How is the holiday mania even socially acceptable? Once a year, my relatives (and I'm sure others have the same plight) go insane. They're up my ass, about everything. Always insisting the hubs and I come over for some meal I can't eat, because my gallbladder sucks and 'they didn't remember' although they were told only 6 times in one conversation that I can't have 'normal' food. I've been on an ultra healthy diet for the past 6 months. This isn't new, and it's certainly not voluntary. When I didn't listen to my organ, it put me in the hospital for 5 hours while I had pain medication dripped into my veins. Before that, I spent an hour violently retching into the toilet, attempting to vomit the fucking thing. I broke blood vessels all over my face and in my eyes. But apparently my not being able to eat a lard-soaked dish, is inconvenient for them
. Worst of all? The lad, of the hetero pairing, has stones in his own gallbladder, and told me, that because he hasn't passe done yet, that there are worse pains to have. I've never wanted to punch someone's throat so much, until then. What the fuck does he know?! Did he take a nice ambulance ride to the hospital while he cried and arched and writhed in the gurney while the paramedics or whoever, tried to get his info? No? Exactly. Not only did my gallbladder start passing stones that day, it pissed off my kidney because the stone got caught in my bile duct
. Fun part? That's life threatening, my gastroenterologist told me. So guess whose due for surgery? Me. I want to finish my novel before that happens. No need to take weeks off, doped up on pain meds, and forget every idea I've worked so hard on.
Worse yet. These people haven't entirely accepted the fact that I'm autistic, don't believe in (temporary) self diagnosis and treat me like I'm temporary. These are my in-laws. They're not my family. Family doesn't treat me like this. To add insult, to injury.
One of my best friends of 2 years, has gone mental. She's been complaining incessantly, about everything, and no matter how I try to cheer her up, persists in essentially telling me I'm wrong. I've told her she should seek therapy, she won't listen to me and instead turns it around that I
should, although I'm handling my anxiety better now that I know why it flares up, not to mention that, I-fucking-am
. I have to wait for the guy to call me back, and since I'm in a rural area that doesn't have many psychologists trained to screen adult autism, it's going to take some time. I get that, and I'll wait as long as they need me to. When I came back to this site about 2 months ago, and started seeking active partners, I found a really epic bunch that happened to primarily post during the mornings, so I'd stay up late to post with them, which meant I wasn't receiving the greatest amount of sleep. Eventually hubs had to intervene and help me back my time on here, down. That said, I spent a few weeks recovering from that stint, instead of sleeping 6 hours at the most, I was getting 16+ and in her neurotic little mind, thought that I was avoiding her, although I had openly told her I'd never do that. Add that in, with how my in-laws are acting? I melted down. Hard. Bless one of my better friends for comforting me and helping me from making this World War III. When the storm cleared, I saw that she really isn't worth the pain and frustration (thanks to ANOTHER friend) and I'm distancing myself. I spent a peaceful evening without her persistent, toxic behavior. Today however? I woke up to a message of her informing me that her meds are being adjusted. Okay? At this point, I'm far from caring. Then she adds in at the bottom 'don't worry about replying if you're not feeling up to it.' what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Feel not pressured? Or feel threatened, because with how she'd been acting, she's trying to guilt me. That's what she does, now. When I first started my novel, I warned her that I get really engrossed in writing and tend to zone out and not answer my phone, everyone else that I warned seemed to understand, but her? She wanted me to specifically drop everything that I was doing and text her back, telling her that I was busy. I'm sorry, if I can't remember to eat, then I won't be able to remember to text you back before the next day, when I'm sitting back down to dive back in. Like. Trust that I'm not avoiding you, for fuck sake.
I'm so fucking stressed. My own parents are in understanding of why
we are spending the holiday at home (we're 9 hours away from them, and traveling this time of year is fucking impossible), which I've openly told them thank you for. My in laws don't grasp the words "No. Alone. Healthy Food." and one of my best, more trusted friends, has gone out of her gourde and started treating me like my feelings don't matter and that I'm incapable of making my own decisions. I've tried being supportive, being emotionally there and everything a good friend would, and she's taken advantage of and abused that. It's hard to continue to give to someone who would prefer not to return the favor.