You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
 
December 10, 2016, 08:40:30 AM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Send us your theme!

Hark!  The Herald!
Holiday Issue 2016

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Does This Make Me Sexist?  (Read 2093 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline LostInTheMistTopic starter

Does This Make Me Sexist?
« on: December 20, 2015, 11:52:20 PM »
So, in all my RPs, whenever there's a submissive partner, it's always a woman. The dominant is almost always a man, or in some cases a futa. In a very few cases, I've had a dominant female, but in all cases, the submissive is a female.

Now, IRL, I believe women should have equal rights to men. (I believe they should be issued draft cards too, but that's a whole other discussion.) I believe in equal pay, equal benefits, etc. I mean that. I do NOT, at all, believe men are superior to women in any way beyond certain flexible biological distinctions* and I try to treat women with respect in all cases. And in my relationships, it's always been equitable between myself and my girlfriend, both outside the bedroom and within**.

I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist. I put it here so I can get opinions on that.

*Men can, generally speaking, develop more muscle mass than women (I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them) because, evolutionarily, it was the male's role to die to defend the female if necessary, because it was the female who carried his offspring.

**Okay, one exception, but we'll keep that brief, since it's a RECENT relationship and still rather painful. Simply put, she WANTED to be the submissive partner, and I obliged. But she wanted more than I could provide... point is, we couldn't afford a relationship under the terms she would have preferred.

Offline Blythe

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2015, 12:13:54 AM »
If you're asking about whether something you like in roleplay is indicative of your attitudes in RL, I'd probably say 'no.' RP is fiction.

Just because you like D/s scenarios with submissive female characters doesn't automatically make you sexist.

I'd say not to worry so much about it. RP is RP.

Just my two cents on the matter.

(I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them)

Just be aware people do sometimes ask for sources, particularly in this subboard. If you make an assertion, the onus is on you to prove that assertion, so endeavor to cite if you can if it's requested, okay?
« Last Edit: December 21, 2015, 12:24:57 AM by Sherlock »

Offline consortium11

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2015, 05:13:25 AM »
Some people will consider you sexist.

There hasn't been a huge amount of discussion on domination/submission in the context of online roleplaying specifically but I'm not sure there's much difference between online play and "real life" play in this context; in an online roleplay you're consensually interacting with someone else, in offline "real world" play you're consensually interacting with someone else, it's just that instead of typing what "you" (or your character) would do, you're actually doing it. And BDSM in the real world has frequently been accused of sexism by certain schools of feminism. I'll note that I'm discussing BDSM in general here rather than strictly dom/sub (one can have a dom/sub interaction that is basically "vanilla") although the two overlap.

As a general rule these criticisms tend to come from the more radical side of the spectrum and there are several arguments they present. The "All PIV is rape" brigade (i.e. all penetrative sex, consensual or not, is rape) fairly obviously consider it rape; their main argument for why PIV is rape is that penetrative sex is inherently violent and sexual violence is rape/abuse so BDSM, which includes a lot of sexual "violence" is clearly rape/abuse and thus by fantasizing about BDSM one is fantasizing about rape. Then there's the school of thought that says that women aren't really consenting to BDSM play; they're victims of "Societal Stockholm Syndrome" (a theory advanced by Professor Dee Graham of the University of Cincinnati in "Loving to Survive") and as such their consent is invalid, meaning that your supposedly consensual roleplay is actually abusive and thus rape and thus sexist. There's the school of thought that argues your fantasy to dominate women is one that you've been conditioned to have by a society that is inherently sexist against women and suggests it is a man's right to dominate women and thus it is sexist. There's the school of thought focusing on BDSM and its place in rape culture where engaging in BDSM, even consensually, presents an image that it's OK to abuse and dominate women which gives rapists and abusers encouragement and the vision that it's OK. There's the school of thought that views BDSM as a micro-aggression; regardless of your actual views the very fact that you fantasize about dominating women is going to make women uncomfortable around you and suspect that you won't take them seriously/view them only as sexual objects and you're thus being sexist. There's the school of thought that says that your fantasy is dominating women, not dominating a consenting woman, and is thus inherently abusive. Then there's the school of thought that looks at the fact your fantasies are primarily about dominating women but not men; as you don't want BDSM play where you're dominating a man it's the gender that's the key to your fantasy, not the domination and thus you're being sexist... using similar logic, although reaching a different end-point, to the arguments that hold if you're not attracted to trans-folk then you're transphobic, if you're not attracted to overweight partners then you're fatphobic and if you're less attracted to a certain race (or more attracted to one in particular) then you're racist. There are other objections to BDSM from a feminist perspective out there, but that's just a quick overview.

