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Author Topic: She bows politely and then explodes  (Read 3611 times)

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Online Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2014, 03:33:25 AM »
Well, my own explosive dice story happened years ago (and its still referred to) is during Runequest gaming. Runequest uses d100 dice which needs roll under certain % to succeed in given tasks. Nat 1 this case was critical success and 2-5 were great success etc. Nat 100 or 99 some cases (depending your skill) was critical failure.

Either critical fail or success you roll 'event chart' to see what it exactly does. Critical hits can auto kill the target and so does critical fails.

In that campaign there was many hilarious critical fails (in one case in archery contest in thieves guild party member one shot master assassin behind him who was observing the contest and crowd give said archer applause for his skill by deflecting arrow off from target and pounce it behind him in lethal accuracy).

The most memorable critical fail was when player who played a 'master assassin' who specialized in use of daggers throwed his dagger against one hobo bandit. He rolled nat 100 three times (once for during hit roll and twice on event table which means he rolls multiple failure effects) and it resulted getting following effect; dagger flied like boomerang back to him and hit straight on his head (placing him unconscious), same dagger tore his right shoulder armor off (in Runequest you need roll where you hit with attack unless you aim and it costs half of your accuracy %), it tore it's left boot armor off and top of that it blinded him for 5 minutes and tripped him (he was unconscious so he could not resist trip) and then dagger hit onto rock and exploded pieces (it was magical dagger also and in Runequest they are damn rare).

Seeing the event hobo bandits ran screaming as they thought a god had laid curse on the assassin and they do not want get infected also.

Offline greenknight

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2014, 07:04:46 AM »
So there was this guy and he played an assassin he named "the Angle of Death." You read that right, but apparently he couldn't. So, back in town, he was one or two xp away from gaining a level and was constantly badgering the DM about doing something to earn the xp. Finally, he said the Angle would fire an arrow into the air and if it killed anyone, he would claim the xp. Exasperrated, the DM allowed this stunt and a couple of critical hits later, yes, indeed, the arrow came to its apex and fell back to earth into the noggin of some commoner on the other side of the row house from the shot. Thus earning, of course, the moniker, the AngLE of Death.... ::)

Online HairyHereticTopic starter

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2014, 04:11:34 PM »
Critical hits and misses tables ... we remembers those.

In my case it was MERP ... I think the GW published one, from 20-odd years ago.

In one fight we have a slingstone get a decapitation result, a swordsman pretty much sever his own leg, and an archer richochet an arrow off a rock and IIRC take out one of his own eyes.

It had a very entertaining set of tables.

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #28 on: January 23, 2014, 04:52:27 PM »
Haha, I remember one of my first AD&D games, with my brother and sister, where I was the GM. We were playing it off a series of D&D generators from some software I bought at the time.

So we started it off with a generic story. The PCs were hired as caravan guards for a wizard's shipment. The caravan contents were randomly generated - a bunch of potions, some gold, an unidentified wand. The NPC guards were rather around lvl 3; PCs were just lvl 1 fluff.

There was a random encounter - a bunch of level 2 bandits. The NPCs and PCs slaughtered a few easily. Some of those bandits went to steal the caravan goods and run. One of them picked up the wand and was shot to near death. In a final desperate act, he pointed the wand at the group of caravan guards.

I rolled to decide what kind of wand it was - it was a rod of rulership. All of the caravan guards and PCs were charmed by it.

We scratched our heads and decided to just end the game there and create new characters, turn those PCs into NPCs (since they had 0 xp anyway). That bandit ended up a major villain throughout the rest of the campaign, later on using the former PCs as his lieutenants and starting a raiding force with wyvern riders.

Ever since, I've been hooked on procedurally generated storylines XD
Ah yes, the enemy who manages to hit above his station and gets promoted. It's a classic, and I've taken to using the same approach whenever the PCs surprise me with something especially good or especially dumb ;D!

Personally, I was hooked on procedurally-generated storylines when I noticed how easy it is to work with the One-Roll Crime generator in A Dirty World >:).

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2014, 10:09:56 PM »
There are times when I wish I could catch onto things just a little quicker. I have far too many stories of players & GM's erupting about a table. But my favorite pair are all about my own faults... So treat me gently when you laugh.

The first setting is in Neverwinter (A city within the D&D setting of Faerun). We were 'heroes' working for the king's royal assassin... And promptly proved ourselves to be both very capable but very public in our methods. So we we're not really expected to live long - but everyone seemed to believe we worked for the King & the interests of the city. So we are well received. Our adventures took us quite far. Our group consisted of a Elven Paladin, whom kept us on the right path, a rather roguish human thief who liked coin more than anything & myself - a were-tiger of all things. The system wasn't actually D&D, it was a Lord of the Rings system with points to spend on each character. So we actually were rather balanced. If anything the paladin had magic and that was a little over the top. But hey - they were also the only character who had strict guidelines so it seemed fair.

Anyway, the setting was low magic. Thus our paladin was one of the few lucky souls with reasonable powers (mostly healing & smiting - but he could try and convince an angel to be summoned once in a while). And we did a great big battle demons, summoned an angel & won - but we lost our paladin in the effort.

