'The Friend I Needed'
The great "quest" in single life continues... as always, doesn't it? Wake up, hurry up, wait in traffic, rush off to our crap-sack job and just hope the day breezes by problem-free. Then once the nightmare is over with that day, find stuff to do to fill in whatever gaps of time we have to ourselves.
Now, back in my own shoes at the present time. Here I sit peering into a screen, mulling over concerns and possible directions I should take on my own. Sure enough, I always have that fond memory of a friend that remains dear to me. Remembering that person that's now missing from my puzzle. The one that I look back on as a role model, then remember just where to keep driving on if I'm ever lost.That
one... that one that stuck with me for years...
"Dall, you can be gallant... but one of your biggest flaws is that you don't depend on your friends when you sometimes should."
"People have their own problems to deal with, doll. I have no place adding my own to theirs."
"And yet, you tend to stop everything in your life to help friends if they need help."
"Yeah? Where are you going with this?"
"You can't always do everything on your own, Dall."
That angel knows me better than nearly anyone. Including some of my own family, I would say. Beautiful inside and out, so insightful, delicate, intelligent, tactful (with me and my past baggage) and understanding... but she never coddled or kept me from growing. She was exactly the friend I needed
at that point in my life. She pushed me to face my fears, inspired me to better myself. In that "girl next door" kind of way, she always had that magnetism that you couldn't get out of your mind. Even during times like today. If I were Cloud, this woman would have definitely been the Tifa in my life. Even if we didn't agree on everything, we still had each others backs. Ultimately, we each genuinely wanted the other to be happy. Well, that has been my perception of that relationship, at least.
Even now, though... I always felt like there was something else
there. Something that I instinctively recognized, and yet never mentioned to her because I couldn't quite point my finger as to what that something was. As of now, I am here and she's over there
-- It is what it is. You see, I'm not really a big fan of "Things Happen For A Reason"... even if I sometimes catch myself saying it out of habit. I believe that sometimes
this is true, but then sometimes things just happen
. No magic, no stars aligning, or any supernatural destiny. I feel like sometimes things simply happen and what matters is where we go from there. Still though, I sometimes wonder what that "something else" could have been. She and I still talk from afar, but...
Tonight, I just wonder... but perhaps I should focus on having fun with others for right now. Too much thinking on the past can hinder my progression in moving forward on this road, wherever it might take me next.
On the Music: This is probably my favorite Fountains of Wayne track, and it's from a movie called Just Friends (with Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart). This tends to be one of my go-to "life memory" tracks when I get in this mode. I love it because it is calm, relaxing and it really comforts me in just the right places.