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Author Topic: Last Poster Wins  (Read 92192 times)

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Offline SpiralSpider

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3375 on: July 31, 2014, 04:18:09 PM »
No, thank you

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3376 on: July 31, 2014, 04:55:29 PM »
Is aggravated that the elaborate spy equipment she ordered off the internet doesn't seem to be working. Sends in arobot with a wig and a slinky dress for a disguise to find out what's going on in there.

Invites said sexy, slinky female to try out the jacuzzi bath. She seems to undress OK, if a little jerkily. But then there is a flash as she short circuits on activation of the bubbles. Her head rotates round quickly (as all good dying mechanoid heads do) and spirals to explode on door control panel. The door slides smoothly open.
"Hmm, quite shocking," Boat throws away on his way out of the cell.

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3377 on: July 31, 2014, 04:58:08 PM »
Wonders, how ever will Mr. Boat get through the elaborate labyrinth and all its traps, including but not limited to obsessive/stalkerish David Bowie in spandex pants.


Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3378 on: August 01, 2014, 01:47:24 AM »
Having slung a towel over his arm and aimlessly wandered the corridors for a while looking for a real bit of crumpet, Boat jauntily asked the first black uniformed thug he came across the way to the pool. As the man pointed along to an entrance, his brain clearly whirring slowly, Boat applied a quick karate chop. Taking the uniform, and checking the convenient newbie terrorist's map in the pocket, Boat sauntered along to the evil seductresses lair. There were still 30 minutes before the end of the world.
He smirked at the thought of finding a couple of scantily clad female prisoners he could rescue on the way. They would surely be very grateful.

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3379 on: August 01, 2014, 01:52:14 AM »
Is not worried about Mr. Boat making it to the Unsecret Lair (no one knows about or goes into the actual Secret Lair), knowing he will fall prey to the scantily clad female ninja assassins and/or the conspicuously placed bridge over the shark tank.

 :P

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3380 on: August 01, 2014, 02:06:36 AM »
Boat enters a large underground aquapark marked 'Unsecret Lair'.
Alarm bells rang in his head, so he took out the earpiece.
'This could be a trap,' but then when had that ever bothered him.

Noticing the angry looking shark, he remarked, best side to the camera, "Looks like they have fresh fish on the menu, so not all bad."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3381 on: August 01, 2014, 02:12:12 AM »
Mr. Boat you do not get to eat my pet sharks!  >:( (And they wonder where the villain animosity comes from.  :P )

Does the chant and dance to summon the Magic Ninjas (also fiddles with the ninja summoning remote control), after all they (almost) got rid of Sugar Bear

Offline Rhedyn

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3382 on: August 01, 2014, 05:23:06 AM »
Oooo, the win...

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3383 on: August 01, 2014, 12:02:19 PM »
Mr. Boat you do not get to eat my pet sharks!  >:( (And they wonder where the villain animosity comes from.  :P )

Does the chant and dance to summon the Magic Ninjas (also fiddles with the ninja summoning remote control), after all they (almost) got rid of Sugar Bear

"Ah, so it IS a double bluff. The princess of evil lurks in the 'unsecret lair' hoping to trap people who attack the 'secret lair', presumably through a 'hidden  entrance' that is not the 'unhidden entrance'.
Very fiendish!
I would indeed be pleased to give your scantily clad female warriors revision lessons in the eighteen disciplines of Ninjutsu, but there's probably not time for that, bedding them both, bedding you, and having dinner before the end of the world.
Although..." He looks at his watch.
"Incidentally, do you have some heavy water I could borrow?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3384 on: August 01, 2014, 12:16:01 PM »
Your plan is full of assumptions Mr. Boat, they eyebrow waggle and dripping charm won't work on everyone.  :P But I suppose I could borrow you a cup of heavy water as you shall never be leaving. >Que the dramatic music<

Offline SpiralSpider

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3385 on: August 01, 2014, 12:21:28 PM »
My turn!

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3386 on: August 01, 2014, 03:29:50 PM »
Your plan is full of assumptions Mr. Boat, they eyebrow waggle and dripping charm won't work on everyone.  :P But I suppose I could borrow you a cup of heavy water as you shall never be leaving. >Que the dramatic music<

"Truth is..." Attempts to read line in script on autocue which is simply flashing, 'You are on your own'.
"Look, the world has had enough and is going to end in around fifteen minutes if we don't mix up the weed killer and eliminate the spores aliens embedded in the Win to kill the franchise. Despite what they say, it is quite a lonely life being a spy, particularly one followed about by a film crew. How about we work together on this? Let's do the business, and after that I know a fabulous restaurant used in the prequel. It's happy hour and they serve a great Martini.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2014, 04:08:32 PM by Boatman »