Now we we're privileged to be offered a chance to try and bring our paladin back from the dead. Given that clerics & high priests were thankful for things like healing spells - actually bringing back the dead was on a whole new level. But we choose to accept our chance and see if our friend was willing to come back with us for one more adventure. So off up into the Elven heavens we went - and we started to 'explore'. Getting in wasn't hard - we had an angelic friend who opened the door. But finding our Paladin was going to be the real problem. And we had a time limit- the magic that brought us would return us in three days.

So off we explored. We must of made a right mess of things because we managed to lose ourselves in a deep forest with no elves in sight. Instead all we managed to turn up was an old ruin of an underground temple. Vines & plants had almost covered it. But I decided to stop there & study it. I knew some of the language - but it was far too ancient to translate fully. I did my best though & tried to appease whatever god had been honored by it - and managed to do more of the right things than the wrong ones. Anyway, I managed to contact this god. And I got a more vivid response than most. Partly because I was human/lycanthrope, partly because I was praying at a temple in their very own heaven and partly because I was probably the only one from my world to have even heard of them. So they actually talked to me. I asked for guidance for our friend - or at least, out of this forest. But I also asked about the god & themselves.

Having never met a god before - and having found a nature based religion which surprisingly struck a few cords with my character & their animalistic nature, I choose to accept them as my own god of choice. The god told me they could guide us to the soul of our friend - but instead, wouldn't we rather stay with them in their heaven? I declined - but they were an old god & forgotten by many. Few of my world knew of them, none actually believed in them though. So I offered myself - I would gladly believe in them. I would be their priest. And I could dedicate myself to constructing a temple in their name. Spreading the word as it we're.

In return, we got a guide to take us to our lost Paladin & home again. Yay! We succeeded! We brought a Paladin back from the dead!

Now here's how events played out when we returned. A mere three days after we left - taken up into the heavens by an angel no less - we returned in a pop of magic. At our side was the wayward paladin. And upon my chest hung the symbol of my new god. Of course the King called us to him at once - wishing to here the story of the heavens & our trials! And it naturally came out that we reached the heavens - entering only because an angel thought kindly of our quest & nature. Then we described our journey & the strangeness of the heavens. Time & distance mean less than intent & desire. There you can make dreams into reality & reality into dreams! It's easy to lose yourself there. But whilst lost so deeply we might never return, I found a temple of the old gods. And with my wits I deciphered the ritual to call upon them. And lo, they came before me and we spoke - we spoke at length. We spoke of the world. Our purpose. Our quest. And also of ourselves. We were judged - and found worthy. But more than that - I had found a kindred spirit - a god whose soul I could place my trust within. A god I could follow. And so I showed up my new holy symbol - and then went on to explain how I promised to spread the word, to build a temple & how my god guided us through the heavens to find our fallen friend. And then he ushered us all back under his own power.

Now at this point I've told my masterful tale. The king is glowing - the crowd love us & we're heroes of goodness, the light & all things for our happiness.

Only finally someone asks the important question - So none of my world believe in this god anymore? No I reply - Only I know their depths & am willing to place soul within their power. And you will build the first church to them? Yes I reply - proud as ever.

And then the King, with no other choice, proclaims to all that he will support my new position as High Priest... There was more said then - lands & deeds, gold & gifts... But this was the point where I realized I was a high priest. An actual, bonified High Priest about to start an entirely new religion...

And the look on my face set off the table. Everyone else had realized it a session or two ago. But I hadn't a clue. I was just a guy who believed. I'd found a cool god who I could respect & believe in ... and yeah, I could build a temple. Teach a few acolytes. Sure... no problem... I'll just... become a high priest... o-m-g...

It's the one and only time I've ever been a high priest. And the GM couldn't believe he managed to sneak the entire idea up on me... I really couldn't believe it. I had no idea... it had just... all made sense. It had fitted together so neatly... I never even thought about the implications...

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2014, 03:09:47 PM »
So did you transition to a political campaign afterwards? With a paladin, a high priest and a rogue, it makes total sense!
Not sure which system you were using, but older D&D had this as an option, and so do a number of modern systems.

Online TheGlyphstone

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #31 on: January 26, 2014, 12:07:14 AM »
This happened during board game night last week, not at an RPG table, but it meets the other criteria of the thread.

A group of us are playing the board game Mansions of Madness - if you're not familiar with it, it's a Call of Cthulhu-based board game with 1-4 players/investigators pitted against one Keeper/GM. There are a set of room tiles that can be rearranged to create maps for one of a bunch of pre-packaged scenarios. 6 maps with 3 scenarios possible on each map, so a good bit of replayability especially when only the Keeper/GM knows which of the 3 is actually in play, and meta-gaming and guessing wrong can screw the entire team over. I happened to be the Keeper since I knew the rules best.

