I hate the monster and I love him, he tore open the curtain and revealed to the audience the monster within. I seen horrors the like most have never seen locked within the walls of arkham but most of them were insane, and delusional their grasp on reality was tenous at best… but him… HE was something different. He was the most mad monster I had ever seen, but in that insanity that beast had clarity… he knew the way the world worked. He showed me what sort of beasts lurked beneath the surface of all man kind by showing me what lurked within his heart of darkness… and in doing so he showed me the monster that lurked within my own soul.
I had tried to repress her for so, so very long… I knew she was there when I studied psychology. Hell part of my reasoning for studying medicine might have been the fact that she was there letting out maniacle laughter in the first place. I was always meek, I focused so much on controlling every little aspect of my life not letting out a little bit of passion for fear that I would lose myself to it, and then this cackling madman showed up within my little world… he didn’t so much as spit in the face of my own beliefs but tore off my face so I could stare into it in the mirror.
Pills, exercize, stress balls, SHOCK THERAPY all of these are false, well besides the later I learned it can be a fun way to spend your time, does horrible things to your hair… but its not going to lock you into your rung of society. It’ll jolt you out of it, open doors that were supposed to be left shut and let you see things that are best left unseen… he… Mister Jay let me look into those doors. He shouldn’t have, I could have been a successful doctor you know. People said I was smart, they really did… I think I graduated from an ivy league school but I don’t remember anymore, and its not like It matters. One doesn’t gain knowledge from education, one gains knowledge by tearing the skin off of something and possibly drilling into their skull to see just what makes them tick… and twitch an make all those funny little sounds before they empty their bladder and make that funny little sound with their mouths and stop breathing…
Where was I?
Ahhh I’m sorry doctor you asked me my name? Ummm… Jill… Jack… Alexandra? Alex… I donno, He called me Harley, Harley Quinn I think it makes sense to me now. It’s a reference to clowns and people are afraid of clowns. HEh, no that’s really only the half of it. It’s all about the mask, and the adopted personality… the name is a paraody of the person I used to be you see. I was a harley quin then. I wore the make up took on a role that was predetermined by others thanks to aparticular set of skills that I had. I was playing myself as a fool and a clown, but he ripped the face and my make up right of and showed me just what lurked beneath the surface… I kept the name because we’ll even now I’m not a complete construct of my own psychology he pressed his will against me and I conformed, but I’m freer now then I ever was a doctor or a cafeteria manager… what was I again? AHh yes I was a head shrinker! I can do that still its easy all you need is a vice and some KY jelly… what’s that for… well sometimes a girl needs a little bit of help you big silly!
Do you know that it’s wrong for doctor’s to be attracted to their patients. I learned why, I think I did… he laughed a lot and then I did very dirty things in the chair your sitting in. I’m really flexible you know, I can make those asian women in their flashy little pajama’s blush and not out of lust. But I am a sexy little thing aren’t I. Well I would be if they let me have a brush… they said my last roommate didn’t like it when I stuffed it down her throat and made her tell me how weak her construct of reality was… won’t let me have a belt either. Why? I’m not suicidal I was more suicidal when I was… something? But now, I’m everything and there’s no reason to become nothing even when the world is hyper focused to only allow a human being to be one person… tell that to that funny man who wears a cape and they same I’m crazy… I atleast know that the me I was isn’t the me I am, but he seems to think that they;’re the same person! He’ll learn mister jay will teach him, he promised he would… I think he said something about a spiky mechanical bull, but I believe that I tripled his medication the day before so maybe that doesn’t matter…
I’m going off topic…? What were we talking about anyway? Sex life…
Where am I suppose to have a sex life? You locked me in room with beds for walls! I mean the kinky possibilities are endless… but my straight jacket has crotch ropes…
Wait you said my EX life? You can read all about that lets go back to sex life. Sex is kind of fun, you wouldn’t know that as you’ve probably only had girl on top and missionary… maybe if you were lucky a little doggy style if your lady friend was feeling adventurous. Can I have a cigarette they said I wasn’t suppose to have one… said they were dangerous tools you see… but I could make more dangerous weaponry out of all the fun little things inside the top part of the toilet bowl… have you seen all those little metal shards inside it! I used one to make something to twist in my hair but they took it away and said it was a dangerous weapon. They said I could stick it into someone, and make them die…
Did you know I can do the same thing with my fingers doctor… after a while, well… you can easily penetrate flesh if you try hard enough and you don’t mind the feel of your own skin giving in as it penetrates the layer of your victims flesh. Its fun really, and there’s no way to get closer then bleeding together… I don’t care what anyone says! Screw sex, it’s the gore and tearing away the facades of this blatant little charade that is reality that lets you know people. Don’t look at me like that…
Did you know that girls are actually decent sex partners? I was surprised to you know… I mean, I’ve never been interested in sex… maybe it’s because it’s the wrong kind of sex you know? But, this lady she’s a bit loony… not in the true extent of the way, she’s just kind of crazy. She calls herself poison ivy, they locked me in a room with her now right.. she’s been giving me googly eyes and making obscene gestures with her eyes as if she;s copulating with me in her imagination. I don’t mind, I’ve copulated with lots of things in my imagination… she’s actually pretty high on my list she’s pretty with her red hair. They let her have a comb, I can tell because it’s all silky… I like to run my hands in it while she’s sleeping you see…. And it smells like flowers… flowers and sex… which isn’t a bad smell at all if your able to acclimate yourself to the stink of humanity. It shouldn;’t be hard, we’re all peoplearen’t we? Atleast ont the surface that is beneath were all horrible monsters that want to eat each other’s heart and have wild and raunchy sex…
I’m scaring you aren’t I?
It was the thing about the toilet, you pressed that little panic button didn’t you.. I guess you seen the shard of steel I shoved into the skin of of my thigh. We’ll I’m sorry doctor, I’m sure you have some whiny little sob story… but me and the lady that smells like sex an flowers have a plan. Nighty,nighty… I hope that religion hit it on the head, because I’ll feel bad for sending you to oblivion…
I think I might kindof love you a little… but don’t feel special… I love just about everything that I see… that doesn’t mean I don’t want to break it out of its repative pattern of static reality! And, we’ll if I kill you the flutter across the spider webs will reach many more places then if I just knocked you out with the magic lip stick the pretty lady made.. she’s going to be mad but I have to make a difference!
