Topic: Thought leads to heresy, heresy leads to retribution

[HairyHeretic]

Not a problem.

[Stormgale]

I'm not saying I want immunity to the "grim darkness (tm)" just I had no inclinations of getting busy with others; not them, just me. I've been through a slump of sexual situations, probably why I drop out of those sort of games so fast. I want more character development and reason for sex then just bow chica wow wow. :/

Your character's can Sip Amnesiac with my assassin then... whilst the Scum, the Feral and the Sister are "Ahem" busy ^^

[HairyHeretic]

Your character's can Sip Amnesiac with my assassin then... whilst the Scum, the Feral and the Sister are "Ahem" busy ^^

I think that might be Amasec. Sipping Amnesiac provides an interesting mental image :)

Spellchecker strikes again? :)

[Stormgale]

I think that might be Amasec. Sipping Amnesiac provides an interesting mental image :)

Spellchecker strikes again? :)

No Typing while semi conscious strikes again

[The Dandy]

So everyone is still alive here yes? I would hate to think they would die before doing their duty to the emperor.

[kongming]

I assume everyone is having a break over Imperial Mandatory Celebration Holy Day. If anyone fails to return they will be shot for desertion.

For Imperial Mandatory Celebration Holy Day, I put a decoration on the tree of a heretic.

And by tree I mean GK dreadnaught, and by decoration I mean melta bomb. (Actually, I destroyed two of them with eviscerators - go Repentia!)

[The Dandy]

Indeed.

How could I forget about Emperor's Day?

[HairyHeretic]

Everywhere slows down at this time of year.

Come to think of it, have you ever seen the 40k humour piece describing Santas visit as a deamonic incursion report by the Inquisition?

[Chaos]

Yeah, surely anyone caught posting here during the Emperor's Mandatory Celebration would be shot for heresy!

And no, I've never seen that bit of humour - sounds like fun though, any idea where I can see it?

[kongming]

Haven't heard that one. At my LGS, Father Christmas is a Necron. I think the idea is "run up and assault him to get gifts from his sack. Otherwise you won't find coal in your stocking, you'll find OBLIVION".

[Chaos]

That sounds like fun! I've never really thought about a 40k Christmas before.

[HairyHeretic]

Took a bit of digging, but I eventually managed to track it down:

Yearly Chaos Incursion
by Pat Marstall
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Begin Transmission

Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV

To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus

From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius

Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion

This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.

+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++

As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every 8742 to 8766 terran hours, roughly corresponding to a terran year. This trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the Horus Heresy, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.

+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++

The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear mark him immediately as an agent of the abominations.

Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as a possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its unnatural age. Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have been observed, and the former is likely a ruse.

The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures having the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5 meters) humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the involvement of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement (*reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 4111-BGE-MMXCII-Primus], specifically the Battle of Yukon Coneliaus IV [ibid., index 6]*), agents are advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known for their deceitful ways.

Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural livestock as detailed below.

The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which are used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no frozen water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicle's resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted, even though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.

The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as warped versions of an extinct species of terran mammal known as a Moose (reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight. These beasts have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a comparison should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a luminous substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care to avoid exposure.

Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-creatures. On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic device has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to jam its navigation systems.

+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++

Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens (see below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.

Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion field is in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the habitations of the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location defiled by the creature. It is therefore possible to gain entry to the citizens' cretches and remove the items (often cunningly hidden in footwear) before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has been committed upon them.

In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have discovered them is possible. In such situations, small children are occasionally loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner possible.

Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given small blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts visited upon the less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be recorded, as future recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra is possible. [Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the graphite stones should be watched carefully]

Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste vents. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its mass and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining these openings with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven unsuccessful.

The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.

+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++

Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed, Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible.

However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to erect shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights [Note: the shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and offers a discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention to the operation]. Other warning signs include: hallucinations involving sugared candies during slumber; excessive singing; references to 'A magical time of year' (note the influence of Tzeentch); the construction of effigies made of snow; and the performance of Slaanishi rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus _phoradendron flavescens_.

Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.

End Transmission

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

End.

[Chaos]

 :) Yeah, that's pretty good.

[HairyHeretic]

Try this one :)

This one requires a foreknowlege of US cartoons, specifically Animaniacs. It was inspired by the pre-battle trash-talk for a multibattle pitting three Chaos armies against an alliance of BAs, DAs and SOBs:

Chaos player: "Weakling fools! Chaos has come for your souls!"

Blood Angel player: "Not so, traitors! today you will fall before the righteous fury of the Blood Angels and our loyal battle brothers!"

SOB player: "AND the Battle *Sisters*!"

Cue theme song...

DARK MILLENNIUM

This is the Dark Millennium:
It's as violent as they come!
So sit and watch the fun
We will slaughter everyone!
It's Dark Millennium!

