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Author Topic: She bows politely and then explodes  (Read 5008 times)

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Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

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She bows politely and then explodes
« on: December 05, 2013, 08:24:17 PM »
I expect anyone who has spent any time on either side of the GMs screen has a story or two they could share, those around the table moments that brought everyone to a stunned silence, or collapsed them in howls of laughter. So, pull up a chair around the table, and break out your best, funniest, or simply most outrageous stories.

The title I chose for this thread is perhaps my own favourite moment .. its one of the top ones at any rate. My tabletop group was playing the City of Lies campaign, for Legend of the Five Rings. For those who don't know it, it's a fantasy version of Samurai Japan, with a handfull of other influences tossed in here and there. The players have been chosen to become Emerald Magistrates, sent to the second city of the Scorpion clan with a twofold mission ... find out who killed the last Magistrate, and shut down the illegal opium trade. The city in question, Ryoko Owari, is home to both the legal (medicinal) and illegal (recreational) opium trade. It's run by three different families of the Scorpion clan.

So, things have been getting tense. Relations between the three families are deteriorating. A mysterious bandit is ravaging the countryside. Oni (demons) have popped up a time or three, and the PCs have been run ragged trying to fight all these various fires, before the city goes up in flames.

Because of their run ins with Oni, they've taken to protecting their headquarters with an Evil Ward spell. This causes any Shadowlands tainted creature (Oni, goblins, undead, and tainted humans alike) to burst into flames when they cross the boundary of the spell.

Now, in an effort to defuse the tensions in the city, they've invited the heads of the three families to visit them for a little conference. They turn up, escorted by about 50 samurai retainers, who are ordered to wait outside the walls of the Magistrates compound.

The three nobles walk towards the Magistrates home, the least important one a few yards ahead of the other two. One of the PCs is at the door to greet them. As they get to polite range, he bows in greeting. What the PCs don't know is that this particular noble is Tainted, which means when she bows, she crosses the Evil Ward, which triggers.

Now L5R uses an exploding dice mechanic. You roll the d10, and if you get a 10, you roll again, adding it to the total. Theoretically, if you kept rolling 10s, you could get insanely high results. Guess what happens here? I think I roll enough damage to overkill her 3 or 4 times.

She bows politely (in return) and explodes.

My PCs kinda look like this

 :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o

The two other family heads have just seen their peer explode a few feet in front of them.

So have the 50 heavily armed and extremely tense samurai just outside the gate.

PC dialogue
"What the hell?"
"What happened?"
"Oh fsck!"
"Shit! The Evil Ward!"
"She was tainted?"

PC on the door has about 5 seconds to act before all hell breaks lose in the courtyard.

"Governor!" (The head of the most powerful family was also Governor of the city"

"Governor! Due to the sightings of Oni, we established wards that would destroy any Tainted creatures. You are not Tainted. Please come inside where it's safe"

In L5R, face is VERY important. The Governor has now been put on the spot. If she doesn't go ahead, she opens up the possibility that she's Tainted, and the PCs declaration was loud enough that all those samurai at the gate heard it.

The Governor, being a typical Scorpion, points out her duty to protect all members of the city, and 'invites' her remaining rival to enter first. Both safely go inside, averting the crisis (for the moment).

The look on my players faces in that scene is one I treasure to this day  >:)

Who's up next?

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2013, 08:40:20 PM »
I had a similar 'exploding dice' scenario as a player.  My good friend (and later, Mr. Oniya's best man) was running a campaign with a Native American theme, and he had reworked all the weapons damage on an exploding d6 scale (so, for example, a crossbow was 3d6, but any 6s rolled got re-rolled.  Made you reeeeeeally think about whether you could soak that damage), with 'to hit' rolls on a d20.  A natural 20 did full damage and a re-roll.  I was playing a Scout - essentially a ranger with a sling - and our first 'mission' was a sacred buffalo hunt.  The young men and women of the tribe had to go out and kill (or help kill) a buffalo to earn our 'adult names'.

So, being basically 'hero-support', my plan is to throw rocks at approximately one ton of angry hamburger to distract it so that the warriors with spears can do the 'real' work.

I roll.  Natural 20.  Six points, roll again.  Natural 6.  Roll again.  Natural 6...

By the time I was done, the ruling was that the rock had gone through the buffalo's ear and out the other side, carrying the brain with it.  And that, my friends, is how I got the name 'Strikes Like Serpent's Shadow'.

EDIT:  I should add that during the hunt, Mr. Oniya's character was badly injured when a buffalo ran over him.  He got the name 'Lies on Ground and Makes No Noise.'
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 08:48:36 PM by Oniya »

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2013, 09:22:54 PM »
Re: Hairy's story

My dragon shugenja cast that evil ward spell.. and I totally didn't see it coming. :)

Somehow, I feel like I played a part in gaming history (at least within our old tabletop group), because it's a story that keeps on being told.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 09:26:30 PM by AmberStarfire »

Offline Primarch

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2013, 09:41:26 PM »
I was running a game of Deathwatch, we had certain characters that the group interacted with relatively routinely. One of these characters was a Dreadnaught that had been both a source of wisdom and insight...not to mention fire support.

In one mission they were sent to track down an Eldar Farseer that had been sighted and neutralise him. They find him atop a pyramid like structure and the Eldar springs her trap, with a pile of warp spiders springing out (because an Eldar Farseer was going to be caught on top of a pyramid in broad daylight, yeah right!) the team defeat them (with our Black Templar Assault Marine taking great satisfaction in taking out the Farseer in single combat) and as if cue Tyranids start rushing out from the nearby forest. The team are told extraction is on route so they prepare to try hold out. When the Nids are about to get into attacking range a drop pod comes crashing down and out comes Mr. Dreadnaught, blasting everything to bits. A ship comes down to extract and they start pulling back, all the while the dreadnaught is holding the line.

This was perhaps the best moment. Every one of them is looking at me with the exact same face and none of them seem to be aware they are all going through the same thought process. Every one of them was shocked and resisting the urge to say "I jump out of the Thunderhawk!" After a few moments of letting what was going on sink in I revealed the dreadnaught was equipped to be teleported and it did so. The collective sigh of relief was very amusing. The group doesn't play together anymore, but when those games come up in conversation someone always brings up that story.   

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2013, 11:23:58 PM »
Somehow, I feel like I played a part in gaming history (at least within our old tabletop group), because it's a story that keeps on being told.

The group doesn't play together anymore, but when those games come up in conversation someone always brings up that story.   

In the circles I ran in, telling stories like this was almost mandatory when a group of gamers reached 'critical mass' (which varied depending on the situation).  We referred to it as S.M.O.G.ging (Supreme Master Of Gaming) with appropriate city-air-quality references.  'It's J's birthday and the gang's going for dim sum.'  'Remember to bring eye protection - the SMOG's going to be so thick, you won't be able to see.'

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2013, 01:26:05 PM »
In my urban fantasy campaign, there was an NPC chick that only had the basics of fighting and decent physical conditioning, but was more than willing to put her life on the line in order to protect her mistress. She almost never missed an enemy with a punch, often striking like a truck, and at least once she hit someone for as much damage as a roadside bomb that had exploded in the same session ;D!
In game, she was also red-headed, so some NPCs started to suspect she's actually not a wizard, but some kind of Irish fairy creature >:)!

Offline HockeyGod

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2013, 08:03:29 PM »
I was GMing a Star Trek game and a writer was no longer returning and we were given the privilege of killing the character. You never see any really odd technology blips that have nothing to do with the plot on the show so I had the transporter malfunction and only take 1/2 of his body.

That mess was something to clean up.

