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Author Topic: Ceri's Den | Writing a book series, & being Autistic. |  (Read 4588 times)

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Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Ceri's Den | Writing a book series, & being Autistic. |
« on: November 27, 2015, 11:24:08 AM »

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


I'm nearing my 25th birthday, and I feel entirely unaccomplished. I barely leave my house, I stay up late writing stories with people I've never met and I love every minute of it. Recently, however, it hit me. I'm a failed artist. I gave up on making a career out of my visual art the day I dropped out of my two-bit college. I've secretly always wanted to write a book, even if it's not a best seller, it's still a book that I can show people, that I can have for myself and feel that sense of pride. Even if I don't get it published by a company, big name or not, I can publish it through www.lulu.com and pick my own cover art and have an official copy, I see a light at the end of the tunnel! The hardest part of this whole ordeal? Making myself believe I can do this.

At the age of fifteen I got really interested in writing and after I'd finish ten pages, I'd hand them off to my parents who would read it and give me their critiques, my mom would look at sentence structure, and my dad would look at the original idea and tell me it sucked. None of what he said was conducive to helping me, but that's another tale for another day. Now I'm sitting down to actually write a novel. A. Novel. Every person I've told has seemed blase about it, is this really a not shocking fact for me to share? I have ten different stories I reply to throughout the weeks, but really, is it so monumentally mundane for me to tell them I'm writing a story? I suppose I'm not as shocking as I think, lol. These same people read my story, and are then shocked! They love my content and look forward to when I post more! It feels good to have friends tell me that they're hooked on my growing book, it feels good to have tablo give me a 79 smartypants score (their highest rating is 100, the closer to 100 you get, the smarter your book is) and it feels good to know that as of right now, I have nearly 10,000 words written. That means I should be able to reach 160,000 without much of a problem and actually stand a chance at having my book published by an actual company! I am so excited to stand an actual chance at having my book on the shelves of the stores I love so dearly. Hopefully I can reach my goals before I'm 30. If I don't get published and dont see my name on the shelves, I'm entirely fine with that, as long as I finish this and get to hold the physical copy in my hands.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
Quote
For the second time in ten  years, the media is on fire. Every few hours new details are emerging about a mysterious and gruesome painting, and the bloody boy.

Originally, it surfaced after being anonymously donated to the Louvre. Attempting to be the one to solve the mystery, nearly every genius-breeding college has asked to test it. After extensive examination, it had been concluded that the artist was Botticelli, but the real shock, however, was the subject. A widely shared and popular opinion, was that the boy depicted,  was the only surviving son of Vladimir Tepes, the Impaler. Mihnea cel Rău, was the first son of the Impaler, and therefore was common knowledge, so the existence of an undocumented second son, was absolutely outrageous! Unfortunately, since no evidence had been uncovered to support this outlandish idea, it had been dismissed.

To this day, mystery continues to shroud the gruesome work. Now, exactly a decade later, Bran Castle sells over night, for a whopping one-hundred-million-dollars. Reports of site construction now flood every major news station. Near six-hundred years after his death, Vladimir Tepes is all anyone can talk about. But who bought his supposedly haunted and dilapidated castle? As the questioning public closes in on it, a supposed representative of the customer comes forward. She discloses that the castle is only undergoing restorative construction.

Conspiracy theorists are claiming that both the painting benefactor, and now current owner of Bran Castle, are the same person. Brazenly, they are also claiming this person to be none other than the bloody boy himself.

Waking the Dragon: History Redefined

I'm so excited and proud of myself to already have 20 pages written and working on the next chapter. Maybe I'm not as half bad as I think I am.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2016, 10:27:12 PM by Ceridwen »

Offline SpilledInk

Re: And so I'm finally working toward my dreams.
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2015, 12:24:03 AM »
I found this entry particularly inspiring and wanted to jump in to say something.

You can do this.

That's not just an empty platitude. Thousands of people have written novels. Literally thousands. It's difficult but, as long as you want it badly enough, you'll get there. Maybe this year. Maybe when you're thirty. But you can.

So no matter what happens going forward, don't see it as failure. Even if you don't make it to word 10,001 on this novel, that's fine. You wrote 10,000 words. Let me say that again: ten thousand words written by no one but you.

Even just from this blog post I can tell that you have a capable command of the English language. That's all you need. Everything else you can pick up along the way.

Enjoy it, it's an exciting journey to begin.

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: And so I'm finally working toward my dreams.
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2015, 12:38:56 PM »
Update;



I am now sitting neatly at 13.7k words! I am still at a 79 smartypants score and now I've got an estimated read time of 1 hour! I'm working on chapter four and the ideas are now coming to me freely, after having hit a stalemate! Being confident is coming easier to me, after roughly 10 years of writing! The plan now, is to print out my existing chapters and color code it for environmental details (character's dwellings, origination(s) ..etc), personal details (age, eye color, height, hair color, ancestors...etc) and story impacting details (twists, villainous details, vulnerabilities..etc). I'm also going to correct the small mistakes I may or may not find. Overall, I'm apparently handling this like a real author now, and that makes me pretty proud!

[sidenote: I sent a nice message thanking SpilledInk for his very kind and encouraging words.]

Edit;

...I am unashamed in saying that I listen to Brittney Spears, Nysnc and the Backstreet Boys when I'm writing. I'm a '90s kid at heart, lol. I am even less ashamed to say that I will turn into my 13 year old self when "byebyebye" comes up on my playlist.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2015, 02:17:45 PM by Ceridwen »

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Life Blog
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2015, 11:10:18 AM »
Netflix is on the fritz, and it's making me want to scream.

Fortunately, we're not the only ones experiencing this issue (sorry to whomever might be reading this, and is located near boston!), and netflix is aware of the issue, so hopefully they get off of their asses and fix it. I'm sick. I need netflix and coughing, sneezing, snuggled up in my favorite pajamas watching bobs burgers.

But! Today's segment is entitled Ceri's Gender, Sexuality and Pronouns!

