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Author Topic: Is Elliquy Cheating?  (Read 947 times)

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Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Is Elliquy Cheating?
« on: October 23, 2017, 10:54:03 AM »
So, I recently got into a debate with a friend of mine about role playing sites such as these,  and if they are cheating. I was wondering what all you role players think out there? Is roleplaying, third-person, erotic role-plays cheating? If your significant other was on here writing erotic stories, would you consider that cheating?

I don't think so, considering it's a plot or fantasy you are just having collaborative help writing. I mean I play all sorts of characters and sexualities that I would never take on in RL. So what are everyone else's thoughts?

Offline SithLordOfSnark

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2017, 11:00:40 AM »
I have a pretty unpopular opinion about this in that not only do I think it's NOT cheating, even slightly, if a girl I was dating told me to choose roleplay or her, I'd pack her bags myself.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2017, 11:11:42 AM »
Each couple needs to decide...

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2017, 02:03:42 AM »
I agree with Redrose.  It needs to be discussed between a couple.  I'd think at the very least it needs to be out in the open.  Hiding anything from a partner is dishonesty and not conducive to a good relationship.  That being said, I also agree with SithLordOfSnark in that--as I'm single right now--any future possible partner will have to be agreeable to me writing here or that relationship will be a no-go.

Offline Scalerender

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2017, 03:53:13 AM »
Me and the wife just don't hide it, we tell each other we start rp's and with whom (but don't read eachother's posts).

Cheating implies that you hide something so it really depends how the relationship stands on that but honestly I'd have issues if my wife got sexually excited through interaction with another person without me knowing about it. It's not the same as porn, it involves stimulation provided by another person.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2017, 04:35:25 AM »
I also agree that it needs to be discussed between partners as communication and honesty are the fundamentals of a relationship, but I also feel like the excitement is via the plot and development of the story. I find it very similar to if I was reading an erotic novel. It's just roleplaying is better as it is your scenario and the character acts as you want. Thanks for all the replies, I like to consider others opinions before I make my own.

Offline Scalerender

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2017, 04:38:22 AM »
I also agree that it needs to be discussed between partners as communication and honesty are the fundamentals of a relationship, but I also feel like the excitement is via the plot and development of the story. I find it very similar to if I was reading an erotic novel. It's just roleplaying is better as it is your scenario and the character acts as you want. Thanks for all the replies, I like to consider others opinions before I make my own.

It's an interesting topic as you can argue that the words in a novel are also provided by anothe rperson and yet I feel that the connection with another player is somehow more intimate then an author that probably will never know you exist.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2017, 04:48:50 AM »
I can definitely agree that the words in a novel are less intimate than role playing with another person. It's just that I may learn things about the person and feel sad at their life circumstances, especially if something draws them away. I may hope them the best; however, I don't find myself sexually attracted to them. To the characters that are created sure. I find myself inextricably tied to my characters, as a person who will cry if one of them goes through something heart renching. Yet, that is simply from the weaving of ideas and reactions that are flowing between the writers.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #8 on: October 24, 2017, 04:50:50 AM »
Definitely an interesting debate! Like I said, I really like and appreciate all the input. Everyone has been making great points.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #9 on: October 24, 2017, 05:43:28 AM »
Writing in itself is a form of expression. There is a distinct essence that can only be captured vividly by imagination. For this reason, people have tried to express their "being" through music, literature and dance.

As with any form of unfaithfulness, it stems from your intentions. Why do you write? If it is for the purpose of expressing your creativity while delving into the pleasures derived from writing/ consuming erotic literature then, you are merely an individual who is exploring your right to explore such matters as they are still part of life.

If you go to these sites with the intention of forming relationships beyond writing partners whilst you are in a committed relationship in real life, it will become what constitutes an "emotional affair". If E has become a platform that "drains" energy from your main/primary relationship, then you have to re-assess yourself. It should not distance you from your relationships at home.

An emotional affair happens when there is something brewing beyond the context of sexually-explicit content writing. If you are devoting more effort, more passion and more life into your posts in E rather than investing in the immediate person who is your spouse/partner, there is already an imbalance in priority.

If you are reaching out to your writing partner beyond the purpose of role playing as you ache for romantic connections/ attention, then that is considered cheating. If need be, effective communication with your partner is paramount. Letting them know of your hobbies as well as reassuring them of evidence that definite boundaries and safeguards are in place to protect his/her interests.

