I can post this because I'm completely comfortable with my wang. My blue, furry wang.
Harsh Things To Say To A Naked ManI've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.
From "Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man," as noted above, but the list apparently gets around. You can find variations here
, and elsewhere.