Interracial Roleplaying - How do you feel?

[la dame en noir]

I'm a cis-gendered black female and both online and real life is tough for me. This goes with dating, being in the BDSM community and finding play partners and even on E where I look for people to roleplay with.

I just recently had someone tell me that he didn't want to play alongside my black character because he doesn't like dark girls. He then procceded to ask if I would be willing to play a white or asian character. It struck me right in the heart. Not only do I play black female characters - because I just don't see enough in Literature, especially Fantasy - I am black. It hurt. I have been denied relationships and friendships simply because I do not fit the eurocentric standard of beauty. But in the same breath, I have been told that I am beautiful for a black girl because my skin isn't dark, my nose is small, and my lips are pout and not big. I have been told that I must be mixed because I am too pretty to be just black.

This is the kind of thing I have experienced time and time again. It has hurt my passion for writing and roleplay as well.

I often play in interracial pairings because - why not? I find everyone beautiful and the last thing I care about is what shade they are.

So I ask you E, do you play in interracial pairings?

Are you curious?

How do you feel about this interaction and have you seen it before?

I just need some clarity, because I have never felt so inhumane and hurt before.

Note: I have stated in my search thread that I prefer to play black female characters. Appearently this individual ignored the purpose of my thread.

[Rolo]

La Dame,

My very first RP here at E was with a black female.  I was not aware of the fact until I had been a member for a couple years.  Finding out after the fact had no bearing on me and to be honest it never came up in our story.  I have written with other black females on E as well, where the race difference was prominent.  We both enjoyed the story and played up the stereotypes and had a ball.  She has long since disappeared from E and I miss her because we had a lot of fun.  As someone that has dated a wide variety of races of women I find it offensive as a man that someone would subject you to that discrimination.  I, like you, find beauty in everyone.

Keep doing what you do and stay true to yourself.  Don't let the ignorance of others make you feel bad or doubt yourself.  I have seen your pics in the comments page and you are indeed a very beautiful woman.  And that is not as a "Black" woman but as a woman and a human being.

[Bloodied Porcelain]

So... I've played in interracial games (and have a couple going right now), but I will be the first person to admit that it's generally not my thing over all, and unless the difference in the characters is a key aspect of the story I'm looking to tell, I won't generally go out of my way to get in to a game with an interracial pairing.

Usually because... frankly... I tend to find Caucasian men and women more attractive than men and women of other ethnicities. Not that I don't find African-American, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc men attractive EVER, just that my preferences tend to run more toward men with Caucasian skin tones. It's nothing personal against people of other ethnicities as people, it's just that I don't find them as physically/sexually appealing. I couldn't really explain why, because I have no idea. Just like I can't explain why I tend to like men with blonde or black hair more than men with brown, or why I rarely find blonde women in my purview of "do want" compared to women with red or black hair. Occasionally I find exceptions where I'd be all over it and find them highly appealing, but more often than not, my preferences run toward certain aspects and groups. I also tend to find women with more of an hourglass figure more appealing than traditional thin model types.

I know it's something of a cliché, but I would urge you not to take it seriously. Most RPs here on E have some sexual aspect to them, and a lot of players just can't get in to a story if they find the model their partner wants to use (or the description) attractive. We're here to write something we enjoy. You can't force people to find something attractive. But I've seen a pretty decently large crowd of interracial writers and people who appreciate interracial stories here on E, so I'm 99.99% sure that if you look at others on the site, you'll find someone you mesh well with.

[la dame en noir]

Its a very serious issue. In many different cultures, being white or white skinned is considered more desireable and beautiful. Not to mention that with the issue with European colonization, people are pressured to fit these standards. This also means bleaching their skin and having have very harmful surgeries. Black women in particular are told constantly that because of their facial features and skin tones, that they are inherently the most unnattractive group of women in the world. In order to be perceived as beautiful, they are encouraged to change or have to be mixed.

