Auto, I'm re-posting this for your benefit. This is the cannon concepts. You can always adjust within reason.
Eureka! Thank you Rogue and Minerva, this is definitely something solid I can work with. I appreciate the effort made to help.
Here's what I could come up with.
The train rattled unevenly against the tracks, the sensation of movement making the air feel thin and chilly. The smudged landscape outside blurred by as the locomotive shoved onward, the noise of the train blaring out the animated babble of the others on board. Severus jolted awake, having been unaware he had been dozing next to the window, the side of his forehead pressed against the glass with the vibration of the train buzzing through his skull. The distant fading memory of acrid tasting soap bubbles in his mouth was rapidly diminishing in his groggy mind as he was roused from his dreams, acutely aware of the others with him. He let his gaze lock onto a single drop of rain as it slid down from the top of the glass, and down to disappear into the metal on the opposite side of the window.
Bones and muscles aching from sitting in the position for a long time, Severus drew up into a proper posture, leaning away from the window and running his hand through his dry scalp. Severus' black hair felt grimy, and the others who were sharing his vicinity of the train had long ago scooched as far away as possible without being obvious, as if (and most likely because) he had the faint aroma of a musky old rug.
Severus shifted uncomfortably, folding his hands down in his lap and staring at them with irritation, as if it was their fault that he had to sit in the company of others. This was his last year to Hogwarts, and inwardly, Severus was torn between both a sense of triumph and a sense of loss, at both having to abandon his wretched memories the school brought, and to leave where he had grown up most his life, in that respective order. It was just both terrible, and wonderful. A scowl was stuck on his face, and the muscles that contorted his face in the expression were rapidly growing sore.
Letting a curtain of hair fall over his line of sight, Severus gazed contemplatively at his hands, fiddling around with the hem of his old, hand-me-down cloak. He needed to clean his fingernails again, if only he could get his hands on a quill... a faint glimpse of the black mark could be seen, inching toward his wrist on his left arm. Self consciously, Severus tugged his sleeve further down, but couldn't help but privately feel a satisfying thrill of pride surge up through his chest.
Severus' gaze was drawn up by the slowing of the train, swinging his line of balance some several meters back; the students near by stood and ushered out, following others toward the exit of the train. Severus stood, dragging his suitcase out as he followed some other seventh year Slytherins. "Watch where you're going," He muttered sourly as several someones decided that all four of them could fit out the train exit. Honestly, the lack of brain capacity in some people was just absurd.
So, if Snape had been planning to go with the Death Eaters in the 5th year, and had not decided to leave them until very soon before Lily and James died, do you think it would be appropriate (for the story) that Severus is more on the evil side in this roleplay? I'm not sure how his relationship with Lily would be like, but maybe her choosing James over him drives his interest in the Death Eaters.
And please excuse me if I've been short on conversation, I'm just a bit busy is all. (:
I hope I meet the standards to be taken seriously. "for your benefit" bothers me for some reason. I know what I'm doing, I just choose not to fangirl over it.