My view?

Maybe there's some truth to some of those arguments. Maybe my kink for domination has been ingrained on me by society rather than reflecting my true views. Maybe some people in the "real world" would think I'll view them negatively if they were aware of my fantasies. Maybe my enjoyment of BDSM play as a dominant reveals some deep inner truth about me where the "consensual" part is just a fig leaf I use to give me some moral justification. Maybe despite the fact that I've engaged in BDSM play with all genders the fact I primarily do so with women gives an indication that I want to see women suffer and that I think it's right for them to be submissive to me.

But so what?

Almost regardless of your actions they'll be someone out there who thinks what you're doing is sexist... see the "All PIV is rape" people mentioned above. But you or your actions being called sexist isn't the end of the world, nor does it mean that your actions either 1) actually sexist or 2) bad. In a world where a man spreading his legs is an act of sexist domination, air conditioning is a way for sexist men to keep women in their place and well, that these are the most misogynistic moments of 2015 (rather than say the Islamic State's penchant for sex slaves, women being stoned to death for adultery in Afghanistan or the fact that it's still nearly impossible for a woman to open a bank account or drive in Saudi Arabia), the term "sexist" has been largely devalued anyway.

What matters is how you treat and interact with people. And if sexual fantasies do represent some wider truth as to how you view women then it still doesn't matter as long as that part of your world view doesn't come to dominate the rest.

Offline Kythia

  • Noooo-one Fights like Kythia no-one bites like Kythia
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2012
  • Gender: Female
  • No one chain smokes Marlboro lights like Kythia
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2015, 05:49:32 AM »
There's the school of thought that views BDSM as a micro-aggression; regardless of your actual views the very fact that you fantasize about dominating women is going to make women uncomfortable around you and suspect that you won't take them seriously/view them only as sexual objects and you're thus being sexist.

I'll be honest, this is something I share (as in being more uncomfortable, not strictly the viewpoint itself).  I'm not trying to call you out, consortium11, or anything like that. You seem a nice guy, we've had some pleasant conversations.  But in RL (not so much here on E because RP is RP) I do find myself a bit warier around males I know to be in to that kind of thing.  I've never been entirely certain if that's reasonable of me or not but, tbh, I've never particularly analysed it in any real depth.  I may do so now.

But that's off topic.  I just thought I'd mention

Offline consortium11

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2015, 06:28:33 AM »
I'll be honest, this is something I share (as in being more uncomfortable, not strictly the viewpoint itself).  I'm not trying to call you out, consortium11, or anything like that. You seem a nice guy, we've had some pleasant conversations.  But in RL (not so much here on E because RP is RP) I do find myself a bit warier around males I know to be in to that kind of thing.  I've never been entirely certain if that's reasonable of me or not but, tbh, I've never particularly analysed it in any real depth.  I may do so now.

But that's off topic.  I just thought I'd mention

I wouldn't say it's a particularly unusual perspective, especially if someone is known for BDSM play that goes beyond the sort of things you pick up from a "starter's kit" at Anne Summers. I'm also not sure it's really off-topic; while it may not be you viewing people who engage in such play sexist and instead merely being a bit warier around them it does relate to how people view those who have fantasies about dominating women and while LostInTheMist's argument was about whether he was sexist as opposed to whether people would think he is sexist I think there's a connection there.

That said, and this likewise isn't a call out, such attitudes strike me as being uncomfortably close to the "watch out lads, backs to the wall and clench your bumholes... there's a poofter around" homophobia that was endemic a while back and still not entirely uncommon. The fact that I want to do certain things in the bedroom doesn't mean that I want to do certain things in the bedroom to you (in the general sense) and despite the arguements I listed above it doesn't colour my interactions with people in every day life.

Offline Kythia

  • Noooo-one Fights like Kythia no-one bites like Kythia
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2012
  • Gender: Female
  • No one chain smokes Marlboro lights like Kythia
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2015, 08:24:22 AM »
The fact that I want to do certain things in the bedroom doesn't mean that I want to do certain things in the bedroom to you

Why not?  Is it because you think I'm fat?  Is that what you're trying to say?