The scenario's not important to the story (a Cthulhu-generic search for an old friend missing after looking into an odd cult), but the important bit is that the game went south for the players very fast after a lucky roll on my (the Keeper's) part spawned a free Shoggoth to aid the cultists. This is bad because none of the Investigators started with weapon cards, and Shoggoths are very hard to kill with unarmed damage. So any hope of progressing the investigation normally went to crap as the Shoggoth started chasing people all over the house, and I got to work amassing my Cultists to spawn the Cthonian that was my secret objective. The end of the game is a pitched mass battle of 4 players against a swarm of cultists and 2 Shoggoths, plus the half-spawned Cthonian. One of the investigators in play is Sister Mary; she's low on health, so I direct one of my Shoggoths to attack her. The attack card drawn is 'the creature attempts to invade your mind, test Willpower to resist'...she fails, so we proceed to the attack effects of "you writhe in pleasure as the monster tries to swallow you whole, suffer monster damage". She's dead, we're about to move on, then someone realizes:

"Uh....the Nun was just eaten alive by the tentacle monster, writhing in pleasure the whole way down..."

Entire table lost it for a minute or two.

Online HairyHereticTopic starter

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #32 on: January 26, 2014, 12:13:20 PM »
We've had a few of those as well.

The big thing I think for my old pen and paper group was bad puns. We instituted the pun box, kinda like a swearing jar. Anyone made a bad pun, you tossed a few coins in. The worse the pun, the more you put in.

IIRC over the course of a year or two it paid for several new games for the group. We made a lot of puns. :)

Offline HannibalBarca

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #33 on: February 06, 2014, 12:02:59 AM »
I started playing D&D in 1979, just as the first AD&D hardcovers were coming out, which I got for my birthday (DM's Guide, Player's Handbook, Monster Manual), and before that used the faux leather brown paper covered trio of books which were D&D's first iteration.

My brother and I read the books, I chose to be DM, and he rolled his first PC in our long gaming life together, a dwarf fighter named Marzak the Magnificent.  He wasn't.  Our first adventure was B1, In Search of the Unknown, from a blue-cover D&D boxed set.  He went in with several NPC advdenturers, and they all died in the course of our first hour or so of playing--our following the rules of such an advanced game for us was terrible, but we'd never had so much fun just RPing out loud.

Ended up, Marzak ran into a group of five orcs, far, far too many for him to kill with just a level one dwarf fighter with two hit points left to his name.  So he ran.

In the dark.

Through an unknown abandoned underground fortress.

I forget all the precise unlikely ways he killed off the first four orcs--slamming a door closed hard enough with his 18 strength did one in, I know--another he tripped off the edge of a pit trap.  My brother's desperate ingenuity was hilarious--we never knew a role-playing game could be so funny.  But he finally ended up spotting a secret door, and went inside a storage room filled with barrels--and no other exit.  There was one orc left, the chieftain, fully healthy, with a nice, dwarf-skewering spear.  So my brother said he was breaking open the nearest barrel and throwing whatever was in it at the orc.  I rolled for the contents--the adventure creator actually made a random barrel content chart.

It was a barrel of pickles.

He blinked at me, and asked me, straight faced, if the pickles were poisonous.  I laughed and told him they'd been there for something like forty years, but they're freakin' pickles, do they even go bad?  Okay, if he rolled a 20 on a d20, they would be, but why did it matter? 

He said he was going to throw it at the orc and kill it...with the poison.

After stopping laughing again, I told him, but it's armored...so he said then he'd aim at its mouth.  I told him, okay, but that will be another 20 on a d20...and the orc would still have to fail its saving throw.

We both started laughing again; this was absurd but great entertainment, for sure...we had two d20s, so I told him to roll them and only double 20s would succeed.

And he did.  And we busted up laughing for the next few minutes.  I had to give him the saving throw after that, or it would have been anticlimactic.  So his dwarf killed an orc chieftain by hitting it in the mouth with a poison pickle.

After he got out back to civilization, he changed his character's name to Marzak the Lucky, and when multiclassing came out, he turned him into a fighter/thief...we fudged his dexterity score just because there was no way a typical, hefty, over-armored dwarf was gonna hit an orc in the mouth with a pickle and kill it...only an agile, rogue-like dwarf would.  He played that character out until demigod status, too, almost a decade later :)


The other ridiculous story was in the adventure module A1, the Slaver series.  Several of my good friends were running their characters; typical mixed bag of warriors, mages, healers, thieves.  They came to a battle with two half-orc assassins, and killed the first easily enough.  The half-orcs were simply outgunned and outclassed.

But the second half-orc refused to die.

By that time using charts for what part of the body you hit were in vogue with my group, so they rolled away as they hit this poor sod over and over, but for only small handfuls of damage, 1 or 2 points at a time.  They just couldn't finish him off.  They were tagging him everywhere; it was just brutal, and I kept describing each hit, as if it was a mortal blow, and he was just one more from dying...but they couldn't finish the job.  Another 1 hp hit...another...another.  The half-orc was moderate level, around mid 20s hit points, so it started to become comical to the group...it was like the black knight scene in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, and we pointed it out to each other multiple times, and it took over a half an hour to get through the melee, with all the laughter breaks...finally, when they got him to zero, after something like five rounds of combat--with six characters, no less--I told them he was finally dead, slumped up against the wall, mangled and limbless.  But we ended up talking and joking about the battle the rest of the night. 

