Need Some Outside Point of Views

[TheSithChicken]

Okay. I just wrote up the pitch for a submission to Dirge magazine (though I will probably polish it over the next day or two before actually sending it) and I find myself oddly unsure. See... I've never had to pitch one of my stories. I've always been able to simply give a sample of my writing and let the strength of it speak for itself. Trying to succinctly get across my vision well enough to be given the chance for my prose do its work is new territory.

I was wondering if any of you would be willing to look at my pitch and give me an outside view of it. Just critique it. Ask questions. Whatever.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SRA2PX9u2pkSrs0OSghtMIGmSi2LbANavKd3Q05P0RA/edit?usp=sharing