I have seen countless posts of men putting down black women and dehumanizing us. For people to say that white skin is better or more attractive, they often dont actually mean thr shade itself. They also place stereotypes with these skin tones.

Its nasty and hurtful.

I also think telling someone how they should react or feel is alright either. This situation deeply upset me because it is a form of discrimination i have faced for years. Its not something you can just ignore.

[Bloodied Porcelain]

I'm not at all disagreeing with you that white washing is an issue world wide and has a nasty effect on society, I just meant that in this particular instance, based on the information you provided, it sounded more like someone being honest about a physical trait they don't find attractive personally rather than them taking a stab at who you are as a person. Maybe it was the way he worded it that was particularly hurtful (cause saying "I don't like dark girls" is pretty messed up)? I don't know. Would you have had the same reaction if he'd just said "I don't find the models you like attractive" without ever saying a word about their skin tone?

I'm not sure how the conversation went from "someone expressed their personal preference for what they find attractive and it bothers me" to "if you don't find a particular type of person attractive, you're responsible for the white washing of every minority culture in the world", but I'm just gonna bow out now because this suddenly feels a lot more like a set up to jump on people about their preferences more than an attempt at honest, open discussion.

[la dame en noir]

No, because you dont message someone who said that they play a certain type and then tell them that not only is dark skin unnattractive, but that you should play something else because you dont like it. Why the hell would you message someone only to put them down. This isnt about forcing someone to like my skin color, its about how insensitive people are to peoples feelings. Its not okay.

[la dame en noir]

This an open discussion. But just as you expressed making someone do something, i cant allow someone tell me how i should handle my feelings.

[Lustful Bride]

So I ask you E, do you play in interracial pairings?

Are you curious?

How do you feel about this interaction and have you seen it before?

I just need some clarity, because I have never felt so inhumane and hurt before.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

(I couldn't find anything cuter then the above *gives you an extra hug just because*)

I'm sorry that someone offended you like that. I'm sure this person didn't mean to specifically say it that way to hurt you. They probably just had their foot in their mouth and didn't realized it, possibly even both feet.

To answer your questions, yeah I do interracial roleplays from time to time but I always ask and establish ground rules with the person I am playing with before I evfen begin discussing the actual RP...though I've started doing that for all my roleplays now. :/

I enjoy people of all races and such, I just get more aroused with Asian guys than most other races. 

I feel like these interactions can be fun and passionate and well all it takes is finding the right partner and not letting a bad interaction spoil everything else.

[Dotley]

Oh yes. I do have characters of color and write interracial pairings quite frequently. I love it. But the thing is I don't write it as a fetish or as part of a kink. I don't want my characters to be dehumanized or put on a pedestal because they have dark skin or epicanthic folds. My characters are much more than their race and ethnicity. It will have shaped the character of course, but it doesn't define all that they are.

Unfortunately on E and elsewhere the fetish angle pops up as lot, so I'm just careful of who I'll write my nonwhite characters with and what sort of settings I'll play them out in. I don't have an issue with other people writing racial fetishization in their fictional fun times, because the whole point is it's fiction, but it's not my jam so I don't want to read it or write it.

That said though - I get the hurt. When real life issues creep into our fictional fun times it can hurt a lot.

I mostly write M/M and the casual racism I've had writing partners throw at me in the past was mind boggling. I was once in story negotiations with a potential partner and when I mentioned that I was considering making my character Chinese-American I was told it wasn't compatible with other aspects of the character I was wanting to do. A dominant Asian male wasn't "believable" because "Asian guys just look submissive". I once played a black man in a group RP and I just had to bow out because of the OOC comments and assumptions about his penis size.

