Can't believe that I just now noticed this thread after reading in this forum for the past week, anyway I am going to add my two cents.
I have lost a loved one as well, this one being a very close friend of mine that I have known for several years. He was killed, tragically, by another close friend of mine (and to him as well) in a car accident. It's been a little over a month since he passed and the pain is still fresh and doesn't seem to want to disperse and go away. I believe that this situation, both tragic and heartbreaking, is also a bit unique upon itself, though I'm not saying that it is in any way more painful or life changing than anyone else's loss. But I consider it to be salt on the wound, to have to not only deal with the death of friend, who I would also consider a brother, but also to see the pain and guilt of the one who accidentally took his life. It is one thing to experience grief for the death of a loved one, but it is something much more terrifying to be responsible for it, and to bear the guilt that comes to light afterword.
I consider myself to be a man of logic, and I rarely let my emotions get the better of me (at least I hope so). That being said, I did indeed cry. Five times in private. Once in public, which was at the funeral and only after I saw him in his casket. I rarely ever cry in emotional situations, so crying in public was what my friends would say, "A sight to behold". His death is the first one I have experienced when it comes to very close loved ones, so I don't have that much of a clue as to what I should be feeling or thinking. I have had relatives die, but none that I had a substantial relationship with.
I find myself in a very angry and depressed state, and I keep internalizing the pain that I feel, even though I know that isn't the smartest of actions to take.
Alright, now I feel like I just wrote a book. Anyway I do have a question myself, which is, how would one be able to push through the pain, or at least somehow ignore it temporarily until I'm ready to face it, because as of now, it's eating up my insides. And both my social life and my academic performance are suffering because of it.