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Author Topic: Pagan Joke  (Read 776 times)

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Offline DustTopic starter

Pagan Joke
« on: August 10, 2008, 08:14:04 PM »
I'm hoping I don't offend anyone with this joke. A christian friend of mine, believe it or not, found it while surfing the web and thought I'd like it so he sent it to me. And I thought I'd share it.



Quote
A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing before some pearly gates. St. Peter asks him, "May I help you?"
The Pagan asks, "Where am I?"
Peter says, "You're at the gates of heaven."
The Pagan says, "But I don't believe in heaven."
Peter frowns at him. "You're one of those Pagans, aren't you?"
"Yes. I believe I'm in the wrong place; I'm supposed to go to Summerland."
Peter says, "Sorry. We took over Summerplace, and it's temporarily closed for remodeling."
"What should I do now?"
Peter says, "Well, since we don't allow Pagans in heaven, you have to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left."
The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear streams of water.
He walks on in and begins exploring, and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely. "Hello, I'm Satan. You must be the guy that St. Peter phoned me about. Are you a Pagan?"
"Yes, I am. What's going to happen now?"
Satan says, "Well, the fishing's pretty good, if you enjoy that sort of thing. There's a little refreshment stand down the road. And I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill."
Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky above, and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it. The stench of sulphur fills the air. Hundreds of screaming, tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit, which immediately closes up with a thud.
The Pagan, hardly believing what he just saw, asks Satan, "And what was THAT??"
Satan rolls his eyes. "Oh, just ignore them. They're Christians; they wouldn't have it any other way."
« Last Edit: August 11, 2008, 11:24:20 AM by Wolven »

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2008, 09:28:51 AM »
Although I am pagan and I raised my eyebrow and pre-pared to slap someone around that was kind of funny but pretty mislead.

Offline Trieste

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2008, 10:46:53 AM »
It's a joke on the premise that "Hell is reserved for those who believe in it". Fair enough.

I thought it was pretty funny.

Offline DustTopic starter

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2008, 11:25:50 AM »
My reaction at first when my friend sent it to me was to raise my eyebrow and prepare to throw something at him the moment I saw him next but he's lucky I thought it was entertaining. ^--^

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2008, 11:27:39 AM »
*laughs*  Well, I'd have to say that you're lucky I found it entertaining as well!

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2008, 01:52:03 PM »
Yeah, heard it before. Actually I think I've heard two or three variations on it.

Offline DustTopic starter

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2008, 03:02:20 PM »
I'm glad that my luck hasn't run out yet. . . sometimes I seem to wonder. >>

nd yeah, I think there are probably a few variations of it, but this is just the one that I have.

Offline Mathim

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2008, 03:52:42 PM »
As an atheist and someone who doesn't believe in any sort of afterlife, that's a pretty nice joke. My personal idea of what hell really should be is quite different, although still humorous and ironic in its own way. If I ever get around to writing my novel I'll share that vision with all o' y'all.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2008, 01:46:30 PM »
Remind me to tell you the one about the Engineer that goes to hell sometime.

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2008, 02:01:43 PM »
I think I know that one :)

Offline theLeslie

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2008, 05:38:50 PM »
bravo *claps*

Offline Mathim

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2008, 06:30:14 PM »
I want to hear it! I mean, I have another heaven and hell joke, don't know if I should put it here or in another thread...oh, what the hell.

A guy goes to hell after he dies. One of the demons down there tells him he's been very bad, and that he's only allowed three choices about what his eternal fate will be like. So the demon takes him to door number one. Inside are people standing on their heads, on a hardwood floor, their faces red and their skulls fractured from the strain. The man says that looks too painful, and wants to see the next fate and if it's any worse.

The demon takes him to door number two and he sees that there are more people standing on their heads, this time on a concrete floor, which is even harder, and the people's heads are in even worse shape. The man shakes his head and wants to see the third and final fate, hoping that it's not as bad as the first two.

The demon leads him to the third door and inside are people standing knee-deep in wet, chunky fecal matter. But they're all just standing around drinking coffee and talking. The man says that doesn't sound so bad, he can handle the smell as long as there's no pain involved, so he goes in and grabs a cup of coffee. Before he can start drinking, however, the demon announces, "Okay, people, coffee break's over, back on your heads."

Offline DustTopic starter

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2008, 07:43:17 PM »
Oh wow. o_O I really hate to be that guy. Sheesh.

Should have chosen door number one!


Offline Protocol

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2008, 12:31:42 AM »
Hehe, that was a good one. I like all forms of jokes, myself, so I found this one quite funny.

Offline Mathim

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2008, 11:08:59 AM »
Remind me to tell you the one about the Engineer that goes to hell sometime.

I want to hear this one! Tell me!

Offline Lanzlo

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #15 on: August 18, 2008, 05:50:30 PM »
Bill Gates dies, and appears at the Pearly Gates.

"Well," St. Peter says, "This is unusual. I don't know where to put you. On the one hand, you led a good life, helping those in need, and even uniting the PC computing world. On the other hand, you did engage in some questionable business practices at one time. Also, Windows ME... all I need to say. But, there is a procedure for this. I'm going to let you decide, after experiencing both Heaven and Hell. Follow me, please."

After a short walk, the two find their way to a large night club. The music was thumping, the drink was flowing, and scantily clad women were dancing on the tables. Immediately someone hands Bill a drink, and a beautiful woman wraps herself around him.

"Wow!" Bill said. "This is Heaven?"

"Actually, no. This is Hell. We have to show it to you first. Heaven is over here."

He opens a door, and the pair enter a quiet park. It's a sunny day, but not too hot. There are children playing quietly off in one corner, and several chess tables off to one side. All in all, it's a quiet, staid place.

"Oh, um, nice," Bill replied. "Um, not to offend or anything, but... I think I'd prefer Hell."

St. Peter looks at one of the old men at a chess table and shrugs. "Sorry, Boss. His decision." The old man simply nods.

Within moments, Bill finds himself deep within a pit of molten fire, his skin searing off. A hideous demon looms over him, lash in one hand, huge erection in the other, and grins malevolently. High in the sky, he can see the closing circle peering into Heaven, and St. Peter looking down sadly.

"Wait a moment!" Bill yells. "This isn't what I saw! Where's the nightclub? Where's the music? Where's the babes?"

Before the hole closes, St. Peter shakes his head sadly.

"Sorry, Bill. That was just the demo."

Offline Mathim

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2008, 06:37:27 PM »
Oh, that was tops! Where'd you hear that one?

Offline Lanzlo

Re: Pagan Joke
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2008, 02:36:26 PM »
Can't remember exactly. I was around when Microsoft originally started out, and everyone thought of them as the 'Evil Empire.'