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Author Topic: Is Elliquy Cheating?  (Read 2549 times)

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Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Is Elliquy Cheating?
« on: October 23, 2017, 10:54:03 AM »
So, I recently got into a debate with a friend of mine about role playing sites such as these,  and if they are cheating. I was wondering what all you role players think out there? Is roleplaying, third-person, erotic role-plays cheating? If your significant other was on here writing erotic stories, would you consider that cheating?

I don't think so, considering it's a plot or fantasy you are just having collaborative help writing. I mean I play all sorts of characters and sexualities that I would never take on in RL. So what are everyone else's thoughts?

Offline SithLordOfSnark

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2017, 11:00:40 AM »
I have a pretty unpopular opinion about this in that not only do I think it's NOT cheating, even slightly, if a girl I was dating told me to choose roleplay or her, I'd pack her bags myself.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2017, 11:11:42 AM »
Each couple needs to decide...

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2017, 02:03:42 AM »
I agree with Redrose.  It needs to be discussed between a couple.  I'd think at the very least it needs to be out in the open.  Hiding anything from a partner is dishonesty and not conducive to a good relationship.  That being said, I also agree with SithLordOfSnark in that--as I'm single right now--any future possible partner will have to be agreeable to me writing here or that relationship will be a no-go.

Offline Scalerender

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2017, 03:53:13 AM »
Me and the wife just don't hide it, we tell each other we start rp's and with whom (but don't read eachother's posts).

Cheating implies that you hide something so it really depends how the relationship stands on that but honestly I'd have issues if my wife got sexually excited through interaction with another person without me knowing about it. It's not the same as porn, it involves stimulation provided by another person.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2017, 04:35:25 AM »
I also agree that it needs to be discussed between partners as communication and honesty are the fundamentals of a relationship, but I also feel like the excitement is via the plot and development of the story. I find it very similar to if I was reading an erotic novel. It's just roleplaying is better as it is your scenario and the character acts as you want. Thanks for all the replies, I like to consider others opinions before I make my own.

Offline Scalerender

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2017, 04:38:22 AM »
I also agree that it needs to be discussed between partners as communication and honesty are the fundamentals of a relationship, but I also feel like the excitement is via the plot and development of the story. I find it very similar to if I was reading an erotic novel. It's just roleplaying is better as it is your scenario and the character acts as you want. Thanks for all the replies, I like to consider others opinions before I make my own.

It's an interesting topic as you can argue that the words in a novel are also provided by anothe rperson and yet I feel that the connection with another player is somehow more intimate then an author that probably will never know you exist.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2017, 04:48:50 AM »
I can definitely agree that the words in a novel are less intimate than role playing with another person. It's just that I may learn things about the person and feel sad at their life circumstances, especially if something draws them away. I may hope them the best; however, I don't find myself sexually attracted to them. To the characters that are created sure. I find myself inextricably tied to my characters, as a person who will cry if one of them goes through something heart renching. Yet, that is simply from the weaving of ideas and reactions that are flowing between the writers.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #8 on: October 24, 2017, 04:50:50 AM »
Definitely an interesting debate! Like I said, I really like and appreciate all the input. Everyone has been making great points.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #9 on: October 24, 2017, 05:43:28 AM »
Writing in itself is a form of expression. There is a distinct essence that can only be captured vividly by imagination. For this reason, people have tried to express their "being" through music, literature and dance.

As with any form of unfaithfulness, it stems from your intentions. Why do you write? If it is for the purpose of expressing your creativity while delving into the pleasures derived from writing/ consuming erotic literature then, you are merely an individual who is exploring your right to explore such matters as they are still part of life.

If you go to these sites with the intention of forming relationships beyond writing partners whilst you are in a committed relationship in real life, it will become what constitutes an "emotional affair". If E has become a platform that "drains" energy from your main/primary relationship, then you have to re-assess yourself. It should not distance you from your relationships at home.

An emotional affair happens when there is something brewing beyond the context of sexually-explicit content writing. If you are devoting more effort, more passion and more life into your posts in E rather than investing in the immediate person who is your spouse/partner, there is already an imbalance in priority.

If you are reaching out to your writing partner beyond the purpose of role playing as you ache for romantic connections/ attention, then that is considered cheating. If need be, effective communication with your partner is paramount. Letting them know of your hobbies as well as reassuring them of evidence that definite boundaries and safeguards are in place to protect his/her interests.

