'Persist or Surrender?'
Heh... Let's see if I can gather my thoughts in such a way that minimizes confusion. Forgive me, if something does not seem to be clear. I do my best to be legible.
Now... I am pursuing a path that enables me to create games and stories for a living. Not for any earnings that I may (or may not) achieve, but for the simple joy in which I find in it. What others may enjoy from what I create
. Naturally, there are other elements that complicate that goal. While money would normally be one, it isn't so much of a bother in my situation. I'm still poor, but I don't have a lot of expenses and I live within my means. I can still make ends meet for a while if I remain focused on the business plan. However, one key element of complication is my relationships with people. As family has often praised me for, I am the sort of person that would give the shirt on my back to help you. I have often wondered if this has been part of the problem, if that has been the cause of my slowing progress.
Of course, this isn't the first time I've talked about this on Elliquiy... and I am sort of a reserved person in general. I do not make a habit of jumping into conversations that I am not invited to. I don't normally prod my way into a group that I am not wanted or desired in. This is also a 'standard' that I seem to only apply toward myself, I've noticed. Simply put, in my line of reasoning: If I
am not invited... then I
am not wanted there. It's just the way I think when it comes to general social situations. Which is odd, considering that I am normally eager to accept and welcome anyone to join me in a conversation. However, I don't like to feel like I'm the odd intruder... so I typically remain unless I feel that my participation is desired. I would also like to thank fellow members, good friends in this community, that have been helping me replace this little quirk of mine. You all know who you are. This is going on my third year and I can sometimes forget how warm and supportive Elliquiy can be.
And this is not to mean that I don't have good friends out there, I because do
. They give me hope. Sometimes, the most precious treasure to receive in this world is knowing that you are not alone in life. However, it also makes me aware of the people in life recently abusing my kindness (without any showing of gratitude, especially). Constant phone calls, impromptu text counseling, playing mother hen, loaning money, et. al. These are all things I gladly do for my comrades until I get to feeling like I'm a device to be used (as opposed to a friend). Heh, this brings me to the Dating picture, which has recently taken an unfavorable turn... but I'll survive. Plenty of fish and all that jazz.
On one hand, dating... even 'going out' with some friends or family every now and then helps keep me sane. On the other hand, dining women and random spoiled acquaintances in my town can be expensive (considering that there is often much
diminishing return in that whole process). Even if
money weren't an issue, the time and energy can sometimes cost more than replenishing core social needs. The same could be said of "friend dates" in my case. While I see the benefit, they are also distractions -- which can be good or bad. I'm not even going to get into the women in my life that want me to give up my dream for something else. Either way, the associations that have been leeching away have to go for good. That much is certain. Even though I feel bad about cutting those ties... somewhere down the line, I have to stop
allowing people to take advantage of me.
So it bids me to ask... Persist or Surrender
? Or... keep the good friends, make new ones (to replace the 'users') or just keep my eye on the ball and focus on my goal?
P.S. It's been (I think)... three weeks without a cigarette. So I'm happy about beating that
, at least. Winning! -Dallas
On The Music
: There is a particular woman in my mind when thinking on this song, but I do not feel that it's best to share here. Beyond that, it's a catchy song that I've always liked.