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Author Topic: Random T.V. Quotes.  (Read 8380 times)

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Offline Darius

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #75 on: May 03, 2009, 06:48:09 PM »
Zoe :   Cap'n'll have a plan, he always does.
Kaylie: That's good, Right?
Zoe:    It's possible you're not recalling some of the cap'n's previous plans...

...

Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?"

River: "Fixing your Bible."

Book: "I, um...(alarmed)...what?"

River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense." (she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages)

Book: "No, no. You - you can't...

River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."

Book: "Really?"

River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat." (rips out page)

...

Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?

Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."

all from Firefly 

Offline Shiri

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #76 on: May 03, 2009, 08:28:26 PM »
"I am not a Merry Man!" - Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Offline Skye

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #77 on: May 10, 2009, 01:46:46 AM »
"If you cut revenge out of the Bible, there's not even enough pages to make a pamphlet."
-Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

Offline Avi

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Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #78 on: May 10, 2009, 01:57:10 AM »
"This is quite possibly the worst coffee I have ever tasted.  No, really, it's fascinating, it tastes like..."  *sips*  "It tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid."

-Nathan Fillion, Castle

Offline Skye

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #79 on: May 10, 2009, 01:59:30 AM »
Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

-House

Offline Darius

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #80 on: June 23, 2009, 11:59:30 PM »
"No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow"
Ivonova, Babylon 5

Offline Lady Annabelle

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #81 on: June 24, 2009, 09:33:12 AM »
Jim Kaplan: Hello, sir.
Peter: Enough with the foreplay, sailor. What are you selling?
Jim Kaplan: Well, I was gonna try to sell you some "handsome cream" but I can see you already bought out the store!
Peter: Go on.
Jim Kaplan: Perhaps you'd be interested in something every homeowner cannot be without. Volcano insurance!
Peter: Go on.
Jim Kaplan: According to my uncle-who's a real whiz with volcanoes-a volcano is coming this way!
Peter: [Thinking] I, too, have an uncle.
Peter: Come in.
Peter: How much is this volcano insurance?
Jim Kaplan: Uh, I don't know. Let's say, $200.
Peter: $200? That's more than I spent on all that handsome cream.
Peter: I don't have that kind of money!
Jim Kaplan: What about that jar of money?
Peter: No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund.
Jim Kaplan: Ah, come on, it never rains in Rhode Island.
Peter: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure we've never had a volcano either.
Jim Kaplan: Well, don't you think we're overdue for one?
Peter: Touche, salesman.


- Family Guy

Offline Soran

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #82 on: June 26, 2009, 05:02:39 AM »
"Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit. I'm ALIVE!!!!" A.J Rimmer from Red Dwarf.

Offline Lady Annabelle

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #83 on: July 07, 2009, 09:07:10 AM »
Joey Potter: And don't miss mine. Pacey, I love you, you know that. And it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it I can't be let off the hook because I just might get the notion that it's ok to keep running.

- "All Good Things Must Come To An End"  'Dawson's Creek'

Offline SuperHans

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #84 on: July 07, 2009, 09:27:06 AM »
"Brilliant Mark, my mate and your bird have just gone off to fuck each other. What are we going to do? Make a tent in the frontroom and eat Dairylea? Is that what you want? Because thats what's going to happen!"

-Jez, from Peep Show, the sitcom that gave me my user-namesake

Offline Lady Annabelle

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #85 on: July 13, 2009, 12:50:54 PM »
Bender 1: I'm not sad because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver--"

Bender A: "And the other's gold."

- Futurama

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Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #86 on: September 05, 2009, 05:30:52 AM »
"Synthetic scotch, synthetic commanders..."
Capt. Montgomery Scotch after meeting Lt. Cmdr. Data

"What is it?"
"It is... it is... it is... it is green, Sir."

Lt. Cmdr. Data making an accurate observation of the Aldebaran whisky

"The android at the bar said ya' could show me ma' old ship. Lemme see it."
"Insufficient data. Please specify by parameters."
"The Enterprise! Show me the bridge of the Enterprise, ya' chatterin' piece of..."
"There have been five Federation ships with that name. Please specify by registry number."
"NCC-1701. No bloody A... B... C... or D!"

Cpt. Montgomery Scott & the Enterprise D's computer

all from Star Trek TNG episode "Relics" XD
« Last Edit: September 05, 2009, 05:37:01 AM by jouzinka »

Offline despickable

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Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #87 on: September 05, 2009, 06:18:22 AM »
I'll pick you up on Friday and on Tuesday i'll put you back down. (Jane: Coupling BBC)

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Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #88 on: November 17, 2009, 09:01:26 AM »
"Miss Uhura, your last subspace log contained an error in 'Frequencies' column."
"Mister Spock, sometimes I think if I hear that word 'frequency' once more, I'll cry."
"Cry?"
"I was just trying to start a conversation."
"Well... since it is illogical for a Communications Officer to resent the word 'frequency,' I have no answer."
"No, you have an answer. I'm an illogical woman, who's beginning to feel too much a part of a Communications Console. Why don't you tell me I'm an attractive young lady or ask me if I've ever been in love? Tell me, how your planet Vulcan looks on a lazy evening when the moon is full."
"Vulcan has no moon, Miss Uhura."
"I'm not surprised, Mister Spock."