Offline BraveEarth

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2013, 09:25:12 PM »
I play in a FATE game with a few of my friends, that is based on the Dresden Files off shoot that they Kickstarted, it's set in our own city so it's easy to come up with content. I play a Muggle Blacksmith RISD Professor who doesn't know that much about the supernatural. In the previous to last mod we ran we had to deal with a Magical Thief who was stealing things of my Student's. In a unfortunate method she was waiting in her dorm room ready to take the last of the pieces, but My character saw her grab her from out of thin air and he thought Kidnapping. Queue Grappling, and her disappearing into the ground my character quickly developing a vendetta against this woman. When we caught her (And My character broke her arm for no real great reason.) We searched her place and found a Very Very nice Spear imbued with Summer Court Magic, I decide that this is far too nice and potentially valuable object to leave in the hands of the thief who tried to hurt my student and others (She was another Professor who I didn't quite know but it was another mark against her.) So I did the good thing and took it so my more Lore minded friends could analyze it and tell me what to do with it essentially.

So come the next session I realize the Spear is The Summer Spear, owned by the Summer Knight a new character in our game but an established character in this Universe (This game is part of it's own small collective my GM plays with another GM who created the setting.) And we are introduced to him when he is fighting with a Faerie Gorilla who is trying to drag him back to his Spring Court Mistress.  So what do me and my best gal pal (/ person who doesn't really like me) do when we realize this? Quietly back away into an alley with the spear on my back Cunningly hidden in a Poster Holder. (I really rolled well so it stays hidden for a while) So of course the fight moves to the alley and our third party member who is the resident Spaz joins us while taunting the Fae Gorilla asking for the very fancy vest he is wearing. All the while this is happening our other new player's character woke up from a bender on the top of a roof so he can see the entire episode. There was a great deal of trying to keep the Gorilla from the spear, but then the ghost dog who had been a problem in our campaign for a while returned trying to grab the spear thinking it was a stick. So we have the dog running away with the spear only to be stopped by an Evocation Wall that won't let the Spear through, the Drunken Man is casting a Teleportation Thaumaturgy and suddenly our Spaz gets the bright idea to take out the spear (which she didn't know was the spear.) I flipped and then 2 turns later Our Drunken Friend finishes his spell and the Spear gets sent lord knows where.


We know where it is now and the Big Evil Brother has it now.

Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2013, 04:44:07 PM »
The most entertaining thing I ever got a kill with is a humerously shaped turnip. For those of you who've never seen Blackadder, here's the inspiration for that.



We were playing 3rd ed D&D, and my GM made the mistake of letting me play a Kender  >:) . For those who don't know Kender, they're possibly the most annoying race in the Universe, and have a racial ability to insanely piss off other creatures. My GM also found out why letting my Kender know ventriloquism and combining that was with said racial ability was fun for, well, me mostly  ;D

But I digress.

Kender have a tendancy to find things and stick them in their pockets, bags and pouches. Sometimes they're other peoples things, and the Kender find them before the other person even realising they've lost them. At any rate, pretty much all Kender have a random collection of junk. One of the items I decided I would have would be the humerously shaped turnip. Both the GM and I were Blackadder fans :)

We get attacked by goblin wolf riders. I try my staff. Swing and a miss. I try my sling. Not even close. Getting bored with those whole fight thing, I pull a random item from the pouches to throw at the goblins. Out comes the humerously shaped turnip. Meh, what the heck.

Naturally it scores a critical.

Pegs a goblin right in the head, catapulting it off the goblin and it dies in the impact.

Death by humerously shaped turnip.  ;D

Offline Thorne

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2013, 10:44:05 PM »
That reminds me of something I did with my very first character.

It was 2e, and I was playing an elven wizard. I was having a good time, bopping around, when the town is attacked by goblins. I don't remember why.
At some point in the combat, I ran out of useful spells. So, I cast Cantrip. Now, the book was very specific - the spell could not be used to directly injure anything.

The GM reminds me of this, and I nodded my head and said, 'no, no. Just undoing his belt so I can run away faster than he can follow.' The GM snerks and allows this. Now, the goblin in question was standing on a cart at the time, and he slipped right about the time the spell takes hold. His loose pants catch, the cart rolls away, and the goblin gets crushed underneath the wagon wheel.

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2013, 01:42:11 PM »
I was recently reminded of one that didn't happen to me, but has become part of the gaming lore among my group.  This dates back to the original release of Deities and Demigods - you know, the one that didn't ask Leiber or Moorcock for permission to use their copyrighted mythos.  I'm not sure if they asked the folks in charge of Lovecraft's creations, but Great Squiddly himself was also in that edition.  During a campaign, one of the PCs got hit with a random insanity effect.  The dice declared that it was a 'suicidal mania'.  The player whose character was affected responded by having his character run around the room yelling 'Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!' over and over again.  Per the sourcebook, every time the name was uttered, there was a percentage chance that said Old One or one to four of his minions would appear, and hilarity ensued until the chant was finally stopped.

I don't remember if it was stopped by death by Byakhee or death by PCs - but I'm pretty sure that the insane character achieved his goal.

Offline mia h

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2013, 02:16:01 PM »
Once upon a time during a Shadowrun game that I can't remember most of, we ended up in what might be considered a typical situation. We'd just extracted a valuable item from a corporate research lab, the item in question turned out to be a highly geneticly modified child. The team gets a message through it's fixer that the corporation is willing to cough up some serious cash if we hand her back, they didn't want to risk the child getting hurt\damaged by sending a Spec Ops team after us.

So the GM takes each player aside in turn and asks us if we want to hand the kid back or let her go and have a 'normal' life. What happened next was entirely predictable or pure coincidence depending on your point of view, the GM revealed what each player wanted to do with the kid; the only person who wanted to hand the kid back to the corporation was a player that nobody really liked. A brief look passed between the rest of players before we all turned the "traitor" into a pink mist

Offline avorae

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #12 on: December 25, 2013, 10:17:28 AM »
There have been many a wondrous stories that have happened in the twenty some odd years my group has been together but one of the best was in a WEG Star Wars game which had an exploding die rule.
 
In this particular game I was playing a noble who had no combat skills. Now I don't remember the details but we ended up getting pinned down by a group of merc's that was sent to capture us and our Gun Bunny was out of commission.

GM: alright the mercs just took out your best gunner and they are closing in on you.

Group Jedi: Going to try to heal them to get them back into the fight.

Me: I pick up the Gun Bunny's blaster and try to provide cover fire.

GM: Roll your blaster skill.

Me:  :-[ I don't have any skill in blaster so I am just using my base stat.

GM:  ::) Sure That's fine

Several dice rolls later....

GM to the group:  As all hell is breaking out around you all notice that the noble jumps up blaster in hand and with laser precision gun down every last member of the merc team.

Me:  :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o But I was just trying to provide cover fire.

GM: Did you set the blaster to stun?

Me: >:( >:( >:( >:( My character has never held a fucking blaster in her life how the hell is she supposed to know that there is a stun setting.

GM:  >:) Exactly....

Group:  XD XD XD XD XD XD

Online AmberStarfire

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2013, 10:19:26 AM »
Love it!

And it makes perfect sense.

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #14 on: December 25, 2013, 08:37:27 PM »
Princess Vespa:  He singed my hair! *lays waste*

Online Yugishogun

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #15 on: December 25, 2013, 08:53:16 PM »
Princess Vespa:  He singed my hair! *lays waste*

I love that movie!

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #16 on: December 26, 2013, 06:34:01 AM »
It brings back memories.

Offline TheGlyphstone

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2014, 05:33:06 PM »
Heh. My 'exploding dice' story is from Deathwatch, the Space Marine Warhammer 40K RPG - specifically, right when it first came out. We were playing through the introductory module, pregens and everything, and I had a Space Wolf Assault Marine (melee specialist). Included in my gear was a melta bomb (anti-tank explosive), because that's the sort of thing an Assault Marine should carry. Everything went fairly swimmingly, the Librarian (psychic) character being the all-star and blowing up entire clusters of Genestealers (nasty six-limbed alien monsters) in single blasts, up to the end of the module and the final battle against a giant Tyranid Warrior (even nastier alien boss monster). It has a lot of health, and is doing a lot of damage, then I get the bright idea to jetpack onto its head and drop my armed melta bomb into its mouth.