Gender: Within the past three years, I've noticed a severe shift in my gender identity. A lot of people are telling me this is normal. Normal to want different pronouns and experiment, normal to want to bind my chest one day and wear a dress the next, it's okay and just. Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. That word pisses me off. Nothing in today's society is normal, it's not normal to stare down at a screen all times of the day, it's not normal to prefer text based interactions and it's definitely not normal to enjoy any of this, but I love it and I'm not complaining. But, tonight, during a rather in-depth conversation with the hubs, he confessed to me that he knows I'm genderless. Thanks for not telling me! I thought I was still gender queer! But in reality, he listed all of the reasons off and I recognized them as the defining factors as to why I feel this way.  Really. I feel special to understand this about myself. For a long time I've been unconcerned with my gender, saying I was just "both male and female" but now I realize, I'm neither. I dont know how to explain it, but mentally, I'm neither. I enjoy being androgynous.

Sexuality: I've been pansexual for as long as I can remember. Honestly, I have no preference for my sexual/romantic/platonic partners, so long as they respect me and love me.

Pronouns: They/Theirs

Honestly, people consider me to be a lady by the way I talk and I move, I'm fine with this. They want to call me a lady? Fine. I have no definitive gender and have been known to fluctuate between male, female, both or neither and I'm entirely fine with being called Lord, Lady, Liege... really anything. For a spell there, I thought I was male and began identifying as such, it never felt right, but I found out that I love the raw masculinity of that half of myself.

Yeah, so I've rambled on about things I haven't even told my parents. Enjoy, interwebzians!  :P

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Life Blog
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2015, 02:23:01 AM »

"On a scale from 1 to 10, how badly is your muse misbehaving?"

The winter ick has left Ceri! ... Which means back to the grindstone!

Tonight was laundry night at the local laundromat, unfortunately for the husbando and ceri, it meant staying at the laundromat until 1am. Oh yes, I slept nearly 24 hours, because NyQuil kicked my lightweight ass, but energy drinks have been my friend today-- as in I've had one and now I'm a jittery little Ceri.

But! I've finally started progress on working out floor plans for the Manor, I'm working on spreading out the town around it and trying to piece their world together. It's slow going but it's .... I would say rewarding but it's irritating and frustrating. Not to mention at least I now have a place for the villains of the story to live! Apparently there are a few abandoned/dissolved towns up here that I can base some creepy shit in!

 

But tonight was a big breakthrough for me! I've been sick for nearly a week, I've been sleeping more and more and just generally have been too miserable to think clearly, but, hubs and i went to the laundromat and I took my writing stuff with us! I started editing chapter 2 and actually managed to get back in touch with my writing mojo! Huzzah! Normally when i take a break from writing, I can't get back into the groove and end up abandoning the story. I'm super happy that I still have the groove to fit back into!

That said, i need to get back to it. I just wanted to update it, provide some pictures and ramble a bit more!

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Life Blog - dealing with death.
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2015, 09:14:55 AM »
Happy, we were never close after the 9th grade, but you still had an impact on my life.

Sure, people all throughout history have claimed to have this connection with the recently deceased, but this time it's actually true. In the 9th grade I was suicidal, depressed, self mutilating and looking for someone to just tell me that everything would be okay. I remember coming to school with bandaids strapped to my arm, trying to cover the fact that they were bleeding through. Once he saw, he grabbed me by the arm and hauled my ass to the nurse's office. He single handedly managed to raise my self esteem a few points and even helped me to see, although temporarily, that life was worth living. There was one major downside of being affiliated with Happy. He was a drug addict long before I knew him. I gave him the choice, when we started to get a little serious about each other, "it's me or the drugs", you can guess his choice and it ended cleanly. We fell out of contact after I graduated high school and I went on with my life. He made the occasional appearance when I needed him the most during my high school career and he was always a lingering thought in my mind when things got bad.

When I was 21, newly engaged and looking to move out of my parents house and in with my now husband, he friended me on facebook and proceeded to ask, while high "if I hadn't chosen the drugs, do you think I would be the one you're engaged to?" I didn't know how to answer and told him honestly "No." After I found out he was high on ecstasy, I unfriended him and made a point to avoid him. At that point in my life, I didn't need the drama surrounding drug deals and addicts. I don't regret my decision. On december 2nd, happy was hit by a truck and pinned against a dumpster, where he died. He was 25. He had just finished up public service, so I'm guessing that he didn't put himself on the straight and narrow and I'm also guessing his life had taken a turn for the worst as he wasn't exactly in a stable frame of mind, all according to people that knew him into his adult years.

Oh, it gets better.

His mother decided then, to commit suicide after hearing about her second to youngest son. She had two others who needed her. Now they're dealing with the loss of their brother and their mother. Added bonus? Their grandmother was admitted to hospice today.

In short.

I'm numb. I can't deal with this. I've known these people for 10+ years and now suddenly, they're gone. I can't bring myself to cry. I can't bring myself to do anything more than occasionally look at his facebook and wonder why this had to happen.

I'm going to do what I do best. Ignore it and hope this is just a really, really bad fucking dream.

Mind you. This now makes two people I went to high school to die within the past 3 years. One was an accidental heroine overdose and now vehicular homicide. Manslaughter? Fuck if I know.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2015, 09:34:38 AM by Ceridwen »

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Life Blog
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2015, 11:45:11 AM »
20k words achieved!


I am currently sitting pretty at 20,036 words! Now, tonight I mapped out the first floor of the Manor, and I even began outlining chapters 5 and 6! Is it bad that 'm starting to impress myself? I've unearthed some epic organizational skills that would make my mother proud, and I'm even going through previous chapters and editing those as I go! ....holy hell I'm amazing! (joking) but really, for someone whose never written a book before, I'm really impressing myself!

Let's raise a glass to the installment of chapter 4 and drink to finishing chapter 20! Here's to making it to 160,000 words!