After everyone went home, I decided to open up my newest hardcover, the Fiend Folio, and it was there that I read about the revenant, an undead that comes back to revenge itself on whoever killed it...and thus was born Urglu the Unsatisfied...the half orc assassin from beyond the grave who terrorized/entertained my friends' characters for many adventures after, always showing up as a hacked-up, shambling corpse at the most inopportune of times: during the wedding proposal of one character to another; at the siege of the characters' keep by goblin hordes; even after defeating Lolth in her Demon-spider craft.  He was mostly comic relief, and my buddies would love to see where the mangled remains would show up next in the campaign.  His battle cries were--you guessed it: "I'm not dead yet!  I feel happy!"

Online Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2014, 12:49:37 PM »
Okay, now latest scoop of my gaming table's last gaming session which ended a campaign.

Campaign basic idea was that there was a demiplane which was created by lawful good wizard, which had impenetrable anti-evil summoning and prevented evil getting in (think planar forbiddance). However, fiend discovered enter the place via becoming a unholy scion (slipping into stream of souls via astral plane and disguising itself as mortal soul). He was born, became badass and a god and once he was god, the wizard who had become immortal entity and a god in own demiplane woke up and stomped him and rendered him into a mere 'whisper' which haunts mortal hearts.

While evil struck back in last pitch effort and rendered immortal good wizard to sleep forever. Now game started with four villains (later on three as one player dropped out) who focused on just being evil in plane which had no idea nor concept what evil is (doors lacked locks and people did not know what stealing is).

Overall they succeed find to old fortress of evil which had remained unbreachable and got hands onto most expensive (and broken) 3.5 edition item; Mirror of Mental Prowess. Two of them. So they started troll good guys every turn and game lost pretty much all challenge it had when folks were just 10th level and started summon demons via powerful magic items for wishes etc.

But I tried pull lots of challenge for them and then they wound up to get hands on five scrolls which contained Apocalypse from the sky with CL +20. Now, party had a dilemma at this time; they had fortress of good guys who sought to restore divine spellcasting powers (villains succeed remove all divine spellcasting/powers from 80% from the world via using a divine plaque brewed by glabrezu via a wish, from good guys). The means to do so was by breeding with celestials and celestial offspring genes then restoring ability reach out for the divine connection (it was common shared mutation which made them register as 'evil faithless' to gods eyes). The fortress had more wards than Fort Knox and epic CL scaled forbiddance and had 8 ghaele eladrin knights guarding the place (and there was watchful angel legion led by solar).

So villains needed stomp them down as world domination would happen smoother if good guys lack healers. So party had spell thief/wizard who then started tinker something wicked with the five scroll in creating five items which took 10 years to make. It was five teddy bears which had both conceal alignment and disguise magic aura spells in their design and each teddy bear was command word triggered magic item, keyword this case was 'Good Night' and holding the item in your possession counts towards 1 day casting time. In addition all five teddy bears were connected so that if one of them triggers, rest go off also if they had been held for 1 day. They were craft DC 30 teddies so they were supremely cute.

So, it was 'christmas' season (or whatever pass such in that demiplane), villains send dozens golden golems in red glittering robes made from rubies (two of the chars had epic rod of splendor so they could 3 times per day get fancy clothes) to deliver gifts for the good guys as 'peace offering'. There was hundreds of gifts and among them was the five teddy bears.

A day passes....and one child said 'good night' to teddy bear (a child which was ironically one half-celestial children meant to save the world), then all five teddies go off all at once.

Well, villains thought that 5 teddies means 300 damage to mortal population but they forgot it causes object damage as well and said spell is epic scale evil spell in first place with hefty corruption influence. Thinking 200 miles is not big deal as teddies are all in one place right? Well, I as GM ruled that the radius of the blast grew 5x times the original and got empowered top of that. Also you should not play with such big guns in first place so it resulted whole world explode and destroy and fracture entire plane and destroy all natural plant life and result in creating a darker version of astral plane with floating rocks and some cities now floating in middle of voidy darkness.

Plus their evil deed got them marked as Lords of Darkness by Ravenholdt standard and thus demiplane got swallowed up and become part of another demiplane. "Enjoy your self-made prisons!" was last words told by the 'whisper' which had been in the world and had summoned the bad guys to do evil there.

Offline Florence

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2014, 01:12:48 PM »
Just last week, I accidentally blew up a town.

We were trying to blow up a group of demonic pirates, and their ship was loaded with stolen booze. So we set a timed explosive and went to leave. My character, being an idiot, threw a fireball, alerted the crew, the ship stopped, and then exploded while it was still just off-shore from the town. The entire town was demolished save a building or two. The entire group was speechless, and I totally threw a wrench in the GM's plans.