Now - under the initial rules, the Righteous Fury (exploding dice rule) said that if you scoring a natural 10 on any of your weapon dice, you rolled all the dice again. A Melta bomb does 6d10 damage. I proceeded to RF a total of 5 or 6 times, adding a full 6d10 additional damage (which could also explode under the same conditions), doing something like 200 damage to a 50-health monster in a single blast.

Less than a month later, the first official errata for the game clarified that only the dice that actually rolled a 10 would explode, so clearly we were not the only group to discover this problem.

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #18 on: January 18, 2014, 05:26:23 AM »
Well, given that 6d10 have an average damage of 33 without the exploding divce, I think we can safely say that with just a couple explosions, you would be most likely to kill the monster even without the mistaken rule >:).

Offline Major Major

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2014, 05:46:28 AM »
In my case, I was in a Homebrewed Star Wars game where the main characters from Knights of the Old Republic 1 and 2 end up on WWII Earth; it featured such madness as Otto Skorzeny as a Dark Jedi, and Wookies ripping into Tiger tanks.

I was playing a fairly standard WWII British Army officer, one Captain J. Morrison of the Lincolnshire Regiment (turned out he was in fact Force Sensitive, but remained untrained until after the game had ended). Somehow, I don't remember how, I ended up in one on one combat with a Sith Lord, on board a ship in orbit over Earth. I'd had seven different kinds of hell beaten out of me by the gloating Sith Lord, was unarmed, and could barely stand upright. In the final moments of the fight, I think I was on the ground about to be skewered, when I blindly groped around and found a loaded Luger pistol that had been left on a seat. In a last act of defiance, I shot it at the Sith Lord.

Blew the guy's brains out with my first shot.

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #20 on: January 18, 2014, 05:48:14 AM »
I guess deflecting solid projectiles doesn't work all that well when all you've got is an energy blade ;D?

Offline Major Major

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #21 on: January 18, 2014, 05:52:12 AM »
I guess deflecting solid projectiles doesn't work all that well when all you've got is an energy blade ;D?

I think he did try, but the bullet didn't lose much speed, and only just melted. So.... yeah... a molten blob of whatever they make bullets out of, traveling at high speed, right in the face.

Offline Mnemaxa

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2014, 05:52:27 AM »
I had run a long, long term Spelljammers game.  Spelljammers is a high-fantasy space opera, with magic taking the place of technology.  This game had been going on for 7 years at the time, and the players were all 15-16th level, after starting at 1st level.  Naturally, they have come across powerful magic items, glorious devices, world-shattering materials, and incredible weapons that could even be called artifacts. 

And then they found.......IT. 

The most fought over, coveted, rage inducing magic item in their entire 7 real life years of adventuring under my auspices.  I had thrown it in as a lark, a simple, amusing little toy.  It was not powerful.  It was not destructive.  It was not even that complex.  Yet this one item brought the party and the players nearly to blows with how desperately they wanted it. 

It was a simple black cloak, with a skull brooch.  If you put it on, it cast the illusion of you being a tall hooded figure with a scythe and gave you a whispering, raspy voice.  It conveyed no mechanical benefits, gave no bonuses of any sort, and was so weak a simple dispel magic always shut it down for minutes at a time. 

That little item almost self destructed my party a half dozen times when major demons, swarms of beholders, ship eating dragons, and malefic warlords and their lich-wizards could not.

They STILL consider it the coolest magic item ever.  It's been 15 years and three iterations of D&D later.

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2014, 12:48:41 PM »
Another story from my friend's Native American campaign:

We were on the trail of our 'series antagonist' - a character that we all referred to as 'Mage Face' to the character's great annoyance. (To be fair, he was a mage, and had never given us an actual name...)  We'd learned that in order to defeat him, we had to attack him between two mirrors in a given hall.  There was much mayhem, and many of the mirrors had been broken, but there were still a couple intact when Mage Face tried to charm my character (the one from my earlier story) into joining his side.  That, or he needed a sacrifice for something - not sure which.

Regardless, I made my save as the GM gets all dramatic in his portrayal of Mage Face and makes a beckoning gesture saying 'Come to me, my child...'  (Think of James Earl Jones's voice at that point.)  I look at his gesture and say 'M - is his hand between the mirrors?'

M looked down at his hand - still extended towards me - then slowly brought it up and smacked himself in the forehead.  The dice were good to me that day, too.  ;D

Offline alextaylor

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2014, 01:15:50 AM »
Haha, I remember one of my first AD&D games, with my brother and sister, where I was the GM. We were playing it off a series of D&D generators from some software I bought at the time.

So we started it off with a generic story. The PCs were hired as caravan guards for a wizard's shipment. The caravan contents were randomly generated - a bunch of potions, some gold, an unidentified wand. The NPC guards were rather around lvl 3; PCs were just lvl 1 fluff.

There was a random encounter - a bunch of level 2 bandits. The NPCs and PCs slaughtered a few easily. Some of those bandits went to steal the caravan goods and run. One of them picked up the wand and was shot to near death. In a final desperate act, he pointed the wand at the group of caravan guards.

I rolled to decide what kind of wand it was - it was a rod of rulership. All of the caravan guards and PCs were charmed by it.

We scratched our heads and decided to just end the game there and create new characters, turn those PCs into NPCs (since they had 0 xp anyway). That bandit ended up a major villain throughout the rest of the campaign, later on using the former PCs as his lieutenants and starting a raiding force with wyvern riders.

Ever since, I've been hooked on procedurally generated storylines XD

Offline Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2014, 03:33:25 AM »
Well, my own explosive dice story happened years ago (and its still referred to) is during Runequest gaming. Runequest uses d100 dice which needs roll under certain % to succeed in given tasks. Nat 1 this case was critical success and 2-5 were great success etc. Nat 100 or 99 some cases (depending your skill) was critical failure.

Either critical fail or success you roll 'event chart' to see what it exactly does. Critical hits can auto kill the target and so does critical fails.

In that campaign there was many hilarious critical fails (in one case in archery contest in thieves guild party member one shot master assassin behind him who was observing the contest and crowd give said archer applause for his skill by deflecting arrow off from target and pounce it behind him in lethal accuracy).

The most memorable critical fail was when player who played a 'master assassin' who specialized in use of daggers throwed his dagger against one hobo bandit. He rolled nat 100 three times (once for during hit roll and twice on event table which means he rolls multiple failure effects) and it resulted getting following effect; dagger flied like boomerang back to him and hit straight on his head (placing him unconscious), same dagger tore his right shoulder armor off (in Runequest you need roll where you hit with attack unless you aim and it costs half of your accuracy %), it tore it's left boot armor off and top of that it blinded him for 5 minutes and tripped him (he was unconscious so he could not resist trip) and then dagger hit onto rock and exploded pieces (it was magical dagger also and in Runequest they are damn rare).

Seeing the event hobo bandits ran screaming as they thought a god had laid curse on the assassin and they do not want get infected also.

Online greenknight

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2014, 07:04:46 AM »
So there was this guy and he played an assassin he named "the Angle of Death." You read that right, but apparently he couldn't. So, back in town, he was one or two xp away from gaining a level and was constantly badgering the DM about doing something to earn the xp. Finally, he said the Angle would fire an arrow into the air and if it killed anyone, he would claim the xp. Exasperrated, the DM allowed this stunt and a couple of critical hits later, yes, indeed, the arrow came to its apex and fell back to earth into the noggin of some commoner on the other side of the row house from the shot. Thus earning, of course, the moniker, the AngLE of Death.... ::)

Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2014, 04:11:34 PM »
Critical hits and misses tables ... we remembers those.

In my case it was MERP ... I think the GW published one, from 20-odd years ago.

In one fight we have a slingstone get a decapitation result, a swordsman pretty much sever his own leg, and an archer richochet an arrow off a rock and IIRC take out one of his own eyes.

It had a very entertaining set of tables.

