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Author Topic: Polyamory and Me  (Read 10453 times)

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Offline WanderingBlackDragon

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #75 on: March 17, 2017, 08:18:52 PM »
This question may have been answered before, but just jumping into this blog, I'd like to throw it out for my own understanding.

In your words: What is the difference between being poly and simply cheating? In a poly relationship, is it possible to still cheat?

Offline AmberStarfire

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Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #76 on: March 17, 2017, 08:29:29 PM »
A key facet of a poly relationship is that it's an arrangement that partners enter into willingly, and all partners are informed and accepting (and not under duress). Cheating implies deceit, but if there is none and everyone's okay with it, I would see that as poly but not cheating.

A poly person can cheat, but I'd see it as being a reflection of their behaviour more than their nature as a poly person or that they've entered into poly relationships either in the past or at the same time. In part it depends on the rules and guidelines established in their relationship/s.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2017, 08:30:43 PM by AmberStarfire »

Offline Oniya

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #77 on: March 17, 2017, 08:51:10 PM »
This question may have been answered before, but just jumping into this blog, I'd like to throw it out for my own understanding.

In your words: What is the difference between being poly and simply cheating? In a poly relationship, is it possible to still cheat?

Short answer, yes.

Consider that 'cheating' is 'breaking the rules'.  In a monogamous relationship, one of the rules is 'don't have sex with other people', so it's pretty easy to spot cheating.  Poly relationships have their own rules - perhaps it's 'no unprotected sex without test results'.  Maybe there's something to do with meeting the other partner(s).  It's something that each individual poly-group comes up with together.

Offline MintprincessTopic starter

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #78 on: March 17, 2017, 10:42:05 PM »
My short answer is "HONESTY"

Cheating is being dishonest.  It doesn't matter how many partners you have - one, two, ten - if you aren't honest with them all, then you're cheating.   Yes poly people can cheat.  Yes mono people can cheat.  The difference between cheating and poly is that poly is OPEN, ETHICAL, and HONEST.


Offline WanderingBlackDragon

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #79 on: March 19, 2017, 07:30:08 PM »
Yeah, I figured as much.

I'm still relatively new to the concept of Polyamory. Well, new to the official concept anyway. Some part of me has been interested in it for a couple of years.

I've also tried to explore the concept more deeply, joined a Poly social group on meetup. However, my experience has been on the disappointing side. Much of it equates to either being in a "club" setting surrounded by people I don't know and struggling to socialize, or in a room full of, for lack of better terms, SJWs and watching the poly discussions dissolve into identity political rants and one women talking up Islam like it's the most beautiful thing ever... Even though fundamentally it'd consider her lifestyle an abomination and demand its followers kill her and her lovers.

Anyway, I already have an idea of what I'd prefer in a poly relationship; a poly relationship where other guys aren't involved. And considering the kind of environment I've been to so far, I've been afraid to be more open about this because I'm concerned I'd be considered selfish, or sexist for essentially wanting a harem.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. But, for now I figured it'd be good to at least get my thoughts out instead of having them stew in my head.

Offline MintprincessTopic starter

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #80 on: March 19, 2017, 07:36:30 PM »
I suppose what you need to ask yourself is this:  If you have a poly relationship with women, and they decide they do want another guy, because in poly it's not ethical to say what someone else can't do, what are you going to?

I know I would not date anyone, guy or girl, who wanted to put limits on what *I* could do.  Having their own boundaries (If my woman wants to date another man, then I will end the relationship) is up to you, but forbidding someone to do something usually doesn't end well.

Offline WanderingBlackDragon

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #81 on: March 23, 2017, 08:45:25 PM »
I suppose what you need to ask yourself is this:  If you have a poly relationship with women, and they decide they do want another guy, because in poly it's not ethical to say what someone else can't do, what are you going to?

I know I would not date anyone, guy or girl, who wanted to put limits on what *I* could do.  Having their own boundaries (If my woman wants to date another man, then I will end the relationship) is up to you, but forbidding someone to do something usually doesn't end well.

Sheesh. Typically I respond faster than this.

Anyway. As for what I'd do. Well, before anything I'd just want to talk about what relationship goals and ultimately what we're looking for. If she, or anyone else who wanted to get involved wanted to include or have relationships with other men, then I would respectfully opt out. I tend to operate under the "Don't put yourself in that spot" philosophy.

Of course, I'd be in no position to specifically forbid anyone from doing anything in a relationship, nor would I expect or appreciate that from my partner(s). I've already had similar stuff online, so offline wouldn't be any better.

I've been afraid of my relationship goals being interpreted as "Wannabe stud who wants to have a harem of sex slaves who sit around all day waiting to suck him off", so even when rping I've been extremely selective of who I try to engage this interest with. At the end of the day, everyone involved are human beings with feelings, desires and the like and anyone who treats their significant others like anything less doesn't deserve to be in relationship.

My disinterest in having men involved in my prospective poly relationship does come from a combination of several things that I'll get into in a later time. I would also like to delve more into what I seek in a poly relationship and why, but I should clear my thoughts about it before I do.

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Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #82 on: December 17, 2017, 03:09:23 AM »
Gonna revive this thread, because I find it interesting.

I was in a polyamorous relationship a while ago. It didn't work out for various reasons, but it was a learning experience for me. I was nervous about it at first, but I found that if it was a relationship with the right people then I would definitely do it again.

Offline MintprincessTopic starter

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #83 on: December 17, 2017, 01:05:09 PM »
I apologize for the lack of posts myself.  I took a very long hiatus, and after coming back I wasn't quite ready to address this thread again.   I will though! And continue to answer questions as they come up!

I am in a huge life transition right now with a lot of changes.  That being said, while I am actually currently in a monogamous relationship, my boyfriend and I are both completely supportive of poly.  Any questions,. please ask!  As perse said, if the right people were there, I would definitely also be open to multiple relationships again.

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Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #84 on: December 17, 2017, 02:58:42 PM »
I've done poly before, but I'm really not sure I could do it again.

Online CrownedSun

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #85 on: December 17, 2017, 03:07:03 PM »
Hey all. XD Nice to see this place active and stuff again.

Offline MintprincessTopic starter

Re: Polyamory and Me
« Reply #86 on: December 17, 2017, 04:04:34 PM »
I've done poly before, but I'm really not sure I could do it again.

I suppose that brings into the philosophy of 'doing poly' or 'being poly'.   To me they are definitely different.  To me, it sounds like  I've done 'gay' before and I'm not sure I could do it again.  You are gay/les/bi or you aren't.  Doing something that you aren't probably isn't going to go well.    Equally, you can BE poly and still be in a monogamous relationship at times in your life, just like you can be bisexual but only with be with the opposite sex at some points in your life. 

I suppose I feel like when people say "Do poly" they think of as an activity rather than an identity, where as in my eyes it's very much the latter.  And when it's embraced that way, I feel like you're much more likely to be successful.  Because if it's not WHO you are or WHAT you need, then in the end, it probably won't work for you.