Also, in our last campaign, my character threw a dagger at a thief, I rolled a 20, it instantly killed the thief, who was supposed to be an NPC that lead us into a whole sidequest thing... which obviously never happened. Also, it was a poor little orphan kid.

I have a real talent for screwing up this GM's stories.

Edit: I should clarify, both were in Pathfinder. I know the stories are kinda short, but I hope they'll give at least one person a chuckle. xD
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 01:13:58 PM by Finn MacKenna »

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2014, 03:12:08 PM »
Also, in our last campaign, my character threw a dagger at a thief, I rolled a 20, it instantly killed the thief, who was supposed to be an NPC that lead us into a whole sidequest thing... which obviously never happened. Also, it was a poor little orphan kid.

I have a real talent for screwing up this GM's stories.

Edit: I should clarify, both were in Pathfinder. I know the stories are kinda short, but I hope they'll give at least one person a chuckle. xD
This reminds me of how we played an urban fantasy one-shot in FAE.
The group, which consisted of people that wanted to learn real magick, started up by shooting a home-made porn movie in Texas. Since we had an university's dean, finding stars for the movie wasn't an issue. Keeping them, however, proved to be harder :P.
In other words, a demon kidnapped our main star and killed her pretty messily.
We didn't like this, so we triangulated it to a former industrial complex. There, it had mind-dominated the homeless people currently squatting in.
The GM had assumed that we're going to defeat them non-lethally. We did exactly that, so the plan with them giving us key info should have worked, right? Yeah, sure, that's the typical mistake of a newbie GM, which our GM was... >:)
Sure, we didn't kill them all, but we defeated them by mind-wiping them and giving them new personalities, which for the record included being really strict about keeping clean. It was kinda hard to assume any info could have survived our intervention (Incidentally, I think that's called "throwing a curveball" in American English. It took me a while to understand where the phrase comes from.)
Of course, in our group, that's to be expected, and a sign of being a good player. The GM has certainly done the same to my expectations - I don't plan sessions, but I like trying to guess what my players are planning - so I'm still wondering why she thinks it would be different when she GMs. Ah well, it was a good learning experience!
So, maybe wiser to the ways of GMing, she just let us do it our way. And we unleashed hell on the demon, pun intended. We tracked it in our own ways, through dead-infested mental clinic, and then stomped it into the ground along with its servitor, with the help of the murderous spirits of the dead.
And we made sure nobody would find the remains, because we didn't need another attempt at demonic invasion. We weren't interested in pursuing it, because the porn movie was our attempt to get more mystic power, so no recurring villains there.
And when Texas was safe once again, we found other coeds willing to take a big role, a big pole, or both ;D!
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 03:22:13 PM by Thufir Hawat »

Offline Aiden

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #37 on: February 13, 2014, 12:03:25 AM »
My best story comes from a monk of mine who led a group to attack a temple.

I was playing a grapple heavy monk with a huge strength mod.

I ended up picking up a dead blackguard (Full plate - Think Anti Paladin)  and wielded him around as a modified weapon.
I was holding him from his wrist and ankle and spinning him around like a helicopter, tossing and trowing him around like a rag doll.

My Gm looked at me in hatred as I tossed this 300lb guard with an additional 45-60 lb (armor) rag doll. I was tossing him onto the weaker enemies he had set up for us and with a feat that let me use my strength mod to my throw checks, instead of agility, I made it a cake walk. My group was laughing their ass off, my DM hated me that night.

I should mention I dressed him up like a Luchador and spoke in the "Macho Man" voice every time I talked IC.

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #38 on: February 14, 2014, 02:19:41 AM »
So did you transition to a political campaign afterwards? With a paladin, a high priest and a rogue, it makes total sense!
Not sure which system you were using, but older D&D had this as an option, and so do a number of modern systems.

Absolutely - it was a Lord of the Rings system that we adapted. But for most of the social & political side, we did it without dice. We didn't really need a system for that. ^_^

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #39 on: February 14, 2014, 07:12:10 AM »
My best story comes from a monk of mine who led a group to attack a temple.

I was playing a grapple heavy monk with a huge strength mod.

I ended up picking up a dead blackguard (Full plate - Think Anti Paladin)  and wielded him around as a modified weapon.
I was holding him from his wrist and ankle and spinning him around like a helicopter, tossing and trowing him around like a rag doll.

My Gm looked at me in hatred as I tossed this 300lb guard with an additional 45-60 lb (armor) rag doll. I was tossing him onto the weaker enemies he had set up for us and with a feat that let me use my strength mod to my throw checks, instead of agility, I made it a cake walk. My group was laughing their ass off, my DM hated me that night.

I should mention I dressed him up like a Luchador and spoke in the "Macho Man" voice every time I talked IC.
You should have used him as an improvised weapon to deliver a Flurry of Blows, that's what monks tend to do best ;D!
And given the system, your GM was going easy on you if he didn't just send you a caster to annihilate you.

Absolutely - it was a Lord of the Rings system that we adapted. But for most of the social & political side, we did it without dice. We didn't really need a system for that. ^_^
Leaving the question on whether a system for politics is useful or not aside, then I don't really understand why that would make your High Priest unsuitable for play.

