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Author Topic: Like You  (Read 1655 times)

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Offline MoiraeTopic starter

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Like You
« on: July 16, 2013, 02:26:50 PM »
Like You

Can you see far away you've gone? 
You've tucked yourself away,
far back into the darkness' recess. 
We're still searching so hard for you,
to take you by the hand,
guide you back to us. 

Can you feel how cold you are? 
Fighting so hard it seems you've
forgotten how to breathe. 
We're here for you,
waiting still for
the moment you step to the fire,
for the moment you glance back at us.

Can you hear the roaring emptiness? 
It's echoing so loud now,
ever since you kicked the world away;
heart so guarded,
mind so jaded
soul so jagged. 
The faded pain is still agonizingly sharp. 

It's okay to turn away.

Can you taste your self-imposed oppression? 
Bittersweet and tart,
I can't imagine how
you swallow the glass each day. 
Your throat must be sore by now --
crystallized edges go down so easily. 

Here we are under your casted silver sky. 
It's still gonna rain today,
still gonna thunder today ...
but we're still waiting still for you,
numb in our places but not yet frozen. 

We're not yet like you. 

Offline Athos

Re: Like You
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2013, 03:14:52 AM »
So beautiful.

Offline MoiraeTopic starter

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Re: Like You
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2013, 09:08:16 PM »
Thank you very much.  :-)

Offline Blythe

Re: Like You
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2013, 02:00:50 AM »
Touch, taste, sound, sight...you work in so many senses into this, and I find it evocative.  I particularly found the descent from the heart to the soul beginning at "guarded" and devolving into "jagged" powerful, and I liked how those three lines in particular were structured.

Thank you for sharing, Moirae. :-)

Offline MoiraeTopic starter

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Re: Like You
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2013, 06:45:49 PM »
Thank you for the comments! ^.^   (And sorry for the late thank you.)

Offline JadeArwen

Re: Like You
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2013, 02:47:25 AM »
Very nice!

Offline MoiraeTopic starter

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Re: Like You
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2013, 11:58:44 PM »
Thank you very much. :)

Offline Null

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Re: Like You
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2013, 10:23:14 PM »
Wow. I loved it. I suck at poetry, I'd never be able to write something like this!

Offline MoiraeTopic starter

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Re: Like You
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2014, 12:36:39 AM »
A rather late reply (as I just saw the comment!), but thank you very much. :) 

I don't think a lot of people "like" their poetry -- we are all our own worst critics, after all.  Honestly half of the poems I write I keep tucked away and the ones that do end up being squeamishly posted aren't always "liked" by my personal critic, either.  Poetry is very subjective; not everyone will like the same thing.

Also, and most importantly, you may just surprise yourself one day. :)