You do have a good point about the bums to the wall thing though.  Never really considered it in those terms but yeah, it makes sense.  I don't think it's a perfect correlation but its pretty close.

Offline consortium11

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2015, 08:40:08 AM »
Why not?  Is it because you think I'm fat?  Is that what you're trying to say?

As a Newcastle fan I think you've been punished enough this calendar year...  :P

You do have a good point about the bums to the wall thing though.  Never really considered it in those terms but yeah, it makes sense.  I don't think it's a perfect correlation but its pretty close.

There is a difference and I was considering going into detail on it (but for once thought short and sweet was the better option). The "bums on the wall" thing is objecting to a sexuality (i.e. who someone is sexually attracted to) which while obviously overlapping isn't completely identical to an affinity for BDSM (i.e. what you'd like to do to/have done to you by someone you're sexually attracted to). That said I'm with you that the similarities are close enough that the analogy holds (otherwise I wouldn't have made it!).

Offline Kythia

  • Noooo-one Fights like Kythia no-one bites like Kythia
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2012
  • Gender: Female
  • No one chain smokes Marlboro lights like Kythia
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2015, 08:48:02 AM »
As a Newcastle fan I think you've been punished enough this calendar year...  :P

I've changed my mind.  You don't seem like a nice guy.  Disregard my earlier comments.

Offline Wolfling72

  • Crushie, Syr, Cuddle Slut, Cinna-god/dess, a Hawt Mess, Flirt, Wifey, Tease.
  • On Hiatus
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Feb 2013
  • Location: Running on glitter and sheer awesome. Fashionably late, as always.
  • E's ONLY CinnaBoi #JediHandWave
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2015, 10:08:18 AM »
So, in all my RPs, whenever there's a submissive partner, it's always a woman. The dominant is almost always a man, or in some cases a futa. In a very few cases, I've had a dominant female, but in all cases, the submissive is a female.

Now, IRL, I believe women should have equal rights to men. (I believe they should be issued draft cards too, but that's a whole other discussion.) I believe in equal pay, equal benefits, etc. I mean that. I do NOT, at all, believe men are superior to women in any way beyond certain flexible biological distinctions* and I try to treat women with respect in all cases. And in my relationships, it's always been equitable between myself and my girlfriend, both outside the bedroom and within**.

I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist. I put it here so I can get opinions on that.

*Men can, generally speaking, develop more muscle mass than women (I can provide citations upon request, but please, don't request them) because, evolutionarily, it was the male's role to die to defend the female if necessary, because it was the female who carried his offspring.

**Okay, one exception, but we'll keep that brief, since it's a RECENT relationship and still rather painful. Simply put, she WANTED to be the submissive partner, and I obliged. But she wanted more than I could provide... point is, we couldn't afford a relationship under the terms she would have preferred.

*raises hand*

I have been accused of misandry for the exact opposite thing~ I write what I know~ men as submissive, women as dominant. It is MUCH more difficult for me to write an R/P where my character (as a female) is submissive to ANYONE, including another female. (I have ONE R/P with a trusted partner where the only real submission is actually coerced) *shrugs* The fact of the matter is that when it comes to anyone's active fantasy life or role playing your kink may not be my kink but your kink is JUST fine really is apropos.

Do I consider you inherently sexist based on your preferred modes of expression? Not any more than I consider myself a hater of men. YOU write what you enjoy, I write what I enjoy (both in reality and in fantasy land) and never the twain shall meet. Doesn't make you sexist, doesn't make me part of the  She Woman Man Hater's club. To paint someone with the brush of "sexist" is on par to pegging someone as racist  etc, much as consortium11 pointed out earlier.

The rest of what I would say is based on real life BDSM community interactions and therefore  has NO bearing on your query so short answer? Not really sexist. You write what you like. It isn't what you write but how you LIVE that makes the case for any "-isms", regardless.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2015, 10:09:35 AM by Wolfling72 »

Offline Omnius

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2015, 02:49:06 AM »
no it doesnt make you sexist, even if you were in real life, a dominant man who preferred submissive women.....just like it wouldnt be sexist if you were a submissive man who prefered dominant women etc.

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2015, 03:21:14 AM »
So what if you are sexist? Who cares?

Are you comfortable with yourself?

Do you accept this particular characteristic of yourself regardless of what label people put on it ?

