Melodious Blog -A lyrical adventure

[SweetSerenade]

Interesting title, not sure why I used it. I have been given permission to start a blog, and I mostly wanted it as a means to focus myself and gather my thoughts. Mostly just day to day stuff, when I can remember to post daily... As well as small vents and rants, that have no real bearing on anyone on here. Things will be kept vague for reasons, and people are welcome to post (I will respond to you if you do) any thoughts they might have on things.

Remember to follow all of E's rules, and I'll make sure that I keep this as PG-13 as I possibly can. I'll even dial back my cursing, so that I don't step on any toes.



April 30th, 2015

Today I went for job orientation, at first I was worried. The interview didn't go too good, and that worried me a bit. But my Orientation today, and the geeking out I did with the Orientation Manager - changed my view on the job. Yes, I'll be one of those minimum wage Burger Flippers, not because I am lazy - or a bad worker - because it's what I could manage to get with what was at hand. I'm limited to part time work, meaning I'll be gone Thursday-Sunday from 11am to 4ishpm... But it means I'm brinigng more money into the house.

The manager was in complete and absolute support of my Convention work, and even asked if I could help her get in on staffing. Which made me feel absolutely wonderful, because I have a job that understands. It won't be paid time off, and I don't mind that. I also don't get medical benefits since their part-time employees do not have access to such things. But it's a job, and with it me and my husband together will be making roughly a little over 40 hours of work a week.

My pay will be lower than his, and my hours less... but it'll help this family out significantly. Which is exactly what we needed. In about a month or so I'll have to take the two paystubs of mine - and his two recent updated pay stubs - to DHS so we can make the income reported change... But together we will probably be making less than three fourths of the maximum allowed income. Our bills are all still the same, and we are a bit behind on rent because his job was jerking him around so bad - but we live with understanding people.

My job even told me they didn't mind the fact that I may not have the required clothes in time for training. Apparently all the training is on computers, and I would be required to have the uniform items after I am actually scheduled for real work.

Other good news is the manager really liked my resume, and said "You have a lot of potential, we will review things in a few months... and you may be happier than you thought. I've been waiting for someone like you to come in here." - So that makes me rather happy.

I'll post again tomorrow night, giving a sort of daily update.

[SweetSerenade]

May 1st, 2015

Music fills my mind, it's the FIrst of May.. First of May... all you perverts know what starts today. :D

Honestly, today wasn't a terrible day... but I wish it had not been as annoying as it had been. Woken up from strange dream (I'll detail it at the end of this post) - by my daughter biting my face. Took her downstairs to feed her. Ended up going out with the parents in law, so my father in law could get the supplies he needed to fuel his obsession. He likes to make furniture, furniture and things like that - out of wood - that we don't need. He somehow demands we make a way for him to have places for all of it. It's kinda annoying at times.

I got to see a friend for a little bit, he was doing a photoshoot at a Tattoo place. Pretty cool, honestly. Apparently they have good prices, so I may end up getting a tattoo for the hubby - maybe one for me. I still have a few left that I want, and need to get. If I do, I'll let you all know, maybe even post a picture of the tattoo.

What next? Ummm well I started a few new games, that seems to have helped relieve the pressure on my muse. Oh and I did something today that needed doing for a long time. I returned to a place I had left for a long time (We are talking several years)... and finally began looking to improve my image there. WEll not really improve my image, more like... just start some games... run a journal there... Keep my mind from running to the past.

Someone I don't like very well is there, but I'm learning to let it go. Soon enough, soon enough... all will be well.

Running low on smokes, the charger for my vape pen broke (Won't work anymore, battery is fine) ... so I have to get a new Mini USB charge cord that is compatible with my vape pen...


The Dream :

Started off in a convention like setting, which is how a lot of mine start. But it was like this strange... mishmash of things. I think it was started by someone talking to me about Jason David Frank, last night, before bed. But either way... it started a strange strange dream.

It was a little blurry, until I found myself in the room from the original power rangers, Zordon and all. It was strange as hell, and ridiculous. There was Alpha laying across a dusty and broken control pannel, obviously it was Angel Grove. Suddenly both of them seemed to light up and come to life, and start talking to me. I had this strange out of body experience as I could see the things they were talkin about - the return of evil that was well above the level of Rita and Zed...

They told me that they needed to assemble a team, and I told them "You're nuts... teens these days? They can't manage what your old team did." they asked me what they should do and I told them to recall the old rangers... and have them train the new ones. They would need to forge new coins, for the new rangers... but it would work out.

Then they turned to me and said I would become one of the rangers... "I'm not a teenager" was my answer and Alpha said "But you have more than enough Attitude to make up for it!" - So five random strangers got zapped into the Command Center, who had no relationship to each othe rin any way. Half of them hated each others guts... and I had a moment of "Sweet Dannu, mother goddess give me strength... please" and apparently that offended one of the kids... becuase he was a conservative religious type.

A bunch of this day and age 17 year olds, from mixed backgrounds. I wanted to strangle the replacement for the pink ranger. They were talking about their 'uniforms' and how it should have hoodies... and that was when the old team showed up and I hear Tommy going "That's ridiculous... " as Billy gave a confirmation of his worlds. I was like... Holy sweet baby dragons... It's Tommy...

The other Old team rangers were behind him... and that's when Zordon let the team of teens know that I would be their leader  - I got called an old hag by the new Pink ranger... and Kimberly literally slapped the chick and told her that if she wanted to keep buying designer shoes she better wise up and learn how to fight... becuase SHE was the hope for that area... and she better stop being a Primadonna.

Zordon dished out the new coins... and then gave me one that was not white or -green, as I thought it would be since I was apparently the mirror for Tommy... and he gave me a power coin for the 'Purple Ranger'... and explained that Purple was the color of the chakra related to the Inner eye, the third eye. The Chakra of the mind, and the highest tier of the chakra before it spread into the heavens. The kids are throwing a fit because they are normal rangers, and I get to be special - and I tell them I don't feel special because I have to deal with an annoying pack of brats...

Apparently all of the old rangers were married except for Tommy, and even Billy was married - though he had a husband (Probably a mental relation to his actor being Gay)... Then suddenly the dream shifted a little and its a new scene.

Tommy and Billy are sighing as they are watching the new Rangers training, because not a single one of them knew how to even throw a punch. At my suggestion the new team was forced to come to the Dojo after school every day... no fucking around... no smoking pot... none of that raver time either. They were so pissed at me. I was their number one enemy. They got all butt hurt and started asking why I was exempt from the training and Billy told them "Because she is not actually meant to go on the battle field. She is a meant as a Battlefield Tactician, in that sense. She'll tell you what you should do, and you go from there. Her power coin isn't settled enough for her to take her Ranger form."

The kids are throwing a fit... saying I should fight too... and the new Red Ranger gets a wild badger up his arse and says he'll fight me. Big teen, african american... with a bone to pick and a story to prove. He goes to swing at me and I slam my palm into his sternum and slam my elbow up into his chin, then twist around rapidly and hook my foot behind his knee and send him sprawling on his ass.

Tommy whistled, and Billy started laughing... and then I woke up...




Anyways, that's all for now :D I'll talk to ya'll more later.

[SweetSerenade]

May 2nd, 2015

I woke up this morning with a rather large hankering to write. It was strange, how badly I wanted to write. But as soon as I wandered downstairs I was presented with something I rather did not enjoy.

My father in law decided he wanted to use today, a work night for my husband, to rearrange the living room and move heavy as all get up furniture. Me being the loving wife I am... realized that if I did not do it that my father in law would keep my husband up way longer than he should be on a work night. So I hand the baby off to grandma and help my father in law drag the lounge chair out to the back porch. He still wasn't happy after that, I asked for a smoke and he 'begrudgingly' let me have it. Right after that we had to haul a huge couch to the back porch.