We are all adults here (some are merely adulting) so we can cut the bs when we say, "We're just friends."

There is no gray zone between "Friends" and "Someone you yearn for/desire"

Elliquiy is merely a tool. Like any tool, it can be used for both good and bad.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2017, 06:46:37 AM »
Personally, I've never seen it as cheating. I'm married and my husband knows that I write here. He also knows what I write about now and then. There has never been a discussion with my partner about it because I'm not here to date, share erotic tales with people, talk about my sexlife on here or get 'involved' with someone. Even while writing erotica it has never changed my relation to a writing partner. I don't suddenly desire my writing partner or something. I wouldn't want it, either, because that's not why I am writing.

I love writing in general, it is one of my creative outlets. I love making friends and meeting people. Yes, sometimes I write erotica. So what? It's words on a screen. Fiction. I am not my characters, nor do I want to be them. I have many friends on here but they are just that. Friends. I have no desire to date them, get their phonenumbers, learn about their bedroom habits or want pictures of them. All this is of no importance to me when it comes to writing partners. All that counts is that we mesh well and that we can write together. What happens in my stories has no influence on my friendships with people. When I chat with them, it's not about erotica because that's nothing I want to be involved in.

In the end, it's up to the individual, I'd say. It's difficult to gauge because that would require essential knowledge of someone elses relationship dynamics.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 06:48:39 AM by Nico »

Offline Oniya

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2017, 08:22:44 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2017, 09:52:04 AM »
I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.
So much this.  XD

As I always say. I don't want to be my characters - but I'd love their cars, clothes and houses. :D

Offline SithLordOfSnark

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2017, 10:24:41 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2017, 10:35:38 AM »
I definitely don't see my co-writers as a date or a partner. I don't care how old they are, if they're a guy or a gal, how they look - while I am quite picky for dating. If it gets more... Flirting, trading a pic, whatever, that's not really the RP's fault and could have happened on FB. I definitely joined here to WRITE. And I like to keep in touch because I have noticed that if we don't, often the RP will die quicker.
"E is not a meat market" ;)

Offline Oniya

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2017, 11:37:39 AM »
Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

He's also not a demon-possessed red '58 Plymouth Fury - which would have been even cooler.

Offline Angie

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2017, 11:38:27 AM »
Wait...

he isn't?

Dammit.

Unfortunately he isn't.

To continue Oniya's train of thought, the closest I've ever gotten to writing "myself" on this forum is if I've ever played Angelo the Wizard anywhere (Or Angelo Belthasar as I've written him as commonly using when he can't get away with just Angelo). And even then, I'm not a sword swinging wizard with angelic lineage.

As far as the cheating angle is concerned, personally I'd show any potential lovers this site and try to get them to sign on. If they've gotten past my incredibly nerdy and the fact that I can swear like a Scotsman, Elliquiy is not going to be the make-or-break part of any relationship I'm in.

In the end, it does kind of come down to the individual couples. Still, this is probably one of the things to get out in the open early, or it'll cause problems later on.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2017, 11:43:48 AM »
Oniya says it perfectly.

My other half is a member here, though he isn't around much. I'm the writer of the relationship. >_> I've also made some wonderful friends here who I write with, one of whom I know very well and don't consider it weird that we write characters getting dirty together. >_>

Offline Lithos

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2017, 12:56:43 PM »
It depends on the couple, in standards of some this is cheating, in standards of others it isn't... I would hope that the latter is the majority. My better half is here too so for us it works all right. This is one of those things that are 100% subjective.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 01:00:42 PM by Lithos »

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #19 on: October 24, 2017, 01:08:59 PM »
Appreciating all the responses. I certinatly think it is a matter of a persons subjective feelings toward cheating within the contexts of that relationship. Something, no doubt, that would have to be agreed upon with the significant other.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #20 on: October 24, 2017, 01:20:58 PM »
Appreciating all the responses. I certinatly think it is a matter of a persons subjective feelings toward cheating within the contexts of that relationship. Something, no doubt, that would have to be agreed upon with the significant other.
Yes, I agree. it's very subjective to being with. Each relationship has a different dynamic and what works for one, doesn't work for another.

I've never asked for permission, though. And I never would.

Offline Lithos

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #21 on: October 24, 2017, 01:53:52 PM »
I think best guide to one's own feelings is, if it makes you feel guilty, then it is cheating to you and you probably shouldn't be doing it. If it doesn't you are all good.

