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Author Topic: People's small mindedness really makes me angry  (Read 739 times)

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Offline kingsizedorkTopic starter

People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« on: August 31, 2015, 12:21:27 PM »
Ugh. Im so fired up after one of my boyfriends small minded friends decided to share his highly unpopular opinion. 

He first claimed that because it made him feel uncomfortable that all straight men who choose to watch The Rocky Horror picture show is not straight at all and must be bisexual. Obviously, everything needs to be black and white for his small mind to comprehend it. I am not sure why he is sexualising it so much. The idea of a straight man enjoying the picture for the much loved piece of art it is, is just not possible! Obviously straight men will be getting some kind of sexual enjoyment out of it, why else would they be watching it (Sarcasm over)

I decided to challenge him with my own experiences. I identify as a straight woman. I have only looked for sexual partnership with men but I have had sex with 3 women but if was offered a relationship by one of these women, I wouldn't of taken it and would have found a male. By his standards, I am bisexual, no questions asked. I said I am not sexually attracted to women (although I highly appreciate the female form). These women were friends and we had abit of fun. I dont think i'll actively seek it out again but I dont regret doing it, just isnt for me.

His mind couldn't comprehend this other language I felt like I was speaking. I wont even repeat what his opinion of transgender people was.

Oh, when will people learn to accept that people aren't black and white? I feel its these opinions that hold us back as a race.
 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2015, 12:23:26 PM by kingsizedork »

Offline eBadger

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2015, 12:45:51 PM »
Ask him if he watched Bugs Bunny as a kid.  Note the number of times Bugs dressed in drag.  Explain that he must therefore be gay  8-)

Honestly, though, it sounds to me more like a guy who just doesn't have the life experience to deal with it; it IS outside his vocabulary.  Hopefully he'll mature a bit and become more open minded.  Best thing to do there is demonstrate tolerance and not be confrontational. 

I have had sex with 3 women ...I am not sexually attracted to women (although I highly appreciate the female form).

I admit that even I wouldn't really follow that explanation at all. 

Offline kingsizedorkTopic starter

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2015, 12:49:37 PM »
We can only hope!

I admit that even I wouldn't really follow that explanation at all. 

Heh. I tried it, it wasn't for me. Doesn't mean I cant appreciate a good looking woman. 

I accepted that he has those views. I silently punished him by removing the idea out of my head for making nachos for us all. He doesn't deserve nachos. ;p
« Last Edit: August 31, 2015, 12:52:28 PM by kingsizedork »

Offline Rogue

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2015, 01:23:06 PM »
Ask him if he watched Bugs Bunny as a kid.  Note the number of times Bugs dressed in drag.  Explain that he must therefore be gay  8-)

Honestly, though, it sounds to me more like a guy who just doesn't have the life experience to deal with it; it IS outside his vocabulary.  Hopefully he'll mature a bit and become more open minded.  Best thing to do there is demonstrate tolerance and not be confrontational. 

I admit that even I wouldn't really follow that explanation at all.

Two men who masturbate next to each other, not sexually attracted to each other at all, not romantically interested are not bisexual inherently.

Two women who use each other to have some fun, who aren't sexually attracted to each other or romantically attracted to each other are not bisexual inherently.

Sex =/= sexual attraction. An example, a person wants to have sex. Looks for a person who will have sex with them even though they're not necessarily sexually attracted to them. They have a one night stand. It's possible in a hetero-normative sense. Why is it not possible in a same sex scenario?

(Also, I honestly believe you might want to put this in the Bad and Ugly. You can ask an oracle how to do that.)

Edit: Also, the better/easier explanation would be to say "Labels aren't designed to define me, they're designed to help me explain myself. Me saying I'm heterosexual is how I explain myself. You saying that I'm bisexual, something I don't use to explain myself, is not okay."
« Last Edit: August 31, 2015, 01:26:19 PM by Rogue »

Offline Beguile's Mistress

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2015, 02:40:16 PM »
The chasm between those who are accepting, for want of a better word, and those who are not is growing wider everyday.  Along with that the snarkiness from one side or the other is looking less and less valid as the need for calm and rational discussion on both sides grows.

Offline Missy

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2015, 09:59:57 PM »
Two men who masturbate next to each other, not sexually attracted to each other at all, not romantically interested are not bisexual inherently.

Two women who use each other to have some fun, who aren't sexually attracted to each other or romantically attracted to each other are not bisexual inherently.

Unfortunately not everyone in the world sees it that way. When I was a mormon child, I remember that explicit counsel being offered to the group (it might have been the young adults actually I don't remember when specifically) that two boys co-masturbating together was explicitly a gay activity.

You're really pressing against a willfully ignorant perspective.

Offline LtSurge

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #6 on: September 07, 2015, 12:16:22 AM »
OP sounds like you're hetero-flexible or something like that. When normal sexual urges aren't satisfied, sometimes heterosexual people could settle for a homosexual encounter. Happens in prison quite often.

I'm heterosexual and I don't really see anything wrong with liking Rocky Horror Picture Show. Seems kind of silly to be upset about that :P

Offline Oniya

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2015, 01:38:20 AM »
'Scuse me - Rocky vet here, and I'm feeling I must have missed something.