I managed to convince him to let us go out for coffee and food before we continued... and as soon as I was back I was forced into cleaning the entire living room... hey not that bad I have done it before... then he decides he wants us to move the carpet to check the hardwood underneath it... still not that bad... but then he tells me he wants me to scrub his entire hardwood floor in the living room... and then expects me to set up his entire living room up again when that's done.

Entire day is spent moving and arranging furniture, trying to watch my daughter (and getting called a bad mother for her crying because she didn't want to be in her playpen) and then I took a walk to get some food... afterwards it was back to cleaning and organizing stuff... which was frustrating as all getcha... and I finally got a chance to sit and eat and relax again... and finally, so finally... I am relaxing and typing.

Overall... I freaking hated today... but I managed to write up two posts in one of my most favorite long running games...

[SweetSerenade]

May 3rd, 2015

Well, another day another... wait nevermind not another dollar. Today was another moving furniture day, and today I also discovered quite saddly... that my vape pen is dead dead. The batteries, both of them, were much older than my friend told me (They were a gift so I'm not that upset) ... and they just won't hold a charge anymore. It happens... but that means after I handle everything else... a new vape pen is on the list of things I will have to get my hands on. YAY ME!

I moved a big as butt nuts couch today, with my husband and a good friend. We got a lot of food shopping done, and I almost caugh tup completely in my games. Today was a more mellow day, but I know that is coming to an end very quickly. I'm less than a month away from my trip to Philly in June, and I am less than a handful of days from when my work training begins. I'm going to be gone Thurs-Sat from 11-2... training for my new job.

I'm gonna be a burger flipper, and I don't care if people say I'm only doing it because I'm lazy... and yes people have said that. I'm doing it because it's the only work I can get, as of the moment. I need the extra income to help my family. It's about all me and my husband can do to keep ends meeting the way they need to meet. Just plain and simple as that. He for a short time has a burst in hours... but soon enough they will likely cut them down again... just what they do to him. It happens.

Not much else to say, talking over a few new games... working on some new pieces of jewelry... looking into findings and all sorts of strange things to make more awesome stuff... just trying to survive... ya know?

[Dimir]

*hugs*

You and your partner sound like such a wonderful couple, trying to provide for you two and your little mini. <3

[SweetSerenade]

*hugs*

You and your partner sound like such a wonderful couple, trying to provide for you two and your little mini. <3

Thank you Dimir, it's much appreciated. :D

[SweetSerenade]

May 4th, 2015

The process of weaning has been harder, my daughter keeps trying to find ways to get it when she shouldn't have it. But we got good news today, given everything else going on. My husbands work has decided to give him more hours, because of the fact that one of the employees and four others had to leave to Guam due to the inccident there that may have killed part of their family. I'm glad that we could get more hours, but I feel bad that the cost may be someone else's family.

Today was a quieter day, but it was full of cleaning and annoyances. Not much to report for this day.

May 5th, 2015

Today was a bit rough, I was having a difficult time with some memories of the past. Unfortunately I just couldn't run from them. They threw me down a bit into a spiral, even though I put on a smile. I'm trying to push myself harder to catch up on things, I only owe a few posts. I have to write a script for a friends Newage shop - and record a Hypnosis/Meditation seminar off of that script. I also have to write a commission for a friend.

I'll do my best to stay more up to date.

[SweetSerenade]

May 6th, 2015

So today began with my parents in law dragging me off and forcing me to let them buy me work slacks. My father in law was trying to convince my mother in law to let him buy me work shoes - but I managed to talk them both out of it. 50 bucks later and I have two brand new pairs of pants. I would have been just as happy with Goodwill pants.

I take a nap with baby, after dealing with some online stuff... and wake up to a phonecall from Walgreens. Apparently they have reviewed my application and assessment tests - and really want me to come work for them. Which is all well and good. I guess what I'll do is lay out the details I did to Burgerkin, and if it works out... it wourks out. I'll pick the higher paying job, with the hours and time off requests being the best. If the pay is good but the others aren't in place... I'm going to stick with BurgerKing because I KNOW I'm getting that time off.

Other than that, I had a rather calm day. Though my back pain is flaring up, and I am dreading all of my upcoming work.

[SweetSerenade]

May 7th, 2015

Well... today started off lovely. Full on anger storm from my father in law, because I started working. Apparently he was rather pissed off that he was being forced to watch his granddaughter, when he was the one that stated he had no issues watching her because I needed to have a job.

But the Training was interesting, I managed almost two days worth in one day, so that was all good. I'll finish up as much as I can as soon as I go in tomorrow. I'm actually pretty ahead, compared to others. Which is a damn good thing, I have a lot that I want to do. But I do still have the Walgreens interview.

Turns out I have a chance at full time with Walgreens. The largest deciding factor will be who will give the most hours/money and the most flexibility with my schedule. My Non-profit work is way too damn important to me, and I will not give it up. so whichever works with it the most, that's the job I'll take!  I'm just shocked to have a job, and have a job oppourtunity... XD

[SweetSerenade]

May 8th, 2015

Today started of relatively good, things were a bit chaotic but getting into work was easy. I was set up with my number for clocking in and clocking out, and had a few details explained to me. Today I managed to blast through almost all of what was laid out for me, and I have a notebook full of notes for the work I'm going to do. But other than that... WOrk was ok.

Went to Fedex after work to print out resume and references, and dropped them off at Walgreens. The entire group of employees I know are super excited I had an interview. Apparently they are going to be vouching for me and putting in their input on what they think. Which could work in my favor towards getting the job. He was very impressed with what I had to say, the situations I had handled, and my resume as a whole. He was also quite interested in hearing about the conventions I work for, and how that would impact my work. He said that I was reasonable in what I was talking about, and that he could definitely see my positions are essential.

He also told me that even part timers get medical, which goddamn... that would be amazing! He ended on a positive note and said that I already had good team bases made... and that his employees were very interested in working with me. He only has two other interviews and will let me know by the end of next week! Huzzah!

Now for the bad news... I got home from my interview to find out that ... my tablet has decided to have a full on WHAT THE FRACK freak out. It is bad enough that I can't use it, so I have to borrow my husbands laptop for anything I want to do. So as a result I will be limited to his work schedule for use of the laptop. I'll try to keep people posted on how that effects things.


If I get my paycheck on mothers day, gods I really hope I get it... I will be sending my tablet in for Servicing... and will be hopefully getting it back before I leave for philly. Gods be darned if I don't... I'll be so sad.

NIght all.

[SweetSerenade]

May 9th, 2015

Twisting through my mind, like the burning end of a cherry on a cigarette, the thoughts build and slide down throughout me. No one here will really understand what I am talking about, many of you will never know the full truth of the past I experienced. None of you will know how massively the internet effected the kind of person I became. None of you could possible even wish to know the truth, the full truth, behind the woman that writes at this screen.

Dreams, Nightmares, Memories, Hopes and Dreams... All of these things were influenced by the internet, the people on the internet. Several people came into my life, destroyed my life - saved my life... it varied from soul to soul. But in the end I made the choice I did to become the woman I have become. I work hard, and I do whatever I have to do to make sure my daughter never experiences the kind of hardships I have known.

I will put my head high, and I will strive hard and fast towards the future I am looking for. I will work hard, I will move with all determination... because I am my own Serenade, and I am the Sweetest thing I will ever experience. I am my own worst enemy, and my greatest ally.

Maybe someday I will sit down and write my story, modify a few names for sanity sake... and so that the people don't realize it was me writing about them. Of course I can definitely use recognizable nicknames for people I want to know that I was writing about them... but for some... they will never know it was me writing that story.

For now, I am pleased to be me... anyone that can't handle it... you're better off just stepping off and out of my life.

[SweetSerenade]

May 10th, 2015

Mother's day, it's still very strange that I am actually a mother. A few years ago this was the month I found out several things, and had to make hard choices in the June that followed. July was a change for me as well. But this is the second year, the second year that I have had a Mother's Day... And I was so happy to see the love on the faces of the people I know. So many people messaged me, wishing me a happy mothers day. It made me so happy.