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2014, 07:11:02 AM »
Leaving the question on whether a system for politics is useful or not aside, then I don't really understand why that would make your High Priest unsuitable for play.

The high Priest wasn't unsuitable actually. I had to put a lot of effort into building a religion - and in return I got some healing magic. Oh - and the ability to call an angel & ask advice or even gate them in if things were big enough. But I worked for my power. :P

We had a player who was known to be a bit of a derp at times - a rather smart scientist in training - but a derp when it came to the practical things. And he choose to play a ranger. A lovely, bow wielding ranger. The game had progressed & our Derp had managed to put about 3 characters to their deaths through... 'inconsiderate action'. He managed to place his characters into needless danger before we could stop him & every month or two one would die. But this ranger had lasted pretty well - he was starting to get the hang of 'survival'. ^_^ Our characters had grown quite powerful & we were running about with the avatar of the god of beer. It was that kinda campaign.

Our ranger did have a particular luck with the dice. In fact the party was large so natural 1's & 20's came up a lot. So much so, that the GM got some big critical hit/miss charts so he could use them to create unique effects. On his first night unvieling them, we were fighting atop a castle. Our ranger was on the ramparts, bow drawn & flinging off 3 or 4 arrows a round. Or so he hoped. His first shot was a natural one. He rolled the d1000 & came up with 101, shot off your big toe! Ouch!

His second shot missed. His third was another natural one. His shot bounced back off the ramparts & hit him in the thigh. Nasty - but he could take the damage at this point. He did need a balance check though. And rolled a nice, neat, 2.

Our ranger actually survived the fall. And asked if he could take his last shot. The GM, almost crying at this point (Our ranger had managed to 'cause' over a hundred damage by this point... All self inflicted.) But the GM, feeling sorry, agreed. There wasn't anything in the rules saying he couldn't.

He rolled... 1... 0101... And managed to lose his second big toe.

In the second round, he managed to peg an avatar into the back of our godly avatar's head - with a free roll on the critical hit table. He scored a straight 0001.

The GM wasn't pleased. The party proceeded to lose the fight, escaped & burned the Rangers bow. Then had him exorcised & examined by half a dozen magics. It took a zone of truth & some heavy begging to stop them from killing the ranger... But the party relented, finally convinced of the 'accident'.

Then the GM mentioned one little detail. If his ranger ever did die - he'd have to roleplay out facing the godly avatar...

The player went white as a sheet when the GM did his creepy maniacal grin... And then we laughed. Oh did we laugh...

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #41 on: April 04, 2014, 12:32:14 PM »
Before Mr. Oniya met me, there was an incident where the party he was gaming with had a session where gaming and alcohol both were flowing freely - or at least reasonably priced.  At least one person had brought a case of beer, but quality was less of a factor than price.

Or so they thought, until the GM busted out the Monster of the Week.

While the townsfolk are cowering in their houses, and the PCs are tracking the savage menace, someone handed the GM a Coors.  Later in the evening, after they'd found the beast's lair, and were plotting strategy, someone handed the GM another one.  Finally, as the full moon was rising, and combat had ensued, the GM finished his third beer - at which point the guy who brought them spoke up.

He said 'I think I should mention that you've taken three Silver Bullets.' 

The werewolf keeled over.

Offline Zeth

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #42 on: May 11, 2014, 06:10:46 PM »
Right, so I was playing Risus in a low magic setting. My character Boomer McTwist was the female Highland hero and my friend played the female ninja who's cover story was she is a Companion(Firefly companion not Skyrim.)named Akane. We had to steal a parked carriage so Boomer played the bag pipes so well she knocked out the guards, driver, and half a city block. Later, Akane showed off her super cooking skills by inventing V8. She botched the roll so bad the v8 burned through the ground and summoned up a nameless demon who threw the stuff back at us saying it was "TOO EVIL!"

Online Chrystal

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2014, 05:18:09 PM »
Not sure if this qualifies, but I was reminded of it just recently, and it is along the same lines as some of these stories....

Who here is familiar with the board game "The Awful Green Things From Outer Space"?

In this game a space craft is invaded vy awful green things, that grow, lay eggs, the eggs hatch, grow into adults and lay more eggs. They attack the crew and the crew have to fight back with a variety of weapons. Some weapons affect just one AGT, some affect all in a space, some affect all in line of sight...

But the effect of each weapon is determined on it's first use by drawing a chit for that weapon. I think the chits were returned to the pot after being drawn, as there were fewer effects than there were weapons.

Well, I was playing the crew... And after the initial discovery of the AGTs, one of my crewmen grabbed up the laser pistol, fired it into a space with a couple of AGTs in (can't remember the exact number - this was 35 years or so ago!)

The chit I drew read 1d6 fragments. Oh great. So, the laser is useless, worse than useless. Each of those AGTs becomes a number of fragments determined by a dice roll.

Guess what? I rolled a 6.

So there are now 12 fragments in that space which next turn will become 12 babies, then 12 adults.