Offline RedRose

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #22 on: October 24, 2017, 01:58:01 PM »
It probably gets tricky when the spouse has no idea WTH roleplaying is, or has tons of bad ideas about it.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #23 on: October 24, 2017, 01:59:55 PM »
It probably gets tricky when the spouse has no idea WTH roleplaying is, or has tons of bad ideas about it.
~nodnods~

I remember when I told him. He was like "Awesome. Can I read it sometimes?" He didn't even ask questions or assume anything terrible.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #24 on: October 24, 2017, 02:11:09 PM »
Yeah, makes sense. It was just an earnest discussion I had with a friend and it got me thinking what others felt on the matter.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #25 on: October 25, 2017, 02:22:16 PM »
I think cheating requires deceit, so if everyone's okay with a roleplay then it isn't cheating regardless of the way it's perceived by those involved.

There can be differing degrees of space between someone and the person they're roleplaying with. If someone's writing a story in third-person, where they're playing a character and their writing partner is, then I would see the space as greater than if they're writing first person as themselves.

If you play a character who kills another character in a story, it doesn't make you a murderer. In the same way, writing a scene where your character is involved with another in a story doesn't make you and the person you write with lovers. It makes you writing partners.

I think if it broke the rules of a relationship set by the people involved, then it would be cheating in a way, because it would be deceitful. However, I don't see erotic roleplaying as cheating of its own accord. The main factor is whether someone's partner/s would have a problem with it, or they themselves would.

At the same time, a whole lot of intimacy is emotional (and keeping certain behaviours or sides of ourselves to partner/s) and I think that's why some people would have a problem with erotic roleplaying. It all comes down to what is or isn't okay in a specific relationship though, IMO. :)
« Last Edit: October 25, 2017, 02:32:47 PM by AmberStarfire »

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2017, 11:03:23 AM »
Cheating - whether it's in a relationship or in Monopoly - is breaking the rules.  And just like in Monopoly, it's possible to have house rules that no one else uses.  The important thing is to make sure everyone involved knows what the rules are.

As for me?  I'm writing characters.  I am not my characters just like Stephen King is not a 14-year-old pyrokinetic.

Oniya... you are freaking brilliant.

But very much in echoing what she said - it depends on what the rules are in the relationship. I met my Mister on here actually and we are both active writers so we sometimes chat about our stories, just sharing ideas and our excitement. I'm not sure how I would handle a partner who didn't know what to make of the hobby, but I'm also very much here to write characters/stories, that are not me.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #27 on: December 14, 2017, 01:55:22 AM »
Well, this is kinda slippery-slope.

My take? It's a story. A story meant to portray an aspect of life. Is writing this any more cheating than a screenwriter writing a character that is cheating on their spouse? Is it anymore so than a novelist who writes a character partaking in a virtuous and societally-justified sexual connection with a partner to whom they're married? Is it cheating any more than the photographer doing a boudoir photo shoot?

If someone agrees that it is cheating - which for the record, I do not - then they have to unequivocally condemn the artists of every walk of life that create works of art depicting anything of a remotely sexual nature, as well as those who consume that medium in any way, since presumably there is a relationship at stake in every sense.

This is an art form, a method of creation. Setting it under different rules to any other art form is unnecessarily semantic and speaks of a person who has an invested interest in preventing that art form in the future. I can imagine someone who feels their spouse or partner shares something with other roleplayers that they don't with their partner, which can be a cause for insecurities if the relationship is already out of touch or distant. That, however, is a flaw in the relationship at home and not in the nature of roleplay as it is.

Offline Victorian

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #28 on: December 14, 2017, 03:52:44 PM »
It is not cheating.  Equating Elliquiy with cheating is similar to saying 'going to the movies and fantasizing about the star is cheating'.

Or reading about a character you lust after in a book is cheating.

If you head down this path you set yourself up to exacting standards that no one can possibly meet.  Seriously, do yourself a favor and do not think this is cheating.

Now, if you gain an emotional attachment and meet and bed after sharing a coffee at Starbucks.

NOW, that is cheating.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #29 on: December 14, 2017, 10:09:11 PM »
In my opinion, it is not cheating if you are just writing stories with other people on the site.

My wife knows I am here, and what I do on this site, and others like it. She can read anything I have written, because I don't hide it from her. If she were to ask me to stop doing it, I would, very reluctantly. But we have agreed to a code of behaviour, which is not really needed as it is common sense, but as long as I don't do anything stupid, then I am OK to continue writing here, and interacting with the lovely folks here.