Luckily my experiences on E have been much, much better. I simply pass on the people and stories that handle race in a way that doesn't feel right to me and seek out more like minded peeps to write with. There are many wonderful writers on E and there are plenty that write characters of color and write interracial relationships. And like all searches for compatible writing partners it just takes time and often a lil luck to find them 

[la dame en noir]

Yeah everyone has something that really gets them. I really think long haired and gruff white men are very attractive. But i just always find beauty in everything. I always thought people wouldnt say such things to the person they are discriminating against. Like, if i wouldnt pair up my character with on over weight one, i wouldnt say.

Sorry, i dont like obese people. That could probably hurt someone. I always try to think of how someone mighr feel.

Btw...asian men are beautiful:3

[Bloodied Porcelain]

No, because you dont message someone who said that they play a certain type and then tell them that not only is dark skin unnattractive, but that you should play something else because you dont like it. Why the hell would you message someone only to put them down. This isnt about forcing someone to like my skin color, its about how insensitive people are to peoples feelings. Its not okay.

Okay, your first post completely left out any mention that you explicitly stated this to the guy/in an ad/whatever that you only play black characters. For him to do that in spite of knowing that that's your rule is a pretty dick move on his part. To me, based on what you wrote in your first post, it was that you two were discussing a story with no such "I will only play this" rule in place on your part and proposed a black character and then he said he didn't find black women attractive. My apologies, had I known this was a rule/preference he was aware of, my reaction would have been more along the lines of "dude is a jerk". Also, at no point did I tell you how to feel, I just tried to urge you not to take it personally and reassured you that in my time here, I've seen plenty of people in to interracial pairings so I was sure you'd find someone you meshed well with, so letting this guy get you down wasn't worth it.

Of course, now that I realize how crappy the way he handled things was, I only feel more strongly that he's not worth letting hurt you.

[la dame en noir]

Oh yes. I do have characters of color and write interracial pairings quite frequently. I love it. But the thing is I don't write it as a fetish or as part of a kink. I don't want my characters to be dehumanized or put on a pedestal because they have dark skin or epicanthic folds. My characters are much more than their race and ethnicity. It will have shaped the character of course, but it doesn't define all that they are.

Unfortunately on E and elsewhere the fetish angle pops up as lot, so I'm just careful of who I'll write my nonwhite characters with and what sort of settings I'll play them out in. I don't have an issue with other people writing racial fetishization in their fictional fun times, because the whole point is it's fiction, but it's not my jam so I don't want to read it or write it.

That said though - I get the hurt. When real life issues creep into our fictional fun times it can hurt a lot.

I mostly write M/M and the casual racism I've had writing partners throw at me in the past was mind boggling. I was once in story negotiations with a potential partner and when I mentioned that I was considering making my character Chinese-American I was told it wasn't compatible with other aspects of the character I was wanting to do. A dominant Asian male wasn't "believable" because "Asian guys just look submissive". I once played a black man in a group RP and I just had to bow out because of the OOC comments and assumptions about his penis size.

Luckily my experiences on E have been much, much better. I simply pass on the people and stories that handle race in a way that doesn't feel right to me and seek out more like minded peeps to write with. There are many wonderful writers on E and there are plenty that write characters of color and write interracial relationships. And like all searches for compatible writing partners it just takes time and often a lil luck to find them 

That situation is not omly shitty, but racist. I agree with everything you've put forth.

[la dame en noir]

Okay, your first post completely left out any mention that you explicitly stated this guy/in an ad/whatever that you only play black characters. For him to do that in spite of knowing that that's your rule is a pretty dick move on his part. To me, based on what you wrote in your first post, it was that you two were discussing a story with no such "I will only play this" rule in place on your part and proposed a black character and then he said he didn't find black women attractive. My apologies, had I known this was a rule/preference he was aware of, my reaction would have been more along the lines of "dude is a jerk". Also, at no point did I tell you how to feel, I just tried to urge you not to take it personally and reassured you that in my time here, I've seen plenty of people in to interracial pairings so I was sure you'd find someone you meshed well with, so letting this guy get you down wasn't worth it.

