What a week!
Of course work has been crazy, and it has kept me in a state of constant anxiety, but on the side I did accomplish some amazing stuff regarding my new attempt of a healthy life. So, I'm here to share them with you. :)
First let me tell you that I'm a very insecure person, even if irl I often seem like the most confident person ever in reality it's all an act. My body issues have always been a huge factor in how I perceive myself and how I believe that other people perceive me - the answer is very negatively. So whenever I do something, really anything, I always fear of what others will think and say, absolutely sure that they would mock me. And the thought of people laughing at me is quite easily bringing me to anxiety attacks.
So, when I decided to start counting calories seriously, I also decided to start bringing my own home made lunches to work. Let me tell you just the thought of this was getting me cold sweat and anxiety. On Monday when I went to our office's kitchen/dining/common room my heart was ready to explode in my chest. I could hardly breathe, completely incapable of speaking, and I just felt like a trapped animal as I warmed up my lunch and started eating. And guess what - no one said anything. Well, some of the guys that I go to lunch with asked/said 'Oooh, you're not coming with us?' when they saw me and then I did one more thing that normally terrifies me. I told the truth - that no, I won't go with them, because I'm watching what I'm eating as I'm on a diet. And they didn't laugh like my overly anxious brain kept screaming at me that they would do. They all said 'Oh, cool' and just went on with their business.
So I survived Monday and I survived the entire week. I've even started hanging out at lunch with people from our data team who also bring their own food. So, a third big step - socializing with people outside of my comfort zone.
Seriously, I'm super proud of myself for ignoring my fears and getting over them. And for a super anxious person like me it's really huge huge. Just writing about it is making my heart beat faster xD
So, I've had success on the food front - calories were counted correctly, stayed under my allowed for the day number the entire week. And... it's paying off! I've lost a total of 2kgs so far or 4.4lbs for the past 10 days. Extremely happy with it as my weight is normally so slow to start moving.
Of course I've also been working out - I made a total of 4 workouts the past week as I had to go out twice - brother's birthday and then went to the cinema with friends. But those workouts were enough to show me just how horribly out of shape I am. I've been doing modifications of the modifications in order to keep up. But I'm still getting my burn. And what I'm happiest about is that I worked out on two days that I really didn't want to. The entire drive from work to home was spent with me thinking 'Oh, I'm so tired, I just wanna crawl in bed' - you know the usual that's more than enough to have me skip a workout. But instead I continued thinking all of this and finally got home, changed and worked out. :)
Really, this journey is not only about me losing weight, learning how to eat properly, but so far it has been mostly about how to get over myself and over the walls that I'm constantly building around myself.
I think I'm learning how to fly.