I got texts, calls and all sorts of things. Which reminds me that I have to get in touch with a few people.

Being a mother has been a wonderfully mellowing experience for me. The love I feel for my daughter has made it very hard to dwell much on darker things from my past. She is the light in the darkness, the child that I have dreamed of.

Nightmares and Dreamscapes, that's something else on my mind. Since recently I have had a few rather terrifying nightmares. For the sake of propriety I will not get into much detail on them. They involve things, people, and events from my past... but that is just that... the past. Dwelling on it will only make it worse.

I work Saturday and Sunday, as a definite. So that is good. Later this week I'll find out if I got the Walgreens job, I am honestly really hoping I get it.

Parts of my past are rearing their nasty ugly heads, despite all my efforts of trying to avoid them. I'm going to do some damage prevention and let friends and family know how to avoid the individuals causing drama. Hopefully that will absolve some situations, and keep them from getting worse. It's sad that people can't take it that I don't want anything to do with them, it's sad that they have to be deceptive little drama llamas. Oh well.

[SweetSerenade]

A full weekish of updates will be coming as soon as I have the ability to write, and think well enough to do so. I'm not going the best right now, and it's taking everything in my power to smile and push through.

[SweetSerenade]

May 11th,2015 - May 18th, 2015

Well... Things have certainly been chaotic. Tons of details to give out, but not sure exactly how to phrase all of them. Things at the house are stable, mostly. We are working hard to make up the money we have had to put out (that we didn't have) when my husband was only getting 16 hour weeks. His work has definitely increased his schedule, and his next paycheck will be quite nice. Unfortunately, my first paycheck will not be nice. I am only getting about 9 ish hours on that check. It's because the paycheck on the 25th is only from the 1st-15th of the month. I have to leave a note with my husband so he'll be able to pick up my check on the 10th of June - that check covers the 15th of May to the end of May. Lucky me, I'm feeling a little put off honestly.

But my trip in June will help change a lot, hopefully. I generally make a surprising amoutn of money while there. The friend I am visiting is taking me to Atlantic City, on his dime (because he misses how much he used to make with me as his luck charm). I am also going to a huge illusionist magic show on the saturday after I get there. Two of my long term friends want to meet up the second week I am there, and I am hopefully visiting my adopted brother.

Weaning my daughter is going alright, soon will be the hard point as we will be cutting out ALL of her nursings on wednesday. Now she is down to having sippy cups of milk, watered down juice, gatorade, and water. She really likes gatorade and milk. Sometimes she likes her watered down juice, and she LOVES smoothies when we go to Starbucks. Lucky me, I have a kid that is actually quite the health nut. She'll turn her nose up at a cookie if you offer her a cracker. Smart kid, love her for it.

Work has been signing me up for more hours, trying to negotiate my visit to my girl crush. Which is actually quite a happy thing for me. I can't wait for the future. I know this isn't much of an update considering how long it took me, but it's something.

As a note I work Friday, and Saturday. I have to figure out on Friday if I work sunday... As well as find out the rest of the schedule as well. I told them I'd work any shift, and any day other than mondays or tuesdays. Lucky me, thank the gods they listened to my plea for my family.

[SweetSerenade]

May 19th, 2015

I'm having a bit of an emotional day, losing some games because partners are unable to do so at this time (which is ok), as well as finding out some pretty heavy stuff about people I care about. Other than that... I'm mostly emotional because soon enough my child and I are going through a large step in her growth process.

Tonight marks the last night I will nurse her at all. I started weaning her two weeks ago, and tonight is the last time she gets a bedtime feeding. I'm actually crying because I'm going to miss the feeling I get when I'm holding her. The closeness I feel during the nursing act. It's not going to be the same, just cuddling her. But I just can't keep my milk supply running.

I'm sad, and I wish it could be another way, but this is the way it will be. I have to do it, for both of us. At least she has been taking to normal foods very well - and that helps. It's just a matter of her moving another step in growing up. She's my first, that has reached this step, and I'm realizing that it's almost been two years since I held that small child in my arms and sobbed because I was finally able to do something I had dreamed of.

Emotional, as I said... I'm done for the night.

[Dimir]

*Offering an extremely big squishy hug*

I am so proud of you and your partner must be as well. I will do my best to RP post and keep our game running.

[SweetSerenade]

Thank you Dimir, for your kind words. :D

May 20th, 2015

Today was a little more of a low key day, things were pretty mellow. I spent some time with my daughter's Godfather, and worked on some budgeting plans. I have to get a decent amount of money saved up for the convention we are going to in September, but I think we will manage it. I am also going to be working while I am in philly, so I should be able to save up some decent money on that front. Hopefully things just keep getting better, I am really hoping so.

Good news first, bad news later. My Ball jointed Doll, named Luna, will be getting a makeover when i visit my friends on monday. They are going to babysit her till I get back in June - and will be making her all happy and a new dolly. She really deserves it, and I'm glad I have such amazing friends. I'm excited for my small visit to my friends, even if it is just for one night. It's better than not seeing them at all, and I need the single day of decompression before I move on to all of the other work I have to do. I work Friday, and Saturday. I'm hoping I work on Sunday as well - I could use the boost to my paycheck on the 10th. I hope they take me up on signing me up to work whatever days I am available for, because as many hours as I can get is what I need.

My 'magical college' website is finally up and running again, and the site seems to be running more smoothly. I'm loving the Canada setting, and loving the courses. I love the staff, and I love the coursework. It's helping me regain skills I can use for college. Here is to hoping it keeps getting better!

Bad news, well it turns out that my daughter is not handling this weaning thing well. I'm trying to get a bottle going for her - and hoping the warm milk works. Otherwise, I'm not sure what we are going to do. She is not handling this 'no bedtime juice' in a good way, and her crying is making me feel like a bad mother. Back to trying to get her to get sleep properly. I hope that eventually she will sleep through the night. It is just a hope. I have an idea and I'm going to have her father help me with it as soon as he is inside. She isn't super awake, but I'm hoping she's awake enough to eat a small blend of warmed milk and baby cereal. It might sit heavy enough in her tummy to make her sleep long and deep.

[Oniya]

Bad news, well it turns out that my daughter is not handling this weaning thing well. I'm trying to get a bottle going for her - and hoping the warm milk works. Otherwise, I'm not sure what we are going to do. She is not handling this 'no bedtime juice' in a good way, and her crying is making me feel like a bad mother. Back to trying to get her to get sleep properly. I hope that eventually she will sleep through the night. It is just a hope. I have an idea and I'm going to have her father help me with it as soon as he is inside. She isn't super awake, but I'm hoping she's awake enough to eat a small blend of warmed milk and baby cereal. It might sit heavy enough in her tummy to make her sleep long and deep.

As someone who has been through the weaning thing - and I don't know what your routine is now or has been, so apologies if I'm retreading ground you've already been over.  If she's mostly transitioned to cereal/soft food during the day, the night-time nursing is mostly going to be for comfort.  The bottle is a good idea, but sometimes just a bit of cuddling in a dark room with quiet music will send them back off into dream-land.

[SweetSerenade]

As someone who has been through the weaning thing - and I don't know what your routine is now or has been, so apologies if I'm retreading ground you've already been over.  If she's mostly transitioned to cereal/soft food during the day, the night-time nursing is mostly going to be for comfort.  The bottle is a good idea, but sometimes just a bit of cuddling in a dark room with quiet music will send them back off into dream-land.

She has taken a liking to a warmed bottle (or two!) of milk before she goes to sleep. It's still a little rough, because the bulb for her nightlight went out! So we have to put her bedroom light on the lowest setting because she /hates/ the dark.

