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The Elliquian Herald & Post
October & November 2016

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Author Topic: Spaghetti, No Meatballs  (Read 919 times)

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Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« on: February 27, 2016, 08:38:29 AM »
I can hear everyone looking at that title and going "Huh?"

Well, presumably it peaked your curiosity sufficiently for you to want to see what I'm talking about. I really shouldn't be posting this at all, because I've started far too many new stories recently, but this is something of a craving.

Spaghetti Western

Wanted: Alive
One female player who is interested in writing a totally cliché story set in the Old West.

An enjoyable romp through history, a committed writing partner who may post slowly but will definitely post eventually, as long as you keep the story moving and don't make me do all the work.

Yeah yeah okay, that was cheesy, I know... But that is the point.

What I want to do is write a totally cliché story using every trope imaginable from the classic Spaghetti Western movies. Think of every Clint Eastwood and John Wane film ever that were set in the genre (especially the "Dollars" trilogy and True Grit), add in Butch and Sundance, Jesse James, Tombstone, OK Coral, High Noon, 3:10 to Yuma, and ... well, heck lets even include Maverick and Support Your Local Sheriff/Gunfighter (I always admired James Garner). Then lets take the J.T. Edson and Oliver Strange novels I read as a kid and add those in too! And all the thousands of Western films and books I've seen and read but can't now remember.

Get the idea? Take all of those things and put them together and you have the setting I'm after, and the sort of atmosphere I want. Slightly tongue in cheek, but more a homage to the genre than a spoof.

Right so you've figured out where the "Spaghetti" in the thread title comes from. But "No Meatballs"?

Well, if you know me, you should be able to work that out, but for any that don't I'll be specific: I am looking for a female player only please. That's a Lady, or a Liege who identifies as female. Sorry fellas, it's nothing personal, it's just the way I am.

The Story:

The story centres on two young women. (Obviously). The opening scene might have them both trying to rob the same bank, neither realising that the other is also doing so. See, these two women have serious money troubles, and neither of them wants to take "the easy route" and get married. In fact they'd rather die first. So when they encounter each other there is instant hate and animosity, but at the same time a feeling of connectedness, that they belong together.

And so our two anti-heroines set off on a sexy rampage across Texas, New Mexico, Kansas and The Indian Territories (Oklahoma). The exact setting would be the Early1870s or late 1860s, shortly after the end of the Civil War. Most rifles are still single shot breech loaders although the Henry Repeating Rifle is available. (The Winchester '73 - the gun that won the west - wasn't available until ... well, guess?)

One of our characters should be a crack-shot with a rifle, but relatively slow with a pistol - possibly draw and fire in just under a second. The other would be okay with a rifle, but fast with a pistol - draw and fire in well under half a second. (Incidentally, the fastest time on record is around a quarter of a second. It's reasonable to assume that the fastest men of the time were capable of achieving this sort of speed).

Yes there will be some smut, but I would like to concentrate most on the tropes. Things like the posse chasing them getting on a raft and the sharpshooter shooting the guide ropes to send it drifting down stream, Or the pistol shooter out-drawing the tough guy in the bar and shooting the pistol from his hand before he has it out of the holster... Or the sharpshooter outdrawing the "dude" and then saying "Mister, I'm slow!" The card game with the card sharp, the train robbery, the classic Spag-West gunfight - and the spoof one between our girls where they walk towards each other having had a falling out, saying "Well, draw!" "You draw!" "You first!" "No you!" and when they get face to face they kiss and make up.

Oh and a scene from The Good The Bad and The Ugly, (possibly several actually), but one in particular where they are in a bath together and a villain comes bursting in and says "Well well, look what we have here. I've been looking for you two and now I've got you exactly where I want you..." and the girl with the pistol shoots him from under the soap suds... We could even do the hanging and shooting the rope scene...

If you are interested in this, please either post here or send me a PM with the word "Western" somewhere in the heading.