Star Trek TOS: The Man Trap XD

Offline auroraChloe

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #89 on: November 17, 2009, 09:58:31 AM »
"I'm no meteorologist but I'm pretty sure it's raining bitches."  - Cleveland Brown  (Family Guy)

Offline Lirliel

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #90 on: November 17, 2009, 10:28:54 AM »
Tony: "Who would send me a letter with anthrax?"
Kate: "Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl."
Tony: "That's not funny, Kate."
Kate: "Yeah, I know."
Tony: "This is serious."
Kate: "I know, Tony! I'm sorry."
Tony: "At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!"
McGee: "You know, it might not be anthrax."
Tony: "I like the sound of that, Probie!"
McGee: "It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera..."
Tony: "Probie!"
McGee: "...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder..."
Tony: "Honeydust!"
McGee: "Honeydust?"
Tony: "Honeydust. I give it to girls."
(Kate glares at him but she knows Tony can't see it. He knows it.)
Tony: "Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather."
Kate: (Chuckles) "You don't use the whole chicken?"
McGee: "I never heard of honeydust."
Kate: "Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee."
Gibbs: "It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey."
(Everybody pokes their heads out of their showers and looks at Gibbs')2.22 - SWAK - NCIS
Gibbs: "Got a box of honeydust last Christmas. No card."
Tony: "Ah...I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their..."
(Tony is cut off by Kate)
Kate: "Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?"
McGee: "Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies."
Tony: "The diseases that you named, they-they have DNA?"
McGee: "They do."
Kate: "Oh, you should have let him squirm."
Tony: "Haha! Then, it's no worries!"
Gibbs: "Unless the post office screwed up again."

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Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #91 on: November 17, 2009, 10:35:09 AM »
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at?
Seeley Booth: It's like pornography. You'll know it when you see it.


Pilot episode of "Bones"

Offline Xenoti

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #92 on: November 18, 2009, 10:24:26 PM »
"If it is one minute late i will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat, I will let you fall in love with that kitty, and then some dark cold night i will steal away into your home and punch you in the face" Sue C from Glee

Offline Scribbles

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #93 on: November 19, 2009, 01:12:21 AM »
Billy's Dad: What that boy needs is focus.
Mandy: So what do you propose to do about it?
Billy's Dad: About what?
Mandy: The focus problem.
Billy's Dad: What focus problem?
Grim: Let it go Mandy.

Offline Darius

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #94 on: November 21, 2009, 01:05:58 AM »
A couple of great Buffy Quotes:

    Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
    Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
    Cordelia: I stand corrected.
    Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.

From Graduation Day 2

Vamp Willow: This is a dumb world. In my world, there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.
From Dopplegangerland

Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
From Something Blue

Buffy: Everyone knows their jobs, right? If the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.
Spike: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?
Giles: We few... we happy few.
Spike: We band of buggered.
From The Gift

and perhaps the best one ever:

Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Faith [in Buffy's body]: 'Cause I'm a stuck up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
Faith [in Buffy's body]: 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.

Offline Scarlette

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #95 on: November 23, 2009, 01:07:19 AM »
"And I'm guessing you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schoolin." Mal Reynalds, Firefly

Offline Adonis

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #96 on: November 26, 2009, 01:14:38 AM »
"Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful, but most of the time it's both." - Lana Lang, Smallville

Online Jr

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #97 on: January 15, 2010, 09:34:34 PM »
C'mon... Let's get the hell out of here. -Captain Kirk. City at the Edge of Forever

Offline Remiel

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #98 on: January 17, 2010, 02:25:10 AM »

Homer walks into a voting booth.
Homer: "Ooh, one of those electronic voting dealies." (Homer touches the screen, it beeps.)
Electronic Voting Machine: "One vote for McCain. Thank you."
Homer: "Hee hee hee.  No, I wanna vote for Obama." (touching the screen again, another beep.)
Electronic Voting Machine: "Two votes for McCain."
Homer: "Huh? C'mon, it's time for a change." (pressing the screen again)
Electronic Voting Machine: "Three votes for McCain."
Homer: (getting angry) "No, no, no!"
Electronic Voting Machine: "Six votes for President McCain."
Homer: "Hey, I only meant one of those votes for McCain. (horrible realization, gasps) This machine is rigged!"
The voting machine opens up, sucking Homer inside it.
Homer: "Must...tell...President McCain! This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio...but not in America!"

The Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror

Offline Talia

Re: Random T.V. Quotes.
« Reply #99 on: January 18, 2010, 09:38:39 AM »
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.

Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)

****About 33 drinks later****

Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)