[SweetSerenade]

May 21st, 2015 and May 22nd, 2015

This is a little late, but I still plan on getting you guys updated on what is happening in my life. So on the 20th, we completely stopped giving my daughter breast milk. The last two nights, that followed, to this morning(the 23rd), have been absolute hell on my sleeping schedule. I had people offer to help with her bed time, since I had work on Friday, but it didn't work out too well. They 'conveniently' forgot their offer, and I had to get up several times in the night, to care for my daughter. In total, I think I got 4 hours on the first night and 2 hours on the second. But the 21st, was a little exhausting. It was payday for my husband (thursday), so that meant handling a lot of bills.

We went out for breakfast, got coffee, and even went to goodwill. I found a pretty stellar messenger bag, that is also a laptop bag, but Samsonite - it was only 8$! It's made of real leather. I found that pretty darn cool, in all actuality. So now I have something to haul my electronics around, as well as something to use for the back and forth to work. I also can use it when it comes time for my flight to Philly. Which will be fun in and of itself! Heck yes!

I did a lot of catch up to this day, and managed to get pretty caught up on almost all of my games. (though that's not the case on the 23rd, anymore.) - I am also a member of an online magical school, not HiH anymore - a different one, and I have been catching up on all of my lesson 2 coursework. I think the only work I have left to do - is Wizarding History and Writer's Block. Which is pretty cool. I'm all caught up except for those two courses, and the quizzes I can take once professeurs can grade papers. :D

Overall, a rather uneventful but exhausting couple of days.

[SweetSerenade]

This is just an announcement that this journal will continue. I will work on posting some updates for all of you, as well as get back into posting on a daily basis. Sorry for vanishing :D

[SweetSerenade]

Catching up to date
It's been awhile huh? Life got a little crazy there, and I just lost all the drive to continue to write. Well on a 'blog/journal' basis. It was just not something I was interested in, and I kind of lost the drive for a bit there. It was a little bumpy, given the time of year it was. This is a particularly rough time for me, because I have now passed the three... four? I can't remember... it's an anniversary of when I lost a child that I wanted rather badly. So it was a little rough. Given some of the things that happened in my life, time tends to blurr a little. But that's ok, it's just how things go.

I am working rather well, and the new job was going ok. I got a lot of good reviews from the people at work, and I was learning a lot. Then I went to Philly...

I was in Philly from June 1st to June 15th. I can say it was an absolute blast. I went to the airport pretty late at night, not many people. Was having some flying anxiety because I am not the best of people on planes. Ended up smoking several cigs before I went to enter the TSA line. I got on the plane shortly after nine at night, and then I didn't land in Philly till six in the morning. Shortly after landing my friend was there to pick me up. It was awesome to see him, since it had been almost two years since we had seen each other. He took me out to breakfast shortly after, and I scarfed down a bunch of food.

Since I wasn't feeling the jetlag, or any sort of time disphoria... we decided to hit up Redding Terminal and downtown Philly. That was after I unloaded everything and figured out what I was going to do. That was Tuesday morning (2nd) and it was a blast. We walked around Philly for a bit, and then went for lunch at Pearl's Oyster bar. We got back to the house and settled down for a bit, ate dinner which was some sandwhiches we ordered in a stand inside Redding Terminal. Have to say, some of the best damn food I have ever had.

I actually didn't crash till pretty late, but I made an effort to make sure I called my daughter to wish her goodnight. The next morning I woke up to my friend telling me we were going to Atlantic City, it was his treat and he was giving me gambling money. I wasn't allowed to spend any of the money he gave me, his sort of 'apology' for being out of touch for so long and being unable to do more for holidays. Really I think it's because he considers me the closest thing he'll ever get to a daughter, and he wanted to make sure I was cared for.

So we headed to Atlantic City, checked into our room - and then went up to the Suite that the Casino had given him. He gets a lot of comps because he goes every couple of months and spends several days in a row gambling, he's got the money for it - and nothing to use it on - so why not? So I went out with him to play black jack, and we just played until the wee hours, he went to bed before me. I went back to the room and took a nap, and then we went out for breakfast. On the 3rd, first day at the Casino, we actually went to a place inside the Casino a sushi place. It was absolutely delicious!

Thursday we had breakfast in the Casino and went out on the board walk to go do a little shopping, I got myself a new vape pen (Heck yes!) and then we went back and had a bite to eat. After that we went straight to the tables to play Black Jack some more. We played for a few hours, before going to dinner.

He headed to bed somewhere around 12am-1am... and I stayed up till 6 am. I hadn't intended to but I met a kick ass guy, in a friendly way, and we ended up playing black jack together! I finally took a nap at about 6am, got up at 9am... and we finished up everything we were doing. We headed back to Philly and just hung around the house for the rest of the day. Not much happened on Friday, but on Saturday I went to a weird magic show. The guys cellist was the cellist for Celine Dion, and it was really interesting to see magic from the side of someone that knows all the tricks... He tried to pull one over on me... and actually laughed when I told him how he did his trick.

It was pretty fun, and went out for Sushi afterwards. I spent the next couple of days not feeling too good, caught plane crud... but on tuesday(the 9th) my friend ended up getting really really sick. Since he's an older guy, and almost never gets sick, he got hit pretty hard. I was a total mother hen to him and did the best I could to take care of him. He got so frustrated at me taking care of him that he literally threw money at me on the 11th and told me to get out and go bar hopping for a little bit. He just couldn't stand me asking him if he was ok, and shoving ibu down his throat when his fever spiked.

But Friday he was feeling much better, so we went out into Philly again. Mostly because he felt bad that he hadn't been 'taking care of me' like he felt he should, he dragged me out and took me around Philly. We went to the Oyster House, and ended up stuffing our faces. Though I had intended on only one half dozen of oysters... he ordered a special platter when I wasn't looking... and even started buying drinks for me. It was kinda cool, and he even though it was hilarious that I actually randomly found someone I knew from Portland visiting at the same time. We ended up all chatting for awhile, before heading down the South Street, and I hit up a few shops there.

Saturday I went out with my adopted brother, his girlfriend, and an old Rp friend, and we all went to see Jurassic World. It was hilarious, funny, and absolutely amusing. We went back to Philly, from where my adopted brother lived, and I made dinner for them. We ended up hanging out and drinking till around midnight, and made plans to hang out again the next day. It was exactly what I needed, and it was a lot of fun.

So sunday was just hanging out, playing games, cracking jokes, and being generally moody.

Though I did have a strange situation arise, good strange. You see I have had a huge crush on a friend of mine, and admitted that crush. My husband is in full support of this, and suggested that I do more to show my interest. So I bought some lingerie and took a few pictures, and what I got in return was pictures of them in a more revealing form of their costume - mind you this was after I helped them by finding them an open chest binding technique so  they could be more comfortable with themselves and their cosplay ( not to mention how hot it was! YIKES!) - but it was a bit of a blush fest for me.

Monday... the 15th... if was finishing getting ready to go home and then heading out. I was almost killed by my friends ... partner? I guess you could call them that? Their partner drove me to the airport and was driving 100 down the highway... took an exit at 80/90 and nearly hit a semi. I was shaking when I was dropped off and smoked through four cigarettes I was so freaked out. I got on the plane, went home... crashed curled up in bed with my daughter and husband.

I haven't had work as so far yet, and I am trying to catch up on writing. It's just been a normal couple of days with very little to remark on.

So yeah... if you have any questions, I'll answer them, for anyone that is reading this.

[SweetSerenade]

July 2nd, 2015

Basic update? Things kinda exploded after my last post, A flurry of activity in my life. Also a bit of depression. Started finally working again, caught up on all my posts, and even signed up for college. I'm going for my placement tests next week, as well as orientation and then will proceed to get ready to meet with my Personnel Adviser for College. Student Aid is turned in, I'll know if I get it after August... and I can start signing up for classes after I talk to the Adviser. Going for an Associates in General Education to start. Will also be taking Japanese, Spanish, and American Sign Language... to help better my language skills (if there is enough money left for all of those) - I am also considering taking a Dance course in order to increase my activity.