Offline SinfullyShyTopic starter

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #30 on: December 15, 2017, 12:24:52 PM »
Fully agree with that notion and sentiment!

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2018, 10:01:51 PM »
It's only cheating when you and your partner agrees to it. It is a mutual understanding between the couple what is cheating, what isn't.

My ex and I agreed being on Tinder when we're exclusively is cheating. However, he continued his Tinder account behind my back. I deleted mine.
I have friends who both are on Tinder and they make friends there but it is not considered cheating to them.

So I assume it is the same here. It is what you agree on. Like, I know some people think masturbation is a form of cheating too.


I agree with the rest. It's cheating when emotional attachment are involved as well.
There are couples who have fuck buddies but in the end aren't emotionally attached to their fuck buddies.

*shrugs*

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2018, 10:12:10 PM »
I thinknl I have a lucky situation where my SO is also on E. We both are very open about what we write, and we both enjoy writing the stories. But I do not believe that means we are cheating on one another.

Compare it to relationships. Some people have a exclusive relationship, while others are more open in theres. Now where the cheating line comes in I believe has to do with rules and deceit. In both relationships, the partners can cheat if they go outside the established rules and expectations.

As such, I do believe the rules and regulations here on E are something that were made with this at least somewhere in mine. Aw long as one abides by the rules and expectations set of them, then these are stories. I may joke, flirt, and more in stories and the AS/RLD boards, but that does not mean in any way I am leaving my wife.  The people on the other side of the screen are just that, people who have very real lives outside of E.

I think I started to ramble and my train of thought jumped the tracks..... nope, no survivors

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #33 on: January 23, 2018, 06:19:34 AM »
Well, again it depends on the relationship. I use E as a creative outlet for my writing, it helps with dealing with the anxieties of the day and such. Now, in a past relationship, and why I took a hiatus shortly after I joined was because my (now ex) SO felt I was cheating. So I stopped E for a long while, and tried to talk with the SO about it being just writing, and I don't jump to the smut right away.

He still felt I was cheating on him, even after explaining to him, that it's writing, it's a story, it like when he looks at girlie mags for the pictures. It's just not cheating in my eyes, it's a way to create worlds, to make stories, to be excited to read again and see where you would've changed the story of the book, or explore the life of the characters after they've had their "Happily Ever After".

I'm always open with my SO's about what happens. Heck, I've even offered for my mother to join this site cause she's an avid reader, like myself, to simply read the stories that people create here. Yes, even my parents know that I RP, and have since I was young. They actually have encouraged it, like all writing and reading, they encouraged me to create worlds, to find people of the like mindset and simply enjoy the thrill of writing.

So, again, it depends on your SO honestly on if they think this is cheating or not. I don't and perhaps if I choose to find someone again, they will understand that this is just a way that I express myself as a writer, be it writing erotica, or something else. It's all fantasy and it's not cheating.

Offline oneiricprion

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #34 on: February 04, 2018, 04:03:44 AM »
Man. Reading some of these comments has me wincing. Am I in the minority to think that having boundaries is super important for maintaining healthy relationships? I try my damnedest to take responsibility for my actions and emotions, and that's important. But what I've recently learned is that it's EXTRA important to know when you are taking TOO MUCH responsibility for the actions and emotions of your partner. If being on E and writing here is a healthy, creative outlet for you then, in my very serious opinion, your partner has no business demanding that you stop. To me that is not respecting SEVERAL of your personal rights (your right to the privacy of your thoughts and personal space, your right to determine your own interests and values, your right to decide how you want to spend your time and energy, and your right to decide with whom you wish to be friends).

Often demands like these are because a partner is feeling insecure in their relationship and fears that they will be left for some ~mysterious silver tongued stranger on the internet~ I won't get into how one deals with these feelings of insecurity, it's really dependent on that individual, but if everything stays IC, there shouldn't be a problem as you are not violating any of THEIR personal rights.

TL;DR: We are responsible for knowing ourselves. Learn what is important to you and what you will not, or should not, compromise on in order to engage in a relationship. If you feel that not being on E is an acceptable compromise to maintain a relationship with someone then that's fine. I personally do not think it's an acceptable compromise.

(If anyone is interested in some really insightful articles on taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions and NOT others' I'm more than happy to provide them.)

