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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 340132 times)

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Offline Chi

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10200 on: April 09, 2016, 07:05:22 PM »
Okay so I could tolerate the fact that you never turned on the fan in the bathroom after taking a dump.
Flossing your teeth with your chest hair? I got used to it.
Chewing with your mouth open wasn't all that bad....

but getting peanut butter in the jelly jar?

We're SO done you ANIMAL!!!!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10201 on: April 10, 2016, 09:58:22 AM »
You are beautiful, graceful, seductive...

It's just, well, you are bl**dy dangerous!
You don't as much undress as slice yourself free.
And that nightly paddling to go faster is far too cutting for me to survive much longer.

One swish of your blade and our noisy neighbour lost his voice, and head.
Another, and the police officer who called round to investigate was half the man he used to be.

I wish you could just face the truth...
You just didn't get the part in the Zorro movie!
Accept it and move on, and quickly, as I am doing, because the sirens are getting louder.


Offline CottonKitty

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10202 on: April 15, 2016, 09:21:58 PM »
well, you are so good looking and romantic, I would really like to stay but darling, I find that I am simply unsatisfied by the size of your knife.  It's been my experience that most men carry larger blades, so farewell to handsome you and your tiny knife.

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10203 on: April 17, 2016, 04:41:02 PM »
Dear Cotton Kitty,

It's with the utmost effort that write to you this day. I wish to put to order, several things that have been causing me great distress. The most vexing of which, I shall regretfully save for last - not for the purpose of building tension and climax, but more out of procrastination and a desire to keep these thoughts far at bay for as long as I can. They are bittersweet, I assure you, and tend to leave a bad taste upon the tongue.

The least of the things I wish to address is your lack of interest in my non-tradition desires for which I think you failed to take the time needed to acquire a taste for. Yes, they are different and tend to challenge one's notion of what normal sexuality consists of, but such aversion to fearlessly exploring the mind through non-standard sexual encounter is a bit too mainstream for me. I don't like mainstream; strike one.

With regard to my sneaking into the bedroom with my drinking buddies, nude, shaven clean and covered in blue body paint with large black plastic Easter egg shells over our eyes, I can only explain this as a lack of a sense of humor on your part. We were pretending to be aliens and I thought that you would have been pleased with so many dicks at your disposal, but apparently not. Calling us dicks after I tried to explain this was not very pleasing either. Strike two.

Regarding that game of "Dominant or Submissive Sex with the Person Behind Curtain #2", I really had high hopes for you when you insisted that I be blind folded placed in a stockade before we opened the curtain, but you knew that either winning or losing was not a valid option for me given the contestant you chose to hide there. It was my understanding that you and your girlfriends were playing this game. You said nothing about Youtube and the pool guy - who I'll never be able to look at quite the same way again.

With this, I must conclude our relationship once and for all. Sadly, I actually took a liking to the pool guy after that little stint. I mean, the whole thing about being on display, out of control, bring laughed at and called names, and being made to ... well... Let's just say that I'll never be able to look at Jeff in quite the same way again.

Good bye, and good riddance.

Tainted

( That was not meant as an adjective, that's my name.)

Offline Mxyzptlk

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10204 on: April 18, 2016, 02:24:24 AM »
I'm so far out of your league. I'm in the Majors
and you're just like a little league coach with
questionable images on your computer.

Offline Kouen

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10205 on: April 18, 2016, 03:04:23 AM »
I'm sorry but I need someone who has actual vowels in their name. And true, one could argue that a 'y' could KINDA be like a vowel...but that's just one of the many things that I have found I can't stand about you. I shouldn't need a reference guide on how to pronounce your name kind of like I shouldn't need to give you one on how to be a better lover.
All the best though, I'm sure somewhere in the world there's someone who could probably score higher than you at Scrabble for all the games you played when we were together. Well, you can't sink my Battleship any longer and I'm tired of crying over Gin and Rummy, you heart breaker. You lost your Candyland privileges, I hope you suffer a nasty accident on some Chutes and Ladders. I'd like to say time spent with you was like a Barrel of Monkies...but that would be  a lie. 

Offline StormAngelus

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10206 on: April 18, 2016, 04:09:11 AM »
Kouen, my love,

It is with great regrets that I have to move on with my life. You are the star to my sky, but when you burn just like it and thus try to assassinate me, I can't handle it. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry, my love. Your lips were like fire on the coldest of nights, and your warm heart is so full of wondrous flame, but my skin simply can't take it anymore. So goodbye, my love, and forgive me my pale skin. I'll always try to bask in your light.

Tearfully,
Your Fair-skinned red head

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10207 on: May 09, 2016, 09:24:46 AM »
Dearest Angelus,

Maybe you didn't realize this, but this should be all about me. Yes, we all know you are into autoerotic asphyxiation, yes, the "HINTS" have been received - and I hope that you find someone to do that for you, as it is my understanding that it is extremely dangerous occupation alone (So you know, think wisely with that noose tie of yours!)