Now for the bad shit. Friends dying, family moving away... a lot of weird shit. Furthermore, lucky me... I may be getting on workman's comp... no that is sarcasm. I got injured at work today, went to the Er - ER doc thinks I may have a Sciatica issue thanks to the spill I took at work. (Freaking greasy stuff on the floor, when there is enough doesn't matter how 'non-slip' your shoes are... something is bound to happen). So on monday I have another appointment to see if the weird stuff has subsided, the muscle spasms in my right leg - the twitches.. the ants crawling up and down my skin on left and right leg... cotton stuffed feeling in right foot... burning/tingling/cooling sensation in right and now left leg... HUZZAH! If they persist than on monday I get an MRI...a fter the MRI it'll take a little to figure out if I need to do any form of treatments... figure out how long things will take... and figure out how long I'm out of work for (For whatever my happen if a procedure or something is needed as well as how long 'healing time is' before I can return to 'light' or modified duties.) Which will liekly include not doing anything that will aggitate my injuries... which will basically mean me not getting scheduled till I can return to normal work duties... yes... fuck today.

[Oniya]

That sounds an awful lot like some symptoms that an acquaintance of mine had after a slip-and-fall.  Make sure that your doctor follows up on those MRIs, and if he assigns you to PT, make sure that both your ortho and your PT doctors listen to you.  And don't bull through the pain if it hurts - let them know about it!

Also, stay on Workman's Comp's butts.  Document everything so that they can't screw you over.

[SweetSerenade]

Thank you Oniya for your words. I am doing the best I can to do everything I am supposed to. On that note..

July 6th, 2015

Doctor's Apt today, follow up for ER visit. Spent the weekend in a varying level of pain and agony. Doctor's office was a bit of a hassle filling out all the new patient paperwork. Get new prescriptions, as well as a knee immobilizer. Apparently Doc is concerned about how my leg will suddenly give out, which concerned me as well. He gave me some other meds to take as well, and said he was going to forward for an MRI. Leave office to head to DHS to file change of income and the situation going on. As well as pick up info for my friend to become my daughter's child care provider.

On way to DHS I get a call that the Wokman's Comp had no record of my claim, or file. I am confused because I am looking right at the paperwork from my employer with the information filed. Call up work and ask what's going on, and get told I need to come in and we can figure it out. Go to DHS that takes like 2 hours because of slow people. Finally get to work and talk to the manager - after waiting over half an hour. She takes the note I have that puts me on another week of no work, 'yay' me... And said she got off the phone with the boss... and says that she will REFILE my claim, because apparently it never got sent out properly. Also will refile it with the proper information, because the rere had put that I hadn't gone to the ER>

Mind you the paper I had given for the filing had THE ER INFORMATION RIGHT ON IT. I was in the ER on thursday night. SO now I have to wait for a call from the upper management of my job, to give me the information I need so I can call the Doctor's office and they can resubmit the MRI scheduling. Which will hopefully happen before the end of the week. I have ANOTHER apt with the same Doctor on monday to follow up on everything again and see my progress.

Mind you all this is going on and I still have my college placement exams on Thursday. SO I'm sooooo happy, no not really... I'm actually pretty livid right now.

[Oniya]

There are lawyers who will take Workmans Comp cases for a percentage of the ruling (i.e., they don't get paid unless you get paid).  If HR keeps dragging their heels, having one of these guys in your court - and especially as a 'cc' on any documentation sent out can be, shall we say, motivating.

[SweetSerenade]

There are lawyers who will take Workmans Comp cases for a percentage of the ruling (i.e., they don't get paid unless you get paid).  If HR keeps dragging their heels, having one of these guys in your court - and especially as a 'cc' on any documentation sent out can be, shall we say, motivating.

All of the working I do with my employment is through coming in person. Because phone calls get pushed aside pretty easily. I'm going to push hard. If they drag too much I will be making this a claim issue. Because this is causing undue stress on my living situation. Loss of companionship for my daughter because of how badly my injury is effecting my relationships and ability to care for those around me... As well as loss of work, which I NEED that extra income. I lose 40$ everyday I don't work. So far that's 80$ of lost wages.

With the Doctor's note, that means another 120$ of lost income, making $200 of lost income. Mind you I don't get ANY work comp until I've missed 4 days of work, and I only get paid for missing the 4th day. I might get the first 3 missed days if I am out for 14 consecutive work days. Mind you I am usually scheduled as a varied marking between Thursday and Sunday of every week. I generally work anywhere from 1-4 days a week, so I'm not sure how it's even going to get filed. I have no set schedule, so I could very easily be screwed over in this. But I generally work Friday to Sunday, when I was working actively before I left for my trip.

I'm hoping thigns get handled professionally otherwise I am going to be getting one of those work comp lawyers. It already feels like they were trying to blame me, just by how they PHRASED things on the Work comp paperwork we did. Literally they wrote 'Slipped on "something" behind front counter.'.... that "Something" really pisses me off. Because it feels like they don't believe I got injured there, even though the MANAGER ON SHIFT AT THE TIME was the one that helped me regain my balance.

[SweetSerenade]

July 12th,2015

So things have been really painful, but I am getting over it slowly. Had my MRI on Friday, after having to wait several days for SAIF to even recognize there was a situation going on. Not that it was their fault, apparently my work did misfile things, or the first claim was never filed at all. I am staying on top of things, and making sure to keep SAIF and my work informed. I keep in touch with the doctor if I have any symptoms that worry me, and I have been generally just trying to take care of myself as much as possible.

This injury has taken a large toll on my ability to write, or my want to write. I have been doing the best I can to try to respond within a certain time period, but sometimes I just have no interest in posting because I am in just too much pain.

Tomorrow, around Four pm, I will find out what the results of my MRI were. The Doctor told me at a minimum I will have to do physical therapy, and can return to work on a light/modified workload. If it's worse than that, the chances are I will need a readjustment that relieves the pressure on the nerve that is pinched in my spine, or even so far as to have a procedure to fix it. Either way, the option that is worse would end up with more time off, and more time for healing, before I can even consider coming back on a light or modified duty.

SAIF appears to be on my side, and they are doing everything they can to help me. I am just hoping that my job doesn't try to fuck me over because someone else wasn't doing their jobs properly. Here is to hoping for the better, and for hoping that my muse pick up continues so I can get caught up on everything I owe currently.

[SweetSerenade]

The Last 17 days

Well, this is going to be a bit of a long update. Last time we spoke it was the 12th of July, now it's the 29th. That's a lot of time to cover, but I can get you updated on quite a lot. So the MRI went well, the doctor was able to find out a lot about my back. Non-related to the Work Comp issues - we discovered I have arthritis, already, in my lower back. This could explain some of my pain, but not all. The Doctor at that point decided it was time to get me referred to Physical therapy. Which began a few days after the Doctor's apt.

The First physical Therapy appointment did not go well. Especially since my painkillers were not working. I was in so much pain that the Therapist couldn't even have me do any exercise. He gave me a book that talked about back pain, and told me to read it. I went home after that. But there was other news, that was a little more important to me at the time. I went to the college, the day before the Physical Therapy Appointment, and spent the entire day at the college doing placement exams as well as getting all of my Orientation stuff done. By the end of it all I knew what I was taking, how many credits I'd be taking, and I had a better sense of worth.

The Physical Therapist did tell me that I needed at least two appointments a week for at least the next four weeks, and also mentioned that I needed to get my stress cut down. So I spent the weekend cutting all of my controllable stresses. I was a little bummed at the fact that I would be under so much stress - in a sense, from all the constant appointments. But it was ok, because I know I will get better.

I went to the Doctor again, telling him what the Therapist said. He gave me a modified work note, and I turned it in. Work still wouldn't putu me on the schedule because they had no positions for the modified work the Doctor cleared me for. Two Physical therapy appointments later, I find  out that I was supposed to be going to work on the THursday I had an appointment. I told my work that I could come in the next morning, for the shifts they scheduled me for.