Come meet the battle brothers and the Battle Sisters too-
Chanting hymns and killing things is what we love to do!
Half of us are tainted, mutating into goo
With special rules, except for fools who wear a certain blue

It's Dark Millennium
Full of heretics and scum
So hang on to your gun
Things will never get humdrum
It's Dark Millennium!

There's Ghazghull and his ladz who want ta rool da Yooniverse
The boyz make lots of noise, then Eldrad whacks 'em with a curse!
Sapphon chases Angels who've gone from bad to worse,
And maiden turf's an Eldar berth, but humans got there first!

It's Dark Millennium!
Scraping sumps is good income
We're all under the thumb
Of an Emp'ror who's gone numb,
It's Dark Mil-len-ni-
Life's not worth a penny
(Paul's a porker, ent he?)
Dark Mil-len-ni-um!
Don't roll a 1!

End.

[The Dandy]

Just found this on 4chan. It could use some revision as something of the rhymes are terrible but it is entertaining nonetheless

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE EMPEROR'S DAY,
    HE FOUGHT ALL ALONE,
    IN A FOUR FOOT DEEP TRENCH LINED
    WITH PLASTEEL AND STONE.

    I HAD TRAVELED THE WARP
    WITH PRESENTS ALRIGHT,
    AND TO SEE JUST WHO,
    IN THIS HOLE DID FIGHT.

    I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
    A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
    NO COMMISSAR, NO TANKS
    NOT EVEN A TECHPRIEST.

    NO SERGEANTS YELLING ORDERS,
    JUST A GUARDSMAN WATCHING,
    A RIDGE FULL OF XENO
    OF PURE EVIL CHARGING.

    WITH SCARS AND CUTS,
    INJURIES OF ALL KINDS,
    A SOBER THOUGHT,
    CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

    FOR THIS POSITION WAS DOOMED,
    IT WAS GRIM AND DARK,
    I FOUND THE LAST STAND OF A SOLDIER,
    ONE I COULD SEE so STARK.

    THE SOLDIER STARED UNBLINKING
    SILENT, ALONE,
    HIS LASRIFLE AT THE READY
    PRESSED TO HIS SHOULDER BONE.

    HIS FACE WAS SO CALM,
    THE WORLD IN CALAMITY,
    NOT HOW I PICTURED
    A GUARDSMAN OF HUMANITY.

    WAS THIS THE HERO
    OF WHOM I'D JUST SCRYED?
    LEANING AGAINST THE RUBBLE,
    UNYIELDING, HIS NERVES UNFRIED?

    I REALIZED ALL HUMANS
    THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
    OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE GUARDSMEN,
    WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

>>   Anonymous 12/24/08(Wed)01:33 No.3234840

    SOON ROUND THE GALAXY,
    THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
    AND GROWNUPS WOULD HAPPILY PRAISE,
    A BRIGHT EMPEROR'S DAY.

    THEY ALL ENJOYED LIVING
    EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
    BECAUSE OF THE GUARDSMEN,
    LIKE THE ONE STANDING HERE.

    I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
    HOW MANY STOOD ALONE,
    ON A COLD EMPEROR'S DAY EVE
    ON A PLANET FAR FROM HOME.

    THE VERY THOUGHT,
    BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
    I DREW MY BURNING SWORD
    AND PREPARED FOR THE FIGHT.

    THE SOLDIER DID TURN
    AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
    "MY EMPEROR, REST EASY
    THIS DEATH IS MY CHOICE;

    I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
    FOR THIS IS MY DUTY,
    MY LIFE IS MY EMPEROR'S,
    FROM YOUR MOUTH I HEAR TRULY."

    THE GUARDSMEN TURNED
    AND FACED THE CHARGE,
    OF IMPENDING DEATH,
    FROM CREATURES SO LARGE.

    I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
    UNTIL THE HILL WAS STILL
    AND THE GUARDSMAN LAY BROKEN
    ON A BLOODY RED HILL.

    I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
    ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
    THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
    SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

    THEN THE SOLDIER COUGHED ALOUD,
    WITH A VOICE STRONG AND TRUE,
    CRYING, "AVE IMPERATOR,
    IT'S EMPEROR'S DAY, THIS WORLD IS SECURE."

    ONE LOOK BACK AT THE FALLEN,
    AND THE VICTORY HE'D WON.
    "HAPPY EMPEROR'S DAY MY GUARDSMAN,
    REST IN PEACE, MY SON."

[kongming]

Ooh, nice. I was expecting it to end with "I got into one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'You're moving with yo Auntie and Uncle in Bel-air!'"

On the twelfth day of Emperor's Day my Commissar sent to me...
Twelve Baneblades blasting
Eleven mortars pinning
Ten drop pods raining
Nine plasmas venting
Eight Hellhounds flaming
Seven tech-priests mumbling
Six psykers bursting
Fiiiiiive Mel-ta Boooooooombs
Four Storm Troopers
Three Arbiters
Two Battle Sisters
And the Emperor on His Gold Throoooooooone!

