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Author Topic: Does This Make Me Sexist?  (Read 2098 times)

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Offline Song

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #25 on: December 30, 2015, 08:01:56 AM »
As a switchy person with no particular gender preferences, I tend to find myself submissive with male partners, and dominant with female partners. I don't really know why, but in either case my sexual preferences only have to do with what turns me on, and nothing much at all to do with any other aspect views on the world. I don't expect every female to behave submissively any more than I expect any male to behave dominantly.

Offline Renegade Vile

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #26 on: March 17, 2016, 04:46:33 AM »
So, in all my RPs, whenever there's a submissive partner, it's always a woman. The dominant is almost always a man, or in some cases a futa. In a very few cases, I've had a dominant female, but in all cases, the submissive is a female.

Now, IRL, I believe women should have equal rights to men. (I believe they should be issued draft cards too, but that's a whole other discussion.) I believe in equal pay, equal benefits, etc. I mean that. I do NOT, at all, believe men are superior to women in any way beyond certain flexible biological distinctions* and I try to treat women with respect in all cases. And in my relationships, it's always been equitable between myself and my girlfriend, both outside the bedroom and within**.

I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist. I put it here so I can get opinions on that.

*Men can, generally speaking, develop more muscle mass than women (I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them) because, evolutionarily, it was the male's role to die to defend the female if necessary, because it was the female who carried his offspring.

**Okay, one exception, but we'll keep that brief, since it's a RECENT relationship and still rather painful. Simply put, she WANTED to be the submissive partner, and I obliged. But she wanted more than I could provide... point is, we couldn't afford a relationship under the terms she would have preferred.

I fail to see why this would make you sexist in any way, shape or form. Playing submissive females or preferring them in real life is just that: a preference. I don't read anything where you claim that you think all women are submissive/should be submissive/are somehow inferior. You're not making broad generalizations and you're not doing anything to anyone against their will. Here we have a forum where you explore kinks and fetishes. There are few things linked to personal, sexual preferences more than that, so if someone points at you and calls you a sexist, they're going to have to do some serious backing up for me to see where they're coming from.

Offline Nachtmahr

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Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2016, 09:34:06 AM »
So, in all my RPs, whenever there's a submissive partner, it's always a woman. The dominant is almost always a man, or in some cases a futa. In a very few cases, I've had a dominant female, but in all cases, the submissive is a female.

Now, IRL, I believe women should have equal rights to men. (I believe they should be issued draft cards too, but that's a whole other discussion.) I believe in equal pay, equal benefits, etc. I mean that. I do NOT, at all, believe men are superior to women in any way beyond certain flexible biological distinctions* and I try to treat women with respect in all cases. And in my relationships, it's always been equitable between myself and my girlfriend, both outside the bedroom and within**.

I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist. I put it here so I can get opinions on that.

*Men can, generally speaking, develop more muscle mass than women (I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them) because, evolutionarily, it was the male's role to die to defend the female if necessary, because it was the female who carried his offspring.

**Okay, one exception, but we'll keep that brief, since it's a RECENT relationship and still rather painful. Simply put, she WANTED to be the submissive partner, and I obliged. But she wanted more than I could provide... point is, we couldn't afford a relationship under the terms she would have preferred.

The simple, short answer is: Definitely not. How could it?

The complicated, long answer is:

How you treat a fictional character, or what the fictional character you're playing thinks isn't a reflection of who you are in real life, it's an incarnation of a particular fantasy. As long as you're aware that these characters and how they feel isn't in any way real, then how could it possibly be?

Some, for lack of a better term, new-age feminists might disagree of course. These are the same people who seem more focused on fighting for the rights of fictional women than real ones. The ones who would seek to ban any drawn or digitally crafted display of violence or sexual dominance towards women. I have to disagree with this mindset and say that it not only conflicts with Freedom of Speech but it also doesn't matter if fictional characters have human rights because.. They're not human, they're drawings. Even wasps deserve more rights than a drawing.

Your stories have never directly hurt anyone, and you're clearly not carrying your characters views (Whatever they might be) over into real life.