I am still in a lot of pain, and have been going back to work on severely modified duty. But right now, right now I have some major news on my head. At the Doctor's apt yesterday, the Doctor decided I need another MRi for something my knee is doing. He is probably going to send me to an Orthopedic Doctor soon. Unfortunately, it was mostly in relation to the fact that my Doctor thinks there is a displaced Tendon - because I am still having inflammation in my knee that was injured.

Physical therapy is doing well, and I'm getting ready for Kumoricon. Baby is growing well, and generally I'm trying to get better at keeping people up to date. I'll start working on it a bit more.


On a small note, my FAFSA should be completely cleared through and I'll be going to school in the fall! I'm taking Math 60, because I want to take a step back and make sure I have my mind properly refreshed on math. I'm also going to be taking a Writing Composition course, which will help me increase my writing skills even further. Other than that, I needed one more class in order to get my full time student status, so I selected Japanese 101. I'm going to begin learning languages not my birth language! I will keep doing this all through the two years I need to gain the 90 credits for my Associates of General Studies degree! I am so excited to be expanding my knowledge, and attending school! This is going to be one of the most amazing things possible for me.

[Oniya]

If you want some no-stress, no-cost (but also no-credit) refreshers, Khan Academy is the bomb!

[SweetSerenade]

If you want some no-stress, no-cost (but also no-credit) refreshers, Khan Academy is the bomb!

I actually wanted to do the credited version, because I only need 16 Math and 16 writing credits to have that section cleared for my Associates Degree qualifications. So I figured why not take a step back, relearn and then use that knowledge to help teach a friend Math so he can get his GED <3
Thank you for popping By Oniya, it's nice to see you keeping up on my life. It makes me feel loved, and lets me know that someone is looking out for me.

[Oniya]

I'm not saying to not take the credited version...  >:)  But if you go into a review class like Math 60 after having already done independent review, you can boost your overall GPA.  ;D

I accidentally did this my first year in college, since I had been in advanced math classes in high school.  Spent my first semester waiting for the professor to get to something new.

[SweetSerenade]

I'm also doing it because I'm going to be teaching my friend. <3 I want to help him get his GED. But yeah, I also think it's better for me, as of how I learn. Plus I only need 16 credits in math - and 16 in Writing - to fully qualify for that part of my Associates Degree. So the rest of the credits will be built up with ulterior courses. I'm hoping to take ballet in the Winter. <3

[SweetSerenade]

July 30th

I got the email today! The one that told me I had been approved for my student grant! I nearly jumped to the moon when I found I qualified for the full amount available! Further than that I was actually shown some really awesome student loan information. I think, with the right application, in the future a Student loan would actually be a really good idea for me and my family. It would help me build credit, and I wouldn't borrow as much as they were offering. It could be an affordable way (With payments of 50$ a month!) for me to build credit and pull myself out of the hole I'm in.

With my Award finalized and my Pell Grant available... I just have to wait till next Friday when my classes open for registration! I am practically crying with joy, honestly. I am so excited to be going to college. Each term I do I earn more credits and can register for classes even sooner!

So today I had physical therapy, we discovered new more disturbing issues with my knee as well as a new discovery that something in my back keeps popping and grinding during specific activities. My physical therapist is a bit concerned and told me to watch out when I was doing my practice exercises. I've been trying to get in at least two walks a day, usually manage at least one, that are at least a 10 minute walk. I'm going to have to modify a few thigns, and build up a little system for me to do walking. Mostly because it's bloody hot and I'll need the appropriate gear to facilitate this.

Oh yes, what my work did - they basically had me go straight to work after physical therapy. I was thrown into the drive through, again, and then put on to watching videos. My manager seems rather annoyed that I made sure to tell her that I need to come in late on Friday next week - because of classes registration. I also gave her my scheduled Physical Therapy appointments, so now she has absolutely no excuse for scheduling me that close to my appointment.

I'm still in a lot of pain, but I'm advancing. Making a game of it, as best as I can. I know I need to physically get better, and as I get better I'll be more able to do things I really want to do. I'm also looking at the possibility of getting a membership at the local gym, as expensive as it might be, so I have a better outlet for exercise. If anything I can make an hour for myself each day,after I have it, and ask one of my house mates to watch my daughter so I can exercise.

Anyways... I think that's it for now.

[SweetSerenade]

July 30th to August 15th

Well this is a bit of a stretch to catch up on. I can't believe I kept holding off on writing another entry. I was just so tired, and constantly stressing. It's been a bit chaotic, honestly, and a bit bothersome.

So, MRI was done, on August 4th. Which was a bit of a stressful day, the MRI on my knee was done - and then I had to head on back home. Called up to find out about my appointment, for physical therapy, only to find out there was a mix up in the system. We adjusted it, I got my scheduled appointment on time. But once again 'misadventures' with Burger King. I stopped by to double check the schedule to find out when I was working. There was some serious discrepancies of when I was and wasn't supposed to work.

A bit of an understanding, before I was even hired I made it clear I couldn't work Monday through Wednesday due to child care options. They not only tried to schedule me to work on the SAME Tuesday (later in the day) That I had an MRI and a Physical therapy appointment, but they tried to schedule me to work the Wednesday right after that. One of the managers, the nicer one - the newest one - sat me down to fix the issue. Because she at least remembered what I said. Turns out she got in trouble for 'fixing' the schedule issues.

Which also had me scheduled to work during a time that I requested to come in later, it wasn't really a request, I pretty much told Burger King that August 7th was my class registration day. That I was not going to be even be able to come in till after a certain time. Turns out they tried to schedule me RIGHT in the middle of when I had to schedule classes.

The nice manager helped me adjust everything, and I continued onward with all of my appointments and traveling. August 7th I signed up for my classes. I am officially a College student, and that's a big giant middle finger in the faces of the people that constantly told me I'd never make it. I'll be taking a Writing Composition class online; Mathematics, Ballet, and Japanese will be on campus. I'm already working on getting other things arranged as well.

I had my Doctors Appointment for the MRI this last Tuesday, and it seems all is good. Though I have some arthritis in my knee too, which absolutely baffles the Doctor because I'm only 26. Well, those with really flexible joints to sometimes have more issues. But it's ok, I'll be talking to my Primary care provider about that.

Work this week was not pleasant, on Thursday I had to go to work before I had physical therapy. Even though my shift was only two and a half hours on Thursday - reduced hours... - I was still near crying by the end of the shift. Between the strangely bipolar way my Manager kept changing her mind about my position, to the fact that it is obviously My fault that I was the only one working front counter and someone ordered 12 milkshakes at once - so it's my fault when I couldn't expedite several orders at the same time as making all the milkshakes. I was doing exactly what I had been taught to which was follow the orders based on what is on the screen.

Ever since I got back from being injured, and ever since they started me on Drive through work, I have been having more and more difficulty with the job. The last four times I worked there was literally absolutely no break, which I generally got a small 10 minute one in the middle . Everything collapsed down around me on Thursday when I was standing at the french fry station and I couldn't see for a good span of time. My world literally narrowed down and my hands caught me on the counter by the french fry area. I just stood there staring. That's when the manager decided to scream at me for a customer walking out, because the guys in the back weren't making burgers fast enough - so it's obviously my fault... when I hand't even had a chance to get to them yet.

I went to physical therapy after the day from living hell, and ended up nearly collapsing in a sobbing wreck in the therapists office. My physical therapist was visibly angered at the way I had been driven at work, when I had given them a notice of my appointment the week before. Obviously since the Doctor released me to full work that meant that my job could ride me into the ground and put me away without proper clean up. this effected my physical therapy appointment, as it made it nearly impossible to do most of my exercises. Because I hadn't been given a break I also hadn't been able to eat anything - thus I had been unable to take my pain meds.