« Last Edit: February 27, 2016, 09:03:41 AM by Chrystal »

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2016, 10:12:46 AM »
I'm still craving this.

Had some interest but it seems to have faded so....

Quick edit to add, at some point I'd love to see the girl who's quick on the draw do a Road-agent's Spin.

« Last Edit: June 18, 2016, 06:37:29 PM by Chrystal »

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2016, 11:52:34 AM »
Only a couple of days early giving this a bump, and I've seen people bump threads a week after their last post, so...!

Offline lovelylilT

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2016, 10:52:19 AM »
I wish I could write this well, it sounds so much fun! I don't think I know Westerns good enough, for writing this, though.

I hope you find partner for this, I would like for reading this!

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2016, 11:10:36 AM »
Thanks T.

If I do get it going I'll link you!

Offline MissFire

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2016, 11:21:21 AM »
As it happens, I have a character for a zombie western game that I never got to use much. Ransam Pride. Ransam Pride started out life as Alice McCall, an average girl living an average life in the old west. She had all the hopes and dreams of any fine young lady. Things that came to a bitter end when her father married her off to Bill Williams in order to get a portion of the man's land. Bill was a lout. Greedy, alcoholic and sometimes violent, Bill pushed young Alice to the breaking point. When she finally snapped she put Bill in the ground. Unfortunately, Bill's ranch hands heard the commotion and came upon Alice standing over the corpse of their boss. Things got dark real fast there but, in the end, Alice was the only one left standing and the smoking holes in Bill's employees told a macabre tale. Smart gal, Alice fled. There's no justice out west for a woman. Filled with a righteous fury, Alice took up the name Ransam Pride and became one of the most feared outlaws the west had ever seen.

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2016, 11:51:38 AM »
Well dayum, gurl wah thu heyul di'nt you-all say so sooner?

Uh, yeah, sorry. That's my very very best attempt to write with a Texas accent! Bad, I know...

Okay so, as long as we can exclude the zombie side of things? Seriously, I don't do zombies, I think the whole thing has been ... eh ... done to death! (pun intended!)

So, I'm assuming that your gal is the pistolero? (Bad Spanish also intended). That makes my gal the sharpshooter. This is all good.

Do you have a preference for when we set this? I'd prefer somewhere around the early 1870s?

I have a character profile I need to amend to fit the character, and pull the weapons back to the correct time period.

She will follow if we can agree on the basics.

Offline MissFire

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2016, 12:00:55 PM »
....I never said there would be zombies. I said I used her for a zombie game.

I don't know a lot about western history, so the year is up to you.

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2016, 12:56:54 PM »
Well, The US Civil War ended in 1866. In 1867 the first proper cattle drives took place to the new railheads in Kansas. In 1871, Dodge City became the pre-eminent Cattle town in Kansas. The Winchester '73 was the most famous repeating rifle and was released for sale in 1873 (obviously) but the Henry rifle (the Winchester's predecessor) was introduced in 1861, and was produced until 1866, when it was replaced by the Winchester 66. These would have been expensive and unreliable though.

Pistols, there were a wide range of six shot revolver pistols available in the 1870s, also single shot and two shor breech loaders, mostly used as concealed weapons...

Personally I think we should go for some time around 1871. Plenty of decent hand guns, a good array of rifles, stage coaches and trains to be held up, banks to be robbed...

Yeah, I didn't think you were suggesting zombies, I was just making sure ;-)

Offline MissFire

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2016, 01:32:45 PM »
Upon further reflection, I don't really know much about the time period and since I can't edit my posts I'm afraid it might lead to a lot of mistakes. I don't want to put that upon you, so I'll have to rescind my interest in this. Sorry, Chrystal. I hope you find someone.

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2016, 03:20:01 PM »
No problem. At least we gave the thread a few bumps!

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2016, 03:21:11 PM »
Bump, still looking...

Offline ChrystalTopic starter

Re: Spaghetti, No Meatballs
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2016, 05:21:09 PM »