[HairyHeretic]

Once upon a battlefield dreary, where I cowered, spent and blearly,
Within an Imperial bunker, darkly stained with dust and gore -
As I cowered, nearly shuttering, suddenly there came a sputtering
As some weapon quickly stuttering - firing at my bunker door.
"`Tis some bolter", I murmmered, "firing at my bunker door -
Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And the brightly burning bastions lit the horizion by the score.
Eagerly, on freedom drunker; - vainly had I sought to hunker
In this heavy Imperial bunker - with perhaps a tunnel in the floor -
A safe and empty fortress with perhaps a tiny tunnel in the floor -
Only this and nothing more.

And the mad raving howling of each distant Space Wolf prowling
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before.
So that now, to the beating of my heart, I stood entreating
"`Tis some Space Wolf there repeating, firing at my bunker door -
Some common Grey Hunter rapid-firing at my bunker door -
This it is and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer
"Marine," said I, "or Scout, your attention I implore;
The bunker walls are thick - they are made of tempered brick
And your bolters do not nick the slightest scratch or tiny score -
Not a dimple, dent, depression, dip, scratch or tiny score -
Away now, and fire no more."

Then in the bunker slumping, presently I heard a thumping
A pounding - rattling many times fiercer than before.
And soon I began to screech - the bunker wall grenades did breach;
The very gods I did beseech as the ceiling fell upon the floor -
Through the wounds poured light which danced upon the floor -
Danced amidst the sounds of war.

Then at once it stopped the violence - I was left alone with silence
Confused, I spied the reason why the shells did drop no more -
For as I began to shutter, then with many a flit and flutter
a psyber-Raven flew through the clutter to perch above the door -
Perched on the two-headed eagle just above the bunker door -
Perched and sat and nothing more.

At this I grew more craven, for the talons of the psyber-Raven
Were all over covered with bright red blood and crimson gore.
"Wretch!" I cried, "Njal hath lent thee - into this fortress has he sent thee
So that remotely may he here be - and this bunker then explore -
Scry out my exact location and this bunker then explore -"
Quoth the Raven, "Eversor"

Then, methought, the air grew darker, the bunker now a little starker
For the uttered word brought terror as I had never felt before.
As for weapons, I knew I had none - no bolter, sword or lasgun;
No arms to stop the war's son fated to break soon through the door -
The blood-mad crazed assassin fated to break soon through the door-
Quoth the Raven, "Eversor"

"Be that word our sign of parting, machine or bird!" I shrieked, upstarting -
"Get thee back into the fire-fight and here spy on me no more!
For as you came unbidden - I would otherwise be here hidden -
Leave my location in this midden - quit that icon above my door!
Take thy shining metal eye, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Eversor"

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting - still is sitting
On the pallid two-headed eagle just above the bunker door;
His metal eye has all the seeming of a psyker that is scheaming,
To have my guts lie steaming in a pile upon the floor;
And now all hope has left me, crouched here upon the floor
I await the Eversor!

by Pat Marstall, I believe.

[HairyHeretic]

Ok, took longer than I'd figured on, but these things inevitably seem to. I haven't seen anything on the character sheets that needs adjusting (though I reserve the right to be an idiot and miss things :) ) so feel free to post them in the OOC thread here

http://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=14766.0

If everyone is ok with the idea still, then we'll continue to use the previous scenario thread, assume that the team has simply had the same experiences, gained the same info, and picked up the same supplies as the first group.

http://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=15266.0

You're free to continue the prologue in the other thread of course, as it can be used for downtime activities, and such.

Your luminator beams pick up a piece of grafitti scrawled on a nearby mine panel

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Still, I'm sure those luminator will last for hours yet, won't they? 

[Stormgale]

I guess (About the continuing the old thread) if everyone else is okay with it I can survive :3

[HairyHeretic]

Well, theres not a lot has happened in the old thread, so rather than just repeating it all, with maybe minor variations, it makes sense to me to use it.

Optionally we can skip the intro advenrure and I can drop you into something nastier from Purge The Unclean 

[The Dandy]

I will be satisfied either way.

[Chaos]

Makes no odds to me if we continue from where the last lot left off.

Though, I have no intention of being eaten by a grue! :)

Oh, and I found the expanded equipment list with combat knives on, which is pretty much what I was looking for when I put down a sword in Magda's equipment - I'm guessing you don't have a problem with me trading down for one?

In any case, that's Magda posted to the OOC thread. First

[HairyHeretic]

Nope, thats not a problem.

[Stormgale]

So just to check, we'll be starting from where the old thread ended, and posting in that thread?

[HairyHeretic]

Correct. We could play out through that sequence, but frankly I don't see the need to. More fun to get on to the meat of the scenario :)