (when we were together - sigh), cutting the ends off those flowers for your display. Getting the stone out of that lame sacrificial goat's cloven hoof.

I didn't really say - excuse my male insensitivity - but I loved your art, and most of all you...
I still do.
You'll recall how I went along with your game and put on the blindfold not knowing you were going to lead me through security to the Slaughter Stone.
Yes, I was ecstatically happy with us, until you ripped the knife from my calf scabbard to 'work your magic' creating an ancient Celtic design on my skin.

The wounds will heal to scars no doubt, but sadly my heart will never mend.
« Last Edit: November 26, 2016, 01:41:52 AM by Boatman »