If you want my opinion, it's a bit of a mess. :\
Try editing your first post and cleaning it up a bit.
From the perspective of a writer and D&D player I would do a few things.
1.) Take out the GM-PC, it's not really important that people know about him in the first post. He's not really doing anything. He might be an important mover of plot, but you're kind of putting up your guy against everyone else's and that tends to put people off. So he doesn't need to be in the first post.
2.) Start with a teaser blurb, stuff you can use to tantalize the free-form players you're aiming for. You don't have to give anything away.
3.) If you need to have a GM-PC in your first post use him to demonstrate the kind of character profile you want. Which, you're kind of doing, just separate it out and draw attention to it.
4.) Underneath that you should have a code-formatted profile. You can find it in the formatting options; it's the # symbol.
What this does is let you pre-format it for your players so they can cut and paste it into a PM for you. It saves them time.
They're some pretty basic techniques to spiff up your thread making it look like it spent a lot of time without spending a lot of time.
Hope that helps.