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Author Topic: Spouses  (Read 2726 times)

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Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Spouses
« on: November 14, 2008, 01:52:10 PM »
I am not at all sure my wife will approve of the erotic parts of this forum.  Right now I am logging in when she is not home or when I am on a business trip.  How do others deal with reluctant spouses?


Offline Greenthorn

Re: Spouses
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2008, 02:01:26 PM »
I am not at all sure my wife will approve of the erotic parts of this forum.  Right now I am logging in when she is not home or when I am on a business trip.  How do others deal with reluctant spouses?



I believe some make the personal choice to keep it hidden...others share their stories with their SO...but my advice: do so at your own risk either way. :)

Offline Paradox

Re: Spouses
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2008, 02:04:51 PM »
I faced this problem initially on the site as well.

You need to reassure her that your time on this is devoted to storytelling. Your partners are role-playing partners; nothing more. From what I've seen, the main reason that SO's object to a site like this is because they are worried about the person in your position developing feelings, emotions, or a secret relationship online. As long as you came with the purpose of only writing (and not meeting anyone)--and as long as you can genuinely convince her of that---you should be fine.

Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Re: Spouses
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2008, 02:09:33 PM »
Thanks.  I would imagine that this is a problem faced more by the guys here then the women.  Frankly, if my wife did this I would find it a turn on.  I am afraid she will think that it is more of a virtual affair.  She got jealous when I was active on a board that was devoted to exercise that had more women then men posting. 

Offline Paradox

Re: Spouses
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2008, 02:11:23 PM »
Thanks.  I would imagine that this is a problem faced more by the guys here then the women.  Frankly, if my wife did this I would find it a turn on.  I am afraid she will think that it is more of a virtual affair.  She got jealous when I was active on a board that was devoted to exercise that had more women then men posting. 

That tends to be the foremost worry in their mind. I won't recommend deceit; however, if you do decide to access Elliquiy behind her back, make damned sure you do a thorough job of deleting the History afterward!

Offline Trieste

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2008, 02:57:58 PM »
Thanks.  I would imagine that this is a problem faced more by the guys here then the women.  Frankly, if my wife did this I would find it a turn on. 

Wrong. There are just as many men as women who are insecure, uneducated, and otherwise uncomfortable with online roleplay - especially on adult sites. Elliquiy is pretty decent as far as keeping out people who want ONLY to hook up in real life (ick, I say) but not everyone understands that. Not everyone understands the roleplay/writing drive. Some people view roleplay of any kind as twisted, unnatural and wrong ... adult roleplay is just the worst of that genre, for them, or they already assume all roleplay is about sex.

Since you clearly don't share that opinion, at least not in the negative connotation, of course you would be turned on. You are already accepting of it, and you already know what it's about.

I am afraid she will think that it is more of a virtual affair.  She got jealous when I was active on a board that was devoted to exercise that had more women then men posting. 

You will have to make a choice, here. You can choose to continue lying to her (and yes, not to be judgmental but it's a lie by omission). You can choose to tell her about it, and risk her displeasure, and risk having to continue lying to her (probably outright after that, since she may ask if you're on this site again). You can choose to tell her about it, find out she is upset and displeased, and choose to adhere to her wishes and stop playing here. We have (had, in the third case) people here who have chosen any, all , or some combination of the above. We also have people here who told their SO and got the SO's blessing to continue here. I also know of at least three married couples who play here both together and with other people.

That level of jealousy suggests a lack of trust or lack of understanding, however, and it's unlikely you'll get a good reaction. However, if you act furtive, you're guaranteed to get a bad reaction if/when she finds out.

Offline Moyra

Re: Spouses
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2008, 06:19:47 PM »
I feel that hiding it when you know she may have a problem with it, is more likely to cause more harm than telling her and risking a bit of upset on her part. I've been open and honest with my SO and though i so far have yet to let him read my roleplays, he knows what goes on, and is accepting of it. Personally, i would much prefer knowing something that may hurt me over not knowing and having it doubly hurt later.

Obviously, this is your choice. Just shedding a bit of light on how she may feel if she were to find out about E later.