Another crew member grabbed a sonic beamer, hoping for better luck and fired it into the same space.

1d6 fragments.... Rolled a 6! There are now not enough fragment playing pieces in the game, because each of those 12 fragments has now become 6 fragments making a grand total of 72!

In sheer desperation I tru one last weapon, I think it was the fire extinguisher.... Do I need to say what happened?

I'm pretty sure that I had a record number of AGTs on the ship. the other player just left the fragments in place and piled the babies in then piled the adults in and then used the fragments and babies as adults....

I lost!

Offline JinZah

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #44 on: September 15, 2014, 08:08:21 PM »
Oh, i have a truck load of these kind of stories. You see once upon i was in a gaming group, playing AD&D 2nd. When we first started it was decided that we would all start off with 3ed lvl characters, and we could each pick 2 magic items to start with. Me being the person that i am made a Wild Mage from Tome of Magic, and my choices for magic items where a Deck of Many Things, and a Wand of Wonder. When the DM saw my magic item choice, he smiled, laughed, and said, "i'll give you those for free, pick 2 more". By the end everyone knew this character as Havoc, because any time he did anything, the end result was "and Havoc ensues".

Case in point, early on, he used the wand during a fight with a large force of orcs, riding wargs (i think they where supposed to capture us). The result was a gate opening to the outer plains with a percentage chance of a deity taking notice, so of course one did.

After the GM spends about 15 min. looking over Legends, and Lore picking just the right god for the job, out of the gate came the blare of a horn, followed soon thereafter by warhorse sized, jet black hound, with glowing red eyes, and a man in platemail riding a huge horse; his helmet adorned with a huge rack of deer antlers, whom our Barbarian (who to this point had wanted nothing more than to kill my character) instantly recognized as Hern, God of the Hunt. At this point everyone had to make a save vs. fear, and of course no one did. So everyone, orks, and players alike went running wildly into the night with godly super dogs chasing after them.

The up side is that from that day forth, the barbarian thought that i was no longer an evil sorcerer, but a grate shaman, who had the favor of the gods.

Offline Aysande

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #45 on: September 20, 2014, 08:17:24 AM »
I have one story... I remember laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes and cramps in my sides.

It was my first time with that group, but I knew everyone at the table; they were all my friends, and both of my brothers were there. In spite of being an occasional player to that specific group, I was used to the homemade game because I was usually with one of the other two GMs in the room (yeah, that room had over 20 players split in 3 tables. Things got LOUD). Anyway, the GM was just boring. To him, tabletop RP was basically. "Guys, you meet this. How do you kill it?" it was all technical and there was no real space for playing a personality at all. Not what I was used to.

So when he said that we entered into a village and that no one was there, I declared mine to be hungry. Cue on my bro who realizes it's almost 9PM and he hasn't had dinner yet, so he excuses himself to make the call. The Gm's level of annoyance was slowly rising. I was not behaving as predicted, going into a cupboard to find something to munch on. The other players getting bored, started to also cause mischief in the houses around while looking for clues of where everyone went. Brother comes back, my character finds some beef jerky, gaming resumed.

After about 20 minutes of trying to gather everyone on the church's steps, having my character distribute the jerky she's found - and being almost subtly told to shut up by the GM - He says that a portal opens in the middle of the townsquare across the church. There was a silence at the table. The week before, a high level character got almost killed for stepping carelessly into a portal. I didn't know, I wasn't there, but I was determined to be a pain in the ass, because the rest of the table had fun too. My bro gets called at the door for his meal delivery. He doesn't hear the promise of the GM that there's nothing harmful on the other side. So I let the brave souls go before my mouthy, annoying brat of a halfling. Once she's told that the other side is safe, she hops in. The only one who is still there is, of course, my brother's character. The discussion went about this way:

GM: I'm sick of waiting after you.
Bro: Everyone has gone in?
GM: yeah, and the portal is giving signs of collapsing.
Bro: My character runs toward the portal and he steps in one foot at the time to make sure that he doesn't touch the edge and cut off something he could use later.
GM: You roll a d10. 1 to 5 you pass, 5 to 10 the portal collapses before you get there.

My bro borrowed my d10 and, you probably guessed... He rolled a 5. Silence at the table, all eyes turned toward the GM who realizes that he made a mistake. So my brother goes around the table, gathers his character sheet, his three sets of dices and solemnly says: "Looks like I'm cut in half. Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the mess." And he hopped on one foot away to one of the other table to get the character death approved/disproved by the head GM. He got to keep his character since it was bad luck and GM mistake that got his character split in half by a portal, but it was hilarious to see everyone's faces as the 5 turned up on the d10...

Online Oreo

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #46 on: November 06, 2014, 05:42:02 PM »
>_> Just posting so I can follow the thread. : ) Fun stuff.

Offline Angiejuusan

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #47 on: November 06, 2014, 06:00:08 PM »
Oh, I have to share my Deadlands one.