Offline Nachtmahr

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #35 on: February 04, 2018, 07:06:25 AM »
I absolutely can't see how it would be cheating. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of your partner writing this sort of thing without your knowledge, I can sort of see why you would perhaps be upset by it, but as far as cheating goes.. No. It's no more cheating that a novelist writing out a romance in a book. At the end of the day, what happens here is grounded in fiction. There's a big social aspect to it as well of course, and you do go out and meet people to write out these fantasies with, but there's one important barrier that keeps it from becoming cheating in my opinion: Physicality.

You're not physically mingling with potential bedfellows here. Perhaps I keep my life outside of E and my life on E more separated than some others, but ultimately you're not dating your writing partners. There may be some playful flirting behind the scenes, but I like to think that it's still not all that personal. There's a difference between seeking out "real people" to flirt with on an app like tinder, or on Facebook, or in real life, and then having this creative relationship with a largely anonymous entity online where you practice your hobby or explore your sexuality in an environment that bears a strong resemblance to the world of pornography. Is watching porn cheating? No, I don't see why it would be.

Where I think most relationships begin to struggle and become toxic, and this is just my opinion, is when partners attempt to restrict each other too much. When you begin taking away your partners rights to have secrets. To have a private life. If you trust your partner, you should at least trust them not to go out and actually cheat - If they do, they clearly aren't trustworthy. That's not at all what I mean by allowing them to keep secrets at all. But unless you have a partner that you can unashamedly be 100% open with about everything, I don't think there's anything wrong with using E to stimulate your creativity, or aspects of your sexuality that you're not comfortable with, let alone capable of, sharing with your partner. It's only human to be afraid of being judged, and many of the topics people write about on here range from mildly to extremely taboo. But I do think it's good for you to get these things out of your system. To play with these fantasies in a safe environment that doesn't hurt your partner.

I'll reiterate and paraphrase my main point: There's a clear difference between largely anonymous text-based roleplaying, using fictional characters to express and explore yourself sexually, and meeting up with someone in a hotel room to engage in actual, physical, sexual activity with no barriers in between. One is anchored entirely in your mind and your creativity, and fantasizing, even if about cheating, is not cheating. The other is you being unfaithful to your partner, assuming they have not been informed or consented to what you're doing.

But if there's one thing that irks me in a relationship, it is when a partner demands to know everything that I get up to. Nothing will make a partner fall out of favor with me quicker than reading my texts, searching my phone, reading my emails, logging into my online profiles, etc. I feel no need to do that to them, and while I have never had anything "to hide", in the sense that I have never been unfaithful to a partner, you're still an individual, even if you are in a relationship. And you still have the right to privacy. Unless you're one of the few people lucky enough to have that near-perfect, almost symbiotic relationship, then there are things that you might not want to share with your partner, and assuming that it's nothing that would arguably hurt them or your relationship to know, then there's nothing wrong with that.

In conclusion: No, Elliquiy is decidedly not cheating in my opinion. In no way could it be, assuming you have enough respect for your partner to not make any relationship on here so intimate that it begins to blur the lines between an actual romantic relationship and you having a bit of creative fun on the internet.

Edit: Just in case someone would argue that one's honesty and trustworthiness as a partner is compromised by not openly sharing every detail about what you're thinking, I'd counter that by arguing that your trust in your partner has been compromised by your fear that they will betray you if you allow them to have any sliver of privacy. Both sides of that debate are entirely valid in my opinion, and they really come down to what your personal stance on the issue is. Would you trust your partner not to betray you despite having a hobby like writing on E, or would you feel betrayed if you found out that they had a hobby like writing on E and didn't tell you about it? In my case, I believe trust is paramount - So I choose to trust my partner not to violate our mutual trust in one another to act appropriately and responsibly, even in private, rather than expecting to be informed about everything they get up to, and having to inform them about everything I get up to in turn.

With that set, just for the sake of disclosure, I'm also in favor of open relationships to varying degrees, and the separation of the concepts of love and sexual pleasure. While they can easily coexist, they are not mutually exclusively.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2018, 07:14:38 AM by Nachtmahr »

Offline Oniya

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #36 on: February 04, 2018, 01:06:11 PM »
Man. Reading some of these comments has me wincing. Am I in the minority to think that having boundaries is super important for maintaining healthy relationships? I try my damnedest to take responsibility for my actions and emotions, and that's important. But what I've recently learned is that it's EXTRA important to know when you are taking TOO MUCH responsibility for the actions and emotions of your partner. If being on E and writing here is a healthy, creative outlet for you then, in my very serious opinion, your partner has no business demanding that you stop. To me that is not respecting SEVERAL of your personal rights (your right to the privacy of your thoughts and personal space, your right to determine your own interests and values, your right to decide how you want to spend your time and energy, and your right to decide with whom you wish to be friends).