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #28 on: January 23, 2014, 04:52:27 PM »
Haha, I remember one of my first AD&D games, with my brother and sister, where I was the GM. We were playing it off a series of D&D generators from some software I bought at the time.

So we started it off with a generic story. The PCs were hired as caravan guards for a wizard's shipment. The caravan contents were randomly generated - a bunch of potions, some gold, an unidentified wand. The NPC guards were rather around lvl 3; PCs were just lvl 1 fluff.

There was a random encounter - a bunch of level 2 bandits. The NPCs and PCs slaughtered a few easily. Some of those bandits went to steal the caravan goods and run. One of them picked up the wand and was shot to near death. In a final desperate act, he pointed the wand at the group of caravan guards.

I rolled to decide what kind of wand it was - it was a rod of rulership. All of the caravan guards and PCs were charmed by it.

We scratched our heads and decided to just end the game there and create new characters, turn those PCs into NPCs (since they had 0 xp anyway). That bandit ended up a major villain throughout the rest of the campaign, later on using the former PCs as his lieutenants and starting a raiding force with wyvern riders.

Ever since, I've been hooked on procedurally generated storylines XD
Ah yes, the enemy who manages to hit above his station and gets promoted. It's a classic, and I've taken to using the same approach whenever the PCs surprise me with something especially good or especially dumb ;D!

Personally, I was hooked on procedurally-generated storylines when I noticed how easy it is to work with the One-Roll Crime generator in A Dirty World >:).

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2014, 10:09:56 PM »
There are times when I wish I could catch onto things just a little quicker. I have far too many stories of players & GM's erupting about a table. But my favorite pair are all about my own faults... So treat me gently when you laugh.

The first setting is in Neverwinter (A city within the D&D setting of Faerun). We were 'heroes' working for the king's royal assassin... And promptly proved ourselves to be both very capable but very public in our methods. So we we're not really expected to live long - but everyone seemed to believe we worked for the King & the interests of the city. So we are well received. Our adventures took us quite far. Our group consisted of a Elven Paladin, whom kept us on the right path, a rather roguish human thief who liked coin more than anything & myself - a were-tiger of all things. The system wasn't actually D&D, it was a Lord of the Rings system with points to spend on each character. So we actually were rather balanced. If anything the paladin had magic and that was a little over the top. But hey - they were also the only character who had strict guidelines so it seemed fair.

Anyway, the setting was low magic. Thus our paladin was one of the few lucky souls with reasonable powers (mostly healing & smiting - but he could try and convince an angel to be summoned once in a while). And we did a great big battle demons, summoned an angel & won - but we lost our paladin in the effort.

Now we we're privileged to be offered a chance to try and bring our paladin back from the dead. Given that clerics & high priests were thankful for things like healing spells - actually bringing back the dead was on a whole new level. But we choose to accept our chance and see if our friend was willing to come back with us for one more adventure. So off up into the Elven heavens we went - and we started to 'explore'. Getting in wasn't hard - we had an angelic friend who opened the door. But finding our Paladin was going to be the real problem. And we had a time limit- the magic that brought us would return us in three days.

So off we explored. We must of made a right mess of things because we managed to lose ourselves in a deep forest with no elves in sight. Instead all we managed to turn up was an old ruin of an underground temple. Vines & plants had almost covered it. But I decided to stop there & study it. I knew some of the language - but it was far too ancient to translate fully. I did my best though & tried to appease whatever god had been honored by it - and managed to do more of the right things than the wrong ones. Anyway, I managed to contact this god. And I got a more vivid response than most. Partly because I was human/lycanthrope, partly because I was praying at a temple in their very own heaven and partly because I was probably the only one from my world to have even heard of them. So they actually talked to me. I asked for guidance for our friend - or at least, out of this forest. But I also asked about the god & themselves.

Having never met a god before - and having found a nature based religion which surprisingly struck a few cords with my character & their animalistic nature, I choose to accept them as my own god of choice. The god told me they could guide us to the soul of our friend - but instead, wouldn't we rather stay with them in their heaven? I declined - but they were an old god & forgotten by many. Few of my world knew of them, none actually believed in them though. So I offered myself - I would gladly believe in them. I would be their priest. And I could dedicate myself to constructing a temple in their name. Spreading the word as it we're.

In return, we got a guide to take us to our lost Paladin & home again. Yay! We succeeded! We brought a Paladin back from the dead!

Now here's how events played out when we returned. A mere three days after we left - taken up into the heavens by an angel no less - we returned in a pop of magic. At our side was the wayward paladin. And upon my chest hung the symbol of my new god. Of course the King called us to him at once - wishing to here the story of the heavens & our trials! And it naturally came out that we reached the heavens - entering only because an angel thought kindly of our quest & nature. Then we described our journey & the strangeness of the heavens. Time & distance mean less than intent & desire. There you can make dreams into reality & reality into dreams! It's easy to lose yourself there. But whilst lost so deeply we might never return, I found a temple of the old gods. And with my wits I deciphered the ritual to call upon them. And lo, they came before me and we spoke - we spoke at length. We spoke of the world. Our purpose. Our quest. And also of ourselves. We were judged - and found worthy. But more than that - I had found a kindred spirit - a god whose soul I could place my trust within. A god I could follow. And so I showed up my new holy symbol - and then went on to explain how I promised to spread the word, to build a temple & how my god guided us through the heavens to find our fallen friend. And then he ushered us all back under his own power.

Now at this point I've told my masterful tale. The king is glowing - the crowd love us & we're heroes of goodness, the light & all things for our happiness.

Only finally someone asks the important question - So none of my world believe in this god anymore? No I reply - Only I know their depths & am willing to place soul within their power. And you will build the first church to them? Yes I reply - proud as ever.

And then the King, with no other choice, proclaims to all that he will support my new position as High Priest... There was more said then - lands & deeds, gold & gifts... But this was the point where I realized I was a high priest. An actual, bonified High Priest about to start an entirely new religion...

And the look on my face set off the table. Everyone else had realized it a session or two ago. But I hadn't a clue. I was just a guy who believed. I'd found a cool god who I could respect & believe in ... and yeah, I could build a temple. Teach a few acolytes. Sure... no problem... I'll just... become a high priest... o-m-g...

It's the one and only time I've ever been a high priest. And the GM couldn't believe he managed to sneak the entire idea up on me... I really couldn't believe it. I had no idea... it had just... all made sense. It had fitted together so neatly... I never even thought about the implications...

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2014, 03:09:47 PM »
So did you transition to a political campaign afterwards? With a paladin, a high priest and a rogue, it makes total sense!
Not sure which system you were using, but older D&D had this as an option, and so do a number of modern systems.

Offline TheGlyphstone

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #31 on: January 26, 2014, 12:07:14 AM »
This happened during board game night last week, not at an RPG table, but it meets the other criteria of the thread.

A group of us are playing the board game Mansions of Madness - if you're not familiar with it, it's a Call of Cthulhu-based board game with 1-4 players/investigators pitted against one Keeper/GM. There are a set of room tiles that can be rearranged to create maps for one of a bunch of pre-packaged scenarios. 6 maps with 3 scenarios possible on each map, so a good bit of replayability especially when only the Keeper/GM knows which of the 3 is actually in play, and meta-gaming and guessing wrong can screw the entire team over. I happened to be the Keeper since I knew the rules best.

The scenario's not important to the story (a Cthulhu-generic search for an old friend missing after looking into an odd cult), but the important bit is that the game went south for the players very fast after a lucky roll on my (the Keeper's) part spawned a free Shoggoth to aid the cultists. This is bad because none of the Investigators started with weapon cards, and Shoggoths are very hard to kill with unarmed damage. So any hope of progressing the investigation normally went to crap as the Shoggoth started chasing people all over the house, and I got to work amassing my Cultists to spawn the Cthonian that was my secret objective. The end of the game is a pitched mass battle of 4 players against a swarm of cultists and 2 Shoggoths, plus the half-spawned Cthonian. One of the investigators in play is Sister Mary; she's low on health, so I direct one of my Shoggoths to attack her. The attack card drawn is 'the creature attempts to invade your mind, test Willpower to resist'...she fails, so we proceed to the attack effects of "you writhe in pleasure as the monster tries to swallow you whole, suffer monster damage". She's dead, we're about to move on, then someone realizes:

"Uh....the Nun was just eaten alive by the tentacle monster, writhing in pleasure the whole way down..."

