No that was very informative. I think I might just have to restart my whole game though. I think I fudged up my stats really badly. I guess I could respec but other than having the item to do that I don't know where you do it. Maybe I'll see if the knight armor is lighter than what I'm currently wearing.
Old women at Things Betwixt. One of the two sat at the table will provide you with the chance to respec, I think you might need to exhaust her dialogue options before the menu will come up though.
Respeccing is perfectly fine instead of restarting but a fresh start can allow you to approach the game in a more structured, focused way. It will also let you gauge how far you've come skill wise better than just beating your head against a boss might do.
Some stats I'd recommend for you to consider whatever you do:
STR is your lord and saviour and you should prioritise this above all things. ADP is incredibly important and needs to find its way to 38 (this is basically the break point for it I believe). I always recommend VIG because it means you can take more hits, 50 is a good number to aim for.
For tanking I'm really not sure though to be honest. VIT and END will be important but I gave up on poise tanking ages ago and just went MAN MODE on everything.
If you restart I recommend getting to 15 STR and 11 DEX as a priority. After that it's 10 of VIG + END, then ADP to 15, VIG to 20, ADP to 24, END to 20. From there you split stats between STR, VIG and ADP in the order of your choice. DEX has no value to you unless there is a weapon that catches your eye with a higher DEX minimum then you have, in which case park it in your inventory and spend a few levels working to it.
Now this is based on starting as a Deprived, other starting classes might have an easier or harder time getting to where I would suggest you want to go. And since I don't know much about poise beyond that I don't believe in it in this game I can't recommend how you build your VIT. Maybe drop some points of VIG and spread VIT in with leveling it up?