Actually, we take boundaries very seriously here on E.  Anyone who can't respect a partner's boundaries (whether that's an RP boundary or a RL boundary) is likely to get a 'talking to' at a bare minimum.  Sometimes just by the partner in question - sometimes by Staff if that doesn't do the trick.

Offline oneiricprion

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #37 on: February 04, 2018, 04:45:56 PM »
Actually, we take boundaries very seriously here on E.  Anyone who can't respect a partner's boundaries (whether that's an RP boundary or a RL boundary) is likely to get a 'talking to' at a bare minimum.  Sometimes just by the partner in question - sometimes by Staff if that doesn't do the trick.
That's good to hear! Though I realize now I was a little unclear: I was thinking more about boundaries between let's say, a person here on E and their romantic/sexual partner who isn't on E. It'd be hard to give a talking to to someone not on the site haha. But I appreciate the fact that this site takes such things with the gravity they deserve. I skimmed some of the permabanned list, and I won't lie I was shook by some of what I read. I don't blame y'all for having the approval procedure you do after having all of...*gestures*...that.

But I'm getting off-topic here :)

Offline Blythe

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #38 on: February 05, 2018, 12:34:12 AM »
For my answer to 'Is Elliquiy Cheating'--no, because I'm not here to do anything but fulfill the site's intent, which is to find fun stories to write. Those stories might have adult content, but they are stories. Just that and nothing more--RPs and stories.

And frankly, if someone I was interested in thought this place counted as 'cheating' then they are someone I wouldn't date, because we wouldn't be compatible. Anyone that held that different of a view about what writing means to me is probably someone whom I couldn't have a meaningful relationship with, because I would know they didn't trust me and thus I could not trust them to be respectful of my private hobbies.

Offline Tsenta

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #39 on: February 05, 2018, 04:49:02 AM »
Having had an ex who was a part of E, who then cheated on me WITH someone from E I may have a bit of a more bitter disposition in the matter.  Frankly, if it's just writing, in public then sure I don't consider it so but when it becomes private (PM smut, cybersex, text messages, etc) then it starts to cross in an uncomfortable territory for me.

What it boils down to though is communication with your partner though and respecting their opinion, even if yours may differ.  If both parties have differing opinions in what constitutes as cheating, then they really need to either talk it out and find a middle ground/compromise, or end the relationship before the potential situation of someone getting their heart broken.

Offline CopperLily

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #40 on: February 20, 2018, 03:49:54 AM »
I don't think Elliquiy is cheating.

I also don't think cheating is the only way being on E could potentially violate the understood rules of a relationship.

Offline Gnollboy92

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #41 on: February 20, 2018, 08:53:53 PM »
I would have to say that I personally don't have a definitive yes or no answer. Posting on a roleplay forum and engaging in sexual acts in those stories is somewhat different from writing a story for consumption. See, to my thinking when you write a story you're not participating in anything with another person. It's basically the same as... well the same as masturbation if it gets your hormones going.

The potential issue with roleplaying is the interactive component. You are engaging in sexual acts with another person, even if those acts are taken through an avatar. Personally I would not consider it cheating in a technical sense, you're not your character nor is the other person their character. So long as you have a barrier between your avatar and your self it should be fine. Yet... it's still interacting in a highly sexual manner with another human outside of the relationship if you're in a traditional monogamous relationship. Is swapping sexy stories cheating? Is writing sexy stories for another person cheating? Is reading their feedback and making edits based upon it cheating? I'd say no as the other person isn't stimulating you in that manner. But when you have two or more people engaging in sexually stimulating roleplay I can understand how that might be viewed as inappropriate. Especially if it becomes first person roleplay conducted in private chats or whatnot. Those could be seen as adding intimacy to an already pretty intimate chat.

That said I would have no problems with my man posting on here. While he doesn't know I write erotica at all we're very open about our sexaulities with one another and thus it wouldn't be an issue for us. Other relationships might be somewhat strained if there are unresolved insecurities, trust issues, hidden resentments, etc. But I feel that's a sign that something else is going wrong.