Entire table lost it for a minute or two.

Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #32 on: January 26, 2014, 12:13:20 PM »
We've had a few of those as well.

The big thing I think for my old pen and paper group was bad puns. We instituted the pun box, kinda like a swearing jar. Anyone made a bad pun, you tossed a few coins in. The worse the pun, the more you put in.

IIRC over the course of a year or two it paid for several new games for the group. We made a lot of puns. :)

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #33 on: February 06, 2014, 12:02:59 AM »
I started playing D&D in 1979, just as the first AD&D hardcovers were coming out, which I got for my birthday (DM's Guide, Player's Handbook, Monster Manual), and before that used the faux leather brown paper covered trio of books which were D&D's first iteration.

My brother and I read the books, I chose to be DM, and he rolled his first PC in our long gaming life together, a dwarf fighter named Marzak the Magnificent.  He wasn't.  Our first adventure was B1, In Search of the Unknown, from a blue-cover D&D boxed set.  He went in with several NPC advdenturers, and they all died in the course of our first hour or so of playing--our following the rules of such an advanced game for us was terrible, but we'd never had so much fun just RPing out loud.

Ended up, Marzak ran into a group of five orcs, far, far too many for him to kill with just a level one dwarf fighter with two hit points left to his name.  So he ran.

In the dark.

Through an unknown abandoned underground fortress.

I forget all the precise unlikely ways he killed off the first four orcs--slamming a door closed hard enough with his 18 strength did one in, I know--another he tripped off the edge of a pit trap.  My brother's desperate ingenuity was hilarious--we never knew a role-playing game could be so funny.  But he finally ended up spotting a secret door, and went inside a storage room filled with barrels--and no other exit.  There was one orc left, the chieftain, fully healthy, with a nice, dwarf-skewering spear.  So my brother said he was breaking open the nearest barrel and throwing whatever was in it at the orc.  I rolled for the contents--the adventure creator actually made a random barrel content chart.

It was a barrel of pickles.

He blinked at me, and asked me, straight faced, if the pickles were poisonous.  I laughed and told him they'd been there for something like forty years, but they're freakin' pickles, do they even go bad?  Okay, if he rolled a 20 on a d20, they would be, but why did it matter? 

He said he was going to throw it at the orc and kill it...with the poison.

After stopping laughing again, I told him, but it's armored...so he said then he'd aim at its mouth.  I told him, okay, but that will be another 20 on a d20...and the orc would still have to fail its saving throw.

We both started laughing again; this was absurd but great entertainment, for sure...we had two d20s, so I told him to roll them and only double 20s would succeed.

And he did.  And we busted up laughing for the next few minutes.  I had to give him the saving throw after that, or it would have been anticlimactic.  So his dwarf killed an orc chieftain by hitting it in the mouth with a poison pickle.

After he got out back to civilization, he changed his character's name to Marzak the Lucky, and when multiclassing came out, he turned him into a fighter/thief...we fudged his dexterity score just because there was no way a typical, hefty, over-armored dwarf was gonna hit an orc in the mouth with a pickle and kill it...only an agile, rogue-like dwarf would.  He played that character out until demigod status, too, almost a decade later :)


The other ridiculous story was in the adventure module A1, the Slaver series.  Several of my good friends were running their characters; typical mixed bag of warriors, mages, healers, thieves.  They came to a battle with two half-orc assassins, and killed the first easily enough.  The half-orcs were simply outgunned and outclassed.

But the second half-orc refused to die.

By that time using charts for what part of the body you hit were in vogue with my group, so they rolled away as they hit this poor sod over and over, but for only small handfuls of damage, 1 or 2 points at a time.  They just couldn't finish him off.  They were tagging him everywhere; it was just brutal, and I kept describing each hit, as if it was a mortal blow, and he was just one more from dying...but they couldn't finish the job.  Another 1 hp hit...another...another.  The half-orc was moderate level, around mid 20s hit points, so it started to become comical to the group...it was like the black knight scene in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, and we pointed it out to each other multiple times, and it took over a half an hour to get through the melee, with all the laughter breaks...finally, when they got him to zero, after something like five rounds of combat--with six characters, no less--I told them he was finally dead, slumped up against the wall, mangled and limbless.  But we ended up talking and joking about the battle the rest of the night. 

After everyone went home, I decided to open up my newest hardcover, the Fiend Folio, and it was there that I read about the revenant, an undead that comes back to revenge itself on whoever killed it...and thus was born Urglu the Unsatisfied...the half orc assassin from beyond the grave who terrorized/entertained my friends' characters for many adventures after, always showing up as a hacked-up, shambling corpse at the most inopportune of times: during the wedding proposal of one character to another; at the siege of the characters' keep by goblin hordes; even after defeating Lolth in her Demon-spider craft.  He was mostly comic relief, and my buddies would love to see where the mangled remains would show up next in the campaign.  His battle cries were--you guessed it: "I'm not dead yet!  I feel happy!"

Offline Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2014, 12:49:37 PM »
Okay, now latest scoop of my gaming table's last gaming session which ended a campaign.

Campaign basic idea was that there was a demiplane which was created by lawful good wizard, which had impenetrable anti-evil summoning and prevented evil getting in (think planar forbiddance). However, fiend discovered enter the place via becoming a unholy scion (slipping into stream of souls via astral plane and disguising itself as mortal soul). He was born, became badass and a god and once he was god, the wizard who had become immortal entity and a god in own demiplane woke up and stomped him and rendered him into a mere 'whisper' which haunts mortal hearts.

While evil struck back in last pitch effort and rendered immortal good wizard to sleep forever. Now game started with four villains (later on three as one player dropped out) who focused on just being evil in plane which had no idea nor concept what evil is (doors lacked locks and people did not know what stealing is).

Overall they succeed find to old fortress of evil which had remained unbreachable and got hands onto most expensive (and broken) 3.5 edition item; Mirror of Mental Prowess. Two of them. So they started troll good guys every turn and game lost pretty much all challenge it had when folks were just 10th level and started summon demons via powerful magic items for wishes etc.

But I tried pull lots of challenge for them and then they wound up to get hands on five scrolls which contained Apocalypse from the sky with CL +20. Now, party had a dilemma at this time; they had fortress of good guys who sought to restore divine spellcasting powers (villains succeed remove all divine spellcasting/powers from 80% from the world via using a divine plaque brewed by glabrezu via a wish, from good guys). The means to do so was by breeding with celestials and celestial offspring genes then restoring ability reach out for the divine connection (it was common shared mutation which made them register as 'evil faithless' to gods eyes). The fortress had more wards than Fort Knox and epic CL scaled forbiddance and had 8 ghaele eladrin knights guarding the place (and there was watchful angel legion led by solar).

So villains needed stomp them down as world domination would happen smoother if good guys lack healers. So party had spell thief/wizard who then started tinker something wicked with the five scroll in creating five items which took 10 years to make. It was five teddy bears which had both conceal alignment and disguise magic aura spells in their design and each teddy bear was command word triggered magic item, keyword this case was 'Good Night' and holding the item in your possession counts towards 1 day casting time. In addition all five teddy bears were connected so that if one of them triggers, rest go off also if they had been held for 1 day. They were craft DC 30 teddies so they were supremely cute.

So, it was 'christmas' season (or whatever pass such in that demiplane), villains send dozens golden golems in red glittering robes made from rubies (two of the chars had epic rod of splendor so they could 3 times per day get fancy clothes) to deliver gifts for the good guys as 'peace offering'. There was hundreds of gifts and among them was the five teddy bears.