Yet, you, so focused on trying to push your kinks onto me have totally neglected my laundry-list of kinks - which might also include laundry lists read aloud during copulation.  You don't know!  Because you aren't listening to me! You aren't looking into my secret lists of dark fantasies to fulfill them because I am the important one and as such I CAST YOU OUT.

Also, if this is the first time we've met - I mayhaps should apologize - but I will not.  That is what is one thing that is entirely lovable about me.

Most Sincerely, Cayenne

Online Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10208 on: May 09, 2016, 09:41:48 PM »
Spicy!  WAYYY too spicy!  Need water!  I like spice, but DAYUMMMM!  We're done! You burn, girl!  My eyes!  And everything else!  OW!

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10209 on: May 10, 2016, 07:14:03 AM »
Dear Nowherewoman,

You know what, I was supportive of your unorthodox career choice, I mean - I assumed there was a great deal of demand for wet nurses - especially among women who might not be able to produce their own milk! That is until you started dressing up (or down) and your assistant showed up and you converted our basement into some strange dungeon! 

Now it's like every time I turn my head your assistant is suckling on one of your breasts and you're laughing manically for - whatever strange reason!

I'm sorry, it's just a little much for me!

I'm out!~

Sincerely, Cayenne

Online Swashbuckler

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10210 on: May 10, 2016, 08:08:35 AM »
Alas, even I, Seafarer Extraordinaire (not to mention paragon of humbleness), find that the plethora of tildes make even I seasick.

Just.......too.......wavy.......*urk*

Offline Lapine

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10211 on: May 10, 2016, 09:51:12 AM »
My Dear Swashbuckler,

As you know, I generally tend to play well with others but every time I turn around, you have a new wench on your lap.  Even when I occupy one knee you want to add one on your other knee.  I'm sorry, but I'm a one-to-a-lap gal, and I'll just be sailing on.

Hoping to find a private pirate,
Lapine

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10212 on: May 13, 2016, 06:11:18 PM »
I'll never forget our time together, but alas - I'm ready to move on from black and white to HD color and maybe even 3D.  Bye bye beautiful.

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10213 on: May 13, 2016, 06:13:45 PM »
Belle,

I'm sorry, but I'm a Jasmine kinda girl. We're through!!

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10214 on: May 13, 2016, 06:16:59 PM »
Of course. Who could resist her thick hair and flawless skin?  I'll just have to find solace in Joker's arms since we're done.  Goodbye!

Offline CottonKitty

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10215 on: May 14, 2016, 06:54:26 PM »
Since you insist on showing off  as much bare leg as I do, I'll need to move on. My jealousy is overwhelming my love for you.

Offline Belle33

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10216 on: May 15, 2016, 05:18:36 PM »
I'm sure you'll soon realize you're too good for me - so consider this is a pre-emptive break up.

Offline Lapine

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10217 on: May 16, 2016, 04:03:07 AM »
Dearest Belle, you're beautiful smart and sexy but you're just not my type.  I'll be slinking off into the corner to watch your light shine from afar.

Offline Rubicon

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10218 on: May 18, 2016, 09:59:59 PM »
If this post leaves the board and you're not following it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. We'll always have Paris, but I've got a post to update, too. Where I'm posting, you can't follow. What I've got to write, you can't be any part of. Lapine, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little avatars don't amount to a hill of beans on this crazy forum. Someday you'll understand that.

Here's looking at you, kid.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2016, 10:01:39 PM by Rubicon »

Offline Lapine

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10219 on: May 18, 2016, 11:16:38 PM »
I'm so sorry, dearest Rick...er...Rubicon.  I'm afraid I've crossed you.  I'm on the other side now and simply must move on.  Take care my darling and watch out for rocky shores.

Offline Rubicon

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10220 on: May 19, 2016, 12:38:44 AM »
So... my Bogart broke up with your Hepburn like she was Bergman... and then your Hepburn broke up with my Bogart like he was Tracy.


I'm sorry, it's over. If we don't stop it now Henry Fonda will show up, and no one wants to hear about all the places he'll be when he leaves.

Offline fuzzybuns

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10221 on: May 19, 2016, 10:10:38 PM »
I'm so sorry Rubicon, I think we should go out different ways. I'm the way I am and I get the feeling that you're not into boys, even if they look and act like a girl, so i think it's best for both of us. Goodbye *turns around and runs away with tears in eyes*
( /,·´[ ]`·)/

Offline Lapine

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10222 on: May 20, 2016, 05:11:03 AM »
I'm sorry, Fuzzy...it's...it's...well, it's your buns.  They're fuzzy.  I just can't handle wanting to either braid or shave them.  Take care and may you dance.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10223 on: May 22, 2016, 05:05:36 PM »
Look, I loved the  breeeeeeeding part of lapine behaviour, but all that burrowing was playing havoc with my nails...
And so many carrot salads!
Sorry, my whiskery mate, I belong to the sea, so farewell.


Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #10224 on: May 22, 2016, 05:34:24 PM »
It's not you, it's me. Au revoir.