Offline Remiel

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #42 on: February 21, 2018, 10:31:23 AM »
I would have to say that I personally don't have a definitive yes or no answer. Posting on a roleplay forum and engaging in sexual acts in those stories is somewhat different from writing a story for consumption. See, to my thinking when you write a story you're not participating in anything with another person. It's basically the same as... well the same as masturbation if it gets your hormones going.

The potential issue with roleplaying is the interactive component. You are engaging in sexual acts with another person, even if those acts are taken through an avatar. Personally I would not consider it cheating in a technical sense, you're not your character nor is the other person their character. So long as you have a barrier between your avatar and your self it should be fine. Yet... it's still interacting in a highly sexual manner with another human outside of the relationship if you're in a traditional monogamous relationship. Is swapping sexy stories cheating? Is writing sexy stories for another person cheating? Is reading their feedback and making edits based upon it cheating? I'd say no as the other person isn't stimulating you in that manner. But when you have two or more people engaging in sexually stimulating roleplay I can understand how that might be viewed as inappropriate. Especially if it becomes first person roleplay conducted in private chats or whatnot. Those could be seen as adding intimacy to an already pretty intimate chat.

That said I would have no problems with my man posting on here. While he doesn't know I write erotica at all we're very open about our sexaulities with one another and thus it wouldn't be an issue for us. Other relationships might be somewhat strained if there are unresolved insecurities, trust issues, hidden resentments, etc. But I feel that's a sign that something else is going wrong.

Very well said, Gnollboy.

It's not a black and white issue.  Is sexting cheating? Is phone sex?  Cybersex?  How about looking at porn?  Is thinking about another person besides your partner while masturbating cheating? 

Technically, none of these are "cheating" in the strictest sense, but any of them could be symptomatic of other issues, just like Gnollboy said, depending on the parameters of the relationship.

Offline Chewy

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #43 on: March 05, 2018, 06:49:44 PM »
I honestly don't believe that writing with others in a community is cheating -- as long as it's only writing.

I know quite a few people who have ended relationships because of it. I myself dated a girl a few years back who didn't like it but she dealt with it because writing helps me. But ultimately she was far too jealous.

I'm lucky enough that my husband is very open to the fact that I write. For him, it's a way to distract me so he can play video games. He sits on his side of the bed, I sit on mine and we spend time like that some evenings. But I always make it known to my partners, I'm married (and before I was married that I was seeing someone) and I have no interest in doing anything else other than writing. Friendships have been made through this but that's it. No relationships.

But as I said, as long as you're not crossing the boundaries set between you and your significant other, no, it is not cheating. But if you are developing romantic feelings and it's going outside of just writing, then yes it would be cheating.

Offline Adrasteia

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #44 on: March 07, 2018, 11:58:01 AM »
Another vote for "depends on the circumstances".

I never told my ex about any of the RP I was doing, adult or otherwise, because I knew he'd object. But I consider that his problem- he objected to me RPing with certain people, at an RP event, that he was also RPing at, which I think tells you quite a lot. I didn't (and don't) consider it cheating even when it did get grownup because it was entirely IC interactions, with no intent to take it any further. And, frankly, I wasn't in the mood to feel guilty about his massive double standards.

I haven't specifically mentioned anything to my OH, although he is vaguely aware of it- he's seen a few email previews that were a bit, er, dodgy, and he thought it was hilarious. Cheating isn't an issue now because we're in an open relationship, but even before that happened, he wasn't at all bothered. He's a roleplayer too (mostly GMing) so he appreciates the difference between IC and OOC.

If you think your OH would object to such things, then you've got some problems. Not because E is cheating, per se, but because you've obviously got very different ideas about relationship boundaries. For some people, this sort of website would be a hard no for a potential partner. They're absolutely entitled to their views, and continuing (with E or with the relationship- you pick) because you don't agree with them is a bit cruddy.

Offline Anouk Daae

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #45 on: March 07, 2018, 04:09:21 PM »
I have experience with this subject.
My first husband (was a complete psycho), he insisted that roleplaying was cheating. But he also thought that me talking to boys at all ever (including my brother and cousin) was cheating.
I, personally, think it really depends on how you and your partner define cheating. And also why you're roleplaying to begin with.

I define cheating as an act of infidelity. That's my personal view, that my present husband shares. He knows I roleplay as an escape, he knows I love lore and therefore stories. In our opinion, it's no different from reading an erotic novel or a book with any kind of love story in it. I'm not physically touching another person. I am not playing myself as a character with another real person. So by our definition, it is not cheating.