They also made me stay late and I barely caught the bus I needed to make it to my physical therapy on thursday.

The good news was on Tuesday after physical therapy I ran into a woman that is interested in giving me her bike. Since I did a kindness for her, and she heard some of my story when we were on the bus, she wanted to help me. I've been working on those details with her over text.

I have been working to try to make sure I have all my school stuff arranged, get caught up on all my writing (again), and make sure that I am keeping my place clean. Overall things have just been piling up on me mentally and I just want a /real/ break.

All I want right now is like two days for me to vanish into a hotel room and not have to leave unless I want to leave. Just two days to do whatever I want.

Yes I have my Anime convention coming up, of which I will be an Assistant manager at, but that's not really the kind of break I am looking for.


I'll try to get better at updating all of you.

[SweetSerenade]

August 16th

Exhaustion, that's a good word for today. Exhaustion. My daughter isn't sleeping well, she was up really late last night. She didn't crash until 1am, and then spent the next four and a half hours being in and out of slumber. I couldn't get to sleep till about 5:30 am, because she was constantly waking up. I'm not sure what's wrong with her, but unfortunately there wasn't much I could do. My husband watched the baby so I could try to sleep in a little this morning.

After I got up, somewhere after only about 6 ish hours of sleep, I came downstairs to help with my daughter. She managed to crash for her usual nap, and I passed out with her. After the nap was over we started cleaning in the house. we are getting a lot of cleaning one today, as well as laundry. Tonight i get to put a lot away, and tomorrow I get to finish everything up.

I am going to try to work on all my writing, but I'm also planning for school. I need to get a good bike lock, and safety gear. Also gotta work on getting a bike repair kit. I plan on biking partially to school, and then taking the bus for other parts. I'm really interested in making sure that I can get super healthy, and so I can do well in Ballet.

Anyways, I'm just mostly exhausted. I'm trying to stay caught up...

[SweetSerenade]

August 17th-19th

What can I say, time got away from me again. I wanted to stay caught up on everything, and was just dealing with everything that life invovles. Getting lost in the stress of preparing for college, finding out I had no scheduled work hours for this week. I think that's their way of giving me the finger for turning in my two week notice. Since this isn't a right to work state... they really aren't required to give a Part time employee hours. But whatever, that's just one more thing to stress me as I try to make ends meet.

Because my husbands pay increased a little bit we had a 60$ drop in our SNAP, which is going to stretch the budget even thinner. Looks like I'm eating ramen quite often now, hey look College student diet! Not joking, I'm going to be eating Ramen. My daughter will always eat well, even if I do not.

Working on getting my bike, friend had to hold it off till this paycheck - how can I complain? I'm getting help getting my bike, I shouldn't be a pushy brat.

I have to go get my School ID, and I also have a friend showing up from Florida at the end of next week. Husbands birthday is monday, and on lighter news I may also be seeing my crush on that day too. Yay me!

[SweetSerenade]

November 26th, 2016

Wow ok, it's been a long time. As such there is quite a bit of work I need to do. To be honest, things have changed so much since over a year ago. September of 2015 I started my first year as a college student. I am focusing on an Associates of General Studies, and I am focusing on Languages as my field of work. That Job Market isn't too over saturated, but and the entry level for the job is actually really good.

But that's besides the point, you are all probably wondering why Sweet has been pretty out of it. Why I stopped doing updates, to put it simply - life really got to me.

College proved to be more time consuming than I thought, furthermore - learning Japanese was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I have gotten through my first year of college, and I'm a third of my way through my second year of college. I have a bit of a road ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to it. It's just the way of things, one could say.

Alright, so it's time to dip into a bit more than I previously mentioned.

A lot of people remember that I was dealing with depression, mostly because of my living situation. We are still living with the In-Laws, but things have gotten bad in a different regard. Just after my birthday, we found out my father in law is now an insulin dependent diabetic. He already had problems with following a diet, and things got pretty bad there for a bit. It was a bit annoying for awhile there, with the constant fighting over diet changes and portion control. There was a lot of appointments, and the house was in a constant upheaval for awhile. Finally, it seemed like things would level out.


Then, I overheard my mother in law talking about how the house was going to go into foreclosure. She had lied to me again, about the situation the house was in, and it put me through a loop. I was just starting my second year of school, and this came up. I was in shock, I was angry, and I was not going to let her get away with it this time. We, as the family, had a discussion and we are currently in the process of working on Foreclosure avoidance procedures. She is working on getting a re-adjustment on the mortgage, and we are just trying to get by.

Me and my husband, some friends, and my daughter, all went to a convention just before Halloween weekend. The one in Portland, not the one in Sea-Tac... couldn't pay me enough to go to /that/ con. Kumo is my home, and I wouldn't give it up for the world.


Day Zero of con was a bit rough, I had to get everything organized and packed - get everyone to the hotel. Got two hotel rooms checked in, and got everyone settled. Helped everyone get to their rooms, had a shower and left con to go to my Math class. Came back late at night, and tried to relax and enjoy a few drinks before the big convention weekend. I thought it was going to be a real relaxing situation, I was really really wrong. Just a little into Friday morning (we are talking just after midnight really) I got a call from my mother in law... Father in law had a seizure. He had never had seizures in his life, but he had a seizure. She asked me to get hubby to the hospital so he could be there. I blanked, I freaked, I went on survival mode. As much as I dislike his parents, I love my husband. I love him a lot, and his happiness is important to me.

Cue me trying to get into our hotel room, and having to pound on the door at almost 1am. Good news was, people were still in the halls hanging out and generally goofing around, the entire floor was congoers so they understood the Day Zero festivities... I stumble through asking the Gnome (our friend from Wisconsin) if he's had too much to drive, and he hadn't... though he had one bitch beer(Mike's Hard, that sorta thing) ... I turn to hubby and tell him and the two of them leave. I'm left in this swirling vortex of what the fuck just happened.

Con weekend happens, and things are a bit sad. I have someone that I have sort of been seeing for almost a year, a wonderful friend that I was getting closer to. He promised that weekend we would spend time together, by Saturday night I had seen him for a grand total of half and hour - when he came into my hotel room and took my daughter - who was fighting her nap - and brought her into the room next to ours to calm her down and make her nap. It worked, but that was the longest span of time I had seen him to that point.

I felt detached from the con as a whole, and was trying to find a reason to continue going. So I go out to the con space at my husbands insistence, and try to find some fun things to do. It's late on saturday night, so there isn't any kids to really worry about. Things seem to be going generally good, and I'm having fun. I head back to my hotel room at about 1am, and then settle down to rest and do some homework. Then I get a phonecall at about 3am on Sunday, October 30th, and my world spins down again. It's mother in law, she says father in law had another seizure. That's two within about 48 hours, both considered serious enough to go to the hospital. She tells me not to tell hubby till the morning, and I stay awake till almost 5am... waiting for her to call back and say her and dad are heading home.

We get back, and everything spins out of control. Things are so stressful I have to drop a class. I dont' notice the signs of my own declining health, and keep pushing myself with my Second Year Japanese - and with my Pre-Calculus since I had to drop my Asian Religion class. I'm going for an Asian Studies Certification addition to my degree, since my overall focus is going to be languages and cultural advocacy...

Well things keep going, and keep getting worse. Tons of things started piling up. I didn't notice the signs that I had health problems, and so I just thought the stress was making me crack.

This last week we found out that my father in law had a pearl sized (we are talking pearl necklace pearl) mass in his left frontal lobe... It seemed that was the last straw... and I started to crack. I started to have symptoms of a developing uterine cyst... and I missed class on monday and tuesday. Wednesday I tried to be in class, but it did very little good. I ended up realizing that I had been through a ridiculous amount of feminine products since I woke up, and then the worry really set in. I went to the hospital straight from class, turns out I have abnormal uterine bleeding with lowered blood counts and iron levels. Not enough for transfusion or injections. I am ordered to take it easy.

