How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Border Collie: "Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code."
Rottweiler: "Make me!"
Lab: "Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the lightbulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!"
German Shepherd: "I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation."
Dachshund: "You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!"
Malamute: "Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy."
Jack Russell Terrier: "I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls."
Greyhound: "It isn't moving. Who cares?"
Cocker Spaniel: "Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark."
Mastiff: "Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark..."
Dobermann: "While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch."
Boxer: "Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark."
Pointer: "I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!"
Chihuahua: "Yo quiero Taco Bulb."
Australian Shepherd: "First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle..."
Old English Sheepdog: "Lightbulb? That thing I just ate was a lightbulb?"
Basset Hound: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Poodle: "I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry."
Golden Retriever: "The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?"
Bonus: The Cat's Answer
"Pets do not change lightbulbs. People change lightbulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
(All of which proves, once again, that, while dogs have masters, cats have staff.)