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Author Topic: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?  (Read 509 times)

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Offline Demoness of DarknessTopic starter

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Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« on: November 04, 2013, 11:57:13 PM »
I'm making this thread because I need to talk about this, but I break down and cry when I try to talk about it aloud.
Who here has lost a loved one? It doesn't matter to what, if you want to talk you can come here.

I personally am still feeling the pain of losing my brother to cancer this past August. We buried him two days before his 25th birthday.

Offline Oreo

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2013, 12:43:27 AM »
Yes, though not quite as recently. I lost my mom four years ago at this time of the year. It has made the Holiday season something difficult to get through rather than the joy it used to be. I can understand the heartache and empathize.

Much further back in time than that, I lost my brother-in-law to suicide. A few years later my husband died. It is one common pain humanity shares. It hits us all, hurts us all.

*offers hugs if that's okay*

Offline Demoness of DarknessTopic starter

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2013, 07:20:16 AM »
Thank you. *hugs and crawls into lap* I just can't bring myself to talk about it out loud or I can't control my crying, and I hate for people to see me cry. To make things worse, my cat died yesterday too...how sucky is that?

Offline Oreo

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2013, 09:11:26 AM »
*soothes* I cry a lot too, but I never let anyone see. I always go off by myself. I know it is silly. I even raised my sons to know there was nothing wrong with men crying. They share the same inner pain. Without tears, how would we let out the hurt? Still, knowing that I can't bring myself to cry over my own hurt without finding that place of solitude.

Offline Shewolf

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2013, 07:36:36 AM »
I'm making this thread because I need to talk about this, but I break down and cry when I try to talk about it aloud.
Who here has lost a loved one? It doesn't matter to what, if you want to talk you can come here.

I personally am still feeling the pain of losing my brother to cancer this past August. We buried him two days before his 25th birthday.

I've actually lost my father and mother 3 years apart from each other.
I was 26 when it was discovered that my father had died in his sleep on easter morning.
And when I was 29 my mother was diagnosed with the advanced stages of lung cancer. She died within three months, just before christmas.

I find myself sitting here now, with a card for a friend that has just heard the news that she's got about two months to live, and no matter how hard I try, I still find it difficult to find the words to describe how I feel.
Because basically, I'm trying to say sorry; I don't know what its like to be faced with your own death, and no matter what I do, I can't change the situation.

Cancer just sucks.

Though it has been four years since my mom passed, I can still cry my eyes out. And yes, I do that when I'm alone, not because I'm ashamed to cry in public, but because people have the tendency to take you out of the pain you are feeling, and it needs out.
After a good cry, I feel clean and relieved. Ready to take on the world again.  ;)

Offline Sofina

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2013, 09:05:14 AM »
I lost my dad in October, he had a massive heart attack. My regret is I was away at University and hadn't seen him for a few weeks and I struggle to even cope at the moment. My mum is devastated but I'm there for her.

Sofi x

My heart goes out to everyone suffering a loss.

Offline Cycle

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2013, 10:41:14 AM »
Yes.


A suggestion:  try writing a letter to this person.  Tell them everything you feel, everything you remember, everything you wish you had done, everything you want to share. 

Then send it.  Us a dummy email account or just mail it to yourself.  Don't open it again.  Once you send it, it is with them. 

It helps.


Offline Shewolf

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2013, 02:04:37 PM »
Sofina, I know how that feels. I hadn't seen my dad in months, he died in Germany while I was at home.
But I know the last thing I said to him was "I love you" so, at least I had some sort of goodbye

Cycle, what you say is true
but I also bought a really big punching bag, that helped too...  ;)

Bless you all.

Offline Demigod1945

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2013, 04:37:26 PM »
Can't believe that I just now noticed this thread after reading in this forum for the past week, anyway I am going to add my two cents.

I have lost a loved one as well, this one being a very close friend of mine that I have known for several years. He was killed, tragically, by another close friend of mine (and to him as well) in a car accident. It's been a little over a month since he passed and the pain is still fresh and doesn't seem to want to disperse and go away. I believe that this situation, both tragic and heartbreaking, is also a bit unique upon itself, though I'm not saying that it is in any way more painful or life changing than anyone else's loss. But I consider it to be salt on the wound, to have to not only deal with the death of friend, who I would also consider a brother, but also to see the pain and guilt of the one who accidentally took his life. It is one thing to experience grief for the death of a loved one, but it is something much more terrifying to be responsible for it, and to bear the guilt that comes to light afterword.

I consider myself to be a man of logic, and I rarely let my emotions get the better of me (at least I hope so). That being said, I did indeed cry. Five times in private. Once in public, which was at the funeral and only after I saw him in his casket. I rarely ever cry in emotional situations, so crying in public was what my friends would say, "A sight to behold". His death is the first one I have experienced when it comes to very close loved ones, so I don't have that much of a clue as to what I should be feeling or thinking. I have had relatives die, but none that I had a substantial relationship with.

I find myself in a very angry and depressed state, and I keep internalizing the pain that I feel, even though I know that isn't the smartest of actions to take.

Alright, now I feel like I just wrote a book. Anyway I do have a question myself, which is, how would one be able to push through the pain, or at least somehow ignore it temporarily until I'm ready to face it, because as of now, it's eating up my insides. And both my social life and my academic performance are suffering because of it.

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2013, 04:36:18 PM »
I lost someone very dear to me last year. I won't talk about it in the public sections. I will say that I still bawl when I'm alone, and I haven't been able to really do anything. I still feel so shutdown.

Offline Shewolf

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2013, 04:01:07 PM »
I do have a question myself, which is, how would one be able to push through the pain, or at least somehow ignore it temporarily until I'm ready to face it, because as of now, it's eating up my insides. And both my social life and my academic performance are suffering because of it.

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss.

To get to your question, (and give you my humble opinion)

the only way out is by going through the pain. Allowing yourself to feel it, cry, get angry, and hit or kick stuff (punchingbag/ball etc.)

I just picked a time, when I was by myself, once a day for fifteen minutes, it was all about the pain and the hurt.
No one can tell you how long you need to do this, but I did experience that when I allowed myself those moments, where I let myself feel the enormous grief, I created some space so I could function in "normal life" again.

Because you allow the "hurt" fifteen full minutes of your day, it stops pushing at you because you know you will give it the attention and space it needs.

(Now the fifteen minute-thing is just an example, you should do whatever you feel comfortable with.)

All the best to you, and I hope I typed something up there that can help you with your process.

I lost someone very dear to me last year. I won't talk about it in the public sections. I will say that I still bawl when I'm alone, and I haven't been able to really do anything. I still feel so shutdown.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Feeling shutdown is just a way for yourself to deal with the pain.
Took me a little over three years to connect to life again after my mom died.

I wish you all the best.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2013, 04:10:21 PM by Shewolf »

Offline Demigod1945

Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #11 on: December 18, 2013, 04:10:51 PM »
Thank you Shewolf. I never thought of that way, so I will give it a try. I do think that it may help.

Offline Shewolf

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Re: Ever lost someone dear and near to your heart?
« Reply #12 on: December 18, 2013, 04:14:28 PM »
You are very welcome.

I'm glad I could say something that may help you through this difficult time.