What do women want?

[adventurer]

This is a lengthy article in International Herald Tribune, written by Daniel Bergner.

Daniel Bergner is a contributing writer for the magazine. His new book, "The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys Into the Far Realms of Lust and Longing," will be published this month.

http://www.iht.com/articles/2009/01/23/healthscience/25desiret.php?page=1

The article deals with work of Meredith Chivers.

Meredith Chivers  is a 36-year-old psychology professor at Queen's University in the small city of Kingston, Ontario, a highly regarded scientist and a member of the editorial board of the world's leading journal of sexual research, Archives of Sexual Behavior. The bonobo film was part of a series of related experiments she has carried out over the past several years.

[Paradox]

I forwarded this link to both my Psychology professor and Biology professor in the interest of seeing what they have to say about it.

[adventurer]

Are these professors men or women?:) :)

[Paradox]

They're both men; however, the head of the Biology department is a woman, so I may take it to her as well.

Why do you ask?

[adventurer]

Will be interesting how gender influences perceptions even in professionals..

[Paradox]

Same here; we'll see how the men react before I take it to the lady.

Great article though, thanks for sharing!

[Maeven]

Interesting so far... I've printed it out to finish later and reread again.  Thanks for sharing.

[adventurer]

This article was in the Top 10 of International Herald Tribune for weeks! What does this say? :) :)

[Paradox]

What does this say?

That hardly anyone knew what women want?

[Chris Brady]

That hardly anyone knew what women want?

They STILL don't.  Because frankly, people say one thing and want another.  And to get an honest response out of anyone regarding this sort of subject is like pulling teeth from a rabid wolverine.

And that's not half as much fun as it sounds.

[adventurer]

it depends -as far I can see- on a new dynamics between men and women. Lots of new readiness AND in depth understanding of both sides is emerging more and more...

[Chris Brady]

Or so the media wants you to believe.

[adventurer]

The media are megaphones of worldviews:)

Direct, personal experiences and comunication matter!

[whiteflame]

Not many women have posted on this one, that is a shame.  They could help verify the findings or call them hogwash.  I have not read the article yet , but will definitely put it on my to do list.

[Schwarzepard]

The media are very loud megaphones of the narrow worldviews of media employees.

[whiteflame]

"I feel like a pioneer at the edge of a giant forest," Chivers said, describing her ambition to understand the workings of women's arousal and desire

Pasted from <http://www.iht.com/articles/2009/01/23/healthscience/25desiret.php?page=1>

I think this should have read " I feel like a pioneer in the outback at the edge of the giant bush"

[Maeven]

Not many women have posted on this one, that is a shame.  They could help verify the findings or call them hogwash.  I have not read the article yet , but will definitely put it on my to do list.

I have read the article mostly and have been meaning to come back and post on it.  Want to read it a bit more closely and then I promise to give my observations.  On cursory review, though, it seems pretty accurate.

[The Overlord]

Not many women have posted on this one, that is a shame.  They could help verify the findings or call them hogwash.  I have not read the article yet , but will definitely put it on my to do list.

Perhaps there is a reason they are maintaining their silence.


*ducks and runs* 

[Moonhare]

Not all of us are so silent, but for the crap we get from other women (not here mind you). I think culture does have a lot to do with many issues women have with themselves and that plays into the psyche of whether a woman feels desirable and whether it leads to arousal.

As a woman that was not raised to really care what anyone else thought of my sexuality as long as I kept it in the bedroom and that my body was desirable even round and fat (Like the old pictures from the Renaissance where woman had bodies damn it. Btw I like those pictures of soft round voluptuous women, turns me on.) I have a strong desire for my mate to see me as an object of desire but still want for him to see me as a person outside the sheets.

That maybe the biggest difference. I want to be a mother and wife in the kitchen cooking, being comfortable in my own skin and I want to be the siren that makes him lose his head in the bedroom with confidence even if I'm not the dominant one during play.

An oxymoron maybe, but it definitely describes how I have made a nine year marriage work for two very different personalities. (He helps by playing out my fantasies as I do his)

As for the rape thing (Really need to find a better way to describe this than that), I have had those fantasies myself, but there was always the after...that it was never just sex, but an uncontrollable urge on the part of the partner that later develops into something more than just that one act. That the fantasy I was portraying in my mind was still desirable after the act was done and wanted to be kept. I don't know if this is how this article was trying to get this distinct difference between what a woman wants in bed and what they want in a relationship across, but it is there.

That's why we have fantasies, to make up for the parts of ourselves that can't be let out into the light of day.

OK, so you have a woman's opinion...

[whiteflame]

Not all of us are so silent, but for the crap we get from other women (not here mind you). I think culture does have a lot to do with many issues women have with themselves and that plays into the psyche of whether a woman feels desirable and whether it leads to arousal.

As a woman that was not raised to really care what anyone else thought of my sexuality as long as I kept it in the bedroom and that my body was desirable even round and fat (Like the old pictures from the Renaissance where woman had bodies damn it. Btw I like those pictures of soft round voluptuous women, turns me on.) I have a strong desire for my mate to see me as an object of desire but still want for him to see me as a person outside the sheets.

That maybe the biggest difference. I want to be a mother and wife in the kitchen cooking, being comfortable in my own skin and I want to be the siren that makes him lose his head in the bedroom with confidence even if I'm not the dominant one during play.

An oxymoron maybe, but it definitely describes how I have made a nine year marriage work for two very different personalities. (He helps by playing out my fantasies as I do his)

As for the rape thing (Really need to find a better way to describe this than that), I have had those fantasies myself, but there was always the after...that it was never just sex, but an uncontrollable urge on the part of the partner that later develops into something more than just that one act. That the fantasy I was portraying in my mind was still desirable after the act was done and wanted to be kept. I don't know if this is how this article was trying to get this distinct difference between what a woman wants in bed and what they want in a relationship across, but it is there.

That's why we have fantasies, to make up for the parts of ourselves that can't be let out into the light of day.

OK, so you have a woman's opinion...

Thanks for the reply, talked with my wife about the article, she also felt that a lot was driven by culture. I've gotten about 2/3 trough the article and it is interesting.