Of course, now that I realize how crappy the way he handled things was, I only feel more strongly that he's not worth letting hurt you.

Thank you. Maybe I'll update that, my apologies. I tend to let these things bother me because it happens too often.

[Bloodied Porcelain]

Thank you. Maybe I'll update that, my apologies. I tend to let these things bother me because it happens too often.

Might be a good idea, cause now I feel like an ass for defending an asshole because I thought he was just expressing a preference when in reality he was blatantly ignoring yours. >.<;

And as someone who has read your rp and seen your models, I can definitely say that it's his loss. You're an extremely talented writer, and E would be less if we lost you because some jerks made you feel unwelcome. :)

[la dame en noir]

Might be a good idea, cause now I feel like an ass for defending an asshole because I thought he was just expressing a preference when in reality he was blatantly ignoring yours. >.<;

And as someone who has read your rp and seen your models, I can definitely say that it's his loss. You're an extremely talented writer, and E would be less if we lost you because some jerks made you feel unwelcome. :)

Lol you were just misunderstood. I've had people turn me down because of my preference for playing black females and it never upset me. I just say alright and move one. This was a completely different situation.

[Maiz]

I tend to only play characters who aren't white, because I am not white. So, this makes most my rps interracial. If people have a problem with this then they aren't people I want to roleplay with anyway. Beauty standards/ideals are definitely a product of racism, so people who uphold a certain ideas of beauty in whatever way are playing into that, knowingly or not.

Also, I find equally disturbing the people who want super racist-fetishized roleplays as well.

[Cyrano Johnson]

Sorry for your troubles, la dame en noir. Your experience sounds essentially like the virtual version of white guys who dump black girlfriends because they can't handle the sight of their skin tones in bed together. (I've known women of colour who got dumped for this specific reason.) Frankly, screw that and anyone who behaves that way, on the Net or off it. At that level of severity it's not a "taste" or a "preference" anymore, it's nutcase ideology of a type directly connected with other racial ills in society and you're absolutely within your rights to react to it that way without being lectured or concern-trolled.

In answer to your question, sure I play interracial pairings. I'll admit the "fetish/kink" angle is a guilty pleasure from time to time -- you can't have that without having some racial hangups, I just try to be aware of them and not to let them creep into life outside the specific subdomain of the kinky -- but for the most part I'm far more interested in pairings where their being "interracial" or otherwise isn't a big deal or a hang-up for either party (the only kind of relationship that's tolerable to me IRL).

[Lustful Bride]

Yeah everyone has something that really gets them. I really think long haired and gruff white men are very attractive. But i just always find beauty in everything. I always thought people wouldnt say such things to the person they are discriminating against. Like, if i wouldnt pair up my character with on over weight one, i wouldnt say.

Sorry, i dont like obese people. That could probably hurt someone. I always try to think of how someone mighr feel.

Btw...asian men are beautiful:3

The look on my face when I thought Glenn died in TWD expressed my pain in a way only felt by...probably thousands of other fangirls .
*shrug*

Anyway I guess the important thing is that there be open lines of communication. When I am with my own boyfriend he loves when I can talk in Spanish and tease him with it along with other things we like to do. But we both know that because weve had time to learn and love eachtoher.

On a roleplay site like E its much different, you literally just met someone about a second ago and are discussing a sexual (though not all the time() fantasy together and are likely to make mistakes or come off the wrong way.

[Rolo]

Might I suggest that you report this individual?  His actions flies in the face of what E is about.  We are an all inclusive community.  That's not to say that he "Has" to write with you but he can be more tactful in expressing his preferences where they are not hurtful.  Like you said, if he had mentioned that he doesn't care to write against black females, it would not have be hurtful.  But in my experience, whether or not he intended to hurt, it speaks to a racial attitude.