We are all adults here (some are merely adulting) so we can cut the bs when we say, "We're just friends."

There is no gray zone between "Friends" and "Someone you yearn for/desire"

Elliquiy is merely a tool. Like any tool, it can be used for both good and bad.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2017, 06:46:37 AM »
Personally, I've never seen it as cheating. I'm married and my husband knows that I write here. He also knows what I write about now and then. There has never been a discussion with my partner about it because I'm not here to date, share erotic tales with people, talk about my sexlife on here or get 'involved' with someone. Even while writing erotica it has never changed my relation to a writing partner. I don't suddenly desire my writing partner or something. I wouldn't want it, either, because that's not why I am writing.

I love writing in general, it is one of my creative outlets. I love making friends and meeting people. Yes, sometimes I write erotica. So what? It's words on a screen. Fiction. I am not my characters, nor do I want to be them. I have many friends on here but they are just that. Friends. I have no desire to date them, get their phonenumbers, learn about their bedroom habits or want pictures of them. All this is of no importance to me when it comes to writing partners. All that counts is that we mesh well and that we can write together. What happens in my stories has no influence on my friendships with people. When I chat with them, it's not about erotica because that's nothing I want to be involved in.

In the end, it's up to the individual, I'd say. It's difficult to gauge because that would require essential knowledge of someone elses relationship dynamics.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 06:48:39 AM by Nico »

Online Oniya

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2017, 08:22:44 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2017, 09:52:04 AM »
I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.
So much this.  XD

As I always say. I don't want to be my characters - but I'd love their cars, clothes and houses. :D

Offline SithLordOfSnark

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2017, 10:24:41 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2017, 10:35:38 AM »
I definitely don't see my co-writers as a date or a partner. I don't care how old they are, if they're a guy or a gal, how they look - while I am quite picky for dating. If it gets more... Flirting, trading a pic, whatever, that's not really the RP's fault and could have happened on FB. I definitely joined here to WRITE. And I like to keep in touch because I have noticed that if we don't, often the RP will die quicker.
"E is not a meat market" ;)

Online Oniya

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2017, 11:37:39 AM »
Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

He's also not a demon-possessed red '58 Plymouth Fury - which would have been even cooler.

Offline Angie

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2017, 11:38:27 AM »
Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

Unfortunately he isn't.

To continue Oniya's train of thought, the closest I've ever gotten to writing "myself" on this forum is if I've ever played Angelo the Wizard anywhere (Or Angelo Belthasar as I've written him as commonly using when he can't get away with just Angelo). And even then, I'm not a sword swinging wizard with angelic lineage.

As far as the cheating angle is concerned, personally I'd show any potential lovers this site and try to get them to sign on. If they've gotten past my incredibly nerdy and the fact that I can swear like a Scotsman, Elliquiy is not going to be the make-or-break part of any relationship I'm in.

In the end, it does kind of come down to the individual couples. Still, this is probably one of the things to get out in the open early, or it'll cause problems later on.

Offline Theta Sigma

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2017, 11:43:48 AM »
Oniya says it perfectly.

My other half is a member here, though he isn't around much. I'm the writer of the relationship. >_> I've also made some wonderful friends here who I write with, one of whom I know very well and don't consider it weird that we write characters getting dirty together. >_>

Offline Lithos

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2017, 12:56:43 PM »
It depends on the couple, in standards of some this is cheating, in standards of others it isn't... I would hope that the latter is the majority. My better half is here too so for us it works all right. This is one of those things that are 100% subjective.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 01:00:42 PM by Lithos »

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #19 on: October 24, 2017, 01:08:59 PM »
Appreciating all the responses. I certinatly think it is a matter of a persons subjective feelings toward cheating within the contexts of that relationship. Something, no doubt, that would have to be agreed upon with the significant other.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #20 on: October 24, 2017, 01:20:58 PM »
Appreciating all the responses. I certinatly think it is a matter of a persons subjective feelings toward cheating within the contexts of that relationship. Something, no doubt, that would have to be agreed upon with the significant other.
Yes, I agree. it's very subjective to being with. Each relationship has a different dynamic and what works for one, doesn't work for another.

I've never asked for permission, though. And I never would.

