Boot to the head

[HairyHeretic]

A little skit I'm particularly fond off.

Enjoy 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Y6231uAmo

(only audio, unfortunately)

And the transcript of it from here (along with the mp3)

http://www.webguys.com/pdavis/karate/tikwanleep.html

Teacher:    Approach, students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Ti Kwan Leep. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate upon this wisdom now. So: Aaaaaaooooommm......

Student1 (Ed Gruberman):    Uh, sir! Sir! (oo! oo!) Sir!

Teacher:    Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond?

EG:    Me! Ed Gruberman?

Teacher:    E-Ed Gruberman?

EG:    Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nothin', but, like, uh, how long is this gonna take?

Teacher:    Ti Kwan Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.

EG:    So like, what, an hour or so?

Teacher:    No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience.

EG:    Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take?

Teacher:    Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.

EG:    A YEAR??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Hah woo yah ooomm!

Teacher:    "Beat people up"...?

EG:    Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozos! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, ey?

Teacher:    The only use of Ti Kwan Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher.

EG:    Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said that? Mel, the cook on "Alice".

Teacher:    No, um...Ti Kwan Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Aaaaoooommm...

EG:    Listen, shrimp! All this fag talk is really starting to piss me off. Now, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wapin' the walls with you?

Teacher:    Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.

EG:    All right! Finally some action!

Teacher:    Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

EG (drunkenly):    Owww! You booted me in the head!

Teacher:    You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.

EG (quietly, to himself):    Ow, oh, my head!

Teacher:    Now we continue. Aaaaaoooommmm...

EG:    Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, huh? Come on, are ya chicken?

Teacher:    Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

EG (again, drunkenly):    Oww! Okay, now I'm ready, okay, now, come on, try it now.

Teacher:    Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

EG:    Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?

Teacher:    Now class, we shall return to our...

Student2:    Master?

Teacher:    It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student.

Student2:    Many apologies, master. But I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong.

Teacher:    What do you mean?

Student2:    I want to boot some head, too.

Teacher:    Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?

Student2:    Yes, master. I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to one's opponent.

Teacher:    Very good.

Student2:    And secondly, get in the first shot. Boot to the head. (SH-ZOOMP!)

Teacher:    You missed.

Student2:    Uh, yeah. Well...

Teacher:    You too shall be honored to learn a lesson...

Student2:    You don't have to, you know. I-I gotta be going...

Teacher:    Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

Student2 :    (agonizing pain) Oyyy oy oyyyy.... Oh....

Teacher:    Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?

Student3:    Uh, yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you.

Teacher:    You gain wisdom, child.

Student3:    So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get 'im guys!

(Teacher throws many 'Boot to the head!s' and 'SH-ZOOMP!s'.  There are many people groaning in pain.)

Teacher:    And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation.

Unison:    Aaaaaoooommm....

Teacher:    Very good, class.


It leads into a song from here, but I just enjoy the skit more than the song.

[Aiden]

This is that skit which I like, but the maker of the video used "Phoenix Wright" (A game about lawyers)
It is pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo

[Paradox]

Aaah, I haven't seen boot to the head in years! Thanks HH.

[The Overlord]

ROFL wow, hell yeah, I haven't heard this in years.

Back in my junior high/high school days, I'd spend late Sunday evenings curled up and tuned into an elusive AM radio channel, this was before CD's and the satellite radio that Dr. Demento has since moved onto (fuck, I'm starting to sound like my own grandfather  ).

Anyhoo, I didn't actually know all about the history of this one, although it was a favorite of the Doctor's...but then we didn't have Wikipedia.  :)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boot_to_the_head

[The Overlord]

LOL, I play Star Wars Galaxies...I'm so tempted to make a Jedi character named Ti-Kwan Leep. It's oddly...'Star Warsy'.