Cheers
« Last Edit: December 04, 2015, 11:56:57 AM by Ceridwen »

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2015, 04:04:36 PM »

I'm sure there are some of my close friends, who are out there thinking I'm diligently writing every single day, not straying from ideas or downing as much freaking coffee as I am. That thought amuses me more than it should! I want to let them see what it's like to watch me write! Today is a tame day, I have a cup of coffee, and I'm checking E, normally I make quick food, sling back some coffee, and get to writing, in my pajamas, with behead. Half the time I don't even get that far, I remember having one slipper on for an entire day in the past week. It was... interesting to have one foot warm and cozy while the other went numb and stiff from the cold. Side note, living in new england is fun. It was 60 degrees the other day and now it's goddamn 20. Woo...

Want to know the fun part about being given the chance to write a novel? You talk about it incessantly. You know people are tired of the updates and whatnot, but you can't stop yourself, so the answers are all the same from several different people "That's so awesome! I'm proud of you." I mean, I know they mean well, and they're genuinely proud of me, but it's amusing to get the same answer from people who don't know each other at all. Another fun part? I can't tell my relatives because the novel features incestuous sex. Yep. But to be fair, its demonstrating the lack of morality between the main villains so, at least I'm not romanticizing it.

I'm starting to feel more like an adult, lately. I'm getting excited to go to staples. Currently, our printer isn't hooked up or have ink, it's nothing that we can't fix, but until we can spend the $70 for new ink, we're going to staples to print out my revisions and whatnot. Honestly. We printed out 65-ish pages for about $5, not bad, but now the woman behind the counter is starting to recognize us. I'm getting a little worried, because now she's asking us about things, and I really don't want to answer her. She's the sort of employee to stare you down with a dirty look for weeks on end before eventually she "deems you worthy enough" to talk to. She makes me uncomfortable. But that's another story for a different day.

BUT! Yet another update :)

25k words, 65 pages, 79 smarty pants score, 2 hour read time and 5 chapters with a preface!

My goal is 20 chapters with 160k words.

I'm almost halfway there!  :D

Update:
I've also taken to mapping out chapters as a rough start so now I have an idea of what each segment will hold up until the 10th installment! I add details as I go and if it's a shaky one, I'll cross it out and replace it or move them around until the events make sense. I'm starting to feel more like a writer each day!

small rant


I feel like I should probably send that to the people who've pissed me off lately, namely the in-laws and my dad for doing just unthinkable, insanely inconsiderate and selfish things as of late. Why people think that pressuring their family into trying to do things, this time of year, is acceptable, I'll never know.

During this holiday season, please don't be a dick to your family, unless they deserve it!
It's okay to want a holiday to yourselves, and if someone's trying to pressure you into changing those plans, vehemently tell them no. Don't relent. Do what's best for yourself.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2015, 08:39:30 PM by Ceridwen »

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2015, 10:33:32 AM »
33.3k words, 2 hour read time, 80+ pages, 79 smartypants score..



I. Am. Amazed.

Tonight, I mapped out a twist for the chapter, added more detail into the universe, gave the town a name, gave every town a name, that the character reside in, and even created a history to surround the Manor. I'm astounded with what's just coming to me. I'm also able to incorporate the things I've learned in school (elementary and high school) from history books, and I've begun pulling people from history!

This post isn't going to be long and eloquent, nono, instead, it's just going to be straightforward because I'm exhausted. In one chapter, I jumped up 8k in words, and introduced several new themes. I'm going to really need to edit the previous chapters, but might do that after I finish the damn book, just in order to polish it off. I know I'll edit it six or seven times over, but that'll be the fun of writing my own novel. More fun than passing out at my desk, any time I'm left alone... However! my computer is covered in sticky notes, lol, to remind myself of other tidbits and whatnot.

I'd celebrate with a drink of scotch, but, I'm too tired. So I'll just drink my juice, and head to bed, soon!

Less than a week ago, I had just reached my 20k word goal. Now? I'm quickly approaching 40k words, next will be 50k and 60k... Until I reach 160k and 20 chapters.

I even beat the tar out of writer's block tonight! I don't know how I did it, but I did! I couldn't think of a thing to write, so I put on one of my comfort shows, and the ideas just started pouring out of me! I'm damn proud. But I think everyone's getting tired of the random updates.. Oh well. I'm proud and they're amazed/proud too, so yay!

My Novel

« Last Edit: December 09, 2015, 10:37:12 AM by Ceridwen »

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2015, 03:55:59 AM »
Ch 6 teaser



Tablo did something new...


My smartypants score, which was testing the intelligence of my book, has now turned into this bookworm score, which, as explained in the picture, shows the popularity of a book. I haven't even been writing this book for a month and I've already gotten 19 reads.

I knew this was an interactive site, but I didn't expect it to not only try and encourage me, like it has, but they also, after apparently a certain word amount, email you about contacting editors. I'll be editing the novel myself and then I'll send it off to an editor, after we have the money. Tablo is impressing me, in all sorts of way! It's an extremely proactive site, which is essentially free! If you want to access extra features, such as reader analytics, you have to pay an extra $7 a month, which isn't bad, for someone whose trying to sell their already established novel. For now, I don't need these features, since I'm only on chapter 6 of a projected 20. I'm hoping that if I go over 160k words, I'll still stand a chance at possibly getting picked up by a company, if not, then I'll still be happy knowing that I've written a book and surpassed the 160k amount. Either way, it's an accomplishment!

Later today, hubs and I are going to staples, and I get to print out my newest chapter, which is a whopping 20 pages, and 8k words! I'm going through and highlighting key information to be used in later chapters, in order to keep everything straight. It's working so far! Tonight's project? Recovering from receiving hardly any sleep and mapping out chapter 7, which isn't difficult since I started adding all sorts of info that wasn't given to ch 6. It's super easy to use this sort of key. It helps keep things organized and keeps me motivated! I feel like a writer, and this is ultimately new to me. Although writing a novel is so far very difficult, it's fun. Now I know why  people do it!

Sidenote: one of my best friends told me that she's addicted to my story, and has been since the second chapter. While talking, I equated our budding books as brain babies, needless to say, she loved it! Lol.

