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Author Topic: Life, the story about me, what matters anyway.  (Read 2334 times)

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Offline WajinTopic starter

Life, the story about me, what matters anyway.
« on: October 16, 2013, 03:41:10 pm »
First of all, I'd like to introduce myself and tell you all a little about myself.

My name is Masamune, I'm a Japanese/Iranian born and raised in Denmark. I live with my husband and our two daughters, one 4 year old and one 1 and a half year old, they are both adopted. I was raised in a family where Islam was the house religion. I had always felt... estranged from my fellows at the Mosque, when they began to talk about girls around 12 - 13, I couldn't relate at all, I didn't find women attractive, I didn't find porn interesting, at least not the kind they watched. It took me till I was 15 to realize just what was "wrong" with me since I didn't fit in. I was homosexual, and that thought scared me immensely, we had never really discussed homosexuality at home, but I sorta had a feeling my parents and grandparents wouldn't approve. What came as more of a shock to me was, the older I grew, the less I believed in the teachings of Islam. I had always been one of the most apt students of the Quran in my Mosque and our Imam, I'm Sunni despite being Iranian, he and my grandfather migrated to Denmark together.

When the time came for me to finally renounce Islam in favor of the religion of my Japanese family, Buddhism, the Imam was the first I told. He had always listened to me whenever I had trouble understanding something and, besides my grandfather's, his opinion mattered the most to me. He was understanding, he even allowed me, for the sake of my family, to keep coming to the Mosque on Fridays to pray with them, and so I did for a few years. I still believe in many of the central teachings of the Quran, but there are just too much I don't agree with for me to consider myself a true Muslim anymore. He was also the first to know I was homosexual, he asked me before I told anyone as he had never heard me talking about women like the other boys in my mosque, and I just said yes and left it at that.

When it came to telling my family that I was homosexual I took the straight approach. During a family dinner where both set of grandparents, my brothers, their girlfriends, two of my uncles and their wives and their children. I asked everyone to just wait a minute before starting dinner and then..... well it sort of all just flowed from there, they were hesitant to say anything to gin with. Afraid something was wrong with me. But something happened that I could never have imagined even in my wildest dreams. My very conservative grandfather got up, walked over to me, I was standing, he just embraced me and said "Masa, you're still you, regardless of who you show your love to, I will always love you, I will always be proud of you, and I will welcome whoever you choose to love into my family, just as I have your cousins" I started crying, I think more than I've ever cried before, I just held on to him. I had been so scared for so long that he would hate me for what I was, that I would shame him and my family, that I would be shunned.

About a year later I met my husband, I had been with one other guy, a guy around my own age, and our relationship had ended badly. I was looking for something more serious, where he was just sorta... experimenting, figuring out if he was gay or not. I met my husband in a club of all places, I was sitting down after having danced for hours. I see this beautiful olive skinned man in a suit walk up to me, he just smiled at me and said "I know this is gonna sound super gay, but that outfit looks dashing on you and you're just... cute... so how about a drink" and I knew then and there that he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, he was beautiful, he was kind, he made me smile..." I don't remember much else of that night, but when I woke up in an apartment I didn't know, alone in a bedroom almost as big as my current apartment with whistling coming from the kitchen and the smell of bacon (Which I had come to enjoy since abandoning Islam) I just knew I was in safe hands. He came in about 30 minutes later, I pretended to be asleep, he kissed my neck to make me wake up and I just giggled like a little girl (Immensely ticklish on my neck) and he just put a tray in my lap before kissing me.

We got to know each other quite well, I was surprised when I found out he was 7 years older than me, he was a lawyer, had money... I was just me... I mean money had never been a problem in my family, but I sorta wanted to move out on my own, without help so I had told my parents not to get involved unless I really screwed up. Within 2 and a half months of knowing each other we moved in together. In time we adopted two lovely girls who I love like I've never loved anyone before.

Cancer strikes

Recently I had quite a prolonged absence from Elliquiy due to personal health reasons... I was diagnosed with Chronic myelogenous leukemia and started treatment for it, initially they thought it had reached the accelerated state at which treatment is limited, but luckily, they were proven wrong by my current oncologist who correctly saw that it was still just in its chronic state, where it can be held back using Tyrosine-kinase inhibitors. It has had a profound effect on my life, due to mistreatment initially my immune system has never really recovered, which makes me prone to prolonged effects of common illnesses and require me to go to the doctor quite a lot.

The fear of potentially dying when I first found out I had cancer caused quite a breakdown, I devoted all the time I had outside of treatments to my daughters. I began fearing what their lives would be like if I died this early in their life, I despaired, I was so negative in all thoughts that people started having difficulty talking to me since I'd just... rage at them.

Luckily I got better, much better, and I can now live an almost normal life with my little family. Seeing my girls grow up is the greatest joy in my life, knowing that I have the responsibility of teaching these two adorable little angels how the world works and how they should treat others... it's... just amazing.. I don't have any other word for it.. it's amazing.

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Re: Life, the story about me, what matters anyway.
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2013, 09:53:44 pm »
Wow, has your life been filled with tremendous ups and downs...I'm very happy for you now, though.  I understand how you feel about your children, having a daughter myself.  Truly, we say to our spouses that we will never love anyone more than them, but when a child comes into your lives, you have no problem when your husband or wife tells you, "I love our child the most, and you after," because you feel exactly the same way...and that is how it should be.  We wish for them to have a better life than we have had.  I wish you all the health and happiness possible, for you and your family, Masamune--thank you for sharing some of your life with us.

Offline WajinTopic starter

Re: Life, the story about me, what matters anyway.
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2013, 07:12:32 am »
So I thought it was time for an update on this, elaborate a bit about what happened in the time between I got to know my husband and we adopted the girls.

I think, the most apt title this bit of my life story should have is this

Time in the military

At age 18, like every other able-bodied Danish male, I had to go through mandatory military training. My first experiences in the military really helped shape me into the person I am today, helped me get my head straight. One of the very first things I told my mates there was of course, that I was gay. To demonstrate that they didn't mind, my dear follow soldiers in training pulled me into the barracks one evening. What met me was the a line of naked young men, who I was asked to rate. I made up the scale myself, which went from Not my type - Watch out, I might just kiss you if you're not careful. Overall, I had a great time, which was why, I didn't just end my military career then and there. I went on to go through base training of a branch of the Danish special forces, what branch I won't say. My group was set to deploy to Iraq. Tell you the truth, I wasn't exactly thrilled about going, but I wanted to perform my duty to my country. What happened next though ruined my chances of ever having a military career.
That almost all of my friends came back from Iraq with PTSD has later caused me to feel sorry for them... but also happy that I got injured. 
« Last Edit: January 19, 2014, 07:36:44 pm by A Japanese Dane »