[la dame en noir]

I tend to only play characters who aren't white, because I am not white. So, this makes most my rps interracial. If people have a problem with this then they aren't people I want to roleplay with anyway. Beauty standards/ideals are definitely a product of racism, so people who uphold a certain ideas of beauty in whatever way are playing into that, knowingly or not.

Also, I find equally disturbing the people who want super racist-fetishized roleplays as well.

ive played one very taboo rp, but it was understood that it was only a story. But I understand completely.

[Maiz]

ive played one very taboo rp, but it was understood that it was only a story. But I understand completely.

Yeah. For me personally I am more into exploring fantasy/scifi in ways that has not been done before, or creating settings that I haven't seen. Which means not based off white European/American ideas of fantasy/scifi.

[Bloodied Porcelain]

One of my favorite parts of my interracial rps isn't really about kink... it's about the aesthetic. I genuinely enjoy writing and playing up the visual created by an interracial couple. I love the contrast of skin tones and the like, and second to that is the fact that I love playing two characters who are dramatically different in every way... not just skin tone, but background and culture as well. Where a focus of exploring them in the story as a couple is figuring out how they deal with the glaring differences, miscommunications, interests, etc. But I tend to find relationships in general that have big hang ups like that fun, regardless of the character's skin colors.

[Lustful Bride]

Might I suggest that you report this individual?  His actions flies in the face of what E is about.  We are an all inclusive community.  That's not to say that he "Has" to write with you but he can be more tactful in expressing his preferences where they are not hurtful.  Like you said, if he had mentioned that he doesn't care to write against black females, it would not have be hurtful.  But in my experience, whether or not he intended to hurt, it speaks to a racial attitude.

I think that maybe reporting a person for that is just alittle too far. Don't misunderstand, im not defending or deflecting but I think maybe itd be just as easy to block the person. Unless they were spouting off hate speech I don't feel like that's report worthy.

I mean hell just a week ago I saw someone calling the Bible (the book of my faith) a dusty, sand, covered book of lies. Not the same thing i know but just bare with me on this.

I mean it hurt yes but I know that that is their opinion. But unless they were calling for violence or really pushing it over and over again... then they were free to hold. As long as their opinion Is not doing harm they are free to have it ans do long as they keep it under control and don't go screaming it everywhere.

Im not saying what they did was right but it might not be a good idea to escalate thigns like that.

Edit: There;s also the chance that in the rush to get their rocks off the person didn't read the specifications of La Dame's thread and didn't think before typing.

One of my favorite parts of my interracial rps isn't really about kink... it's about the aesthetic. I genuinely enjoy writing and playing up the visual created by an interracial couple. I love the contrast of skin tones and the like, and second to that is the fact that I love playing two characters who are dramatically different in every way... not just skin tone, but background and culture as well

I am a complete and total sucker for Forbidden Romances and the like. I have a book shelf with nothing but that..even this one dumb series about a hitman whose also a werewolf...falling in love with one of his targets....dumb as hell but I like it....

[Bloodied Porcelain]

I am a complete and total sucker for Forbidden Romances and the like. I have a book shelf with nothing but that..even this one dumb series about a hitman whose also a werewolf...falling in love with one of his targets....dumb as hell but I like it....

Yaaaaaaasssss. Forbidden romances are so much fun. But even beyond them just being forbidden, I enjoy the contrasts and clashes between the two characters. Relationships that just go off without a hitch and aren't a big deal tend to bore me after a while lol.

[la dame en noir]

One of my favorite parts of my interracial rps isn't really about kink... it's about the aesthetic. I genuinely enjoy writing and playing up the visual created by an interracial couple. I love the contrast of skin tones and the like, and second to that is the fact that I love playing two characters who are dramatically different in every way... not just skin tone, but background and culture as well. Where a focus of exploring them in the story as a couple is figuring out how they deal with the glaring differences, miscommunications, interests, etc. But I tend to find relationships in general that have big hang ups like that fun, regardless of the character's skin colors.

I agree