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Author Topic: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell  (Read 1957 times)

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Online InkiduTopic starter

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Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« on: October 01, 2008, 05:05:02 PM »
Fair warning. If you are easily offended by the word shit. You've been warned. Oh and if you have some religious qualms don't keep reading.
5
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Last chance
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Serious

The universal understanding of religion: Shit happens.

Catholicism: Shit happens and it's all my fault.

Judaism: Why does this shit happen to me

Daoism (Taoism): What is the sound of shit happening

Paganism: Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, yes he does.

Buddhism: Clear your mind of all the shit happening.

Islam: Shit happens and Muhammad is its profit.

Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens."

Hinduism: Shit happens, over, and over, and over...

Agnosticism: Shit may or may not be happening

Atheism: Shit doesn't happen!

Shintoism: Shit happens in the sky and the grass and the water.

Rastafarian: We smoke dat shit!

And my personal favorite.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock shit happens.

Oh and because it's an official religion in Australia, and unofficial in most other parts of the world.

The Belief in the Force (Work on that guys): Shit happens around us, and perpetrates us, surrounds us and moves us.     
« Last Edit: October 02, 2008, 01:32:58 PM by Inkidu »

Offline mwilson

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2008, 05:13:27 PM »
as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D

Offline Wistful Dream

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2008, 05:28:24 PM »
Well that's a simplistic way of looking at it.....

Online InkiduTopic starter

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2008, 05:29:40 PM »
as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D
No joke my dad put Worshiper of Gambabu the Himalayan Frog God because he couldn't just skip the religion field. And then some center asked him a week or so later if he'd like to rent out a room for his religious practices.

Online InkiduTopic starter

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2008, 05:30:20 PM »
Well that's a simplistic way of looking at it.....
Yes dear that's what the phrase, "In a nutshell." kinda sorta means. :D

Offline Wistful Dream

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2008, 05:31:25 PM »
Yes dear that's what the phrase, "In a nutshell." kinda sorta means. :D

Well I couldn't think of what else to say to comment....give the girl with a migraine some slack >.< Lol jk, funny though.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #6 on: October 02, 2008, 09:56:27 AM »
*pouts*  You forgot paganism. . .

Online InkiduTopic starter

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #7 on: October 02, 2008, 12:08:25 PM »
*pouts*  You forgot paganism. . .
I got it!

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #8 on: October 02, 2008, 12:09:47 PM »
I got it!

. . .I didn't see paganism!

Offline Oniya

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2008, 12:11:09 PM »
Paganism would make it go on for a couple more screenfuls.

Dianic Wiccan: Shit happens because of men!
Erisian: Kumquat xenophile fnord.  Have an apple?
Asatru: Let's beat the shit out of someone!
Enochian: The angels gave me a tablet that says shit happens.

Not to be confused with:

Mormonism: The angels gave me a tablet that says shit happens - but only I can read it, so I buried it.


Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2008, 12:14:51 PM »
Don't forget hedonism!

Online InkiduTopic starter

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2008, 12:37:59 PM »
Don't forget hedonism!
Voodoo shit happens because we sacrifice chickens!

Offline Mathim

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2008, 01:28:06 PM »
How the hell could you have forgotten the best one of all? This was from a t-shirt with most of these sayings on there:

Rastafarianism: We smoke the shit.

Online InkiduTopic starter

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2008, 01:31:01 PM »
How the hell could you have forgotten the best one of all? This was from a t-shirt with most of these sayings on there:

Rastafarianism: We smoke the shit.
You're right I did!

Offline The Overlord

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2008, 02:43:15 PM »

Islam: Shit happens and Muhammad is its profit.
   

Profit? Typo or clever homonym?


Offline The Overlord

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2008, 02:48:55 PM »
as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D

And Sith as well if I have heard correctly?

The Sith philosophy then-


"Peace is a lie, there is only shit.
Through shit, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Shit shall free me."



Sith happens.  :D

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2008, 03:56:41 PM »
Asatru: Let's beat the shit out of someone!

Nah :)

This is wyrd shit, pass the mead  ;)

Offline Oniya

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2008, 04:49:48 PM »
Nah :)

This is wyrd shit, pass the mead  ;)

Oh maybe

Woad, shit!

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #18 on: October 02, 2008, 04:54:46 PM »
Nah, wyrd. Its kinda like kharma.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wyrd

Offline Oniya

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2008, 04:58:49 PM »
*nods*  Knew that - I was just going for something involving the blue body paint.

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2008, 05:01:19 PM »
Ah, my bad then.

Offline Cecilia

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #21 on: October 03, 2008, 06:49:34 PM »
No Flying Spaghetti Monster?  I think pastafarians everywhere should be enraged by being left out!


Offline Oniya

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #22 on: October 03, 2008, 08:18:09 PM »
Pastafarians - This shit needs more tomato sauce/garlic/Parmesan   ???

Offline Kiara

Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2008, 03:05:34 PM »
what about scientology?

Shit happens here and in outerspace?

Offline Oniya

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Re: Religions of the World: In la Nutshell
« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2008, 04:32:21 PM »
what about scientology?

Shit happens here and in outerspace?

If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.