Offline Lithos

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #21 on: October 24, 2017, 01:53:52 PM »
I think best guide to one's own feelings is, if it makes you feel guilty, then it is cheating to you and you probably shouldn't be doing it. If it doesn't you are all good.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #22 on: October 24, 2017, 01:58:01 PM »
It probably gets tricky when the spouse has no idea WTH roleplaying is, or has tons of bad ideas about it.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #23 on: October 24, 2017, 01:59:55 PM »
It probably gets tricky when the spouse has no idea WTH roleplaying is, or has tons of bad ideas about it.
~nodnods~

I remember when I told him. He was like "Awesome. Can I read it sometimes?" He didn't even ask questions or assume anything terrible.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #24 on: October 24, 2017, 02:11:09 PM »
Yeah, makes sense. It was just an earnest discussion I had with a friend and it got me thinking what others felt on the matter.

Offline AmberStarfire

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #25 on: October 25, 2017, 02:22:16 PM »
I think cheating requires deceit, so if everyone's okay with a roleplay then it isn't cheating regardless of the way it's perceived by those involved.

There can be differing degrees of space between someone and the person they're roleplaying with. If someone's writing a story in third-person, where they're playing a character and their writing partner is, then I would see the space as greater than if they're writing first person as themselves.

If you play a character who kills another character in a story, it doesn't make you a murderer. In the same way, writing a scene where your character is involved with another in a story doesn't make you and the person you write with lovers. It makes you writing partners.

I think if it broke the rules of a relationship set by the people involved, then it would be cheating in a way, because it would be deceitful. However, I don't see erotic roleplaying as cheating of its own accord. The main factor is whether someone's partner/s would have a problem with it, or they themselves would.

At the same time, a whole lot of intimacy is emotional (and keeping certain behaviours or sides of ourselves to partner/s) and I think that's why some people would have a problem with erotic roleplaying. It all comes down to what is or isn't okay in a specific relationship though, IMO. :)
« Last Edit: October 25, 2017, 02:32:47 PM by AmberStarfire »

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2017, 11:03:23 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Oniya... you are freaking brilliant.

But very much in echoing what she said - it depends on what the rules are in the relationship. I met my Mister on here actually and we are both active writers so we sometimes chat about our stories, just sharing ideas and our excitement. I'm not sure how I would handle a partner who didn't know what to make of the hobby, but I'm also very much here to write characters/stories, that are not me.

Offline Fury Aphrodisia

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #27 on: December 14, 2017, 01:55:22 AM »
Well, this is kinda slippery-slope.

My take? It's a story. A story meant to portray an aspect of life. Is writing this any more cheating than a screenwriter writing a character that is cheating on their spouse? Is it anymore so than a novelist who writes a character partaking in a virtuous and societally-justified sexual connection with a partner to whom they're married? Is it cheating any more than the photographer doing a boudoir photo shoot?

If someone agrees that it is cheating - which for the record, I do not - then they have to unequivocally condemn the artists of every walk of life that create works of art depicting anything of a remotely sexual nature, as well as those who consume that medium in any way, since presumably there is a relationship at stake in every sense.

This is an art form, a method of creation. Setting it under different rules to any other art form is unnecessarily semantic and speaks of a person who has an invested interest in preventing that art form in the future. I can imagine someone who feels their spouse or partner shares something with other roleplayers that they don't with their partner, which can be a cause for insecurities if the relationship is already out of touch or distant. That, however, is a flaw in the relationship at home and not in the nature of roleplay as it is.

Offline Victorian

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #28 on: December 14, 2017, 03:52:44 PM »
It is not cheating.  Equating Elliquiy with cheating is similar to saying 'going to the movies and fantasizing about the star is cheating'.

Or reading about a character you lust after in a book is cheating.

If you head down this path you set yourself up to exacting standards that no one can possibly meet.  Seriously, do yourself a favor and do not think this is cheating.

Now, if you gain an emotional attachment and meet and bed after sharing a coffee at Starbucks.

NOW, that is cheating.

Offline marauder13

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #29 on: December 14, 2017, 10:09:11 PM »
In my opinion, it is not cheating if you are just writing stories with other people on the site.

My wife knows I am here, and what I do on this site, and others like it. She can read anything I have written, because I don't hide it from her. If she were to ask me to stop doing it, I would, very reluctantly. But we have agreed to a code of behaviour, which is not really needed as it is common sense, but as long as I don't do anything stupid, then I am OK to continue writing here, and interacting with the lovely folks here.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #30 on: December 15, 2017, 12:24:52 PM »
Fully agree with that notion and sentiment!