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2015, 12:39:30 AM »
Setting to work on Chapter 7

Sure, it's easy to collect thoughts and write them down, but to organize them and incorporate them into an actual chapter? That's the hard part. Holidays bring stress, and stress bring meltdowns. Oh? Haven't I mentioned that? I'm unofficially autistic, meaning, I'm on a harvard doctor's waitlist. When they contact me, I'll get my screening and probably get my autism diagnosis. Until that point, since I've been on the list for going on 3 months, I've done my research (over 100 hours to be specific) and have concluded that yes, I'm autistic. That's not the focus of this post, however!

I've realized that my organizational skills have progressed and that I've begun to collect things like folders, sticky notes, paper clips and binder clips. I'm astounded with this levelof skill, but I suppose when it's detrimental to something extremely important to me, I tend to get super focused and anal.



That being said. Have you ever wondered what a writer's space may look like? Mine always has coffee. The cup varies, but the content is almost always the same. One tablespoon of liquid sugar, about 4 tablespoons of creamer (depending on the cup) and green mountain coffee. I start my day with it, and it gives me the nice little jolt of caffeine I seem to require in my mid-twenties. I'm always burning a candle, because yankee candle is everywhere here. Yay New England. They're obsessed with three things I've noticed.. okay four. Dunkin Donuts, Yankee Candle, Green Mountain and the Patriots/Bruins. Of all the places I've lived, these people are the worst when it comes to sports team sales. Have I mentioned I've lived in New Jersey? I digress.

If you haven't wondered what a writer's space looked like, what about an autistic one? Honestly, it's quite difficult to keep myself organized and on one train of thought, not to mention, if I get super invested in my work, anything can set me off and trigger a meltdown. I've nearly melted down from my own fucking scenery at times. Last night was one of the worst nights I've had in a long time. I got dizzy, which set me off and over stimulated me. Thankfully, I just decided to call it quits and go upstairs to sleep it off, however, lucky me, it was 60 fucking degrees and I was sweating during my sleep which means I was again over stimulated and woke up depressed, because I think I'm burning out. Please check my Absences thread for definitions. So, what am I doing to combat this? Stimming like crazy! I keep stim toys on my desk to help keep me centered, and it freaking WORKS. So! Here you go!



After a couple of days of rest, I'm finally starting work on chapter 7 and continuing onward with my book! Hopefully I can get this finished and published! I'm so excited.

I'm advertising the fuck out of this but, here you go! If you'd like to read Waking the Dragon: History Reimagined, please click >here<!

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2015, 01:40:42 AM »
I'm autistic and an aspiring author.

What does that mean?  To be truthful, I don't even know half of the time. My autism is creative, happy and healthy.

Despite what certain organizations say, autism is not a death sentence. I'm not romanticizing it, but it's also not something to fear, for fuck sake, respect it! I often equate my autism to a wild animal, it can be feral, but others, you can feed it from the palm of your hand. There ware ways to make your autism happy and there are ways to piss it off, this is an aspect of my being that can steal my sanity or revitalize it, but overall, it is something that I love. This is where I'd quote my own book, but that seems pompous.

Moving on!

For me, mapping out chapters and a general direction of which my novel is moving in, is a necessity. I've been moving along, one chapter at a time, but now felt I finally knew where to take the chapters, so I started the entire outline, starting from chapter 8, which is my next one as I'm wrapping up 7 ASAP. My original chapter projection was 20, now? Well that brings about this story; while I was chugging along, I realized I was running out of chapters to stuff info in. By the time I hit 20, I was in mid-climactic decline. I extended it by five, ran into the same problem and allowed myself only five more. Now I'm sitting neatly at a forecast of 30 chapters! If I adhere to my own outline, I should accomplish my ten chapter goal before the new year! Not to mention, I'll continue to pick and choose which detail I add to the chapter, and flesh it out that way, so if I don't use one thing, I can write it into future chapters! Where these organizational skills came from, I'll never know, but I'm grateful for them.

Thank you to everyone whose supporting me, during this adventure!
I didn't realize this was out of the norm, nor did I realize not everyone does something like this. By the reaction people shared at first, I figured this was pretty run of the mill occurrence, until a friend told me tonight, what I'm doing is important. Nevertheless, thank you for your support! Hopefully I can continue with this, and not let anyone down.

Back to goofy Ceri!



Waking the Dragon: History Reimagined
>click here<
I'm making progress! Stay tuned for ch. 7, which will hopefully be added tomorrow.

Quote from:  CS Jesse (Teaser)
For the second time in ten  years, the media is on fire. Every few hours new details are emerging about a mysterious and gruesome painting, and the bloody boy.

Originally, it surfaced after being anonymously donated to the Louvre. Attempting to be the one to solve the mystery, nearly every genius-breeding college has asked to test it. After extensive examination, it had been concluded that the artist was Botticelli, but the real shock, however, was the subject. A widely shared and popular opinion, was that the boy depicted,  was the only surviving son of Vladimir Tepes, the Impaler. Mihnea cel Rău, was the first son of the Impaler, and therefore was common knowledge, so the existence of an undocumented second son, was absolutely outrageous! Unfortunately, since no evidence had been uncovered to support this outlandish idea, it had been dismissed.

To this day, mystery continues to shroud the gruesome work. Now, exactly a decade later, Bran Castle sells over night, for a whopping one-hundred-million-dollars. Reports of site construction now flood every major news station. Near six-hundred years after his death, Vladimir Tepes is all anyone can talk about. But who bought his supposedly haunted and dilapidated castle? As the questioning public closes in on it, a supposed representative of the customer comes forward. She discloses that the castle is only undergoing restorative construction.

Conspiracy theorists are claiming that both the painting benefactor, and now current owner of Bran Castle, are the same person. Brazenly, they are also claiming this person to be none other than the bloody boy himself.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2015, 07:11:55 AM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2015, 12:09:39 AM »


Holidays.


