Agh... I hate falling back into this habit again.
I feel like nobody understands. Not even my family. I wouldn't expect them to, but my mom has really bad depression as well. But she has the nerve to tell me that I'm faking... I would NEVER fake anything as serious as mental illnesses. I just want to punch her in her dumb face.
So, I've fallen off the wagon again. Looks like I'm back to square one, again.
I can't seem to take any medication that I used to, because I'm suffering all the adverse side effects of everything I take. Even at the absolute lowest dose the psychiatrist gives me. Nausea, vomiting, chills, dizziness, restlessness, the whole spiel.
I'm sick of the stress. Real life AND on the internet. It's so easy for people to forget that there's a real fucking flesh and blood person on the other side the computer. People blow little things out of proportion and cause a scene, and it's really unnecessary. It just adds to the stress.
I feel like I'm just being tested, and people want me to break. They just want to see me ready to just...leave everything. All I want to do is throw my hands up and say, "You win. Just...leave me be. You fucking win." But I can't. So I just end up bottling everything and breaking down when the littlest thing stresses me out. That's when I end up crying, and wishing I wasn't here anymore.
I honestly feel like things would be better if I weren't around. But I feel like even when I tell people that, they just brush it off as me overreacting. I truly feel like nobody understands what I mean when I say that.
All I want is for people to understand... But I feel like nobody ever will, and that just frustrates me to the point where I just want to curl up in a ball until the world forgets about me.