A day passes....and one child said 'good night' to teddy bear (a child which was ironically one half-celestial children meant to save the world), then all five teddies go off all at once.

Well, villains thought that 5 teddies means 300 damage to mortal population but they forgot it causes object damage as well and said spell is epic scale evil spell in first place with hefty corruption influence. Thinking 200 miles is not big deal as teddies are all in one place right? Well, I as GM ruled that the radius of the blast grew 5x times the original and got empowered top of that. Also you should not play with such big guns in first place so it resulted whole world explode and destroy and fracture entire plane and destroy all natural plant life and result in creating a darker version of astral plane with floating rocks and some cities now floating in middle of voidy darkness.

Plus their evil deed got them marked as Lords of Darkness by Ravenholdt standard and thus demiplane got swallowed up and become part of another demiplane. "Enjoy your self-made prisons!" was last words told by the 'whisper' which had been in the world and had summoned the bad guys to do evil there.

Offline Florence

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2014, 01:12:48 PM »
Just last week, I accidentally blew up a town.

We were trying to blow up a group of demonic pirates, and their ship was loaded with stolen booze. So we set a timed explosive and went to leave. My character, being an idiot, threw a fireball, alerted the crew, the ship stopped, and then exploded while it was still just off-shore from the town. The entire town was demolished save a building or two. The entire group was speechless, and I totally threw a wrench in the GM's plans.

Also, in our last campaign, my character threw a dagger at a thief, I rolled a 20, it instantly killed the thief, who was supposed to be an NPC that lead us into a whole sidequest thing... which obviously never happened. Also, it was a poor little orphan kid.

I have a real talent for screwing up this GM's stories.

Edit: I should clarify, both were in Pathfinder. I know the stories are kinda short, but I hope they'll give at least one person a chuckle. xD
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 01:13:58 PM by Finn MacKenna »

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2014, 03:12:08 PM »
Also, in our last campaign, my character threw a dagger at a thief, I rolled a 20, it instantly killed the thief, who was supposed to be an NPC that lead us into a whole sidequest thing... which obviously never happened. Also, it was a poor little orphan kid.

I have a real talent for screwing up this GM's stories.

Edit: I should clarify, both were in Pathfinder. I know the stories are kinda short, but I hope they'll give at least one person a chuckle. xD
This reminds me of how we played an urban fantasy one-shot in FAE.
The group, which consisted of people that wanted to learn real magick, started up by shooting a home-made porn movie in Texas. Since we had an university's dean, finding stars for the movie wasn't an issue. Keeping them, however, proved to be harder :P.
In other words, a demon kidnapped our main star and killed her pretty messily.
We didn't like this, so we triangulated it to a former industrial complex. There, it had mind-dominated the homeless people currently squatting in.
The GM had assumed that we're going to defeat them non-lethally. We did exactly that, so the plan with them giving us key info should have worked, right? Yeah, sure, that's the typical mistake of a newbie GM, which our GM was... >:)
Sure, we didn't kill them all, but we defeated them by mind-wiping them and giving them new personalities, which for the record included being really strict about keeping clean. It was kinda hard to assume any info could have survived our intervention (Incidentally, I think that's called "throwing a curveball" in American English. It took me a while to understand where the phrase comes from.)
Of course, in our group, that's to be expected, and a sign of being a good player. The GM has certainly done the same to my expectations - I don't plan sessions, but I like trying to guess what my players are planning - so I'm still wondering why she thinks it would be different when she GMs. Ah well, it was a good learning experience!
So, maybe wiser to the ways of GMing, she just let us do it our way. And we unleashed hell on the demon, pun intended. We tracked it in our own ways, through dead-infested mental clinic, and then stomped it into the ground along with its servitor, with the help of the murderous spirits of the dead.
And we made sure nobody would find the remains, because we didn't need another attempt at demonic invasion. We weren't interested in pursuing it, because the porn movie was our attempt to get more mystic power, so no recurring villains there.
And when Texas was safe once again, we found other coeds willing to take a big role, a big pole, or both ;D!
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 03:22:13 PM by Thufir Hawat »

Offline Aiden

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #37 on: February 13, 2014, 12:03:25 AM »
My best story comes from a monk of mine who led a group to attack a temple.

I was playing a grapple heavy monk with a huge strength mod.

I ended up picking up a dead blackguard (Full plate - Think Anti Paladin)  and wielded him around as a modified weapon.
I was holding him from his wrist and ankle and spinning him around like a helicopter, tossing and trowing him around like a rag doll.

My Gm looked at me in hatred as I tossed this 300lb guard with an additional 45-60 lb (armor) rag doll. I was tossing him onto the weaker enemies he had set up for us and with a feat that let me use my strength mod to my throw checks, instead of agility, I made it a cake walk. My group was laughing their ass off, my DM hated me that night.

I should mention I dressed him up like a Luchador and spoke in the "Macho Man" voice every time I talked IC.

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #38 on: February 14, 2014, 02:19:41 AM »
So did you transition to a political campaign afterwards? With a paladin, a high priest and a rogue, it makes total sense!
Not sure which system you were using, but older D&D had this as an option, and so do a number of modern systems.

Absolutely - it was a Lord of the Rings system that we adapted. But for most of the social & political side, we did it without dice. We didn't really need a system for that. ^_^

Offline Thufir Hawat

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #39 on: February 14, 2014, 07:12:10 AM »
My best story comes from a monk of mine who led a group to attack a temple.

I was playing a grapple heavy monk with a huge strength mod.

I ended up picking up a dead blackguard (Full plate - Think Anti Paladin)  and wielded him around as a modified weapon.
I was holding him from his wrist and ankle and spinning him around like a helicopter, tossing and trowing him around like a rag doll.

My Gm looked at me in hatred as I tossed this 300lb guard with an additional 45-60 lb (armor) rag doll. I was tossing him onto the weaker enemies he had set up for us and with a feat that let me use my strength mod to my throw checks, instead of agility, I made it a cake walk. My group was laughing their ass off, my DM hated me that night.

I should mention I dressed him up like a Luchador and spoke in the "Macho Man" voice every time I talked IC.
You should have used him as an improvised weapon to deliver a Flurry of Blows, that's what monks tend to do best ;D!
And given the system, your GM was going easy on you if he didn't just send you a caster to annihilate you.

Absolutely - it was a Lord of the Rings system that we adapted. But for most of the social & political side, we did it without dice. We didn't really need a system for that. ^_^
Leaving the question on whether a system for politics is useful or not aside, then I don't really understand why that would make your High Priest unsuitable for play.

Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2014, 07:11:02 AM »
Leaving the question on whether a system for politics is useful or not aside, then I don't really understand why that would make your High Priest unsuitable for play.

The high Priest wasn't unsuitable actually. I had to put a lot of effort into building a religion - and in return I got some healing magic. Oh - and the ability to call an angel & ask advice or even gate them in if things were big enough. But I worked for my power. :P

We had a player who was known to be a bit of a derp at times - a rather smart scientist in training - but a derp when it came to the practical things. And he choose to play a ranger. A lovely, bow wielding ranger. The game had progressed & our Derp had managed to put about 3 characters to their deaths through... 'inconsiderate action'. He managed to place his characters into needless danger before we could stop him & every month or two one would die. But this ranger had lasted pretty well - he was starting to get the hang of 'survival'. ^_^ Our characters had grown quite powerful & we were running about with the avatar of the god of beer. It was that kinda campaign.

Our ranger did have a particular luck with the dice. In fact the party was large so natural 1's & 20's came up a lot. So much so, that the GM got some big critical hit/miss charts so he could use them to create unique effects. On his first night unvieling them, we were fighting atop a castle. Our ranger was on the ramparts, bow drawn & flinging off 3 or 4 arrows a round. Or so he hoped. His first shot was a natural one. He rolled the d1000 & came up with 101, shot off your big toe! Ouch!

His second shot missed. His third was another natural one. His shot bounced back off the ramparts & hit him in the thigh. Nasty - but he could take the damage at this point. He did need a balance check though. And rolled a nice, neat, 2.

