I think there's a certain balance to be struck... and one that the loudest on both sides often miss.
The starting point is clearly this. It is the rapists fault (I use "rapist" to cover all manner of sexual offences). It is the rapist who should be blamed... totally and utterly. It is never the victims fault that something happened to them. The simple fact is that if you remove rapists you have no rape. If you remove alcohol, remove mini-skirts, remove flirting, remove walking alone through dark alleys, remove virtually anything that pops up in misguided "avoiding rape advice" style comments but keep rapists, then there will still be rape. Every discussion or comment on rape should keep that at its heart and if anyone ever feels that their argument is dragging them away from that then they need to sit down and have a deep think about what they're saying.
On the "avoiding rape advice" comments in particular, the vast majority of them target at best an extreme subset of rapes. The "stranger danger" idea where there are people lurking in the shadows waiting for someone a little worse for wear with drink to wander by so they can leap out and rape them like a lion picking off a wounded gazelle is a tiny subset of rapes. The idea of men being so overcome by a woman in a revealing outfit that they have to rape her is offensive to both genders and again, incredibly rare. Even the more frequent "I've started so I'll finish" style assaults where the man has been so turned on by what came before or feels that as he has been given consent to do one semi-sexual act, be it dancing, kissing or even something heavier, and therefore has a right to do whatever he wants make up a minority of rapes. Far too often people try to view rape through the mindset of conventional sex and sexuality... as an extension of that, a crude and fundamental version; I'm attracted to that woman in a revealing outfit, therefore a rapist has the seem feelings, merely stronger and less impulse control. That's false. Rape isn't about sex or sexuality. It's about power, it's about dominance, its about cruelty and its about force. Moreover much the advice is simply wrong; the much maligned "don't dress like a slut" comments which sparked the slutwalks weren't simply offensive they were also incorrect; as far as I'm aware there's no statistical evidence that the type or sort of clothing a woman wears has any correlation to their chances of being raped or sexually assaulted.
There is a but however...
As part of combating rape culture (and I don't particularly like the term and how its used) I've seen all comments along the lines of "don't get drunk, don't wander home alone, don't go off with strangers" etc being bundled together and sold as part of continuing that culture. I can certainly understand the argument; those offering the "advice" are in essence issuing limitations and restrictions to the potential victims while saying nothing (or at worst handwaving) the actions of the perpetrator. They are providing easy tools for someone to blame the victim with and even if they weren't, they are targeting only the smallest area where a rape may occur. Even if they're advice was completely accurate and so by not doing any of the things they decry someone could make certain they were never raped on a night out the vast majority of rapes would still occur.
But, if we were to give the same advice but in the context of avoiding non-sexual assaults and thefts, would we decry it as victim blaming and part of an assault/theft culture? Is suggesting to someone not to leave their front door unlocked and window open or to leave valuables in clear display part of the theft culture? Is it bad advice? Is it advice we should not give? Is it advice that should lead to us criticising the advisor? Because after all, just as there would be no rape without rapists, there would also be no theft without thieves. What separates the two?
If someone asked me for safety advice for a night out I'd recommend many of the things that are seen as perpetrating the rape culture. I'd say don't get so drunk you don't know what you're doing. I'd say don't wander the streets alone. I'd say be careful going off with strangers. I'd say all that without particularly worrying about rape or sexual assaults; I'd say it because I think it's solid advice to avoid all manner of sins. And none of those sins would exist without the sinners, but the sinners do exist. In a perfect world everyone could go out, get as drunk as they like, wander the streets alone through a "bad" part of town, meet up with some people they've never seen before and go off with them and the only issue the next day would be a sore head. But unfortunately life isn't like that.
Saying "to avoid rape don't get so drunk you don't know what you're doing, don't go off with complete strangers, don't wander the streets alone etc etc" is insulting, wrong and dangerous.
Saying "to stay safer on a night out don't get so drunk you don't know what you're doing, don't go off with complete strangers, don't wander the streets alone etc etc" seems to me to be solid advice and not the sort of thing that should be attacked.
I should stress here (and I hope I've made clear throughout) that none of the above point is me attacking or blaming or criticising the victims of such acts. It's aimed not at them but at those behind them who include all such comments as being part of the rape culture and that they should never be uttered. I refuse to accept that advising people not to drink to excess is bad advice in and of itself (and this comes from someone who does drink to excess far too often). I think we need to be careful in separating out things that are part of the rape culture (or whatever term we want to use) and things that are general good advice. Far too often I see them conflated.