Rocky Horror includes examples of M/F sex (Janet/Rocky, Frank/Janet) as well as M/M sex (Frank/Brad), and F/F sex (Magenta/Columbia).  As well as implications of numerous other pairings (including incest with Magenta/Riff-Raff).  As far as I can see, there's plenty for straight men, straight women, gay men and lesbians to get excited over.


Offline Rogue

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2015, 09:28:38 AM »
'Scuse me - Rocky vet here, and I'm feeling I must have missed something.

Rocky Horror includes examples of M/F sex (Janet/Rocky, Frank/Janet) as well as M/M sex (Frank/Brad), and F/F sex (Magenta/Columbia).  As well as implications of numerous other pairings (including incest with Magenta/Riff-Raff).  As far as I can see, there's plenty for straight men, straight women, gay men and lesbians to get excited over.

Not to mention plenty of straight people get off on same sex sex. Seeing as one of major controversy is that lesbian porn is created for the male gaze as opposed to the lesbian one. Does this make males who watch lesbian porn, bisexuals by default? Because if so that makes no sense.


Offline Oniya

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2015, 09:33:44 AM »
Not to mention plenty of straight people get off on same sex sex. Seeing as one of major controversy is that lesbian porn is created for the male gaze as opposed to the lesbian one. Does this make males who watch lesbian porn, bisexuals by default? Because if so that makes no sense.

*nods*  I was working off of the small-minded assumption that this guy seemed to have - that choosing to watch a movie about some particular kind of relationship meant that was the way you swing.  I contemplated making the suggestion that choosing to watch something involving lesbian relationships would actually make him a lesbian for a little reductio ad absurdum.

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2015, 12:01:05 PM »
Paul Reiser in "Mad About You" was of the opinion that lesbian sex was good because he agreed with both partners.  Depending on the metier I find M/M to be really arousing, too.

Offline LtSurge

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #11 on: September 09, 2015, 01:15:48 AM »
Paul Reiser in "Mad About You" was of the opinion that lesbian sex was good because he agreed with both partners.  Depending on the metier I find M/M to be really arousing, too.

Sounds reasonable, yeah

Offline Nicholas

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2015, 05:51:01 AM »
Sadly, there are still people seeing things in this black-and-white fashion, but their numbers shrink! ;D

Many people do not realize that sexuality/gender/attraction/desire/whatever often is a very fluid thing and hard to pin down.  More than once I've had people look at me as if I am an alien, when I told them this or that woman is beautiful. And then the "I thought you are gay?"-question comes along, and it usually makes me laugh (or want to bang my head against the desk). ~snickers~ My reply? "Yes, I am gay - but I am not blind." For those people, me finding a woman beautiful is the same as wanting to be with a woman. Weird, that.

I think, many people still have trouble with this 'out of the box' thinking. Some things just... are. That's that.

And, finally, as a very personal remark: Small minded people never make me angry. They make me want to educate them. ;)
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 05:53:32 AM by Nicholas »

Offline LtSurge

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2015, 06:18:28 AM »
For those people, me finding a woman beautiful is the same as wanting to be with a woman. Weird, that.

I can understand that situation,

I consider myself heterosexual, but I have occasionally commented on a man's features or said things like, "Kirk Douglas is really handsome in that movie." ref
Or, "I really like your beard." more directly at someone.

Sometimes guys are taken aback when I compliment them. "Are you gay?" probably comes to mind when I say these kinds of things in mixed company. Most of the people that matter in my life don't seem to hold those kinds of sentiments, though.

Offline Oniya

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Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2015, 08:45:11 AM »
More than once I've had people look at me as if I am an alien, when I told them this or that woman is beautiful. And then the "I thought you are gay?"-question comes along, and it usually makes me laugh (or want to bang my head against the desk). ~snickers~ My reply? "Yes, I am gay - but I am not blind."

In my case, the conversation would go:  'That woman is beautiful.'
'Aren't you straight?'
'That sunset is beautiful too.  So are those roses.'

Offline Missy

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2015, 08:42:13 PM »
I can understand that situation,

I consider myself heterosexual, but I have occasionally commented on a man's features or said things like, "Kirk Douglas is really handsome in that movie." ref
Or, "I really like your beard." more directly at someone.

Sometimes guys are taken aback when I compliment them. "Are you gay?" probably comes to mind when I say these kinds of things in mixed company. Most of the people that matter in my life don't seem to hold those kinds of sentiments, though.

male social rules suck, they suck a lot, actually.

Offline LtSurge

Re: People's small mindedness really makes me angry
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2015, 11:26:20 PM »
male social rules suck, they suck a lot, actually.

Maybe, but I don't hold much of a grudge against them for their opinions. I won't deny that I am sexually attracted to women, and not so much for men, but I don't EXPECT everyone to have the same feelings, the same ideas. It's when somebody uses a bigoted idea to promote legislation, or otherwise affect social change for bigoted reasons, which harms individual freedoms.

After all, I can imagine there are plenty of people here who may have more worldly, egalitarian, welcoming views when it comes to ethnics, gender, etc.