How is the holiday mania even socially acceptable? Once a year, my relatives (and I'm sure others have the same plight) go insane. They're up my ass, about everything. Always insisting the hubs and I come over for some meal I can't eat, because my gallbladder sucks and 'they didn't remember' although they were told only 6 times in one conversation that I can't have 'normal' food. I've been on an ultra healthy diet for the past 6 months. This isn't new, and it's certainly not voluntary. When I didn't listen to my organ, it put me in the hospital for 5 hours while I had pain medication dripped into my veins. Before that, I spent an hour violently retching into the toilet, attempting to vomit the fucking thing. I broke blood vessels all over my face and in my eyes. But apparently my not being able to eat a lard-soaked dish, is inconvenient for them. Worst of all? The lad, of the hetero pairing, has stones in his own gallbladder, and told me, that because he hasn't passe done yet, that there are worse pains to have. I've never wanted to punch someone's throat so much, until then. What the fuck does he know?! Did he take a nice ambulance ride to the hospital while he cried and arched and writhed in the gurney while the paramedics or whoever, tried to get his info? No? Exactly. Not only did my gallbladder start passing stones that day, it pissed off my kidney because the stone got caught in my bile duct. Fun part? That's life threatening, my gastroenterologist told me. So guess whose due for surgery? Me. I want to finish my novel before that happens. No need to take weeks off, doped up on pain meds, and forget every idea I've worked so hard on.

Worse yet. These people haven't entirely accepted the fact that I'm autistic, don't believe in (temporary) self diagnosis and treat me like I'm temporary. These are my in-laws. They're not my family. Family doesn't treat me like this.

To add insult, to injury.

One of my best friends of 2 years, has gone mental. She's been complaining incessantly, about everything, and no matter how I try to cheer her up, persists in essentially telling me I'm wrong. I've told her she should seek therapy, she won't listen to me and instead turns it around that I should, although I'm handling my anxiety better now that I know why it flares up, not to mention that, I-fucking-am. I have to wait for the guy to call me back, and since I'm in a rural area that doesn't have many psychologists trained to screen adult autism, it's going to take some time. I get that, and I'll wait as long as they need me to. When I came back to this site about 2 months ago, and started seeking active partners, I found a really epic bunch that happened to primarily post during the mornings, so I'd stay up late to post with them, which meant I wasn't receiving the greatest amount of sleep. Eventually hubs had to intervene and help me back my time on here, down. That said, I spent a few weeks recovering from that stint, instead of sleeping 6 hours at the most, I was getting 16+ and in her neurotic little mind, thought that I was avoiding her, although I had openly told her I'd never do that. Add that in, with how my in-laws are acting? I melted down. Hard. Bless one of my better friends for comforting me and helping me from making this World War III. When the storm cleared, I saw that she really isn't worth the pain and frustration (thanks to ANOTHER friend) and I'm distancing myself. I spent a peaceful evening without her persistent, toxic behavior. Today however? I woke up to a message of her informing me that her meds are being adjusted. Okay? At this point, I'm far from caring. Then she adds in at the bottom 'don't worry about replying if you're not feeling up to it.' what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Feel not pressured? Or feel threatened, because with how she'd been acting, she's trying to guilt me. That's what she does, now. When I first started my novel, I warned her that I get really engrossed in writing and tend to zone out and not answer my phone, everyone else that I warned seemed to understand, but her? She wanted me to specifically drop everything that I was doing and text her back, telling her that I was busy. I'm sorry, if I can't remember to eat, then I won't be able to remember to text you back before the next day, when I'm sitting back down to dive back in. Like. Trust that I'm not avoiding you, for fuck sake.

a special message for her


I'm so fucking stressed. My own parents are in understanding of why we are spending the holiday at home (we're 9 hours away from them, and traveling this time of year is fucking impossible), which I've openly told them thank you for. My in laws don't grasp the words "No. Alone. Healthy Food." and one of my best, more trusted friends, has gone out of her gourde and started treating me like my feelings don't matter and that I'm incapable of making my own decisions. I've tried being supportive, being emotionally there and everything a good friend would, and she's taken advantage of and abused that. It's hard to continue to give to someone who would prefer not to return the favor.

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2015, 04:33:32 AM »
40k words.

I'm exhausted. I'm a little cranky. I'm relieved, proud, awe-struck, cold and overall in utter disbelief that the person who couldn't make a story last past 10 pages, has written nearing in on 100 pages, 40k words and 7 chapters. This is a really fucking amazing achievement and accomplishment! Now, off to bed because I'm falling asleep on my keyboard!

My celebratory gif!


If you'd like to read Waking the Dragon: History Reimagined; please >click here<
« Last Edit: December 15, 2015, 04:34:35 AM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #14 on: December 18, 2015, 12:11:39 AM »
 
What did Ceri get for the holidays?

Several things. A book on how to be a successful author, a follow by a successful author and a beautiful comment. I'm going to celebrate the comment tonight!

Quote from: Michael Dellert
I like it so far. It could use some editing, but the story is clear enough, and I like the characterization and the depth of detail. Nice work! :)

This person is accomplished, successful and on tablo giving advice to people. I cried for 10 minutes about this. Not only that, but one of my very close friends who is studying graphic design in college is going to do cover mock-ups for me and I told him what the covers will be once the book series is finished, yes, this might turn out to be a trilogy!

People are recommending my 7 chapters and I've gained about 10 readers today. I got a new phone, and.. it's like the world just vomited good news on me, today! I love it! Not to mention now our living room looks like a magical holiday land!


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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #15 on: December 18, 2015, 09:40:11 PM »
Picture Inspiration
And it's importance!


Copyrighted by Mialath







Copyrighted by Daemosa













Copyrighted by Ceridwen





Sometimes we listen to a song, watch a movie, read a book, look at a picture or visit some special place that just tickles you. For a writer this can mean ideas for a new book, chapter or whathaveyou! I've begun to remember to take pictures of these things in order to remember the feeling I got from them. It's been helping, and I figured I'd share that with the world! So here is some of my inspiration, right here! All rights go to the photographers, and before some of the less desirable people on the internet think they're going to just nab these pictures, I watermarked them with my screenname. I've got permission from the photographers to post them here and use as I want too!