Our ranger actually survived the fall. And asked if he could take his last shot. The GM, almost crying at this point (Our ranger had managed to 'cause' over a hundred damage by this point... All self inflicted.) But the GM, feeling sorry, agreed. There wasn't anything in the rules saying he couldn't.

He rolled... 1... 0101... And managed to lose his second big toe.

In the second round, he managed to peg an avatar into the back of our godly avatar's head - with a free roll on the critical hit table. He scored a straight 0001.

The GM wasn't pleased. The party proceeded to lose the fight, escaped & burned the Rangers bow. Then had him exorcised & examined by half a dozen magics. It took a zone of truth & some heavy begging to stop them from killing the ranger... But the party relented, finally convinced of the 'accident'.

Then the GM mentioned one little detail. If his ranger ever did die - he'd have to roleplay out facing the godly avatar...

The player went white as a sheet when the GM did his creepy maniacal grin... And then we laughed. Oh did we laugh...

Offline Oniya

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #41 on: April 04, 2014, 12:32:14 PM »
Before Mr. Oniya met me, there was an incident where the party he was gaming with had a session where gaming and alcohol both were flowing freely - or at least reasonably priced.  At least one person had brought a case of beer, but quality was less of a factor than price.

Or so they thought, until the GM busted out the Monster of the Week.

While the townsfolk are cowering in their houses, and the PCs are tracking the savage menace, someone handed the GM a Coors.  Later in the evening, after they'd found the beast's lair, and were plotting strategy, someone handed the GM another one.  Finally, as the full moon was rising, and combat had ensued, the GM finished his third beer - at which point the guy who brought them spoke up.

He said 'I think I should mention that you've taken three Silver Bullets.' 

The werewolf keeled over.

Offline Zeth

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #42 on: May 11, 2014, 06:10:46 PM »
Right, so I was playing Risus in a low magic setting. My character Boomer McTwist was the female Highland hero and my friend played the female ninja who's cover story was she is a Companion(Firefly companion not Skyrim.)named Akane. We had to steal a parked carriage so Boomer played the bag pipes so well she knocked out the guards, driver, and half a city block. Later, Akane showed off her super cooking skills by inventing V8. She botched the roll so bad the v8 burned through the ground and summoned up a nameless demon who threw the stuff back at us saying it was "TOO EVIL!"

Offline Chrystal

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2014, 05:18:09 PM »
Not sure if this qualifies, but I was reminded of it just recently, and it is along the same lines as some of these stories....

Who here is familiar with the board game "The Awful Green Things From Outer Space"?

In this game a space craft is invaded vy awful green things, that grow, lay eggs, the eggs hatch, grow into adults and lay more eggs. They attack the crew and the crew have to fight back with a variety of weapons. Some weapons affect just one AGT, some affect all in a space, some affect all in line of sight...

But the effect of each weapon is determined on it's first use by drawing a chit for that weapon. I think the chits were returned to the pot after being drawn, as there were fewer effects than there were weapons.

Well, I was playing the crew... And after the initial discovery of the AGTs, one of my crewmen grabbed up the laser pistol, fired it into a space with a couple of AGTs in (can't remember the exact number - this was 35 years or so ago!)

The chit I drew read 1d6 fragments. Oh great. So, the laser is useless, worse than useless. Each of those AGTs becomes a number of fragments determined by a dice roll.

Guess what? I rolled a 6.

So there are now 12 fragments in that space which next turn will become 12 babies, then 12 adults.

Another crew member grabbed a sonic beamer, hoping for better luck and fired it into the same space.

1d6 fragments.... Rolled a 6! There are now not enough fragment playing pieces in the game, because each of those 12 fragments has now become 6 fragments making a grand total of 72!

In sheer desperation I tru one last weapon, I think it was the fire extinguisher.... Do I need to say what happened?

I'm pretty sure that I had a record number of AGTs on the ship. the other player just left the fragments in place and piled the babies in then piled the adults in and then used the fragments and babies as adults....

I lost!

Offline JinZah

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #44 on: September 15, 2014, 08:08:21 PM »
Oh, i have a truck load of these kind of stories. You see once upon i was in a gaming group, playing AD&D 2nd. When we first started it was decided that we would all start off with 3ed lvl characters, and we could each pick 2 magic items to start with. Me being the person that i am made a Wild Mage from Tome of Magic, and my choices for magic items where a Deck of Many Things, and a Wand of Wonder. When the DM saw my magic item choice, he smiled, laughed, and said, "i'll give you those for free, pick 2 more". By the end everyone knew this character as Havoc, because any time he did anything, the end result was "and Havoc ensues".

Case in point, early on, he used the wand during a fight with a large force of orcs, riding wargs (i think they where supposed to capture us). The result was a gate opening to the outer plains with a percentage chance of a deity taking notice, so of course one did.

After the GM spends about 15 min. looking over Legends, and Lore picking just the right god for the job, out of the gate came the blare of a horn, followed soon thereafter by warhorse sized, jet black hound, with glowing red eyes, and a man in platemail riding a huge horse; his helmet adorned with a huge rack of deer antlers, whom our Barbarian (who to this point had wanted nothing more than to kill my character) instantly recognized as Hern, God of the Hunt. At this point everyone had to make a save vs. fear, and of course no one did. So everyone, orks, and players alike went running wildly into the night with godly super dogs chasing after them.

The up side is that from that day forth, the barbarian thought that i was no longer an evil sorcerer, but a grate shaman, who had the favor of the gods.

Offline Cynadea

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #45 on: September 20, 2014, 08:17:24 AM »
I have one story... I remember laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes and cramps in my sides.

It was my first time with that group, but I knew everyone at the table; they were all my friends, and both of my brothers were there. In spite of being an occasional player to that specific group, I was used to the homemade game because I was usually with one of the other two GMs in the room (yeah, that room had over 20 players split in 3 tables. Things got LOUD). Anyway, the GM was just boring. To him, tabletop RP was basically. "Guys, you meet this. How do you kill it?" it was all technical and there was no real space for playing a personality at all. Not what I was used to.

So when he said that we entered into a village and that no one was there, I declared mine to be hungry. Cue on my bro who realizes it's almost 9PM and he hasn't had dinner yet, so he excuses himself to make the call. The Gm's level of annoyance was slowly rising. I was not behaving as predicted, going into a cupboard to find something to munch on. The other players getting bored, started to also cause mischief in the houses around while looking for clues of where everyone went. Brother comes back, my character finds some beef jerky, gaming resumed.

After about 20 minutes of trying to gather everyone on the church's steps, having my character distribute the jerky she's found - and being almost subtly told to shut up by the GM - He says that a portal opens in the middle of the townsquare across the church. There was a silence at the table. The week before, a high level character got almost killed for stepping carelessly into a portal. I didn't know, I wasn't there, but I was determined to be a pain in the ass, because the rest of the table had fun too. My bro gets called at the door for his meal delivery. He doesn't hear the promise of the GM that there's nothing harmful on the other side. So I let the brave souls go before my mouthy, annoying brat of a halfling. Once she's told that the other side is safe, she hops in. The only one who is still there is, of course, my brother's character. The discussion went about this way:

GM: I'm sick of waiting after you.
Bro: Everyone has gone in?
GM: yeah, and the portal is giving signs of collapsing.
Bro: My character runs toward the portal and he steps in one foot at the time to make sure that he doesn't touch the edge and cut off something he could use later.
GM: You roll a d10. 1 to 5 you pass, 5 to 10 the portal collapses before you get there.

My bro borrowed my d10 and, you probably guessed... He rolled a 5. Silence at the table, all eyes turned toward the GM who realizes that he made a mistake. So my brother goes around the table, gathers his character sheet, his three sets of dices and solemnly says: "Looks like I'm cut in half. Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the mess." And he hopped on one foot away to one of the other table to get the character death approved/disproved by the head GM. He got to keep his character since it was bad luck and GM mistake that got his character split in half by a portal, but it was hilarious to see everyone's faces as the 5 turned up on the d10...