My ex-husband was a very insecure and jealous man. People with those kinds of insecurities will always find a fault in whatever you do. There will always be a reason why you are cheating on them. Even if it's just you talking to your boss or a person of the opposite sex happens to be your bank teller. You talked to that person, therefore you are cheating. It is a very immature mindset that, unfortunately, a lot of people have.

If this is a discussion you're having with a friend, then their opinion isn't entirely relevant. Ultimately, what matters is how you and your partner define your relationship and your trust. Has nothing to do with anyone else. If this is a discussion you're having with a partner, I would wager there is something else going on. Roleplaying isn't the problem. Most roleplaying done in a general setting isn't sexual or even romantic, it's just a group of writers getting together to co-create a world or story. Romance and sex happens, sure. But it's between characters, not actual people.

My opinion is that no, roleplaying is not cheating. BUT there is no finite yes or no to this question, as the rules of what constitutes infidelity vary from relationship to relationship.

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #46 on: March 07, 2018, 08:09:43 PM »
Anouk Daae: I was raised in a household where my father didn't like other men around or talking to my mother, and there was certainly little to no reason they had to talk to me. They had some mutual friends who were male, and some men stopped by to visit my father (who's sadly passed away now), but it was understood my mother didn't have male friends. She's still a little disapproving/disbelieving that men and women can truly be friends.

I've broken away from that mindset quite strongly, but there are still ways it influences me a little, because growing up that was 'normal' (even though I had male friends as a kid and do now).

I already answered further down the thread but I mostly just wanted to say that I understand the mindset.

As for Elliquiy, I don't see it as cheating (ever) the way sleeping with someone else might be (if there's deceit involved), but if it breaks the boundaries set by a couple for their relationship, it could still be viewed as cheating in a way. It all depends on what they decide on. 

« Last Edit: March 07, 2018, 08:13:19 PM by AmberStarfire »

Offline Sultrynets

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #47 on: March 12, 2018, 05:55:40 PM »
My husband has made it clear to me that cheating is not tolerable. I agree with his mindset. Keeping that in mind, I talked to him about Elliquiy when I decided to come back. He is not a jealous man and he is okay with me writing on here. I think for some couples writing an erotic story with a partner might be viewed as cheating, but I think it all depends on the couple. As long as there isn't deceit involved, I don't see the problem. If I hid the fact that I wanted to write on E or the fact that I would not be writing alone, I would consider it cheating and I could not live with that. I think the key is honesty and openness in the relationship.

As a side note, my husband and I both have multiple friends of the opposite sex that we spend time with apart from each other. There is nothing sexual in the friendships for either of us and we both trust the other. A relationship without trust isn't worth having in my humble opinion. That is where honest and open communication come in.

Offline WindFish

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #48 on: March 12, 2018, 06:48:11 PM »
I guess it depends on the boundaries each couple has, but there's a huge difference between writing erotica and actually doing the things you're writing about.

Offline Nico

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Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #49 on: March 13, 2018, 12:29:44 AM »
I guess it depends on the boundaries each couple has, but there's a huge difference between writing erotica and actually doing the things you're writing about.
So much this.

This is why it is essential that boundaries are maintained and respected. The moment someone is unable to keep IC and OOC apart, I'm generally out. Not because it feels like cheating, but because it is highly uncomfortable.

Offline Sultrynets

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #50 on: March 13, 2018, 06:39:47 PM »
I guess it depends on the boundaries each couple has, but there's a huge difference between writing erotica and actually doing the things you're writing about.

I agree wholeheartedly. Writing a character in a roleplay is a lot different than actually being with someone outside of the relationship. For me E is all about writing a story and letting out my creative side.

Offline Bristol515

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #51 on: April 29, 2018, 08:25:35 PM »
I've heard this argument before, and I still don't see how roleplaying can be considered cheating. However, I do think every couple needs to set the boundaries and parameters of their relationship and be honest about their roleplay activities. On the flipside, we've all been to other roleplay sites that are nothing but a meat market where "roleplayers" are just looking to find someone willing to engage in what amounts to sexting while they pleasure themselves. EWW. Now, if you decide to stick around and continue playing after you've discovered your "writing partner's" less-than-honorable intentions, then, in my humble opinion, you've put a toe over the line as far cheating goes.

Offline Dreaming Space

Re: Is Elliquy Cheating?
« Reply #52 on: June 24, 2018, 10:39:14 PM »
Well, there are degrees of cheating, too.