*The photographers are in fact members of this site! This also won't be the only instillation of inspirational photographs!
« Last Edit: December 18, 2015, 09:49:44 PM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2015, 10:30:07 PM »
Tumblr

I am backing these posts down to only track my milestone progresses. My rambling is being moved to >tumblr<, where I'll be doing sets of inspirational photos, and reblogging tons of others from other people. Basically, if you want to continue following the small steps, find me there, if not, then stay tuned for the bigger updates! That said, I'm really turning the story on it's head in chapter 8, and can't wait to see what else may arise!

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2015, 05:38:41 AM »

[Click Here] to read!

Novel renamed!


Why was the novel renamed? There's another book out there named Waking the Dragon, and I felt like I was stealing their title, so I came up with one that's better than my overly wordy original! Now that'll raise the question with my readers, are there actually dragons? you'll have to read and find out!

I'm sitting at 48.3k words, that makes me proud and giddy! I'm so close to 50k, which the next step after this is 60k and then 80! At 80k I'll be halfway to my word goal! Mind you, none of my previous stories met 10k words before, so being able to install 8k words at a time, for each chapter, I'm so proud and in awe of myself!

As things progress, I get more serious and start looking at a menagerie of different things, I start incorporating new details and turning the story this way and that! I'm having so much fun, and hope that some people that read it out there, are too! I'm also hoping this will be turned into a trilogy! I'm already thinking about the next book and what surprises it may bring! Now all I need to do is binge on some horror movies and up my brutal writing, game!
« Last Edit: December 20, 2015, 05:39:44 AM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #18 on: December 23, 2015, 12:03:09 AM »
I'll admit it, I've used this picture before, but every single time a certain selfish asshat texts me, that's what I turn into. Let's call this person S. Yesterday, S texts me and I haven't talked to her in a couple of days, so I figured I'd be a good friend and text back. What a fucking mistake. For three hours this person whined at me about "how they ruined dinner" for she and her boyfriend, then cried afterward. I asked her if she's considered going to a therapist and was met with a fucking excuse. Then she tries to turn it around on me that I am the one needing to seek help instead. I've mentioned before that I'm on a leading psychologists wait list, but that never seems good enough for her. To add insult to injury, she stops texting for about two hours, which gave me reprieve, then texts me that she and her boyfriend 'were getting ready to play and when we both took our pants off, we had on the same underwear!' I'm sorry but we're close, just not that close, especially with how she's been acting lately. I stopped replying, which I thought was fine since it was time for me to nap anyways, then she texts at 11:47pm "hi" after virtually ignoring me all day. I'm so livid. I had a good day but around the same time Hubs gets called into work, she decides she needs to talk to me for what ever fucking reason.

I don't want to be this person's friend, but she's the sort that will guilt me out of my decision if I even so think of making it. I keep ranting and raving about her, but it's one of those things that I don't feel better afterward. I'm literally at the end of my rope with this person, and if she keeps trying to push me into talking to her, I'm going to end up pushing back and it's not going to be pretty. Worse yet? She understands that I'm autistic and will withdraw from conversations and people at times of discomfort, and also knows that the holidays are a huge time of discomfort for me, and what's she do? Push push push push push. Something's making me think this might be a form of emotional abuse. She's constantly yanking me around and guilting me for shit I can't help, then doing the same stuff but with the tumblr mentality "I don't have a problem, you do." and it's really hampering on my ability to write to anyone. Fuck. Fuck this so much. She was my best friend for about 2 years and now I want to keep as much distance between us as possible. Fuck.

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm? |
« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2015, 02:56:09 AM »
50k words.

I took nyquil last night, which usually puts me in something like a coma, so it wasn't surprising that I was ultra drowsy all day today. Despite having difficulty keeping my eyes open, I managed to get several epic pictures of a revolutionary war cemetery [located >here<]! This apparently helped spur me into finishing chapter 9, which was shockingly easy to write! The ending is pretty sad, but I'm not apologizing! Lol. I'm so proud of myself, but ultimately I don't feel like I've written 50k words and going on 200 pages!! What am I going to do to celebrate? Raise a glass full of peppermint white russian! Now onto chapter 10!

My book can be found >here<
« Last Edit: December 24, 2015, 03:27:17 AM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm | 50k words achieved!
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2015, 11:12:11 PM »

Merry Holidays
Let us raise a glass for those who have passed from this life.
They are gone, but never forgotten.


What did Ceri do for the holiday? Well, they spent a nice evening in with their husband, drank champagne and various other alcohols, then was promptly bitched at by S for not devoting the holiday to her instead. She blamed me for not initiating contact and further subjecting myself to her narcissism while I'm writing this book, and did well to minimize the struggle. She's under the firm belief that this is easy, that I don't spend nights worrying about if this will interest a publisher enough to take that leap with me. I'm enjoying my journey, I'm learning a lot about myself and my abilities, I'm constantly testing my limits and redefining them, and this is not by any means easy. What I've learned in life, is what is worth fighting for, often calls for you to. I will fight whomever stands in my way, I will complete this novel (and maybe series), and I will feel that well of pride when I see it on my hands once it's printed. I will not by any means relent against the selfish needs of a former friend and let myself down. I will not be manipulated. I've spent my whole life fearing my own shadow and the judgement of others. If I am to live my life and come into myself, I cannot continue that. Not only is her dependence on me unhealthy, it's toxic and bordering on abuse. She refuses to seek out a therapist who'll give her the listening ear she needs, the coping mechanisms to deal with her anxiety and depression and otherwise be more beneficial than what little help that I can offer. I've suffered because of this person, and they should know this. I've had a hard life recently, of which they also know and don't seem to care too much about.