Do you dislike being sexist or sexually dominant, or do you dislike the label?

Just some things to sort out and think about.

Lastly, while RP is not real life, RP and what is expressed in art is derived from who and what we are. If you write of a lot of X, then it just might mean that you like or dislike something about X or are in some way fixated on X. It does not mean that you will necessarily do X, but it does reveal something about the artist much as a finger painting reveals something about the finger.


Offline Aethereal

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #11 on: December 23, 2015, 12:37:29 PM »
          If you personally would rather be in a relationship with a submissive woman, then this does not make you sexist.
          If you are saying that women should not be dominant and/or are "unfeminine" for being so, then you are sexist.
          The same, roughly, applies to RP.

          I personally am both a very cold-aggressive individual and what you might call a "soft dominant" - the first going for everyday life (mind, "aggressive" doesn't mean violent - I do not condone violence) and the latter meaning that while I am not into D/s or BDSM, I'm nevertheless the one to take control and slightly powerplay. Being submissive has always been an absolute "no" for me. I am a protector, not the protected, the one to act rather than the one to wait, the one to take charge rather than one to be lead. The soldier, the steel wall, the one stable pillar in the fickle world. That's just who I am.

         Eh, and I believe men and women should be drafted equally, too. I even considered going to army as volunteer at one point. I also don't believe "but X are generally ... based on some average over many people" is a valid argument for any specific individual. I am of pretty much average height for a woman in my country (and plenty of my male friends re in the 2 meter range), but I'm several centimeters taller than the average US man, for instance...

Offline Fury Aphrodisia

  • Story Slut, Character Queen
  • Dame
  • Seducer
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location: The true north - strong and free
  • Gender: Female
  • Give me everything and I'll take on anything.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #12 on: December 23, 2015, 03:56:13 PM »
Almost regardless of your actions they'll be someone out there who thinks what you're doing is sexist... see the "All PIV is rape" people mentioned above. But you or your actions being called sexist isn't the end of the world, nor does it mean that your actions either 1) actually sexist or 2) bad. In a world where a man spreading his legs is an act of sexist domination, air conditioning is a way for sexist men to keep women in their place and well, that these are the most misogynistic moments of 2015 (rather than say the Islamic State's penchant for sex slaves, women being stoned to death for adultery in Afghanistan or the fact that it's still nearly impossible for a woman to open a bank account or drive in Saudi Arabia), the term "sexist" has been largely devalued anyway.

In fairness, though, having read that article, those are some pretty abhorrent things, even if clearly they aren't the benchmark for sexism.

Offline Denivar

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2015, 11:31:25 PM »
I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist.

I think this is the mistake of labeling and reminds me of when a relative recently asked me: "Is Bernie Sanders a Socialist?" To define that we have to go about defining the rather complex term "socialist" and then for it to be a useful answer we have to decide if being a socialist is actually always A Bad Thing (that part apparently being a foregone conclusion that is self-evident to most Americans).

Are you sexist? Maybe, depending on how rigid a definition of "sexist" you have. But maybe being sexist isn't necessarily A Bad Thing for super rigid definitions of "sexist"? But really who cares? Let's just cut out the middle man here and ask whether what you are doing is immoral or unethical in some way.

I am similar to you in that I pretty much enjoy exclusively dominant-male/submissive-female role play. The partners I play with are mostly women and they like it too. They enjoy playing as submissive women. Most of my partners have come across as sane, happy people who love playing the submissive partner and love playing against my dominant male role. They have expressed love for our role plays and that they would be sad if the role plays ended.

As such I don't see how this could possibly be seen as in any way immoral or unethical. You are an adult playing out a fantasy and can distinguish between fantasy and reality. In the same way, someone playing as a terrorist in Counterstrike is not somehow immoral (and certainly not actually a terrorist or terrorist sympathizer) for doing so.

Quote from: consortium11
The "All PIV is rape" brigade

You know, I have heard about people who think this before, but never seen any credible sources for it. So I decided to see if I could find anyone who thinks that. it turns out, yes, they do exist.

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2015, 03:38:36 AM »

Quote
You know, I have heard about people who think this before, but never seen any credible sources for it. So I decided to see if I could find anyone who thinks that. it turns out, yes, they do exist.

