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Author Topic: Why I drink  (Read 2137 times)

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Offline AthosTopic starter

Why I drink
« on: October 13, 2013, 02:19:31 AM »
I drink because I want to hurt myself. If I had the courage, I would do other things to deal with how much I hurt, but I canít. So I get trashed. I use alcohol to get to a point where I can actually feel things I feel, where I can actually admit that I feel like shit about myself all the time. I donít know why I feel this way, I donít know how to make it better, I just know that this is why I do it. I donít do it all the time, but I donít think that matters. I do it because Iím hurting inside, and I want it to stop hurting. I want to stop hurting. If thereís anyone or anything out there, please hear me. Please let me stop hurting. Please. Please. Please. Iím so sorry for whatever I did to feel like this. I didnít mean to. I just want it to stop. I just want to be okay again. I just want to be good enough. I just want to matter.

Offline GypsyRose

Re: Why I drink
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2013, 08:44:07 AM »
I am so sorry to read this, and to know that you or anyone is in this much pain.  Alcohol can't stop your pain, it only delays and intensifies it down the road, but I think you know that.  I don't know why you're hurting or what's wrong - there is no advice I can offer except talk to someone.  Please.  A friend, a pastor, a counselor, family,  someone you trust.  Talk about why you're hurting and what you feel about yourself, and if you can, do it before you start drinking.  And listen to the good things, the positive things, they offer about yourself.

You do matter.  You do not deserve to be miserable.  Everyone needs help sometimes - let someone help you.  If you don't know that someone, reach out.  You are good enough. 

If good thoughts and belief from a stranger behind some anonymous computer screen offers any help at all, you've got them.  I've seen your posts around, seen you offer comfort and help and kind words to others.  You care, and you matter.

Offline AthosTopic starter

Re: Why I drink
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2013, 11:33:19 AM »
Thank you so much for your kind words, Briar Rose. Now that I've sobered up I'm feeling much more like myself. I'm not entirely sure why I went to such a bad place last night. If I had to guess, I'd say it was just the culmination of some stresses and insecurities I've been struggling with lately that came out a little more negatively than I'd anticipated. Drinking like that  is not something I do often, but I am sorry to say that it does happen from time to time. I guess that just makes me human like just like everyone else. At any rate, I am feeling much better today so thanks again for your concern. It does make a world of difference.


Offline Silver

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Re: Why I drink
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2013, 10:36:40 PM »
*gives him a tight hug*

I understand the feeling of wanting the hurting to stop and not know in what direction to go so that the hurting can begin to stop.

Offline AthosTopic starter

Re: Why I drink
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2013, 01:33:08 AM »
*gives him a tight hug*

I understand the feeling of wanting the hurting to stop and not know in what direction to go so that the hurting can begin to stop.

I know it's a little late, but thank you Silver for your understanding. I am a little embarrassed at this post, maybe because I don't want to admit how often I feel this way. But I guess this is life, and we all feel this way at times so I'm not that crazy. (yes I'm drunk, so don't hate on my grammar)

Offline Rhedyn

Re: Why I drink
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2013, 08:18:32 AM »
I am a little embarrassed at this post, maybe because I don't want to admit how often I feel this way. But I guess this is life, and we all feel this way at times so I'm not that crazy. (yes I'm drunk, so don't hate on my grammar)

~offers hugs~

I think it takes a lot of strength to admit to feeling that way, I can empathise with and understand how you feel so you're definitely not alone.

Offline Amber Meave

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Re: Why I drink
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2013, 10:51:19 AM »
Dear Athos,

Thank you for your courage and honesty to write how you really feel inside and why you drink.
Although I donít drink, and the times that I feel it are much farther apart, your words reflect exactly how I do feel on bad days. And I think we are far from an exception within humanity. 

There is one sentence among your words that hit me, describing in part why going out all night used to make me feel better: I use alcohol to get to a point where I can actually feel things I feel. 

When I let it sink in I wondered what you mean with feel what you feel. Do you mean the hurt? Or everything underneath? If so is there love and pleasure among them, or only painful things?

I wonít say Iíve overcome feeling worthless completely, because it is still there. And it still has the capacity to floor me at the oddest moments. But I found ways to beat it, healthy ways that help me heal.

If ever you need a friend, a shoulder, ears that listen from a loving heart, or just exchange ideas about what you wrote 9or other things in life), please PM me, any time.

A Loving Hug,

Amber

Offline Silver

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Re: Why I drink
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2013, 01:53:39 PM »
I know it's a little late, but thank you Silver for your understanding. I am a little embarrassed at this post, maybe because I don't want to admit how often I feel this way. But I guess this is life, and we all feel this way at times so I'm not that crazy. (yes I'm drunk, so don't hate on my grammar)

You are not crazy but rather far from it...You shouldn't feel embarrassed for expressing yourself; they are your feelings and you might understand them better than the rest of us. Pain is a thing which is tricky because you can become so caught up within it that it turned into an endless cycle which you haven; the closest idea of how make it end... even when you wish and pray that you can take it away with a snap of your fingers.