The new development with said person is also startling. First, let me explain my stance on self diagnosis. Once you've done the appropriate amount of research, and you feel that you have this specific thing wrong with your mental health, feel free to diagnose yourself, if you plan to seek out a professional opinion later on. Unless you've received the degree and proper schooling, I feel that no one should jump the gun, myself included. That said, I am autistic and waiting a professional opinion. As previously mentioned, I'm on the wait list for a prestigious psychologist, I've also done over 100 hours of extensive research on the subject. Without a doubt in my mind, I'm autistic. With that out of the way, S believes she's autistic based solely on the fact that she's taken one online quiz from psychcentral that gave her a number score that matched an autistic zone. However, within her zone, there is also the possibility, which is mentioned right in the description, that the likelier explanation is an anxiety disorder, which can manifest as only certain points of autism. Everything she does is normal, she's much more social than me and otherwise conducts daily life much easier than me. I believe she's suffering from something that's leading her to seek attention in any manner possible, healthy or not, but I don't see her as being autistic, simply because 3 months earlier she admitted she's not "as bad off" as me. Funnily, she took the aforementioned quiz around that time and received a neurotypical score, which the recommendation for seeing a therapist for an anxiety disorder. She was constantly telling me that she's cried over this or that, felt hopeless or whathaveyou, and I was constantly telling her that she should seek help, then she'd minimize her dysfunctions and tell me that she was fine. If I were to mimic her behavior, I would be told with unrelenting force, that I needed help. I'm done. I'm not putting up with this any longer.

No matter her attempts, I'm not going to stop writing, if anything, she'll be the villain in one of my stories. She didn't destroy my night and next day, and I've become a stronger person. I'm proud of myself for not crumbling and apologizing, I've done nothing wrong. There's no shame in being busy, and telling friends that you're busy; there's no shame in not being able to be social, and telling people that; there's no shame in not wanting to listen to someone's mental health struggles when you're attempting to deal with your own. I come first in my life, which means that my struggles do, not hers. She and I are not in a romantic relationship, which means that I do not need to devote every waking moment of my goddamn life, to her. My husband's physical health struggles keep me busy enough, as does my own health, mental and physical. Since she cannot seem to comprehend this, despite my many times of telling her, I am deeming her not mature enough to hold a place in my life. I'm entering my mid twenties and do no need this petty, childish drama.

My actual holiday however? That was wonderful. I talked to my parents and grandmother, then spent the day watching christmas movies and relaxing with the love of my life. Merry Holidays everyone, I hope you spent yours well! Now, onto chapter 10!

The Dragon Reemerges has over 50k words, going on 200 pages and is a 4 hour read time according to Tablo! If you'd like to read it, please click >here<
« Last Edit: December 26, 2015, 02:20:07 AM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, a new type of norm | 50k words achieved!
« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2016, 02:29:17 AM »

Happy New Year!
How'd I spend my hiatus, you ask? Crying. Sobbing hysterically, like a child, actually.

Those who've been keeping up, should remember my rants about S. Well, S took a drastic turn in her attitude, and decided that my friendship was no longer good enough. Christmas eve, she decided, was a good time to yell at me for being busy writing my book, didn't try and understand where I'm coming from, and promptly jumped to the nearest conclusion she could: that I hate her, and am intentionally ignoring her. What the actual situation was? I'm autistic, special interesting my book, so it's literally the only thing I do, all day, every day. Ignoring her was the last thing on my mind, it just happened to be an added bonus that we wouldn't have to talk. So on New Year's eve, she decided it was a good idea to ask Hubs why I've been ignoring her. He told her my side, she blew up, denied everything, and ended it. Almost 3 years of friendship, gone in the wind, like a potato chip bag.

Sometimes, I wonder if I matter to anyone at all. Frantically, I texted one of my best friends, and she validated me; my other friend did the same, and my starting to be very close male friend, also validated me. Hubs held me while I sobbed, validated me, helped me calm down from meltdowns, recover from them, and even let me rant about her for hours. Then, I got back to work on my novel. I wrote my most brutal chapter yet, I'm at 70k words, 11 chapters and over 100 pages. In fact, I forgot to add my chapter 11 to the digital copy I have of the book so far, on google docs, I think I'm about 200 pages in.

*Intermission*

162 pages! Huzzah!

...I've been all over the place lately. It's hard to concentrate on life, because frankly, life is hard. She was one of my best friends. I let her see parts of me, I was afraid to who anyone else, that sounds pathetic, but I haven't had an easy life, and it's hard for me to entirely trust people without fear of them judging me. I trusted her. It was hard at first, but I did, and now I feel like I've just lost a close family member, again. This year's been difficult. Fuck. The past 2 have been hell. Hopefully 2016 will be better.

I wrote 70,000 words though, started a writer facebook page, recreated my tumblr so she couldn't find me, and life seems to be mellowing out, hopefully I can return to my roleplays soon.

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a Novel, & dealing with harassment. |
« Reply #22 on: January 17, 2016, 10:34:41 PM »
Harassment

You know what's not cool? Harassing a former friend, then accusing them of being emotionally manipulative, or abusive. On thursday, 1/15/2016, I received a facebook private message from former shitty friend, apologizing. Her vague apology was not accepted, and I finally got to say everything that went unsaid. She couldn't handle that, and pulled one of the most childish moves ever; 'you can't forgive me, because I don't forgive you, first!'. Then she goes on to "remind" me that I've still got some of her things, although she'd already done this, and I told her that I was going to send them out, a week ago. But I can't possibly be busy, can I? The sentence before this one is sarcastic. It doesn't matter that I just underwent rigorous testing to see if I'm actually autistic, but she didn't bother to ask about that. There have been many redflags in our friendship, that I should have seen sooner, 'but everyone's got a dark side, right?'. No.

If someone really cares for you, they won't guilt you for things you can't control.

She's done everything from guilt tripping, to pressuring me to do things. To the point that I ended up getting my septum pierced because she talked about it incessantly for weeks. Sure, I love it how it suits me, but that's not the point. I'd never thought of getting my nose pierced before she came into my life. She was so proud that she'd "convinced" me to get it done, but what she was doing wasn't convincing. But, I'm not going to sit here and point the finger, like her. I'll assume some blame. I shouldn't have ignored her for days at a time, although i was spending that time writing. I also shouldn't have hidden from her, and should have just told her flat out that I think she needed help, but I didn't.