Offline Oreo

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #46 on: November 06, 2014, 05:42:02 PM »
>_> Just posting so I can follow the thread. : ) Fun stuff.

Online Angie

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #47 on: November 06, 2014, 06:00:08 PM »
Oh, I have to share my Deadlands one.

It was an NPC prostitute character with a Derringer. Deadlands uses exploding dice (although, they call it 'acing'). The prostitute shot a weird insect creature and managed to get a headshot, increasing the damage from 2d4 to 4d4. The DM rolled it...and then told us all to come and look. His dice roller rolled a SEVENTY TWO. The way Deadlands works is for every amount of damage equal to your size, you take a wound. Human size is 6. The insect thing was human sized, meaning the thing just took 12 wounds on the dot. There was no saving that one. So the hooker shoots the insect, and his head explodes. It was amazing.

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #48 on: November 06, 2014, 06:22:32 PM »
I have a couple of funny stories. One was my first time ever playing D&D (3.5), and the second one is from my first DMing of a game.

First Story: Flying Eagle Strike!

I wanted to play a quick, lightly armored warrior, so I picked fighter. Look, I don't min-max. I pick something and make the game fit that. We were sneaking into the local (possibly-but-not-really) evil magistrate's home. I managed to climb up to the second story window, following the rogue. We're upstairs and heading downstairs.

Of course I don't stop to listen and down the straight flight of stairs is a house guard.

DM: What do you want to do.
Me: Flying tackle.
DM: Really?
Me: Yeah!
DM:...Roll a D20

I get like an 18 on it and my character basically does the flying strike from The Men Who Stare at Goats. Tackle, grapple, knock out.
We end up finding our way into his study and we had to hide. I rolled a 5, but we were playing critical fails and the magistrate rolls a 1. So I am literally behind the door that swung open inward. The magistrate rolled so bad he hid me for me. :3

Story two: This is going to hurt the resale value...

I was DMing a game with a Warlock and a Bard. The game started out with them as fresh mercenary recruits on the way to the analogue to the Scottish Islands via airship. Well, since I like action prologues they're beset by another group of mercenaries who came with their own airship and a giant eagle. Well the fight ensues. Throughout the fighting the warlock decides that it's a good time to start throwing around bottles of alchemist fire (magical napalm).

Needless to say the eagle (which they managed to kill) and the alchemist fire brought the ship down, and as my first DMing attempt I hadn't really thought the NPCs would crash the airship. So it starts going down, the boarding ropes the other airship sank into their airship are the only lifeline off the crashing vessel well the enemies know this and are cutting them. The warlock passes all his skill checks and makes it to a rope.

Well, he cut it, and was about to Errol Flynn off the airship, but I made him make a use rope check to withstand a might chord snapping suddenly and violently.

Everyone else is hanging onto deck fixtures trying to ride the airship down into a snow bank.

Warlock: "So long, suckers!" *Whips shortsword and cuts rope rolling a 20 on the attack check.
ME: Make a use rope check to withstand the shock of the rope and making sure you wrapped it around your arm right and all that.
Warlock: *Rolls a 1, Oh-crap look on face*
Me: The rope whips out of your hands and smacks you in the face, you begin falling toward the bow of the airship to certain doom.
Warlock *Makes a grab check and catches a balustrade.* "Uh, about earlier..."

They all managed to live. The bard, being an IC psycho (read chaotic neutral) played by my brother saves the mercenary captain (NPC) by providing a boot she could cling to while falling. He proceeds to freak out and kick her in the face. :P

Surprisingly everyone lived. :P

Offline Cassandra LeMay

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #49 on: November 07, 2014, 01:23:04 AM »
Oh, roleplaying stories, I have a bunch of those, but for many of them you probably would have had to be there to find them as amusing or funny as I do.

In a Feng Shui game I once ran we had one of those exploding dice moments when a mook (i.e. cannon fodder) stabbed a Big Bruiser (i.e. a 'tank' who can take more damage than anyone else in the game). For those who don't know FS, you roll two d6, a positive and a negative die and add or subtract the result from your skill. 6s are rerolled. The mook needed at least a +2 or +3 result to just hit the Big Bruiser. Every point above that would result in a point of damage. While the Bruiser was still laughing at his puny opponent I rolled, and rolled, and rolled ... In the end I think I did him around 35 points of damage. Must have rolled six or maybe seven 6s in a row there.  :o To the day I still can't quite believe it, but I do have witnesses.  ;D

Another fun story happened during a Fifth Age Dragonlance game. In that time of Dragonlance history magic items are rare and making new ones was pretty much out of the question. Due to some time traveling the players end up in an earlier period of history when magic items were far more common. There (then?) they face this sorcerer who had just opened a portal to a demon dimension that manifested as a big hole in the ground. The players attack with bows and arrows, someone throws a few spells at the enemy, and one player who had control over an earth elemental sends his elemental into the fight. In the end they manage to knock out the enemy, but aren't yet certain if he is dead or just unconscious. The player controlling the elemental, still pretty much fired up from the fight scene, orders his earth elemental to pick up the sorcerer and throw him into the hellhole, just to make certain. Everyone cheers. The enemy is dealt with and now they can go home to their own time. Until ...

Until someone realized that they have just thrown the biggest stash of magic items they will ever come across in their lifetimes into a hole to hell, right before they are whisked back to their own time. 

Oh the look on their faces. Just priceless.  ;D

Online Angie

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #50 on: November 07, 2014, 01:34:00 AM »
Oh, roleplaying stories, I have a bunch of those, but for many of them you probably would have had to be there to find them as amusing or funny as I do.

In a Feng Shui game I once ran we had one of those exploding dice moments when a mook (i.e. cannon fodder) stabbed a Big Bruiser (i.e. a 'tank' who can take more damage than anyone else in the game). For those who don't know FS, you roll two d6, a positive and a negative die and add or subtract the result from your skill. 6s are rerolled. The mook needed at least a +2 or +3 result to just hit the Big Bruiser. Every point above that would result in a point of damage. While the Bruiser was still laughing at his puny opponent I rolled, and rolled, and rolled ... In the end I think I did him around 35 points of damage. Must have rolled six or maybe seven 6s in a row there.  :o To the day I still can't quite believe it, but I do have witnesses.  ;D

Another fun story happened during a Fifth Age Dragonlance game. In that time of Dragonlance history magic items are rare and making new ones was pretty much out of the question. Due to some time traveling the players end up in an earlier period of history when magic items were far more common. There (then?) they face this sorcerer who had just opened a portal to a demon dimension that manifested as a big hole in the ground. The players attack with bows and arrows, someone throws a few spells at the enemy, and one player who had control over an earth elemental sends his elemental into the fight. In the end they manage to knock out the enemy, but aren't yet certain if he is dead or just unconscious. The player controlling the elemental, still pretty much fired up from the fight scene, orders his earth elemental to pick up the sorcerer and throw him into the hellhole, just to make certain. Everyone cheers. The enemy is dealt with and now they can go home to their own time. Until ...

Until someone realized that they have just thrown the biggest stash of magic items they will ever come across in their lifetimes into a hole to hell, right before they are whisked back to their own time. 

Oh the look on their faces. Just priceless.  ;D

I remember a similar story where in Forgotten Realms, a party ended up meeting Ioun himself, maker of the Ioun Stones, selling them for a pittance. They loaded themselves down with the suckers-yeah, they won't last when we return, but we have them for now, damnit!

Offline Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #51 on: January 13, 2015, 07:07:29 AM »
Just link some funny stuff found from web (click to enlarge);


Offline Kimmy

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Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #52 on: January 13, 2015, 07:47:40 AM »
 :-\ Does the power leveling pic count as thinking outside the box?  ::)

Offline Zaer Darkwail

Re: She bows politely and then explodes
« Reply #53 on: January 13, 2015, 09:17:06 AM »
I think it does Kimmy.