GENERAL: *hesistant* Well, uh, we could call the Xtacles.
PRESIDENT STAN: *incredulous* Are you joking?! It's 11AM! They're drunk already!
ALEX: Jack, I've got no record of a villain named 'Rape Ape.'
JACK: Of course there's a Rape Ape! He's that guy who's going around raping these statues! Just put that in the file, access it, and read it back to me.
ALEX: *sigh* Okay, uh, here it is.
JACK: Well, what does it say?
ALEX: Rape Ape: He is that guy who is going around raping these statues.
JACK: Case closed!
XTACLES: Good job! That was easy!
ALEX: No Jack, case not closed.
ALEX: If Rape Ape existed, which to reiterate, he doesn't, you'd still have to catch him.
JACK: Fine. Then about this guy below Rape Ape.
ALEX: Rapier Ape?
XTACLES: *gasps of shock*
JACK: Yeah, and look at his name: Rapier Ape. He's obviously taken raping to a whole new level.
ALEX: Rapier Ape is retired, he's lived-
JOSEPH: Oh my God, tell me there isn't a Rapiest Ape.
CHASE: Oh my God!
XTACLES: *gasps of horror*
ALEX: Rapier Ape is retired, and he's called that because he wields a rapier.
JOSEPH: He . . . wields another rapist?
ALEX: No, a rapier! It's a sword used in fencing!
CHASE: That is just sick! He rapes people with a sword?!
XTACLE: Oh man that's gross.
XTACLE: That is sick.
JOSEPH: I'd rather be raped with a penis.
JACK: And you just may get your wish.
JACK: Where is he now?
JOSEPH: No, it's not a wish!
ALEX: *sigh* God. Rapier Ape retired from his life of crime, is currently employed at the theme resturant Funbeard's-
XTACLE: Oooo! Funbeard's!
ALEX: Makes use of his swashbuckling skills as one of their dinner theater actors.
JACK: Alright people, this is serious. We got hostages!
ALEX: Those are tourists.
JACK: A heavily fortified pirate ship!
ALEX: That's actually a retrofitted Sizzler.
JACK: And an ape that's even rapier than Rape Ape.
ALEX: Is my volume even on?
JACK: [Joseph] Bigsby! You're on recon squad.
JACK: I want to know every move this sick bastard makes.