It was an NPC prostitute character with a Derringer. Deadlands uses exploding dice (although, they call it 'acing'). The prostitute shot a weird insect creature and managed to get a headshot, increasing the damage from 2d4 to 4d4. The DM rolled it...and then told us all to come and look. His dice roller rolled a SEVENTY TWO. The way Deadlands works is for every amount of damage equal to your size, you take a wound. Human size is 6. The insect thing was human sized, meaning the thing just took 12 wounds on the dot. There was no saving that one. So the hooker shoots the insect, and his head explodes. It was amazing.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #48 on: November 06, 2014, 06:22:32 PM »
I have a couple of funny stories. One was my first time ever playing D&D (3.5), and the second one is from my first DMing of a game.

First Story: Flying Eagle Strike!

I wanted to play a quick, lightly armored warrior, so I picked fighter. Look, I don't min-max. I pick something and make the game fit that. We were sneaking into the local (possibly-but-not-really) evil magistrate's home. I managed to climb up to the second story window, following the rogue. We're upstairs and heading downstairs.

Of course I don't stop to listen and down the straight flight of stairs is a house guard.

DM: What do you want to do.
Me: Flying tackle.
DM: Really?
Me: Yeah!
DM:...Roll a D20

I get like an 18 on it and my character basically does the flying strike from The Men Who Stare at Goats. Tackle, grapple, knock out.
We end up finding our way into his study and we had to hide. I rolled a 5, but we were playing critical fails and the magistrate rolls a 1. So I am literally behind the door that swung open inward. The magistrate rolled so bad he hid me for me. :3

Story two: This is going to hurt the resale value...

I was DMing a game with a Warlock and a Bard. The game started out with them as fresh mercenary recruits on the way to the analogue to the Scottish Islands via airship. Well, since I like action prologues they're beset by another group of mercenaries who came with their own airship and a giant eagle. Well the fight ensues. Throughout the fighting the warlock decides that it's a good time to start throwing around bottles of alchemist fire (magical napalm).

Needless to say the eagle (which they managed to kill) and the alchemist fire brought the ship down, and as my first DMing attempt I hadn't really thought the NPCs would crash the airship. So it starts going down, the boarding ropes the other airship sank into their airship are the only lifeline off the crashing vessel well the enemies know this and are cutting them. The warlock passes all his skill checks and makes it to a rope.

Well, he cut it, and was about to Errol Flynn off the airship, but I made him make a use rope check to withstand a might chord snapping suddenly and violently.

Everyone else is hanging onto deck fixtures trying to ride the airship down into a snow bank.

Warlock: "So long, suckers!" *Whips shortsword and cuts rope rolling a 20 on the attack check.
ME: Make a use rope check to withstand the shock of the rope and making sure you wrapped it around your arm right and all that.
Warlock: *Rolls a 1, Oh-crap look on face*
Me: The rope whips out of your hands and smacks you in the face, you begin falling toward the bow of the airship to certain doom.
Warlock *Makes a grab check and catches a balustrade.* "Uh, about earlier..."

They all managed to live. The bard, being an IC psycho (read chaotic neutral) played by my brother saves the mercenary captain (NPC) by providing a boot she could cling to while falling. He proceeds to freak out and kick her in the face. :P

Surprisingly everyone lived. :P

Offline Cassandra LeMay

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #49 on: November 07, 2014, 01:23:04 AM »
Oh, roleplaying stories, I have a bunch of those, but for many of them you probably would have had to be there to find them as amusing or funny as I do.

In a Feng Shui game I once ran we had one of those exploding dice moments when a mook (i.e. cannon fodder) stabbed a Big Bruiser (i.e. a 'tank' who can take more damage than anyone else in the game). For those who don't know FS, you roll two d6, a positive and a negative die and add or subtract the result from your skill. 6s are rerolled. The mook needed at least a +2 or +3 result to just hit the Big Bruiser. Every point above that would result in a point of damage. While the Bruiser was still laughing at his puny opponent I rolled, and rolled, and rolled ... In the end I think I did him around 35 points of damage. Must have rolled six or maybe seven 6s in a row there.  :o To the day I still can't quite believe it, but I do have witnesses.  ;D

Another fun story happened during a Fifth Age Dragonlance game. In that time of Dragonlance history magic items are rare and making new ones was pretty much out of the question. Due to some time traveling the players end up in an earlier period of history when magic items were far more common. There (then?) they face this sorcerer who had just opened a portal to a demon dimension that manifested as a big hole in the ground. The players attack with bows and arrows, someone throws a few spells at the enemy, and one player who had control over an earth elemental sends his elemental into the fight. In the end they manage to knock out the enemy, but aren't yet certain if he is dead or just unconscious. The player controlling the elemental, still pretty much fired up from the fight scene, orders his earth elemental to pick up the sorcerer and throw him into the hellhole, just to make certain. Everyone cheers. The enemy is dealt with and now they can go home to their own time. Until ...

Until someone realized that they have just thrown the biggest stash of magic items they will ever come across in their lifetimes into a hole to hell, right before they are whisked back to their own time. 

Oh the look on their faces. Just priceless.  ;D