The funniest thing about her last message, was that she'd actually tried to make everything that went wrong, about me. Did I ever mention that she dragged my husband into our quarrel because I was trying to let the dust settle between us? She also thought being snarky was an appropriate way to handle a slight discomfort. Christmas eve, I was spending a date night with the hubs, like any wife would, and was met with a "fine, whatever." message. I was expected to devote every waking minute I had to her. If I didn't reply, she'd pressure me into one, even on my super bad days, where I couldn't even get out of bed. There are even times when I sleep for 24 hours at a time, although they're rare, they happen, but she couldn't  understand that. It quickly became a theme, that I was the bad guy.

As much as it hurts to admit it, I'm free. She tried to murder my book, and I've since put out a chapter that's by far, my longest.

Now I'm sitting at 80k words and 194 pages.

If you'd like to read it, please >click here<

Quote from: CS Jesse
For the second time in ten  years, the media is obsessing about Vladimir Tepes. New details are emerging about a mysterious and gruesome painting, and its subject. Originally the nicknamed bloody boy painting, surfaced after being anonymously donated to the Louvre. It instantly sparked controversy in academic circles, driving every capable person to examine it. Eventually, scholars conclude that the artist was Botticelli, more surprising yet, is the subject. A widely shared and popular theory, is that the boy depicted,  was the only surviving son of Vladimir Tepes. His first son is common knowledge, so the existence of an undocumented second son, is absolutely ludicrous. As any overnight sensation, it fades into obscurity, after a year.

Exactly a decade passes, and Bran Castle sells over night, for well above its asking price. The question on everyone’s minds is, who bought this supposedly haunted, and dilapidated castle, and why? Conspiracy theorists claim that both the painting benefactor, and now current owner of Bran Castle, are the same person. Brazenly, they also claim this person to be none other than the bloody boy himself.


Edit: I've also moved blogs so she couldn't continue to harass me. neverpissoffawriter is as organized as my other account, just under a different name.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2016, 10:47:18 PM by Ceridwen »

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a series, & being Autistic. |
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2016, 10:26:49 PM »
80,000 words; 13 chapters; 200 pages.

So much has happened int he last month! I lost a friend, learned my strengths, and weaknesses, was diagnosed, and restarted my life! I've written thirteen chapters, working on a fourteenth, and ending the book at fifteen chapters! I'm going to rewrite my book outline, and encompass the next book in it, as well as the final installment. Until then, I'm reading my previous chapters, editing, and highlighting story impacting details so I can properly wrap up book 1. A lot right? Tell me about it, lol.

I got my diagnosis letter in the mail today, and apparently I have ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and Autism! So many people want to know what my treatment plan is, and that horrifies me. I don't need help. That sounds awful, but I'm not a terrified mess. I can go through my life with ease or difficulty, depending on the factors, but I have coping techniques that are healthy, and work. The person who diagnosed me even said so. His recommendation? That I continue to try and work on my anxiety, and attention problems the way the hubster and I have been. He was pretty pleased with my coping skills thus far, which was nice, and he was even confused as to why I even wanted this diagnosis, since I'm not helpless. In truth, I needed him to validate my suspicions, and he did! I can officially say that I am AUTISTIC! I am so happy about that! The only shocking thing about my official diagnosis is that I have a generalized anxiety disorder.

Life's gotten easier since S has been booted out of my life. It's gotten nicer too. She was such a toxic person, that I'm glad she's gone. She blamed me, and it was her right to do so, especially since she can't see that she's at fault too, but I'm used to being the bad guy. Her loss, not mine, lol. Oh well!

Being autistic isn't bad, at least not for me, and I'm proud of my autism! Now that we've got answers, we have grounds to work off of, and things will get way easier. Living my life undiagnosed, was like playing an unfamiliar game in hard mode. Thankfully, this isn't the case anymore!

I had to take a hiatus since everything just hit me all in the month of January, but since it's calmed down, I'm feeling more confident in wading back in!

Life is so good right now.



But folks! Please don't forget to check out my book!
>click here< to read it on tablo.

Offline CeridwenTopic starter

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Re: Ceri's Den | Writing a book series, & being Autistic. |
« Reply #24 on: February 24, 2016, 09:39:05 PM »
Writer's block, and winter ick.

As all of you know, I was diagnosed with Autism in late January/early February of this year, what none of you know, is that I was also diagnosed with ADHD, an a generalized anxiety disorder. Life has gotten tricky, but has seemed to level out enough for us to get back into the swing of being adults, and clean! We've cleaned the living room, bedroom, and kitchen! We still have the mudroom, and two spare beds that need cleaning too, but we'll get to those eventually, our main living spaces are devoid of clutter and that's all that matters! However, a lot has happened, like our lives being in possible danger by our neighbor, who is an avid trump supporter, all because he decided to put a sign in the middle of a shared lawn (we rent half of a house, while he rents the other), and I took it down. People put those signs anywhere they can stick them, so I figured that's what happened. This man, older than me, decided that pounding on our half of the house and yelling at it, for us to give him back his (now destroyed) sign, was a mature response. He threatened us with the police, which he never called. I felt unsafe enough, that I called them, and they indeed sided with us. Now he's crawled back into his hole, with his tail between his legs because we also called the landlord, and told him everything that happened. The police have prohibited him from contacting us, since he can't handle himself as an adult. Hopefully, he continues to heed the police's direct order, and leaves us the fuck alone. This isn't the first time he's gone off the deep end about something as trivial as a cardboard and plastic sign.

On lighter news! About a week or two after the diagnosis, we approached our "no pet" landlord, and asked how he felt about emotional support animals, explaining to him what I've been diagnosed with. That saintly man said he didn't mind it, and wouldn't raise our rent! Now we have a beautiful cat whose helped me clean, cook for myself, and get out of bed! She's so curious and happy in our home, that I think she's also going to be my writing companion :) and now that I've got a clean space to write again, I'm going to get back to work on book 1, and start the outlining process for book 2! I know I'm going to have to hunker back down and continue to write, but after everything that's happened over the holidays, it's been hard to get out of my depressive slump. Now that I'm out of it, lets see what happens!