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Author Topic: Last Poster Wins  (Read 92744 times)

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Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3400 on: August 02, 2014, 08:00:59 AM »
Boat speed reads the contract. "You do have a split infinitive on page.. Never mind. Excuse me one moment, Dr G."
The spy walks over to the white coated mad professor, who has been edging over towards the control room door clutching his bag, and jabs him on the nose. The professor crumples to the floor and sits pinching his nostrils to try and stem the bleeding. Boat searches the bag for some suitable dabbing instrument and signs the contract.
“You might want to lock him up, Girlfriend. He’s included an electronic deactivation code in all the weaponry he designed for you. I'm afraid they were onto you once they spotted your secret base on Google Earth.”

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3401 on: August 02, 2014, 12:23:39 PM »
Damn, I knew I shouldn't have built shaped like a skull, but who could resist?

I would not have guessed you to be one for switching sides Mr. Boat, though it is a most intriguing turn of events.

Offline Zaphod

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3402 on: August 02, 2014, 12:37:32 PM »
Plucks the win right out of her hands and wanders off to catch the next spaceship to Saturn.

Sorry hun, that's my ticket. You should find another one. ;)

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3403 on: August 02, 2014, 12:44:24 PM »
Is waiting on Saturn where she happens to have a timeshare

Didn't you ever learn not to snatch things out of people's hands? Give me that.

>Syk has acquired the Win<

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3404 on: August 02, 2014, 02:15:16 PM »
"Boat to control... The plant's destroyed. Earth saved. But I am afraid the good, or should I say evil, doctor has escaped. Took one of the rockets. You should have her on plot."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3405 on: August 02, 2014, 02:23:53 PM »
You would betray me so soon? :O I was going to take you to the Villainous Sub-Orbital Club and everything. 

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3406 on: August 02, 2014, 05:01:15 PM »
"Hold on, you shouldn't have been able to hear that conversation"  :-[

"Correction, you've got me wrong... my dear Dr. As a loyal employee of yours, I was just covering your getaway. I attached the transponder to a decoy."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3407 on: August 02, 2014, 05:04:06 PM »
You signed a telepathic monitoring agreement as part of your employment contract.  :P

Was this your plan all along, to worm your way into fond feelings then stomp on my icy black heart? :O

(Oh so dramatic! Telenovela status.)

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3408 on: August 02, 2014, 05:16:35 PM »
"Now they've all b******d off, how about we start with the worming into fond feelings bit and see where that takes us. I know a little place... romantic lighting, black décor, fresh shark fin soup...  "

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3409 on: August 02, 2014, 05:21:07 PM »
Mr. Boat, don't make me go through all the bother of having you strapped to a solid gold slab to keep you away from my sharks.  >:(

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3410 on: August 02, 2014, 05:23:39 PM »
"No need. A little trick I learned in the outback (goodness knows why they knew it there).. I f you whistle like this, it completely paralyses a shark's nervous system. Good for making learn tricks too."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3411 on: August 02, 2014, 05:25:34 PM »
I am slowly beginning to suspect that you actually want me to smack those waggly eyebrows right off your face and tie you up.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3412 on: August 02, 2014, 05:29:06 PM »
"I know. A competition. I tie you up first and see how long it takes you to escape. And then you get a turn."  O:)

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3413 on: August 02, 2014, 05:40:16 PM »
Keep dreaming Mr. Boat.  ;) Everyone knows its polite for the guest to go first.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3414 on: August 02, 2014, 05:46:27 PM »
"I'll sleep on it. Are there suitable bedroom facilities?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3415 on: August 02, 2014, 05:47:06 PM »
Erm... >_>

Define "suitable"...

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3416 on: August 03, 2014, 01:32:16 AM »
Dr G is woken by the barrel of a gun tickling just above her evil left ear. Without moving her head she flicks her eyes over to see a man dressed as a girl. Her first thought was that the makeup left a lot to be desired. She nearly wretches, but then sees who is lurking under the appalling disguise.

“Yes, it’s me, James… I discovered your hive of fluffy girly girls, with their bunkers of shoes and designer handbags…
I had make to make love to fifteen of them, suffering their mind numbing chitchat, before I discovering your evil plan. You’d programmed them to become ‘personal assistants’ to men in positions of power throughout the world distracting them from your tricks. Very clever G, even if a rerun of a previous film plot.
G, I’ve given your offer of employment serious thought (you’ll notice I didn’t put my correct post code on the contract, invalidating it). I do think it is time for me to hang up my gun. I have it in mind to spend time arm wrestling Amazons and getting pissed.
Clearing up evil seems to lead to more and it might be better having a woman running the world after all. So promise me, you will be good to ordinary people and I won’t kill you.”

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3417 on: August 03, 2014, 01:37:27 AM »
I am disappointed Mr. Boat... Not only in your sense of style, but in thinking that putting a gun to my head is going to help persuade me to your way of thinking.

I expected so much more.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3418 on: August 03, 2014, 02:24:32 AM »
I am disappointed Mr. Boat... Not only in your sense of style, but in thinking that putting a gun to my head is going to help persuade me to your way of thinking.

I expected so much more.

"Frankly Dr Girlfriend, you are a registered bad guy and I don't care what you think. That was lesson one in spy school and also the reason why 95% dropped out in the first term. Just give me your word and you can live. Of course if you ever renege, I'll come after you. Deal?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3419 on: August 03, 2014, 02:29:03 AM »
This is clearly against Guild regulations Mr. Boat. How do you expect me to properly be your archenemy when you pull stunts like this?
Knocks away the gun, which was only a toy anyway

I don't make deals Mr. Boat. I take what I want.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3420 on: August 03, 2014, 02:33:17 AM »
"Do you expect me to talk, Dr G?"  (my throat is a bit sore after all those fluffy bits of stuff)

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3421 on: August 03, 2014, 02:36:57 AM »
No Mr. Boat, I expect you to die! Laughs in a suitably nefarious manner Ahem, eh, what was I saying? >_>

Oh yes, goodbye Mr. Boat! Pulls a rope that opens a trap door plummet the treacherous spy into a bottomless abyss


Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3422 on: August 03, 2014, 02:44:44 AM »
Half way down (how far is that?), one of Boat's suspenders snags on a branch that the maintenance crew missed. He climbs into the nearby service shaft and makes his getaway. In his handbag, he has the win.

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3423 on: August 03, 2014, 02:50:47 AM »
Slips the real win into her pocket, having gotten rid of the pesky agent

Looks like I'm away to the Sub-Orbital by myself.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3424 on: August 03, 2014, 06:25:56 AM »
"Well Boat. You succeeded in bringing the Service into disrepute again, especially with the Americans. We've had the Win analysed and it's not the real one. Yes, the story about alien microbes was a cover. The Win was what we needed for reasons I cannot disclose. Now, we sort of know where Dr Girlfriend has gone and Branson's lent us a prototype space plane so you can follow. Here's the manual, and plot."
Throws tablet onto desk. 
"There's a helo waiting on the roof to take you to the secret airbase. Don't screw up this time... And, Boat, do take off the dress."
"I didn't know you cared, Sir."
"Get out Boat!"