Not all of us are so silent, but for the crap we get from other women (not here mind you). I think culture does have a lot to do with many issues women have with themselves and that plays into the psyche of whether a woman feels desirable and whether it leads to arousal.
As a woman that was not raised to really care what anyone else thought of my sexuality as long as I kept it in the bedroom and that my body was desirable even round and fat (Like the old pictures from the Renaissance where woman had bodies damn it. Btw I like those pictures of soft round voluptuous women, turns me on.) I have a strong desire for my mate to see me as an object of desire but still want for him to see me as a person outside the sheets.
That maybe the biggest difference. I want to be a mother and wife in the kitchen cooking, being comfortable in my own skin and I want to be the siren that makes him lose his head in the bedroom with confidence even if I'm not the dominant one during play.
An oxymoron maybe, but it definitely describes how I have made a nine year marriage work for two very different personalities. (He helps by playing out my fantasies as I do his)
As for the rape thing (Really need to find a better way to describe this than that), I have had those fantasies myself, but there was always the after...that it was never just sex, but an uncontrollable urge on the part of the partner that later develops into something more than just that one act. That the fantasy I was portraying in my mind was still desirable after the act was done and wanted to be kept. I don't know if this is how this article was trying to get this distinct difference between what a woman wants in bed and what they want in a relationship across, but it is there.
That's why we have fantasies, to make up for the parts of ourselves that can't be let out into the light of day.
OK, so you have a woman's opinion...