That's not happening. I was up till 1am on thursday cleaning the dining room, and even scrubbing the floor a bit. Thursday when I wake up I am roped into cleaning the house from 7am till about 1pm... I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm bleeding heavily. Things are seeming to be ok now, but I have to worry about stuff with my Japanese class.

While I was drugged up for pain, which is all the hospital could do for me on Monday (my first visit to discover I had a cyst forming) - I ended up completing a Japanese Composition... with a lot of help from Google. Teacher sent me an email saying she wanted to speak with me. Now I have to wait to make a doctor's appointment for the abnormal uterine bleeding, and figure out how I'm goign to save myself in this class. I am starting to realize that the chances of that happening are really really slim. So now my schooling is at risk in a way.


I am not sure how I'm going to keep surviving. But I've found a return in my mind, to the wish of roleplaying. It's one of the few joys I have anymore...

[SweetSerenade]

November 28th, 2016

One would hope that after my plate has been filled with such a ration of insanity... that things would lighten up. Nope, Sensei was honest with me today and said that I was not ready for Japanese 202, she said that she really thought it was best I wait till next year. SO there it is, the one thing I was super passionate about in school, has been yanked out from under me. I am going to modify how I am learning, so that I can use next term to do a credit boost for my degree, and then prepare for Japanese in fall 2017 by taking 103 in my upcoming spring term. I just have to make it through the rest of this one, and Winter Term.

Sensei also suggested I look into a medical withdrawal from my courses, as it could be really useful for me. It would be a W on my transcript, for both of the classes I am currently taking, but it wouldn't be an F - which is way more damaging than a W. I have to do what I can to do everything in my power to work out my classes now.

As it stands I am taking Psychology 201 -Intro to Psychology, Into to Music, Beginner's Keyboarding, and Business Administrations 101 - Intro to Business. Physchology and Business Administrations are both 'ground setters' for required courses I need for my degree. I can work my way up to the next highest level of BA in Spring Term, and start taking the BA level I really need for my Degree in Fall 2017. The Psychology is a good spring board because I need to get a 200 level Pscyh class under my belt so I can reach to the level needed for the 208(I believe) I need for my Psychology credit of my degree(It's part of the 'core requirements' section of the Social Sciences, go figure?)

These are good and bad things, as it means that what I was working so hard on, has just slipped through my fingers at this time and place. I have been torn up over it, and I'm fighting away a monstrous headache.

I can't even go to my Japanese final as that's the first available Doctor's Appointment my clinic had, lucky me... I get to miss it if I dont' get a medical withdrawal, and I will end up getting my worst term EVER in my history of college (which isn't that long and honestly stabs me in the heart.)


Starting to feel that drowning feeling again...

[SweetSerenade]

November 30th, 2016

So Mother in law and Father in Law went to a Doctor's Appointment Yesterday for most of the day. I found out that some stuff is up with my father in law, but no one gave me the full dish as I was elbows deep in Japanese homework when they got back. I was essentially zoned out.

Father in laws mass is believed to be a likely tumor of some sort, due to how rapidly it grew - and because of his lab work. In his MRI in July, end of July, there was nothing in his brain. Now, as of last monday, there is a Pea sized lump. Surgery is next week.

I feel... numb?

[SweetSerenade]

December 1st, 2016

So, things are getting interesting. No matter what i do, I am failing Japanese, but I have a chance to request a grade adjustment with a Medical Withdrawal (after the fact), which will result in a modification to my transcript. I will be put in 'warning' status next term, but I am busting ass to work on my Math Grade. Instructor has decided rest of Math for the term is Open Book and Open Note, and he's going to work on Exam modifiers to help me past. My Math instructor was the only one I never told everything too and when he found out how much I was dealing with, and I told him about my exam grades... his response was "Holy Toledo.. Yes next week we do exam modifiers"... So there is hope for me getting a rather good grade in Math!

Now on to the really bad stuff. My Doctors Appointment is Wednesday, but Monday morning my father in law leaves for his surgery. He will be in the ICU for the first day, and then he will be in the hospital until Thursday. This is to help make sure the post-operation time period is handled properly. Brain surgery, I'm actually really scared. 2016 has not been kind, and I am hoping it doesn't throw one last nasty curveball before the Holiday season.

I've started roleplaying again, and it's really been helping my mood. I need to start making scarves again, and finish up the ones I have to make for family - so I can start working on friends and commissions. Which reminds me - I need to make more pompoms for my Jack Frost's Scarf... as well as finish the Ravenclaw scarf I am making.

Honestly, I am just trying to get by. A friend messaged me today, and let me know that he is there to help support - which is really helpful. He reminded me of a truth I keep overlooking. I am a strong woman, and I have been handed a hard life, but I am doing what I can to survive. That is all I can do.

I have to get ready for Math class, leaving in about 40 minutes or so, I wish you all a wonderful evening.

Sweet Out.

[SweetSerenade]

December 7, 2016

Alright, so where to start? Reviewing what I wrote last time, will help me figure out exactly all that I need you to hear from me.

Father in law went in for his Surgery on Monday morning. They took a bit longer than scheduled because they found more than one tumor when they went in. Good news is, even though the tumors baffled the surgeon... the tumors are benign no cancer! He should be returning home tomorrow, which will make things a little more interesting here. I'm spending the night trying to do cleaning, and all of that jazz -in the hopes that I can make things a little more presentable when he returns.

I took my Math Exam, and I'll find out tomorrow night if I passed. But I have good confidence that I did. I have to work on my Math final, studying for it... and other than that I should be good to go.

I went to the Doctor today, I need an ultrasound to figure out what's going on with me. They also took more samples for testing, just in case. I also have a Psych appointment next week on Thursday, so that we can begin discussing the possibility of getting me on some things for Anti-Anxiety and actually pinning down a diagnosis of what is the 'source' of my troubles. Hopefully, things go well.

That's it for now really, just working on roleplaying and catching up on talking to people.

[SweetSerenade]

When you hope as hope is known
From your heart seeds of chaos sown
Try as you might to escape this fate
It seems that you are never meant for happiness’ gate
Try as you might, climb as you will
For the future this flute will never trill
Seek and yearn
Twist and burn
From your heart the pain will flow
Into the darkness your soul will go
Seek to find that which cannot be found
For yours is hopes that will never leave the ground
You try, and you seek
But it was never yours to keep
The hard to find truth of it all
The truth is that you will always fall
No matter how hard you try
No matter how you seek to fly
Your wings will always be ripped free
From the limbs of the truthful tree
Nothing you do will matter in the end
Because no matter how you try you’ll always bend
Seek and yearn
Twist and Burn
No matter how much you hope
I'll never escape this rope

[SweetSerenade]

December 31st, 2-16

So wow, yes, a lot has happened since the Seventh, when I last posted an update.

I didn't get a very good grade on the Exam, but I took make up exams that helped my grade. I took my final the on the 13th, and I actually got a good enough grade that I actually managed to get to get a C in Math at the end. The day before my final my father in law went in for his Brain surgery. They removed two tumors.

Getting ready for the Holidays wasn't the easiest, but they managed to pass without a hitch. Without much of one. Things are a bit tight around here, but it's still good.

To be honest, I've been fighting with Depression and Anxiety for awhile. I started going to the Doctor for my own health problems, and we discussed me seeing a Shrink. That first appointment was on Thursday, and a Doctor's appointment followed that up.

The result was me being put on Lexapro. I have to say, it's strange - but ... After being on it for a day - I can sense a sort of change? I woke up feeling better than I ever have. I haven't woken up and felt like this in awhile.

I'm doing good in all of my games, I have many running - all at different intervals and I even have a potential Four games I'll be in.

I'm going to start trying to do a semi-daily, every couple of days or so, updates to this blog so that I have something of a journal to help me out.

Maybe it will help me with how I've been feeling about things, and maybe it will help me keep my thoughts organized.