Offline Moondazed

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2008, 06:23:28 PM »
I agree, but I'm pretty militant about honesty in my relationships :)  It's about your presentation.  It's a site for adult rp that includes adult themes, not a place to cyber, although she may not appreciate the distinction :)

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2008, 11:40:22 PM »
My husband knows I'm on here, but he's usually indulging in more - visual - stimulation on his computer.  ;)

That being said, don't let the computer become the 'other woman'.  If you're spending enough time here that things are suffering in real life, back off.  Of course, that holds true for any online venture, not just the erotic ones.   :)

Offline WifeHeather

Re: Spouses
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2008, 09:00:05 PM »
My husband knows I'm on here, but he's usually indulging in more - visual - stimulation on his computer.  ;)

That being said, don't let the computer become the 'other woman'.  If you're spending enough time here that things are suffering in real life, back off.  Of course, that holds true for any online venture, not just the erotic ones.   :)

Indeed.  I know people who will spend countless hours behind the computer/TV playing video games.  God forbid they go outside and get some fresh air.  Some days I bet it's okay, but consecutive days in a row is a bit bad.

As for my own husband knowing I'm on here, he does not.  My fantasy role is being a cheating wife, though I do not wish to do so in real life, I have a thing for the wife falling in love with someone else and deceiving her husband.  If my husband were to ever find that out, there could be problems, but I'm sure he won't :).

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2008, 09:16:08 PM »
You know, you could turn that into some interesting bedroom play - just sayin'.  ;)  Sharing fantasies is a good way to keep things fresh that way.

Offline WifeHeather

Re: Spouses
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2008, 09:18:31 PM »
That's an interesting way of putting it.  I don't think he's much into the Role Playing scene (In the bedroom), and really, I've never tried it outside of the computer monitor.  Though, I like age-play, too, and he can't miraculously become younger haha.  But you're onto something I think :)

Offline Moondazed

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2008, 10:03:39 PM »
I think sharing fantasies is a wonderful way to discover what deeply arouses my husband :)  It took a while for him to believe that I really wanted to know what he fantasizes about, but we're still going strong after 11 years! :D

Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Re: Spouses
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2008, 12:31:01 PM »
You know, you could turn that into some interesting bedroom play - just sayin'.  ;)  Sharing fantasies is a good way to keep things fresh that way.

That is exactly what I am hoping to get out of this.  AS far as "role play" per se is concerned, she has no problem with it.  Our son is into all sorts of role play/fantasy games and met his girlfriend at one such gathering.

Offline Aragem

Re: Spouses
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2008, 12:37:03 PM »
If you choose to let her know, one good way of reassuring her is allowing her to read your RP games, that is, if you don't feel too uncomfortable with that.

Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Re: Spouses
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2008, 12:42:42 PM »
I was thinking of introducing the idea with our own roll plays in the bedroom - discussing  the source of ideas.  We do roll play about 1/month and it is great

Offline WifeHeather

Re: Spouses
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2008, 10:09:15 PM »
I was thinking of introducing the idea with our own roll plays in the bedroom - discussing  the source of ideas.  We do roll play about 1/month and it is great

I don't think either me or my husband would be able to keep a straight face roleplaying with each other in the bedroom.  But I know it could probably be a good way of implementing some dirty talk at some time.

Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Re: Spouses
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2008, 10:39:30 PM »
my wife started life acting and I have had acting lessons, so it is easier to avoid the crack ups.  Also, we started small, like wearing leather or blindfolds as ourselves, then progressed.

Offline Moondazed

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2008, 10:48:48 PM »
We don't do actual rp, but I've gotten some wonderful ideas for new things to try from my reading here ;)

Offline Older And WiserTopic starter

Re: Spouses
« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2008, 11:07:12 PM »
that might make an interesting discussion - what ideas have you gotten here that you have tried in real life?

Offline Moondazed

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2008, 11:09:09 PM »
Well, this is a public forum, so it's PG13, which limits the conversation ;)

Edit:  We could take it to PM if you like :)

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2008, 01:58:56 PM »
. . .well, my husband and I are both on here and very happily married.  We do have some role play in the bedroom, which is great. . .  My advice is the same as most.  You should really tell her.  Harold gets into trouble for not telling me things.  Had he just told me I may have been slightly upset but I would not have been as hurt or what not if he had just told me.  But it's your own personal choice.  You can tell her and continue over her upsettness. . .she'll likely get over it.  You can not tell her and risk her finding out and thinking of you always as a lieing cheater.  Or you can tell her and stop because it upsets her.  You're not doing anything wrong here and that's what you need to emphasise. . .

Offline Kurzyk

Re: Spouses
« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2008, 03:56:10 PM »
Absolutely. My wife and I are both here and we are happily married.

We're learning a lot being in this community and are finding new ways to love each other even more than we already do. :) We're honest, and communicate as much as we can because at the end of the day we learn from it and build trust. Without that it just wouldn't work.


Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Spouses
« Reply #23 on: November 20, 2008, 04:00:37 PM »
Communication is always key!

Online Zeitgeist

Re: Spouses
« Reply #24 on: December 07, 2008, 12:28:09 AM »
Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another - Madonna (Erotica)