Having a preference for submissive women isn't sexist as long as we live in a world where a lot of women have a preference for dominant men. As long as you still respect your partner, whether it be the person you're writing with, a real life partner or women in general, then no. No, you're definitely not sexist. You have a sexual preference, but you aren't hurting anyone, and you're not saying that all women should have less rights than men or anything along those lines.

It's a bit similar to how a lot of people seem to consider anything BDSM-related non-consensual and inherently abusive or violent, when in fact a lot of people express a very deep and beautiful kind of affection and trust while participating in BDSM-play. I personally take offense to people who think that BDSM cannot and should not be anything but someone violently abusing someone in a grimy dungeon, because while that is one thing BDSM can be, it can also be so much more.

But I have played openly misogynistic characters in the past: Does that make me a misogynist? No, of course it doesn't. There's a difference between an expression of an offensive message and a depiction of something offensive.

But that's all just my opinion.

Offline Annie Hewitt

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2016, 10:11:01 AM »
For the life of me, I can't see how it could? What a person writes/plays is simply a role, much like that of an actor. Sure, as the writer, we do have more power as we're the ones who are writing AND acting per se, but that's exactly what it is. It's not being judgmental of a person, group of people, sex, sexuality, race, ect. Roleplaying is a form of fantasy, creativity, and expression. Often times, we will have our preference as to what type of characters we prefer to play, or are comfortable writing, but ultimately, we often explore things we might not be able to do in real life, would ever do, or ever want to do, but find it intriguing to write. There is zero shame in this.

Offline RosalindRae

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #29 on: March 27, 2016, 08:33:40 PM »
So, in all my RPs, whenever there's a submissive partner, it's always a woman. The dominant is almost always a man, or in some cases a futa. In a very few cases, I've had a dominant female, but in all cases, the submissive is a female.

Now, IRL, I believe women should have equal rights to men. (I believe they should be issued draft cards too, but that's a whole other discussion.) I believe in equal pay, equal benefits, etc. I mean that. I do NOT, at all, believe men are superior to women in any way beyond certain flexible biological distinctions* and I try to treat women with respect in all cases. And in my relationships, it's always been equitable between myself and my girlfriend, both outside the bedroom and within**.

I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist. I put it here so I can get opinions on that.

*Men can, generally speaking, develop more muscle mass than women (I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them) because, evolutionarily, it was the male's role to die to defend the female if necessary, because it was the female who carried his offspring.

**Okay, one exception, but we'll keep that brief, since it's a RECENT relationship and still rather painful. Simply put, she WANTED to be the submissive partner, and I obliged. But she wanted more than I could provide... point is, we couldn't afford a relationship under the terms she would have preferred.
Uh, I'm totally new here, and let me just say that you literally couldn't pay me to submit to a man, even in RP. Not. My. Thing. And I think you'll find that I pride myself in being a fairly militant feminist . . . but seriously, there is no rational definition in which I'd consider this to be sexist. I don't know you, so maybe you are sexist for other reasons, but no, the kinks you have mentioned here are not remotely sexist.  So you are a man and you like to dominate women? Cool. Not my cup of tea, but cool. I hope you find several women (either in RL or in RP) who like to be dominated by men. They are certainly out there, and neither you nor they should feel ashamed for your/their attraction.

Let me put it this way: I'm gay and I'm a woman, and I prefer to be dominant. Does that make me sexist? Of course not. Then why would it be sexist for a man to feel the same sort of attraction?

But hey, given my limited amount of interaction with you, let me just say that it is AWESOME that you asked. Keep showing that concern for women in general, and your subs in particular, and I can promise that you will find yourself rewarded for it.

Offline RosalindRae

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #30 on: March 27, 2016, 08:51:43 PM »
Sorry for the repetitiveness, but I feel the need to respond again. 9 times out of 10, the submissive is the one in control. Ask your subs if any of them feel like they have been mistreated or unsatisfied. If they say yes, you need to reevaluate how you dom. If they say no, then your actions as a "dom" have been in the service of the needs of your sub . . . be proud of your bragging rights and forget feeling guilty.