Holy crap.. what did I just read?
These people should not reproduce. >>



Offline consortium11

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2015, 04:51:51 AM »
You know, I have heard about people who think this before, but never seen any credible sources for it. So I decided to see if I could find anyone who thinks that. it turns out, yes, they do exist.

I'm not going to try and claim they represent a major group, even within the nebulous world that is feminism, but they are there and at times they've been pretty influential. Andrea Dworkin (who, to keep this on-topic, largely opposed pornography on the basis that it eroticized the domination, humiliation, and abuse of women so would almost certainly consider D/S roleplay with a female sub sexist) is often misquoted as arguing that all sex is rape but when you consider her writings it's almost splitting hairs to argue the point; she's full of contempt and anger at heterosexual sexual relations. Likewise Catharine MacKinnon takes a similar approach while Marilyn French's femenist best-seller "The Women's Room" includes the line "all men are rapists, and that's all they are".

The interesting thing is how the argument has changed over the years and how different schools approach it. The argument Dworkin and MacKinnon advance is that due to the societal imbalances that they say are endemic to our world a woman cannot truly give consent to her oppressor (i.e a man) and as such all sex is rape because there is no consent. The follow up would be that in a world of true equality sex would be fine, but right now it's rape; to put a simple example of that together if someone is passed out drunk then even if they mumble "yes" it couldn't be taken as consent but if they were to say "yes" the next day when sobred up then it could.

The more recent position advanced in the first part of the article you link to is that setting aside any issues with consent all penetrative sex is rape regardless as it is violence and sexual violence is rape (unsurprisingly these are also the groups who tend to view all BDSM with a male dom and female sub as abuse... so again, somewhat on topic). They talk about how penetrative sex is painful (as opposed to just clitoral stimulation), the STD risks, the damage that can be done etc etc and use that to support their argument. The more forceful argue that in a world where artificial insemination allows women to become pregnant without penetrative intercourse the only reason a man would want to have sex with a woman is because he wants to rape her; if he wanted to pleasure her he could just stimulate her and if the pair had decided they wanted to have a baby it could be done artificially.

I think the existence of such groups, minor though they are, is a good example of why someone calling someone or something else sexist in-and-of-itself doesn't mean much and can likely be ignored.

Offline Kythia

  • Noooo-one Fights like Kythia no-one bites like Kythia
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2012
  • Gender: Female
  • No one chain smokes Marlboro lights like Kythia
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2015, 06:16:56 AM »
Holy crap.. what did I just read?
These people should not reproduce. >>



Edit for unintentional snark :

I think she agrees with you
« Last Edit: December 24, 2015, 06:19:39 AM by Kythia »

Offline Cyrano Johnson

  • Lord
  • Seducer
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2012
  • Location: The Occidental Wilds of the Realm of Canadia.
  • Gender: Male
  • "Do what thou wilt" shall be the whole of the law.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #17 on: December 24, 2015, 11:27:18 AM »
I guess since my fantasies tend to involve domination, and the women are always submissive, I have to ask whether that makes me somewhat sexist.

Yep. At some level, probably.

But I wouldn't make too big a thing out of it. The way I see it is, if you're conscious of RP and fantasy as finding a safe space to let out a suppressed side of your id to play -- but are still aware that in most circumstances, you suppress that side of your id for a very good reason -- then you're okay. It's pretty much understood, or should be, that we don't always come to erotica or porn in search of our most logically-bulletproof ethical selves, and that's fine. At some level all of us are subject to "primitive" drives toward sexism and tribalism and superstition and so on. Everyone has multiple facets to their psyche, parts of which aren't necessarily wise to let out unsupervised. That's just a basic part of the human condition.

There are however people who lose track of that context, who let their kinks infect and dictate their beliefs and actions out in the world, and in situations like that, the rationale that "your kink is your kink, and that's okay" can start to break down. The result is -- for example -- much of the "manosphere" (regularly on view here), which if you want to understand why there are nutty "PIV-is-always-rape" radfems out there, guys like that are largely why. If you're repelled at the thought of being That Guy, then in all likelihood it's a good sign that you're still firing on all proverbial cylinders.

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #18 on: December 24, 2015, 04:09:40 PM »
It's our so called "animal instincts" or primitive drives" that have kept humans alive. Without them, we would be *fucked or just plain non-existent. What's terribly interesting about the mind is how this strange balance of chaotic drive and temperance seems to work together. For this reason, I see fault in cursing either side. To deny yourself the experience of anger, fear, hunger, greed either on their own and as expressed during sex is to live as half a person.  Yes, we need to experience these things ( and in some cases we may not be able to avoid them), but with temperance and some sense of boundaries. It's a balancing act, and sometimes people topple over one way or the other.

