GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN, LADIES, BADASSES, AND LADY-BADASSES.
I am Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington! I OWN THE TORGUE CORPORATION! I ALSO, LEGALLY, OWN EXPLOSIONS! I BOUGHT THAT SH*T!
Every time something explodes, I get a dollar! THEN I REFUSE THE DOLLAR BECAUSE I DO THIS FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME, BABY! DO NOT MOCK ME WITH YOUR BRIBES!
You might be asking yourself 'Mr. Torgue, what are you doing in this roleplay topic?' SHUT UP. I GO WHERE I WANT.
Also, I LOVE ROLEPLAYING! Bunkers and Badasses is my favorite game of all time! I AM NOT A NERD, I AM A LEVEL ELEVEN PALADIN.
Point is; if you monkeys can make a roleplay, so can I! THIS ONE WILL HAVE EXPLOSIONS! SUCK IT, OTHER GAMES!EXPLOSION NOISE! HERE!WOOOOOOOOOOO! FANTASY WOOOOOOOOORLD! HELLO, WORLD!
Our setting; Pandora! YEAH!
That's a new one!
Quest: NOBLE AS F*CK! YOU'RE GONNA BE BADASSES! AND LADY BADASSES!I WILL NOW PAINT A PICTURE OF THE STORY WITH MY WORDS. TAKE THE C*CK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH FOR ONE SECOND AND LISTEN AT ME WITH YOUR EYES.
I opened a side-buisness offering protection and elimination services to hapless peons who don't know how to make things explode! Why? BECAUSE REASONS.
I call it HEAVY METAL.
Meedddly meedly mowwwwwwwwww! THAT WAS ME DOING A WICKED GUITAR SOLO. IT DOES NOT COME ACROSS WELL IN TEXT.
Anyway- you work for me now! Mr. Torgue! Hello! WE WERE ALREADY INTRODUCED! KEEP UP WITH MY NARRATIVE!
You will not be hunting vaults because all of you are not badass enough for that! Right now, you're ranked fifty in the badass leaderboards, which puts you behind my grandma but ahead of a guy she gummed to death. IT TOOK SEVERAL HOURS.
Maybe someday you can spread your legs and fly - BUT NOT TODAY! TODAY YOU WILL BE KILLING THINGS FOR ME. BONUS: YOU WILL TEST MY NEW WEAPONS ALSO. I HOPE YOU ARE EXPLOSION-PROOF.
All you have to do to join HEAVY METAL
is sign this digital waiver by putting your signature below to express your interest!