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3387 on: August 01, 2014, 03:45:07 PM »
Well why didn't you just say so? Instead of trying to break into my lair and kill my minions, you could have just called and said you wanted to hang out. Snaps fingers at minions and presses some buttons to get the whole alien spore thing straightened out. Super secret spies these days... shakes head


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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3388 on: August 01, 2014, 04:32:23 PM »
Well why didn't you just say so? Instead of trying to break into my lair and kill my minions, you could have just called and said you wanted to hang out. Snaps fingers at minions and presses some buttons to get the whole alien spore thing straightened out. Super secret spies these days... shakes head

"So, erm," Boat says shyly, looking at feet blushing. "Would you like a quick game of Russian roulette before we head down the casino?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3389 on: August 01, 2014, 04:35:14 PM »
Piques eyebrow at Mr. Boat

Are we turning this into Deer Hunter now?  ;D How quick is quick? Will it end like Muscles Glasses? Your pistol or mine?

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3390 on: August 01, 2014, 05:07:24 PM »
Piques eyebrow at Mr. Boat

Are we turning this into Deer Hunter now?  ;D How quick is quick? Will it end like Muscles Glasses? Your pistol or mine?

"A couple of rounds just to get into the mood, that's all.
We are risk takers, no?
Yes, I recall Mr MG. Such a fun guy sadly missed (or in his case, technically he didn't).
Anyway, let's have fun before the special forces arrive to destroy the place. I've a inflatable lifeboat thingy, with quite a passable luxury bed, full movie and games console facilities I'd love to try out.
By the way, having mislaid the script, I am afraid I'm not acquainted with your evil name."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3391 on: August 01, 2014, 05:16:15 PM »
Nonsense I already told you my name is- loud sirens make it impossible to distinguish what is being said.

(What a good question though! Upon whom am I basing this villainous persona? Dr. Girlfriend perhaps? What is my motive, other than to keep certain Double-Os from eating my pet sharks? These are good questions indeed.)

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3392 on: August 02, 2014, 01:33:15 AM »
"I can just hear the choppers now. So, time to call out the cannon fodder and take to the escape pod...
You are evil enough to have an escape pod aren't you Dr Girlfriend?
Is it this button?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3393 on: August 02, 2014, 01:42:34 AM »
Being Dr. Girlfriend I should have an entire escape cocoon, but that is a matter for another time.

Throws Boat over her shoulder and goes to the actual Secret Lair, then through an additional passage, a Public Library and finally the escape pod, all the while having sword fights, because reasons. 

Told you not every girl can be swept off her feet, Mr. Boat.
Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
« Last Edit: August 02, 2014, 02:12:20 AM by syk »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3394 on: August 02, 2014, 02:01:36 AM »
[ Like! ]

The earpiece crackles into life. "Mr Boat, --- static --- static --  We have not all breathed in the spores and turned into aliens, so you must have succeeded... Just getting you up on dronescope (patent approved). And piping you through to the PM.
"Well done Boat." Rehearsed politician's pause for effect. "Your country and the whole world appreciates your actions, although obviously we cannot tell the public because, you know, the film hasn't been released yet. Really cunning policy of ours I am very proud of, filming real missions and releasing them to Hollywood to make some money back. Anyway, Boat as this is your last appearance before we get that younger guy in, we're just going to cleanse the whole area. So bye Boat. Been an honour working with you... Oh, and Boat, put that sexy girl down. Oh, she's carrying you off! That's certainly not in the script."

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3395 on: August 02, 2014, 02:16:26 AM »
Cleanse the area?! Are they gonna glass us?

The hell they are.  >:(

Gets all Warhammer 40K up in this piece.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3396 on: August 02, 2014, 02:27:35 AM »
Boat calls from over Dr G's shoulder. "They've tried this before. But I have a contract and a good agent... and lawyers on standby "
Looks at WH pieces quizzically.
"Not criticising, but wouldn't life sized pieces be more effective?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3397 on: August 02, 2014, 02:34:08 AM »
Is already half way into a suit of real power armor her legions of minion scientists and engineers had developed.

What? Oh, of course, yes... I'm not using this as an excuse to field test some new ridiculously overpowered weaponry... That's crazy talk! >_>
Absently polishes the Chaos star on the chest plate

Also, if your bosses are always trying to kill you, why do you work for them again?


Offline Boatman

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Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3398 on: August 02, 2014, 02:40:17 AM »

Also, if your bosses are always trying to kill you, why do you work for them again?

"For me, it is a matter of honour. Loyalty to good old Blighty. Her Highne..
How much do you pay... and good expenses... fast cars?"

Offline syk

Re: Last Poster Wins
« Reply #3399 on: August 02, 2014, 02:45:07 AM »
Fast cars, prototype weaponry, paid vacations, dental... Unfurls a very long contract Just sign in blood on the dotted line.