* That was not meant as a rape joke.

Offline Aethereal

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2015, 05:05:34 PM »
             Don't even get me started on the "PIV-is-always-rape" radfems... They are absolutely *ridiculous*. (So... Pleasurable interaction with a person you love is rape, but an uncomfortable invasive medical procedure done in a fairly unpleasant environment is all flowers?) Women have sex drives, plenty of them know what they enjoy, vaginal sex is *never* been painful for some, not even the somewhat awkward first times (while clitorial over- or mis-stimulation is pretty damn unpleasant, so it's not like clitoris is some magic pleasure-only button), there is a reason why dildos have existed for *ages*...  And so on and so forth.

Offline Cyrano Johnson

  • Lord
  • Seducer
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2012
  • Location: The Occidental Wilds of the Realm of Canadia.
  • Gender: Male
  • "Do what thou wilt" shall be the whole of the law.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #20 on: December 24, 2015, 06:39:37 PM »
That particular species of radfem is usually someone I'm inclined to go a little easy on, because usually (as appears to be the case with the blogger at that link) they're not really engaged in analysis so much as reaction to a trauma they've experienced (as in, their beliefs are symptomatic of having been subjected to rape or child sexual abuse). Obviously I don't agree with them but it's not a situation where it would be productive or even fair to try arguing with them, it's about their own personal therapeutic journey, which... hopefully they have one.

Offline Thesunmaid

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #21 on: December 24, 2015, 07:34:00 PM »
Well sweetie the fact that you are so worried about it to me personally says you are most certainly not.

I mean some people prefer blondes over brunettes...that does not make them a blondist..but I am sure you discuss things with your partners and do not treat them as below you in out of character time. If they said they were not comfortable with something I am guessing you would stop doing it.
And If you expected these players who play the submissive to act submissive to you even talking normally out of character...yes you might be..but since you don't seem to want that from what i have seen. No..I think you are fine.

Offline Fenrisulfr

Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #22 on: December 27, 2015, 09:28:18 AM »
Just tossing in an agreement with most of the above posts. Even living in a D/s-relation won't make it sexist, as long you at least accept there is other preferences out there. I mean, if I'm a sexist for liking submissive women, I would fail on the sexist part on just being heterosexual.

Some of those radical feminists also claim that FemDom/malesub is sexists on the side of oppressing of women, because the woman are just playing into what the man wants.  ::)

The radical nuts are the most vocal, and tend to get the most coverage. But they are a minority.

Offline AmberStarfire

  • Rogue Starlight ~ Fantasy Novelist ~ This Is Who We Are ~ Scully to his Mulder
  • Dame
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2008
  • Location: Somewhere that makes me smile
  • Gender: Female
  • ❤ Snuggler of the Wyld and Hairy ❤
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #23 on: December 28, 2015, 04:08:37 AM »
What you wrote doesn't seem sexist to me, LostInTheMist. I view everyone's dominance level as being somewhere on a scale, whether they're into BDSM or not. Some people are naturally dominant, or submissive, or somewhere in the middle, or both sometimes (switches).

The fact you relate to women, especially submissive women, the way you do seems more like an expression of who you are/how you feel/how you relate to the opposite gender, at least in a romantic/sensual context. That doesn't seem sexist to me, it seems more an inherent part of yourself.

Offline Oniya

  • StoreHouse of Useless Trivia
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2008
  • Location: Just bouncing through. Hi! City of Roses, Pennsylvania
  • Gender: Female
  • One bad Motokifuka. Also cute and FLUFFY!
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Does This Make Me Sexist?
« Reply #24 on: December 28, 2015, 11:38:45 AM »
One of the things I've noticed in the various 'ists' is what my Philosophy teacher called an 'allness attitude'.  'All ________ are _________', with occasional named exceptions (Oh, well not you, of course!  You're different.)  Doesn't matter much if it's racism, sexism, classism, ethnism.  From what I can tell, you don't think that 'all women are inherently submissive', and you freely admit that it's a 'fantasy' when you RP it.  I'd hazard a guess that in the RPs you write, the woman in question isn't even representative of all women in the setting.