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Author Topic: So a lawyer gets to heaven.  (Read 1091 times)

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Offline InkiduTopic starter

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So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« on: September 05, 2008, 11:11:25 AM »
And he's met by this huge precession of angels, Jesus, God the whole shebang!
Trumpets, rockets, miracles.

The lawyer walks up to Jesus and asks, "Is this the standard?"
"Oh no, you're a special case."
"Why?"
Jesus looks at him then speaks, "Well not only are you the first lawyer ever to get into heaven. You are also the longest living man in modern history. You've lived to be three hundred years-old."

"I'm only sixty-five." the lawyer says.
"Oh," Jesus replies and picks up a sheet of paper, and scans it. "All we did to get your age was add up your billable hours."
« Last Edit: September 09, 2008, 08:20:11 PM by Inkidu »

Offline Mathim

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2008, 02:11:27 PM »
That's pretty good; but what I want to know is how he got to heaven in the first place!

Offline InkiduTopic starter

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2008, 03:11:37 PM »
Well E has already hear this one about the how; proud to say it is a joke I've thought of entirely on my own.

It's a commonly understood that all lawyers go to hell, but I say that's impossible, because if you put that many legal minded persons in one place for an infinite amount of time they will find a loophole even in the Bible.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2008, 10:45:47 AM »
. . .it was a miscalculation, he should have went to hell anyway.  Heaven has old computers that don't always do things right. . .*laughs*

Offline Trieste

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2008, 06:52:36 PM »
'Cept Methuseleh was about 600 years older than the lawyer ...

Offline King

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2008, 12:42:47 AM »
I'm supposing that's where the "modern history" part came from? :D

Offline The Overlord

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2008, 02:18:54 AM »
. . .it was a miscalculation, he should have went to hell anyway.  Heaven has old computers that don't always do things right. . .*laughs*

In the standard model of Hell, I really doubt Satan would be cutting them any slack.  8)

Offline The Great Triangle

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2008, 02:38:39 AM »
In the standard model of Hell, I really doubt Satan would be cutting them any slack.  8)

Doesn't really matter.  If you have an infinite amount of time, you can come up with any possible loophole whatsoever.  The only way the lawyers of the world could fail to think of a loophole would be if they had zero capacity for thought, which would imply that they're in infinite agony.  I think this demonstrates the problems with fire and brimstone hell quite effectively.

Offline Trieste

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2008, 07:59:38 AM »
I'm supposing that's where the "modern history" part came from? :D

Whoops, missed the word 'modern'. Thank you!  :-[

Offline InkiduTopic starter

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2008, 09:34:55 AM »
Why must people inject logic into jokes?

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2008, 11:55:51 AM »
Because it's funny. . .why else. . .I perfer logic, makes things that are ACTUALLY funny much more funny!

Offline InkiduTopic starter

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2008, 03:20:30 PM »
Injecting logic before the joke is told is fine, but after it just kills it.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2008, 03:27:33 PM »
Not really. . .

Offline InkiduTopic starter

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Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2008, 03:34:57 PM »
Eh maybe not for you but I find it kills the joke for a lot of others so I just try to give a good delivery and just leave the joke alone. It's like making muffins, you can't stir them too much or you end up with a bunch of big alcoves instead of a bunch of small little bubbles.

Offline Apple of Eris

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2008, 08:41:34 PM »
Feh! Whatever. You're all just jealous cuz when we go to hell we'll have already bargained for all the good spots before you get there and you'll be stuck in the smelly burning vats of feces while we spend lovely days and nights on the rotisserie of torment!

Offline Sabby

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2008, 09:12:24 PM »
Is that the one next to Satans gay Luau party?

Offline Apple of Eris

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2008, 09:19:48 PM »
Also known as the most 'Faaaaabulous' place in the ever after

Offline The Great Triangle

Re: So a lawyer gets to heaven.
« Reply #17 on: September 11, 2008, 03:51:01 AM »
Even better than the infinite forest of flaming assless chaps?

wow.